“Go ahead, boys. Take me in. You have nothing on me. Just like all the arrests before, they can never make anything stick.” At least she is consistent in her penchant for denial.
Dorothy struggles against the cuffs that restrain her hands. She spits and kicks at her captors. The two agents are probably surprised at her strength, so the cutie with the blond hair uses his stun gun. Best. Moment. Ever. I should have bought one of those years ago. Maybe she would have left me alone. Her body jolts. She looks like a flailing fish. They take her away. Bye, Felicia!
“I’m so sorry, Addie,” Nina says from behind me. I turn around to face my friend. “I stepped out to get some tea after I called you. I never thought she would show up here.” Nina’s remorseful eyes fill with tears.
“Oh, Nina! I could never blame you. She has always been narcissistic. Always looking out for number one. I’m not surprised that she showed up. If I weren’t in the throes of living this nightmare, it would make for great fiction. Unfortunately, you simply can’t make this shit up.” I walk over and envelop her in my arms.
Walter touches my shoulder and says, “Addie, I walked down the hall to get a cup of coffee. I am so sorry. If anything had happened to Owen, I would—”
I don’t let him finish, instead, I give him a hug. “Walter, I don’t blame you either. We are so grateful for your friendship.”
George struts in and gasps, “Oh my God. What did I miss, and who were those hotties escorting that poorly dressed woman with that hideous wig out of this room?”
I full-on laugh, complete with tears rolling down my face.
“George, that was Dorothy. You know, the bitch who’s married to my cousin.”
He scrunches his nose. “Well, Jesus, I can’t unsee that fashion mistake she was wearing.”
“What’s going on?” I pause and turn to look at the source of the voice.
“Well, hello there, sleeping beauty.” I grin at Owen and grab his hand. Tears stream down my face.
“What happened?” Owen asks. I can tell that he’s frightened because he’s gripping my hand like a lifeline.
“Do you remember anything?” I ask, trying to decide what I should and should not tell him.
“I remember what our dad said. You know, about not being ours.” Sadness morphs his usually happy features. “Addie, why doesn’t he want me?” He looks at me with such dejection that my heart breaks for him. For us. It guts me to see him feeling like he doesn’t belong. But he does. To me.
“Owen, I want you. It’s you and me against the world. Always.” I just want to erase his hurt and anguish. “After you heard the news about Richard not being our father, you ran off, and Jameson followed you. A car hit you, Owen, when you ran into the street,” I explain.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t look both ways like you told me to. Are you mad?” He looks worried. This guy. He is my whole world. My landscape would be colorless without him.
“Oh, Owen. No, I’m not mad. I’m just so happy that you’re okay. I love you, buddy. You are my heart. The world is a better place with you in it.” I squeeze his hand.
“I love you too, Addie. I’m glad you’re my sister.”
I’m grinning like a fool when the nurse walks in to check his vitals.
“Hubba-hubba.” He wiggles his eyebrows. And he’s back. The nurse laughs.
At this moment, everything feels right. The most important people in my life are in one room.
Smiling, I look around, and standing in the doorway, I find none other than Senator Wendell Brooks. My smile disappears. Fuck. My. Life. Could I just have one moment free from this shitshow?
Addie
I was so focused on Owen that I wasn’t aware of his presence. How long had he been standing there? The senator, our father, is standing in the doorway. Wendell Brooks is a formidable man. He is handsome and tall with salt-and-pepper hair. His Armani suit accentuates his fit physique. Normally, he looks powerful. But not today. The power that normally radiates from him has been twisted into vulnerability and uncertainty. I move toward him while George and Nina distract Owen. Jameson follows me, but I shake my head at him. He nods in agreement with my silent request. He stands nearby like a safety net. My guardian. My protector.
I straighten my back and guide Brooks into the hallway. Jameson’s presence gives me strength.
“Can I help you, Senator?” My voice wobbles. I want to sound confident, but my emotions take center stage.
“Addie, I want to explain.” His tone is cautious.
“Explain? What, that you were carrying on an affair with a married woman, fathered two children, and then paid money to a woman who was bribing you to protect your own image? I know how your politicians twist things. So please, enlighten me on how the fuck you are going to explain this mess.” I’m on a roll. But deep down, I know that we’re both victims. Both pawns in a chess game that Dorothy orchestrated. But at this moment, I need a release.
“There are no excuses. I didn’t know that your mother was pregnant or that I had two children until I was confronted by Dorothy. And then, well, I panicked. I thought that if I responded to her demands and paid the amount she asked, it would buy me some time. I was wrong.” His eyes meet mine. I notice our similarities. Our eyes. Our mouths. It’s surreal after all these years of believing that Richard was my father.
He continues. “I want to get to know you both. I know that so much damage has been done, but I would like to try to make amends for my actions. For my absence.”
“I don’t know. Since I haven’t had time to process this, I can’t give you an answer. Please give us some space.” Tears prick my eyes.
“Of course, Addie. It isn’t my intent to inflict more pain. Here is my card. My cell number is on there. Please call me when you’re ready.” I take the card, and he gives me a caring smile before he turns and walks away. I exhale and turn toward Jameson. He opens his arms, and I don’t hesitate as I walk into them. I feel safe. Secure. It feels right. It feels like home. I close my eyes. In this moment, everything disappears. It’s just the two of us.
I step back from the embrace and walk back into Owen’s room, instantly missing my connection with Jameson. I compose myself. Owen doesn’t need to know the shitstorm that is swirling around us.
“Who was that?” Owen inquires.
“Just a reporter. No one important. How are you feeling?” He looks so small and vulnerable.
“I hurt, but the nurse gave me some medicine. Now I feel sleepy.” He struggles to keep his eyes open.
“Sleep, buddy. I’ll be here when you wake up.” I give him his blanket. He snuggles with it, just like he used to when he was little.
“I love you, Addie.” He takes my hand, tears pool in my eyes. Seriously, I have cried so much, I might be dehydrated.
“Owen, I love you too. So very much.” As he closes his eyes, the tears flow. A combination of relief, happiness, and grief shower my face. My whole life has been centered around empowering and loving Owen. He is my biggest teacher. I have spent years guarded, hesitant about getting close to people. The fear that they will leave permeates new relationships, so I build a wall. Is there room in my heart for Jameson? When he held me, I felt my heart expand. I’m in love with him. I know it, and it scares the shit out of me. How do I allow myself the luxury of giving my heart to someone when I’m held hostage by abandonment and trust issues? There isn’t enough wine or chocolate in the universe to get me through this. I have spent most of my life navigating it alone. Maybe it’s my turn to be cared for, cherished—to finally feel safe with another person. Can I do that? Can I allow someone in and trust them with my heart? Those questions will have to wait. My next step is letting Richard go. It’ll be time soon.
Jameson
I am so consumed by watching the emotional exchange between Owen and Addie that I miss the senator’s approach. When I see him standing
there, watching his two children, I observe a broken man. The anguish is palpable. I move toward him, ready to remove him from the room, but Addie shakes her head. Message received.
She straightens her back and walks over to him, guiding him into the hallway. I stand nearby as a backup, but I know Addie won’t need me. The more time I spend around her, the more aware I become of her capacity for badassery when it comes to Owen.
I step back into the room as she confronts her real father. Both appear vulnerable, and I can only hope that some good comes from this. I turn and walk over to Owen. He is grinning at something George is telling him, his eyes sleepy, and all is right with the world. His eyes find me.
“Are you crying? Tough guys don’t cry. Danny Zuko doesn’t cry,” he teases.
“Real men aren’t afraid of emotion. Glad you woke up because I need my partner in crime back.”
“Partner in crime? I don’t want to go to jail.” He looks concerned.
“It’s a saying, Owen. I meant my wingman. I just missed my friend.”
“Were you scared I would die?”
I pause. This is the question that I need to consider carefully.
“After the car hit you, your heart stopped. Do you know what CPR is?”
“Is that when someone helps make your heartbeat again?”
“That’s right. I did CPR on you. Your heart started beating again, and then the ambulance brought you here.”
“Jameson, you saved my life. You are my hero. You need a cape like a superhero.” He grabs my hand, grinning.
This guy. He has no idea that he and his sister have brought me back to life.
“I love you, Owen. I can’t imagine the world without you in it. Go to sleep, buddy.”
“Okay, but you’ll stay, right?”
“Of course, Owen. I will never leave you or your sister.”
He falls asleep with a smile on his face.
Addie
The whole day was an emotional vacuum, and since Owen is on the mend, I feel comfortable going home, and confronting my demons. The manila envelope that Jameson gave me holds my life story. It’s sitting in my purse, giving me the stink eye. I need chocolate.
“Headed home?” Jameson asks.
“Yeah. Owen is doing well, and being at home might ground me a bit.”
“Do you want company? I mean, to go through the envelope, like a support system.” His face softens. and he almost looks sheepish. Freaking adorable.
“Thank you for offering, but this is something I need to do by myself. I feel like this might be the catalyst to help me move forward and come to terms with Richard.”
“Of course. Well, call me if you need me. I will see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Owen and I have a date with video games.” His eyes dance with amusement.
“How are you all going to do that? He doesn’t have one here.”
“Yet, Addie. I am getting him the mega-daddy of all systems.” He’s grinning at me, and boy, do I love that smile.
“Jameson, don’t spoil him,” I scoff.
“Spoil him? He just survived a horrendous experience, and he deserves to have some fun. Plus, it’s purely selfish. I get to hang with him and play video games. Win-win.”
“Ugh, you are such a guy. Fine. You all do your video stuff. I will see you tomorrow then.”
“I have a car waiting. Can I give you a ride home?” His eyes roam over my face and settle on my lips. Is it hot in here?
“Oh, okay. That would be great.”
We head to the car in compatible silence that makes me wonder if there is hope for us after all.
Addie
After Jameson drops me off, I walk into my apartment and exhale. This day has been a series of unexpected events peppered with an almost unfathomable amount of information. It has been overwhelming. I change my clothes, putting on my coziest pajamas with chocolate kisses all over them. What did you expect? Broccoli? I pour myself a healthy serving of wine and settle on the couch with the taunting manila envelope.
Opening it, I unearth photographs of myself with Richard, bank transactions, paternity results, and a letter from my mother. How on earth did Dorothy get these? If she weren’t such a crazy bitch, I might admire her ingenuity. Like ripping off a Band-Aid, I decide to read the letter first. I take a big drink of wine and begin.
Dear Addie,
If you are reading this, then obviously, I am no longer living. Let me start by saying that I should never have been a mother. I wasn’t cut out to be unselfish. You were also this loving, giving child, and I just didn’t know how to respond to it. I was raised in a cold, sterile home. I didn’t know any other way.
I made so many mistakes. My life has been a series of regrets. First, Richard is not your father. I had an ongoing affair with Wendell Brooks. I had met him at one of the many philanthropic causes that I was involved in, and we clicked. I didn’t care that he was married, and when I think back on it, I don’t know that I ever really loved Richard. Wendell was charismatic and influential. He loved me deeply. Then I got pregnant with you and panicked. I broke things off with him. He was devastated.
Richard and I were never overly intimate, but I made sure that the timing matched so I could pass him off as your father. I thought I was doing the right thing. After you were born, I was depressed. I missed Wendell so much, and there was such a void in my life without him. I would see him at functions with his wife. Jealousy pulsated through me. I wanted him for myself. I needed him. Life without him was so empty. So we resumed our affair, as he felt as strongly as I did. He brought out something in me that no one else could. He made me a better person. I know that you didn’t get the best of me. Only Wendell did.
When I found myself pregnant again, I knew I needed to choose. The love of my life or another child. Wendell never wanted children. He thought they would hinder his political agenda. So I broke things off with him. Truthfully, I thought about having an abortion. I even went to a clinic, but in the end, I couldn’t bring myself to go through with it. Surprised? Me too. Putting something ahead of my own needs was a foreign concept. When I told Richard, he laughed at me. He confessed that he was sterile. That he always had been, and that he knew you couldn’t be his. He told me that he was willing to be a father to you, however, he would not be part of this charade with a second child. I suppose, in his way, he loved you. I begged him to stay for the sake of appearances. He agreed, but only after I signed over ownership of several properties that had been given to me by your grandfather.
When Owen was born, I couldn’t even look at him after they told me he had Down syndrome. I allowed the nanny to take over and deal with you both. You stepped right up and became every bit his mother. As you remember, Richard left not long after your brother was born, along with cleaning out one of our bank accounts. He was always greedy.
Now you know my secrets, how imperfect I was, even though I tried so hard to pass myself off as the woman who had it all. Do you want to know another truth? I was jealous of you. That is why I always picked at you, criticizing your appearance and anything else that would bring you pain. I was envious of the way you lived your life, not caring what others thought, how you loved Owen despite his imperfections. It disgusted me, really. The only person that I really loved was Wendell, but even that wasn’t enough. He eventually discarded me, saying that he needed to make it work with his wife and that a mistress was getting harder and harder to cover up, what with his political career. I knew he would never leave her, especially since I had children. Oh yes, he knew about you both. I blurted it out one night, as I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer. He knew that Richard was the “father” and that Owen had a disability. But we never discussed you children beyond that.
I am not asking for forgiveness. I am merely letting you know about your father’s identity. What you do with that infor
mation is totally up to you.
Mom
Woah. That was a lot. I mean, not much of the letter was a surprise, but being jealous of me was a total “holy shit” moment. I can’t even wrap my head around that. You would think she could at least sign off with “love, Mom” instead of no emotion at all. Oh right, who am I kidding? She was the coldest person on the planet. I shiver at the notion.
I sort through the photos. There are so many with Richard. He appears as the doting father, looking lovingly at me. Did he ever really care about me? Was I simply a pawn in his game of greed and power? No wonder I’m so fucked up with abandonment and trust issues. The impulse to call Jameson is strong. Instead, I finish my wine, and with that comes the revelation that it’s time to let Richard go. Tomorrow marks the beginning of Addie Snyder’s new reality.
Jameson
Addie walks into Owen’s room the next morning. Her expression seems to be frozen in perpetual surprise, her eyes radiating questions.
“I’m surprised to see you here,” she whispers, not wanting to wake Owen. He had a great night according to the nurse, and he’s set to be released in a few days.
“Why is that, Addie? I told you I’m here to stay. When things calm down, we’re going to discuss our relationship. Until then, I am here to support you and Owen.”
“Oh, well, um… okay. I am too emotionally exhausted to banter with you.” She pauses. “I opened the envelope last night. There were lots of photographs of me with Richard and, well, there was a very detailed letter from my mother.” Her eyes stray from me and focus on Owen, whose eyes are fluttering open.
“What are you all talking about?” Owen’s sleepy voice asks.
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