by Brett Baker
“She’s not?” Lexi asked, her eyes shooting back over to where the demolitions officer was laughing out loud again at her program.
“Blythe is from a shadow earth, like this one” Weill explained. “Her world became a battleground between the forces of Elysium and Pandaemonium. We were able to win because the armies of that world joined and fought alongside us. Blythe left her army, and joined ours after we won the decisive victory.”
“I see” Lexi replied, her eyes shooting to the floor. “And what about you?” she asked.
“I already told you my story” Weill replied.
“Yeah, but anything else I should know?” Lexi asked. “I want to know things about you.”
“Like what?” Weill asked.
“Well for starters, what’s your first name?”
“Ethan” Weill answered.
“Ethan Weill” Lexi said, letting the name roll off her tongue.
“What about you?” Weill asked in reply. “What’s Lexi short for?”
“Alexandra” Lexi explained. “My mother told us that she named me after her mother while we were still in the womb. My father named Rin. That’s why we have such different names.”
“Makes sense” Weill replied.
“So what was it like growing up in Elysium?” Lexi asked.
“In some ways it wasn’t much different than living here” Weill replied. “We have jobs, and families and schools. The technology is more advanced though. Teleporter pads move us around the city without needing vehicles, and our computing systems are much more powerful, allowing us to use them for more, like learning AIs, human augmentation, and all kinds of other incredible things.”
“And you’re at war with this Pandaemonium place that Lord Morbane was from?” Lexi asked. “How long has that been going on?”
“For 4000 years,” Weill responded. “Nobody really remembers when it started or how or why. And it’s not just Pandaemonium we’re at war with. There are 8 courts of chaos, and we’re at war with all of them. But Pandaemonium is the strongest and the biggest threat. That’s why we’re here – to fight for your world. We’re not going to let Queen Milandra destroy another shadow earth.”
*******
Cassandra’s eyes opened slowly. There were deep grey circles beneath them, and her hair was like an unkempt rat’s nest. She was in her bed, and standing in the doorway was a man she had not seen for almost 15 years; a man who was the love of her life, and had fathered 2 children by her, the very same man who had destroyed her. When he left.
“What are you doing here?” she asked in a derisive tone as she rolled away from him in her bed, turning her back to him.
“Cassandra I’m sorry” Watanabe said. “I’ve come to make amends. Rin and Lexi are safe. They’re with me.”
“They’re alive?” Cassandra said, turning back to face him and sitting up, with tears in her eyes.
“I rescued them” Watanabe replied. “They’re both doing just fine.”
“I… I want to see them!” Cassandra replied, her voice cracking with tears, “But they can’t see me like this!”
“You mean the alcohol,” Watanabe replied in a flat tone.
“It’s more than just booze Kenji!” Cassandra spat. “When you left I started drinking. And when they disappeared I thought the worst. I knew in my heart that they were dead, and the booze didn’t dull the pain anymore. I turned to pills! You did this to me! You set us on this path!”
“I know” Watanabe replied in a conciliatory tone “I messed up, and I’m sorry. I want to make things right.”
“You can’t!” Cassandra replied, tears rolling down her cheeks. “You broke me Kenji! Why? Why did you do this to me?”
Watanabe stood there wordless. He knew there were no words that could fix this, but he could take her anger, he could take her accusations, he could take it all if it meant that he might be fortunate to convince her to give him the chance to make things right.
“I lost my job!” Cassandra went on. I have to sell things from the house to have money to survive now! You don’t know how hard it has been!”
“Cassie I’m sorry” Watanabe repeated stepping forward reaching out to take her hand.
“No!” she cried, withdrawing her hand and pounding it on the bed. “Don’t you touch me! You made me an addict! You don’t get to fix this! You’ll only hurt me again! I want you to leave!”
There was a long, silent pause between them.
“Is that really what you want?” Watanabe asked.
“Yes!” She screamed in a shrill tone. “Get out! Get out get out get out!”
Watanabe felt his heart sink. But he kept up his stony façade for her sake. “Okay Cassie. I’ll leave. But I will be back to check on you. Get yourself cleaned up, so I can bring Rin and Lexi to see their mother. You do want that don’t you?”
Cassandra turned away from him again and said nothing as hot tears of anger, grief and despair kept rolling down the sides of her face. She had never cried so hard before in her life. There were so many conflicting emotions roiling around inside of her.
“Goodbye Cassie” Watanabe finally said. “I will be back.”
With that, Watanabe turned and left the room. He walked over and placed stack of prepaid cash cards on the table, and then turning he left, locking up the house behind him.
Heartbroken by what his wife had become, what he had done to her, he stood on the front porch, his eyes downcast. Then he allowed himself to lean back against the front door, and his eyes shot up toward the roof which hung over the porch. This was emotionally exhausting. He really hoped that Cassie would use the money he’d left her to support herself and to get herself cleaned up, but he couldn’t be the one to make her do it. There was just too much history; too much baggage.
Hopefully he still had time for Cassandra to detox so that they could all make the escape with him before Queen Milandra took action against them. There was no way he could leave her here, and not feel like he’d murdered his wife in doing so.
*******
Rin’s consciousness was deep in slumber, and as she slept, she remembered.
She was little again, bouncing home from school with a diorama she’d made, which she was going to show to her mother. Lexi was at her side. The world was bright and cheerful and filled with music and as they came to their front door and Lexi opened it everything seemed great. But then as she stepped through, everything changed around her. The music fell silent; deafeningly silent. And the world suddenly became cold and dark and grey. There, half-passed out on the table with an empty glass and a half-empty bottle of scotch beside her was their mother.
With clipped, tentative steps, Rin walked up to her, and poked her in the knee. Cassandra looked down at her with tearstained eyes that were marked by deep suffering. Fighting off the timidity, Rin held up the diorama for Cassandra to see.
“Look Mommy” she began, her hands trembling, “I made this.”
Then her mother slapped the diorama out of her hands and it fell onto the floor.
Tears welled up in Rin’s eyes as she held her mother’s gaze, and she watched as the suffering in her eyes turned to anger. Without even a word, her mother raised her hand, and swatted Rin across the face with the back of her hand. Rin cried and screamed, and Lexi came and wrapped her arms tenderly around her sister, her eyes on her mother who just stared back at them fuming with silent rage.
“Shut up!!!” Cassandra screamed suddenly as Rin continued to cry. Then grabbing her bottle of scotch, she got to her feet, and stiffly walked to her room where she slammed the door.
And the jarring sound from her dream shocked Rin awake suddenly. She sat up in her bed and found Watanabe’s message and his bed neatly made, and she also found Lexi’s disheveled bed with her gone as well.
Then reaching up, Rin wiped away tears from her eyes as the reliving of that painful memory lingered in her mind. She looked at her moistened fingers, and tasted the salty tears on her lips.
This
was just one of numerous encounters from their childhood. And the memory brought pain and sadness and anger to the surface. Rin just held it inside, where it ate at her. But the truth was, she had no idea what else to do with it.
hearing a sound coming from the living room, she got up and went out to find Watanabe who had just returned.
“Good morning” Watanabe said.
“Where were you?” Rin asked.
“Running an errand” Watanabe replied.
Just like Watanabe, Rin had an uncanny knack for perception. She could tell there was something he was trying to keep to himself, and she could tell from his somber demeanor that it was something painful. “You went to see her didn’t you?”
“See who?” Watanabe asked.
“Mother” Rin replied, realizing now why the timing of her dream suddenly made sense.
Watanabe let out a long, ragged breath. “Yes” he answered.
“How is she?” Rin asked.
“She’s fine” he lied in reply.
“Then why do you seem so sad?” she asked, knowing full well that her mother wasn’t fine.
Watanabe’s head slumped forward, and he looked down at his shoes. “Rin it was very hard for me to see her like that,” he replied. “Could we please not do this right now?”
“Okay” Rin replied.
“Where is Lexi?” he asked.
“I don’t know” Rin replied, “She woke up before I did.”
Watanabe turned toward the stairs, and Rin followed. They descended the staircase to find Lexi, Weill, and Blythe laughing at a holoprogram.
“Good morning” Watanabe greeted as he walked out to where they sat.
“Good morning” Lexi replied a little awkwardly. “Where did you run off to?”
“Just running an errand” Watanabe replied,
“What are you watching?” Watanabe asked.
“Some local comedy” Blythe replied. “This guy’s daughter is sleeping with the neighbor boy, and he’s totally clueless…”
Suddenly the room got very quiet as everybody realized that what Blythe had just said could be taken as an unintended dig against Watanabe.
His gaze locked onto Lexi, but he maintained his poker face. Since he didn’t notice any guilt in her eyes, he decided it was probably nothing, and let it go. Still the awkwardness lingered in the air…
“Sorry,” Blythe said in a fumbly tone. “I’ll just change to a different program now…”
“So Rin, Lexi, have either of you eaten yet?” Watanabe began. “Let’s have some breakfast. I would offer it to the two of you as well, but I’m sure you’ve already eaten” Watanabe continued, turning to Blythe and Weill.
“We’re fine, sir,” Weill replied.
“Come on, I’ll make us something” Watanabe began.
The sisters followed their father back up to the loft, and as Watanabe began to cook, they sat down at the table.
“So did you find out his first name?” Rin asked.
“Ethan,” Lexi replied with a mischievous smile.
“Ethan is a good name,” Rin replied.
“You should still apologize,” Rin advised, inclining her head toward where Watanabe was cooking in the kitchen.
“I know” Lexi replied.
“Go do it now while he’s distracted by cooking,” Rin said.
“You think now is the best time?” Lexi asked looking toward the kitchen.
Rin nodded.
Getting up, Lexi went over and walked into the kitchen, where Watanabe was making scrambled eggs and toast.
“Um…. Dad?” Lexi began, “I’m sorry, it just feels kind of weird calling you dad. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the things I said last night…”
Watanabe stopped running the spatula through the eggs, and his gaze turned and locked onto her.
“I didn’t mean them. It’s just, growing up without you around… it really hurt. Mom was drunk… a lot, and…”
“I understand” Watanabe replied. “I just came back from seeing it for myself. Lexi please believe that I never wanted any of that for either of you. You’re mother is very sick..”
“She used to beat us” Lexi said suddenly in an awkward and uncomfortable tone with a look of shame in her eyes. Instinctively, she shrugged as she lowered her head down on her neck toward the base of her shoulders portraying a pose of childish timidity that was so uncharacteristic for her. “Rin more that me. She really hated Rin because she reminded her so much of you.”
Watanabe put down the spatula and spreading out his arms he walked over to Lexi and put his arms around her.
“What about the eggs?” Lexi protested as Watanabe squeezed her tightly.
“Don’t worry about the eggs,” Watanabe replied. ”I’ll make more. You’re more important to me than all the eggs in the world. You know that don’t you? I know that I can never do enough to make it up to you for leaving you, and doing that to your mother, Alexandra. I know it. But I’m still going to try. Okay?”
“Okay” Lexi replied, crying again.
“Shhh” Watanabe clutched the back of Lexi’s head, and stroked her hair. “It’s okay. I’ll make this right, somehow.”
VIII
“So how was inventory?” Chatham asked once he, Garret, Hastings, and Thackeray had returned. They had boxes full of additional supplies.
“Excellent sir,” Weill replied.
“Good” Chatham said as they stacked up the additional supplies by Weill’s Command and Control station. Don’t forget to count the new stuff too.”
Chatham headed for his bunk then paused and turned back. “Oh and Weill, we’ll be needing another simulation so we can pick up the horde’s trail.”
“Yessir” Weill replied.
Blythe walked over to where Weill was completing his inventory of the medical supplies.
“You okay?” she asked, eyeballing Chatham as he went over and settled on his bunk.
“Doing just fine” Weill replied.
“I don’t get why Chatham keeps poking his nose in your personal business” she whispered. “Why does he think he needs to police your behavior like this?”
“I don’t know entirely myself” Weill replied. “But you know Chatham. He does what he has to do to achieve his mission objectives.”
“Something about this mission doesn’t smell right to me,” Blythe continued in a whisper. Here we are hold up in these people’s home, and he’s working some angle that has to do with those girls. I haven’t figured it out yet…”
“You have something to say Lieutenant Blythe?” Chatham asked.
Blythe looked over again and found Chatham sitting up on his bunk, staring at her.
“Nothing” Blythe replied with as innocent a smile as she could muster.
“Carry on then, Lieutenant.” Chatham said.
Blythe shot Weill a final look, and wandered away to the lab tables to busy herself with her explosives, while Weill continued to work on his inventory.
*******
Rin stood atop the roof, seeking some meaning in her memories. It couldn’t be mere coincidence that the painful memories of her childhood pushed themselves to the surface at the same time that Watanabe was visiting with her mother. She tried to listen, but the music was mute, and had been since she walked through the front door in her dream. Perhaps that was what distressed her the most.
“Don’t leave me” Rin whispered to the absent music. “I need you now more than ever!”
Then the door opened behind her, and Watanabe walked out onto the roof, and came to stand beside her as they gazed out over the rooftop.
“Your sister tells me that your mother beat you” Watanabe began as he looked over to Rin. “She says that you took the brunt of it because you reminded her of me.”
Rin stood her gaze unwavering.
“Is it true?” Watanabe asked.
Rin nodded silently. “I can’t hear the music… Just before you came back, I dreamt, and in my dream I remembered one of those t
imes when mom was abusing me… was abusing us. And since then I can’t hear the music. Why is that?” Rin asked as she turned to face Watanabe. Watanabe looked into her brown eyes and he saw fear in them as her lower lip trembled.
“I don’t know” Watanabe replied. “Maybe you need to deal with your feelings for your mother before the music will return.”
“But it will return won’t it?” Rin asked as hot tears welled up in her eyes. “I don’t want to lose it!”
Watanabe put his arms around Rin and gripped her tightly. “I hope so,” he said. “I don’t have any answers for you when it comes to this. All I can do is stand by you, offer my support and hope for the best. You’re the one who will have to figure out how to get the music back. But you can do it; you’re like me, you’re strong. I believe in you.”
“You know I never intended for your mother to turn into what she became don’t you?”
Rin pulled away, the tears cresting up over her lower eyelids, and shooting down her cheeks, and she nodded. “I know. I don’t blame you.”
“What should I do?” Watanabe asked her. “Should I try to help her?”
Rin’s gaze shot to the floor as she looked for an answer. She knew that yes was what Watanabe wanted to hear, but she just couldn’t find it within herself to say it yet. There was still too much hurt inside. The irony that Rin had told Lexi only the previous night that she realized the need to forgive, but wasn’t ready because she didn’t want to forgive and still be left hurting wasn’t lost on her.
“Okay” Watanabe said. “You’re not ready for that. I understand. Let me know if you feel like you can forgive her, and maybe…. Just maybe, we can be a family again… become the family we were always supposed to be. That’s my hope anyway.”
With that, Watanabe turned and walked to the door.
“Dad” Rin called.
“Yes?” he replied, turning back once he’d opened the door.
“Thanks for coming for us” Rin replied. “Nobody ever thanked you for coming back into our lives. I just wanted you to know… I appreciate it.”