Love,
Your Secret Admirer
P.S. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! (And if anyone serves you butterflies or hula hoops just tell them they’ve got it wrong because they’re for ambiance…not for eating but ambiance. . . like candles at dinner… or like the stars out at night… with a date outside at night… and I’m not talking about the kind of date that you eat because that’s the wrong kind of date. . . that would be cannibalism and that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about romantic dates not creepy eating your dates.
So don’t think I’m trying to refer to you like you’re a fig because I’m not. Of course, that’s not to say that you’re not sweet because… OK. . . (awkward). . . this is not where I had planned this note to be going. I’m just going to have mercy and stop typing now. Although I’m not sure who needs that mercy more now among the two of us.)
P.P.S. Just run away! Save yourself! Don’t worry about me. I’m a natural disaster of pathetic humor. Go! . . . Save yourself! . . . Hurry! And don’t look back! (Unless of course you smell a jelly donut and then you can. I know I would. I mean, who wouldn’t?)
Chapter 4: The December Chapter
December 3
You:
So you’re still receiving secret notes from a “Secret Admirer” and you’re okay with it. Well, if you’re okay with it then I’m okay with it.
So did you have a good Thanksgiving? I hope so. We always have plenty of food and I like our family tradition of everyone going around the table and naming some things they’re thankful for before we all dig in and eat. It’s a good tradition. Does your family have any Thanksgiving traditions you really like? What are they?
I come from a Christian family so we believe that every good thing comes from Jesus Christ. So as we counted our blessings last month, I’m excited about paying blessings forward this month due to the Christmas holiday. Don’t be too surprised if I ask you later if there’s anything in particular that you might like for Christmas.
I was thinking I might give you the gift of music. Any favorite bands you like? Maybe you could think of some if you like listening to music. I know I love listening to music. You always see me in the halls in between classes hooked up to my portable music player like it’s an I.V. lifeline (one that just drips beats of bliss into my ears) and now you know why. I can’t live without great music!
There are a few more minutes until the first class begins and I just saw you for the first time today turning down a nearby hallway. I was going to write something else but I lost my train of thought. Well. . . if I can’t remember what I was going to write before I saw you, then at least I can say that you look great today (as usual)! You’re never a disappointment, that’s for sure.
Maybe I should ask you about your Secret Admirer. Do you have any ideas of who it might be? And if you think you know who he is, does this mean that you like him? Or does it just mean that you like getting the secret notes but you’re not necessarily into him? Just wondering.
Maybe I should write a note to you and slip it into your locker sometime. But, of course, you’d know it’s from me because you already know my handwriting by now. So that’s out.
But if I did decide to slip you a note in your locker today, maybe it might read something like this:
Dear You,
You know me because we share a couple of classes. So I was wondering if you might see it as particularly romantic if we sat together and ate lunch today. What do you think?
Love,
Your not-so-secret admirer: Me
But that kind of note would probably make you yawn and say “We always eat lunch together. Boring.” And, of course, that would crush my tender heart like a hamster sitting down on a piece of chocolate puffed cereal. (Can you hear the crunching sounds now? Oh! . . . Please! . . . Have mercy! . . .)
Of course, I can also hear you saying, “The hamster’s butt, with its unique combination of fat and hair, has a much larger comparative ratio than the tiny chocolate puffed cereal piece so maybe it would actually make no clearly discernible sound at all.” Thanks. Thanks a lot. Your sensitivity is so moooving. (Not.)
But despite your occasional seemingly scientific ways over matters of the heart. . . I thought you might like to know one of the things I said I was grateful for over Thanksgiving: my association with you.
The day that you stop showing up for school is the day that I not only start the largest search ever commanded in United States history, but also the day that I wonder how in the world I’ll ever be able to replace conversations about pumpkin pancakes, a young woman wanting to visit an empty men’s restroom and mysterious secret admirer notes that keep appearing in that awe inspiring space known as your school locker.
But, thankfully, you’re here at school today. So I’ll take appropriate advantage of the opportunity that is before me today by asking you a maybe not quite so usual but still sort-of Christmas seasonal appropriate question: What kind of flowers do you like? And are there any that you don’t like or are allergic to?
This question may be for my own casual curiosity or I may be asking on behalf of the guy that is your secret admirer. So those are some things for you to think about: music and flowers and maybe what I’d write you if I put a note in your locker today. (But I won’t put a note in your locker today since I much prefer to just hand you this in person right before our class today.)
Or maybe you could just tell me if you like red roses or if those are too boring for you. Long-stemmed red roses are one of the most expensive ways of saying “I love you” that exists in the floral industry. So if anyone ever gets you even a single red rose, get ready because they just might be testing the waters to see if you’ll let them buy you several more later.
Hope you have a great day!
Later!
Me
[5th anonymous note put in your locker.]
December 9
Title: “True Love Never Ends”
You haunt me
Your voice haunts me in the daytime
Visions of the beauty of your face
Visions of the beauty of your body
Haunt me in the dreams of the night
You mesmerize me
Your voice travels into my heart
Your eyes pierce deep into my soul
Your spirit touches mine and love takes control
I can run but I can’t hide
I can try and forget
But the memory of you keeps rushing back
To grab hold of me deep inside
I can pretend you’re just a friend
I can pretend it’s all a game
But the facts prove over and over
My heart will love you until the end
Until the end of eternity
And all because it’s love
And some say love ends
But I’m inclined to strongly disagree
Because when it’s true love
It can’t really be denied
That true love never ends.
True love never ends.
Thank our loving God it never ends.
Love,
Your Secret Admirer
December 12
You:
Looks like you and I like a lot of the same music! Sweet! So I’ve got a pretty good idea of what I’ll be getting for you this Christmas. I’ll be bringing gifts next week on the second to last day before the Christmas break to be giving to our friends. That’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait!
Since you said you’re a fan of long-stemmed red roses, do you think it’s a bit too much if a guy gives a girl he likes a long-stemmed red rose before he asks her out? Just wondering.
I just love the Christmas holiday! And you look devastatingly beautiful in Christmas red, I might add. (I love that sweater you’re wearing today!)
My dad says that guys don’t compliment women enough when they look good. I aske
d my mom and she said it’s true and then she added, “But you men need to be more specific. Do you like the dress or just the pearls only? Or do you like the pearls with the dress?. . . Be specific because we’re dressing for you.” Then my dad whispered loudly to me, “That’s not true. They dress for their girlfriends as much as – if not more than – they do for men.” to which my mom quickly replied, “Well, we’d dress more for men if they’d compliment us the way our girlfriends do.”
So let me be one of the first men you’ve ever met to tell you specifically that I really love that sweater you’re wearing today. Everything you’re wearing together looks great!
But I will say that probably one of the reasons us guys don’t get specific is because, 1) often we have no fashion sense of our own to be able to recognize specifics, and 2) frankly, we are concerned someone might think we’re gay and if that “someone” happens to be a young lady we like, then we don’t want to blow that chance to make sure she knows we’re not only straight but very likely attracted to her specifically.
You see, guys have no problem knowing and being specific about which female we may like, but what she may be wearing that day is not noticed as much because often we’re so mesmerized by her beauty that all we notice is the whole picture instead of details or specifics.
Girls are better at those details because you’re practically trained from the womb to be better at those things by every fashion magazine in existence. But guys, we can spell the word “fashion” and that’s about the extent of what we know regarding the subject. (And some of us can’t even spell fashion correctly.)
Anyhoo . . . enough about fashion.
I’m curious about what you think of this secret admirer of yours. I asked you about a week ago in a note about if you think you know who he might be and you haven’t said anything.
Then I asked you at lunch recently and you sort of gave a deep thinking kind of look but you never actually answered the question. (Of course you also had a mouth full of food when I asked and then the class bell rang.) So, not to pressure you too much but . . . any ideas of your own as to who this fellow might actually be? Any ideas if you might actually like him if you think you know who he is? Or does the mere thought of who he might be cause you to throw up a bit in your mouth? (Okay. . . maybe if that last one is the case then maybe I don’t want to know either.)
You just seem like you’ve been talking to your girlfriends more than with me more lately so I’m just wondering if he’s the main focus of your conversations with others. But maybe that’s really none of my business because I do believe in respecting your privacy. So you don’t have to tell me if he’s what you’re talking to them about. That’s fine with me.
Okay. Is that what you’re talking about?
Ugh! It’s really killing me now. I’m just soooo curious.
No... Wait. . . Is it something that I did or said that’s making you talk to your friends more than me? Did I do something wrong? Please tell me and I’ll waste no time in fixing it. Whatever you want. Just let me know. I’m a bozo sometimes. We both know it. So just tell me how I screwed up . . . let me fix it. . . let’s put it behind us . . . and forgive me. So, did I screw up somehow? Is that why you’re not talking to me as much as you are your girlfriends? Just let me know. I’m here for you. You know, I’m always here for you.
Or maybe it’s back to the fashion thing. Because you know us guys don’t have a clue when it comes to fashion. We always have to get help from others whether that’s the lady at the store or one of our gay friends that’s helping us to dress well enough to maintain our straight reputation while also not dressing so well that our gay friends think we’ve flipped and are available for their pursuit. (That’s a fine balance to strike in the world of heterosexual males, you know.)
So is that it? Does my suit coat not really go with my jeans? Is the tie too much? Or what about my hair? You know S.B. is always flirting with me by coming up to me and running her fingers through my hair even though we both know there could never be anything between us.
She’s always paying me the same compliment like a broken record in that same flirty tone of voice, “So I see the guy on the latest cover of GQ magazine is following your cue by having the same hairstyle and clothing as you. Don’t you think it’s about time you started returning the calls of GQ so they can finally put the most wanted man in our school on the cover?”
So maybe there’s some inside joke going around school that I’m no longer the biggest teen heartthrob anymore (that comes from the picture that went around during last year’s school dance when like ten girls wanted to be in a picture with me.) so maybe I’m not that good-looking anymore. That’s okay. I can handle it. (Maybe.)
Look, maybe I’m overreacting here but I just can’t help but to notice that we’re not talking as much lately and I just want to make sure things are good between us. That’s all. If I’m annoying, tell me how I’m being annoying and I’ll stop it. Or at least I’ll try really hard to stop it. (Because you know me, good-looking or not, sometimes I am annoying. Sometimes I have nerdy humor.)
Well, that’s about the longest letter I’ve ever written anyone in my life so I suppose I should stop here and call it a day for letter writing.
Hope you have a great day!
Did I mention that your sweater looks great on you today? Yes. I’m looking back over this note and it seems I have, in fact, complimented you specifically on your sweater today – apparently numerous times.
Later!
Me
December 16
You:
What a relief! One of your girlfriends just broke up with her boyfriend so you were spending more time giving her emotional support. That’s great!
I mean, it’s not great that she and he broke up and I’m not saying that’s great like I’m interested in her but what I meant was that’s great that there’s no problems between you and me. Excellent!
(Oh, and send your friend my sympathies about her recent heartache. Unless I’m not supposed to know about it and then just . . . um . . . keep giving her your sympathy and support. Yeah... keep doing that because that’s what friends do and you’re a good friend and I support you giving her your support. Okay. Clearly I’m talking in circles on that one so. . . Anyhoo. . . moving right along. )
So, how are you today? (And feel free to note that I’m so glad things are good with us that I’m not even going to ask you about your secret admirer friend. Just read this whole thing and that last sentence will be the only time I even mention him. So, no worries since I know you haven’t said anything still so that tells me you still want your privacy and I’m cool with that. I’m cool. No worries.)
You also asked about my opinion of Refined Affectionate Friendships (or R.A. Friendships) since this is what you have with her. So here’s what I think:
Good, honest people won't have a problem with it since it's non-sexual. I think it's great and I support it. But, unfortunately, since we live in a hypersexual society, I think too many people would see it (R.A. Friendships) as more homosexual than pure, simply because most Americans aren’t nearly affectionate as once before.
It used to be that in the 1800's that two men or two women could walk with their arms around each other’s shoulder without people assuming anything sexual. It used to be that two people of the same gender could be more verbal and affectionate and less ashamed of having deep feelings for someone of the same gender without sexualizing it.
But these days, as long as people get their views directly or indirectly from the influence of the porn industry, it will take some time for typical Americans to see that it’s possible for two people of the same gender to be very affectionate and loyal without it also being sexual (like the non-sexual but deep love and more open affection of R.A. friendships).
Undoing the hypersexual influence takes time and can cause unnecessary guilt like the example in the bible new testament when Christ had to teach one o
f his apostles not to call something unclean that was actually clean (the lesson being that the higher law of Christ makes things clean that the world would consider unclean).
I like how T. M. Meek put it, “Too many otherwise good, Christian heterosexuals are too afraid of the strengths many homosexuals have to openly embrace the healthy need to have a deeper emotional connection with someone of the same gender than is typical of most average American non-affectionate friendships. To have pure affection expressed in a same gender friendship is the healthy middle ground that is largely absent in much of heterosexual American culture which tends to leave most of us as adults with only the choices of two extremes: hypersexualization in relationships or love with little or no truly intimate affection – neither of which is truly fulfilling for the human spirit.”
So does that answer your question about my opinion of R.A. friendships? I hope so because I think they are a better type of heterosexual same gender friendship than the colder trend that’s been building for over a half a century here in the U.S..
Love Letters from a Teen Heartthrob Page 3