Lucy ignored her and began to circle the kitchen, touching the counter, the cabinets, running her fingers along the squares of the paper calendar. Her brow furrowed as she studied the calendar, causing the lines in her face to deepen further. “I couldn’t find it because it wasn’t there,” she said.
“Find what?” Jess said, struck by the way Lucy hunched forward, making her look sad, defeated.
“His loose end.” Lucy flicked her hand toward the calendar, and the bottom corner of the page fluttered.
Jess stepped forward. Why hadn’t she noticed how the past two days had exhausted the old woman? She reached out to take Lucy by the elbow, but her fingers only brushed the sleeve of her black dress because Jess’s legs buckled as though she’d been kicked.
She crumpled to the floor.
“Jess!” Star cried and dropped to her knees beside her. Her eyes were huge in her small face. “Are you okay?”
But the pain that stretched across her wrist kept Jess from answering. It pierced her skin with hot nails, and she clutched at her arm, gasping. She squeezed her eyes closed to ward off the tears and laid her head back to get control of herself when the floor beneath her hardened into the icy pavement of a city street. The tip of her nose dripped from the cold, and her heart thumped hard against her chest. What was happening? The glare of a stoplight bathed her skin in red, the light reflecting like blood off the freezing puddle of water beneath her. She was back to the night of the accident. She opened her mouth to scream, but her chest only rattled, a horrible hollow sound that slithered into her ears. No, no, no. Not here. She tried to close her eyes but not before she saw his shoe lying upside down in a black puddle.
Then the pavement morphed into tile, and the stoplight dissolved into the white ceiling of Lucy’s kitchen. Star held her hand, and Lucy and Ebee hovered above her, their expressions flat and unreadable.
“Jess?” Star said.
Jess pulled her hand out of Star’s grip, sending another wave of stabbing pain through her arm. She filled her lungs and pushed the air through her body. Her eyes itched with unshed tears. Was that how her son had felt? The unbearable thought made her want to curl into a ball and wrap her arms around her head. To hide from Lucy’s eyes and pretend it had never happened.
But Lucy stared at her and also past her, as though seeing something else.
A strong hand took her by the elbow and pulled her to stand. Ebee. “Fall much?” she said with a lightness that made whatever had just happened fade. It had seemed so real—the street, the bitter cold of that night, the stoplight—but Jess knew better. It was nothing but her grief that made her see those things. Nothing but her guilt that on that night her son was alone and she couldn’t help him.
She turned from their stares to brush at imaginary dirt on her jeans. She felt short of breath, on the verge of panicking, and forced herself to take long, even breaths. “I must have hyperextended my knee or something. I’m used to walking every day—probably just need to exercise my legs a bit more.”
Lucy made a tsk tsk sound at Jess. “That’s why I walk around the lake, dear. Keeps me young.” She clapped her hands, then placed one on Jess’s shoulder and the other on Star’s. “Speaking of walking, you two had better get going. That coffee’s not going to drink itself.”
Jess’s mouth fell open. She wavered between asking Lucy if she’d completely lost it and taking the first bus out of town. But the thought of starting over was too much. “What are you talking about, Lucy?” she said.
Lucy pointed behind her. “It’s all on the calendar, dear,” she said, “as usual.” Then to Ebee: “Let’s play in the library today.”
“I don’t think I should leave you . . .” Jess stopped. Lucy had already swept out of the kitchen.
“I’ll be with her,” Ebee said with a smile. “No need to worry. You two should get out of the house for bit.” She made to leave, hesitated, then turned back to face Star and Jess. “I’ve known Lucy a long time, and I can assure both of you that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.” She nodded at each of them. “And Lucy says you’re not alone, Star,” she said.
“I-I know that.” Star’s voice quavered. “You’re here, and Jess and Lucy.”
Ebee nodded, her mouth lifting on one side. “I think you know what I mean.” She turned to Jess. “And neither are you.” Ebee nodded again, squinted at the calendar, and smiled. “Shopping day. Better do what the calendar says.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
JESS
They walked down the steep hill from the house to Main Street, pausing at the Mountain Market to get their bearings. Lucy didn’t require Jess to be by her side every minute of the day, but Jess liked to stay busy, and with a house as large as Lucy’s it wasn’t difficult to find odd jobs to do. She’d never been much of a social person, so Jess had limited her Pine Lake outings to the market and hadn’t taken the time to explore Main Street. It appeared to be nothing more than a typical strip of trendy boutiques and restaurants more suited to an idle tourist than someone from town.
“Lucy wants us to get coffee and then do what?” Star wore the Grateful Dead T-shirt and a pair of jeans that looked to be about three sizes too big. They had both left their coats at home, enjoying the unexpected spring temperatures.
“She wants me to take you to a consignment store. You need more clothes to replace the ones I threw away.”
Star stopped walking. “You threw them away?” She glared at Jess. “Those were mine.”
“It’s for the best, Star. They were pretty threadbare, and I doubt they’d have made it through the spin cycle intact.”
Star was upset, and Jess understood why. Jess had assumed she knew what was best for her without ever thinking to ask Star what she’d want. Her own mother had done the same thing to her. Made her choices for her, even telling her to get rid of the baby. Jess had hated her for that.
She’d thought she was doing Star a favor by throwing those rags out, but she should have given her the choice. What if someone she loved had given her those clothes? “I should have asked,” she said. “Were they special to you?”
Star stared at her for a moment, her eyes giving nothing away, her mouth pressed into a firm line. Then her lips quirked up at the ends. “Yeah, they were real special. I traded sex to get those clothes.”
Shocked, Jess missed the uneven wooden slat sticking out of the sidewalk and tripped, stumbling forward until she caught herself on a railing. She blinked hard before turning around. “Oh, Star, I’m so sorry,” she said. Star’s head hung down, and her shoulders shook lightly. Jess stretched her hands toward the girl, touched her lightly on the shoulders. “I didn’t mean . . . that’s so awful. I . . .”
But when Star lifted her face, Jess yanked her hands away. The girl was laughing so hard she clutched at her stomach. “You should see your face.” She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you fell for that. That was so funny!”
Jess’s nostrils flared. “So you didn’t trade sex for clothes?”
“What? Hell no! I only did that for drugs.”
Jess crossed her arms. “That wasn’t funny. At all.”
A more serious look crossed Star’s face, and she fidgeted, looking at the ground and then back up again. “I guess not,” she said, biting on a nail. “I’ve never really known how to joke with normal people.”
Jess relaxed her shoulders and tried to smile. If it hadn’t been so shocking, it was kind of funny, she guessed; then she shuddered. No, not funny when it was probably close to reality. “C’mon,” she said. “Let’s find that coffee shop.”
Up ahead she spied a sign swinging in the light breeze. Muddy Buck. Star fell into step beside her, and their shoes thumped across the wooden sidewalk. She couldn’t help but wonder what had landed Star on the street in the first place, and she winced, thinking how close to the truth her joking might be.
“What’s wrong with your wrist, Jess?”
Star’s que
stion surprised her, and she self-consciously pulled down her sleeve. “Just an old injury.”
“It doesn’t seem old. You scratch at it all the time.”
Jess rubbed the back of her neck. Star was straightforward in a way that Jess found familiar. Tough childhoods could strip inhibitions from children pretty fast. “That’s just lately,” she repeated in a firm voice. “It’s the dry air or something.”
“Okay, okay,” Star said, and left it at that.
They were almost to the Muddy Buck when a familiar voice called to her. “Hi, Jess.”
She turned. Ben and another uniformed police officer were walking toward them. She heard Star’s sharp intake of breath. The girl hunched forward, making herself look even smaller than she already was. Jess felt a twinge and moved so that she partially obscured her.
The officer beside Ben gave her a big smile. “Hello,” he said. He was older than Ben by a few years, with a rounded stomach that spilled over the top of his uniform pants like stuffing. “I’m Matt. New in town?”
Ben answered first. “You haven’t heard the big news in Pine Lake, Matt? Lucy hired a caregiver. This is Jess.”
“Good for Lucy!” Matt bellowed. “She should have some company in that big house of hers.”
Jess smiled in return, her mind running through a list of excuses to end the conversation before the questions about Star began.
Too late. Matt peered around Jess to address Star. “And you are?” he said.
Jess stepped to the side and saw that Star stared down at the ground and pulled at the cuff of her sleeve. She swallowed over a sudden lump. She’d come to think of Star as a wisecracking tough kid. But the girl standing beside her now looked small and helpless. Protectiveness surged through her, and she slung an arm around Star’s shoulders, pulled her close. “This is my niece,” she said. “She’s come up to Pine Lake to visit me.”
Star relaxed under Jess’s arm. “Nice to meet you, Officer . . .” She trailed off, squinting as she studied his name tag.
Matt laughed. “You can call me Officer Matt.” The skin around his eyes tightened, and in a more serious tone he said, “Unless you get mixed up with the kids who smoke weed by the boathouse. Then you’ll have to call me sir.”
Star’s body stiffened, and Jess gave her shoulder a light squeeze.
But Matt was laughing again, his belly moving in time. “So, you’re staying with the Witch of Pine Lake, huh?” He gave Star a playful wink. “Have you seen any ghosts in that old house of hers?”
“All the time,” Star said in a serious tone that made Matt laugh even more.
Ben, who had been silently observing their exchange, cleared his throat. His forehead wrinkled. “Your niece? I didn’t know you had family in town.”
“I don’t. She’s not from here.”
“And Lucy’s okay with this?” Ben studied Star with an intensity that made Jess fidget. Had he seen her face on a missing kid poster?
“Is she okay with what?” she said.
“With you bringing your niece to live here?”
She bristled at the tone he’d taken, as though Jess were taking advantage of Lucy, and she said the first thing that popped into her mind. “It’s only for the summer,” she said, trying to keep her irritation from bleeding into her words. “And I cleared it with Lucy first. I’d say she’s more than happy with the arrangement.”
“Of course she is!” Matt bellowed. “Lucy loves kids, Ben, you know that. Heck, she’s taken in half the kids in this town at some point or another.”
But Ben kept staring at Star, making Jess uneasy. Did he suspect they were lying? “You seem familiar,” he said quietly.
Star shrugged, crossed her arms.
“She’s a teenager,” Jess said. “Don’t they all kinda look the same?” She reached for Star’s hand and moved them toward the door of the Muddy Buck. “You’ll have to excuse us, but we haven’t had our coffee yet this morning, and my niece is a real bear if she doesn’t get her caffeine. Nice to meet you, Ma—”
“What did you say her name was?” Ben interrupted.
She hesitated a moment too long. “I didn’t.” She glanced at Star. The girl’s face had gone very still. Jess’s mind was a blank, and no other name would come to her. “Her name is Star,” she said finally, when the pause had stretched too long.
“Star, huh?” Ben said, fingering his badge. “That’s not a name you hear every day.”
“Yeah,” Jess said with a laugh, pointing to Star’s tie-dyed shirt. “Her parents are old-school hippies.”
“Well then, you’ll feel right at home here. We’ve got plenty of old hippies.” Matt dipped his head. “Welcome to Pine Lake, ladies. We’ll see you around.”
The men walked away, their boots striking across the old sidewalk. Star slipped inside the coffee shop as soon as they left, but Jess hesitated outside. Through the glass door she saw Star slink to the very back of the Muddy Buck and plunk herself down onto the cushions of a large chair. She flipped open a magazine, and for a moment she could have been a regular kid. But as she looked over the top of the magazine and through the window, her eyes big and haunted, the reality of the girl’s situation became painfully clear.
Star caught sight of Jess standing outside and gave her a small wave. Jess’s heart puffed momentarily, then quickly deflated. She gritted her teeth and pushed open the door. Her job was to be Lucy’s caregiver. She was not about to add a child to that list. That was a road she could never take again.
After coffee, they headed farther down the sidewalk to a small shop on the corner with a sign that read SECOND CHANCE CLOTHES in purple and yellow letters. A pair of headless mannequins draped with that day’s fashionable ensembles stood guard on either side of the door. Incense drifted from inside, nearly overpowering the heady musk of densely packed racks of used clothes.
Jess entered with Star following close behind. She’d been quiet ever since the run-in with the officers, but Jess couldn’t blame her. It must wear her nerves thin not knowing when she could be picked up and returned to a system she hated enough to escape.
A woman in a black-and-white polka-dot shirt with a red bandanna tied around her neck waved at them from behind a stack of clothes piled so high on the counter they nearly hid her from view. “Welcome, ladies! I’m Savanah. You must be Jess and Star. Lucy told me you were coming in today.”
Jess sneaked a glance at Star, who was staring back at her from the corner of her eye. When their eyes met, Star shrugged and giggled. Jess smiled back in understanding. Lucy was something else.
Savanah came around from behind the counter in black cropped pants and ballet flats that made her look like she’d stepped straight out of the fifties, even though she couldn’t be more than twenty-five. She approached Star. “Lucy has store credit here, and she said to make sure you got whatever you needed!” Savanah winked and smiled so wide her eyes almost crinkled shut. She clapped her hands. “Girls’ shopping trip!” she sang out. “If you need anything, I’ll be sorting through clothes. So have at it and have fun!” She returned to the counter, and the store filled with the soft crooning of Elvis joined by a high-pitched and slightly off-tune voice that Jess could only guess was Savanah singing along.
Jess shook her head. “Okay, then. Since it’s still spring and the weather is all over the place, why don’t you pick out a few shirts, jeans, shorts—like Lucy said, whatever you’d like.”
But Star stood in the doorway, pulling at her fingers and not moving.
Jess tilted her head. “Don’t you want to get some new clothes?”
Star shook her head, sucked in her cheek. “Yeah, it’s just a lot to take in right now, you know?” She looked down at her hands. “I don’t know my size or anything like that.”
Jess felt a lump rise in her throat. “Why don’t we start with jeans?” She pointed to a circular rack. “I’m guessing you’re a zero in women’s sizes? Let’s start there.”
Star joined her at the rack, and Jess bega
n to pull a few jeans, holding them up for Star to see. A dark-blue pair. “This one?”
“Sure.”
A light-washed pair with brightly colored patches on the thighs. “Is this your style?”
“Yeah.”
Black jeans with a thick white stripe down the outside seam. “How about these?”
“Yep.” Star folded them over her arm with the other two.
Jess hesitated before pulling the next pair. “You know you have a choice, right? You don’t have to try on anything you don’t like.”
Star shrugged.
“Or because Lucy is paying. She still wants you to choose.” It pained Jess to see Star’s confidence drain out of her during a time when she should be having fun. Most girls her age would love to be on an all-expense-paid shopping trip. Jess sucked in her bottom lip. Star wasn’t a regular teenager. She was a girl who chose to sleep under a bench. “Why don’t you pick out a few things yourself?” she suggested.
Star shook her head, took a step back from the rack. “I don’t care, Jess.”
“About the jeans?”
“About any of it. I literally don’t care what I get. I’m just—”
Star’s eyes were so bright they glowed, and for the first time since she met her, Jess thought the girl might cry. She put her hand out, laid it gently on her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
Star wiped at her eyes, but Jess noticed they were dry, and she softened. Such a tough girl.
“No one’s ever done this for me.” She hugged the jeans to her chest, swayed back just enough so that Jess’s hand fell from her shoulder. “I mean, my mom bought me stuff, I guess, but I don’t remember her so much anymore. And at all the foster homes.” She lifted her chin. “I wasn’t at any of them long enough. If I needed new clothes, they were just there. No one—” Her voice grew hoarse, and she paused, then said, “No one’s ever asked me before now.”
“Oh,” Jess said, and her shoulders sagged from the weight of Star’s admission. The girl stared at the floor, the back of her neck exposed, making her look painfully vulnerable. More than anything, Jess wanted to comfort her; she felt it in the way her arms tingled from an instinct to wrap the girl in a hug. The feeling hit Jess square in the chest. She had loved being a mother. Instead she stuck her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She had no right to offer Star that kind of comfort.
The Secrets of Lost Stones Page 15