“Reid, maybe…”
“Nope. Not a chance. Get comfy, sweetheart, I’ll be right back.”
I grabbed a pair of sweats and a clean tee and headed to the master bathroom. I’d give her a few minutes to make this adjustment. It was non-negotiable, she would be in my bed from here on out.
When I came out, she and JJ were cuddled up, taking up half of the king-sized bed. The sight was breathtaking. JJ snuggled safely in his mom’s embrace, Ava kissing the top of his head.
I couldn’t stop the vision from playing out in my mind of Ava sitting in bed nursing our baby with JJ snuggled up to her side. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. Soon.
I crawled into bed, so exhausted my eyes were closing as soon as my head hit the pillow. I wasn’t even lying there a minute when I felt it. JJ turned in Ava’s arms, both facing me. One little boy hand reached out and grabbed mine. A second later, a soft warm, woman hand reached out and grabbed our hands.
My eyes closed and sleep started to take me.
“My boys,” I heard muttered softly.
I fell asleep with a smile playing on my lips.
26
We’re A Team
Ava
I cracked my eyes open, and I was alone in bed. Panic set in, then I remembered where I was. I was safe. Reid found me. I sighed and laid back down. I needed a few minutes to myself.
I was emotionally exhausted, and my nerves were shot. The relief of being found had dissipated, and guilt had set in. I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown any moment. Jimmy showing up, Carl, Suzie in ICU, Rick, April. All of it, my fault.
I had to go see Suzie today, but I was afraid to face Michael. He must hate me. It was my fault his wife had been beaten. And April, poor April, the man she was getting ready to marry was dead. Again, because of me.
I turned my head and let my pillow absorb my tears, muffling the sound of my sobs. I didn’t even want to think about the untold effect this was having on my son. He looked so scared last night when Reid told us to go upstairs. JJ didn’t even want to be alone with me, not that I blamed him. I was a walking disaster. But, it still hurt like hell.
I gave myself a few more minutes before I sat up and wiped my tears away. I needed to go and find my boys.
A quick trip to the bathroom to clean up and fix my face before I went in search of JJ and Reid.
They were in the kitchen nook, eating a pizza talking with Mac.
Fucking A, I couldn’t catch a break. I had hoped I could push the Mac situation out of my mind for a few days.
“Hey,” I greeted when I walked in.
“Hey, Mom. Uncle Mac brought us a pizza. He brought your favorite. Garlic knots! They’re on the counter. Oh, and a diet coke,” JJ rushed out.
“Good Morning to you too.” I smiled at JJ. “That was nice of your Uncle Mac. Did you tell him thank you?”
“Of course, I did.” But, judging by the look on JJ’s face I doubted he remembered to say thank you.
“Good Morning Mac. Thank you for breakfast…er…lunch. Reid, is there a coffee maker?”
Both men laughed. My need for coffee was real. Reid stood up and came to me, as soon as he was close enough his hand shot out, and he tagged me around the stomach pulling me into him.
“Hmmm.” He inhaled close to my neck. “Good morning, sweetheart. Go sit. I’ll make you coffee.”
“Thank you.” I lifted on my toes and kissed his cheek. That was all I felt comfortable with in front of Mac and JJ.
Before I could get very far, Reid grabbed both sides of my face and brought his lips to mine.
It was a chaste kiss. Just the touching of lips. But my body caught fire, and all sorts of images played through my head. I remembered what it felt like having his tongue stroking mine. I wanted more of that.
“You’re welcome,” Reid said against my lips.
“Hey, bud you done eating yet?” Mac asked JJ snapping me out of my wayward thoughts.
“Yeah.” JJ wiped his mouth and pushed his plate away from him.
“Good. If you’re ready, let’s hit the road.” Mac stood, picking the plates up off the table.
I must’ve missed the planning of our day. I hadn’t even had coffee yet, and my stomach was growling. I needed at least an hour before I was ready.
“I’m not ready. Can I at least have a cup of coffee?” I grumbled.
“Uncle Mac is taking me to the skateboard park so you and Reid can run errands,” JJ informed me.
Say what? I was instantly on alert struggling to keep my temper in check. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate Mac wanting to take JJ so we could go to the hospital, but I would’ve liked to have been consulted.
“Can I talk to you? In private.” I wasn’t quite sure which man I was speaking to. I didn’t know which one of them had made the plan without talking to me first. But, I figured whichever one made the plans would follow me out of the room.
In the end, it was Reid that followed me into the living room.
“You have something you want to tell me?” I quizzed him.
Reid looked thoughtful for a moment and shook his head. “No.”
“What the hell? Mac is taking JJ out to the park? Did anyone think to run that by me?” I challenged.
“No.”
I was getting ready to strangle Reid. “How about an answer that is more than one word?”
“We have things to do today. Things that JJ should not see. Mac offered to spend some time with him this afternoon so we could do those things. I took him up on the offer. That’s it.”
“Don’t you think you should’ve asked me?”
“No.”
Holy shit. We were back to the single syllable answers.
“No? And why is that?” I was a millimeter away from losing my patience. “So help me God, if you answer with one word I’m gonna throat punch you, Reid.”
I didn’t miss the flash in Reid’s eyes before he stepped close invading my space.
“I didn’t ask you because it’s Mac. Again, he offered. I took him up on it so we can go visit Suzie and April without JJ seeing and hearing things that would further scare the shit out of him. I also didn’t ask because I’m not gonna bother you with petty shit, that I know you’re gonna say yes to. You trust me?” He stopped speaking apparently waiting for my answer.
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say. Yes, I trusted him. But…that wasn’t the point.
“Me trusting you is not the issue. You made a decision about JJ without talking to me first.”
“You miss the conversation we all had last night?”
I thought back, trying to recall last night’s conversation. Did I miss something? Was I so tired that I forgot we talked about Mac taking JJ?
“What conversation?”
He lowered his face to meet my eyes and held them for a minute.
“The conversation where that boy in there said he wanted me to be his dad. The conversation where I explained to him in no uncertain terms that not only did I claim him as my son, but you as the woman I am going to marry. Did you miss that conversation, Ava?” His voice hardened, and his eyes narrowed.
“Well, no. I didn’t miss that conversation.” My voice sounded shrill even to my own ears.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“Then the problem is what? I am not stupid Ava. I know, for now, there are boundaries. Mac, however, is not one of those boundaries. You have to trust me.”
Shit, he was right. I was making a big deal out of nothing. Mac taking JJ for the day wasn’t the issue. Reid overstepping was not the issue. The issue was me. I was used to being the only one that made decisions regarding JJ.
“Fine.” Reid chuckled at my answer and kissed my forehead. “I need coffee,” I informed him.
“Yeah. Ya’ do.” Reid continued to laugh.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I snapped.
“Goddamn, woman, you are sexy as hell when you are feisty. Let's get you some
coffee before I take you upstairs and show you just how sexy I think you are.”
As tempting as that sounded, I didn’t think that was the best plan with my ten-year-old son waiting for us in the kitchen.
Without answering, I walked away leaving Reid standing in the living room laughing.
Asshole.
When I made it back to the kitchen, Mac and JJ were both standing waiting to go. Both had identical smiles across their faces. I hoped like hell they hadn’t heard that conversation.
“Thank you, Mac.” I didn’t know what else to say. Yes, we needed to have a long conversation, one where I admitted I had been a royal bitch and I was wrong. But now was not the time for that.
“Anytime. Now, my Godson and I are gonna go rip shit up at the skate park,” Mac announced.
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. There was no use trying. As many times as I reminded him about his mouth, he ignored me. I should just be thankful he wasn’t dropping F-bombs. JJ laughed beside him before he tried to cover it up with a cough. Cheeky brat and he knew it too.
I smiled at JJ and winked. “Love you, kid. Be good. And please wear your helmet. You have a pretty head. I’d like to keep it that way.”
“Sure, Mom. I’ll see you later.” He waved tugging Mac’s shirt as he walked out of the kitchen.
I didn’t miss that he didn’t tell me he loved me back. This was one of those times JJ had told me about. Where when he was in front of the guys he didn’t want me embarrassing him.
Sigh.
“See ya, Ava.” Mac waved.
I stayed rooted in the kitchen. I wanted to go after them and kiss my son goodbye, but JJ would be embarrassed. I started to stir the creamer into my coffee watching it turn a ‘blonde’ color, putting another splash in for good measure. Coffee taste was nasty, the more creamer the better.
That’s when I felt it. My son wrapping his arms around me from behind, squeezing me tight. I didn’t move. I closed my eyes and appreciated the moment.
“I love you, Mama,” he whispered to my back.
I didn’t answer. I just let his words seep in, spreading warmth as they went.
God, I loved my little boy, who was no longer so little. As fast as he ran into the room he ran back out.
I took my coffee to the nook, enjoying the view of the South Bay. The cloudless sky a deep blue. It looked to be a beautiful day out. Unusual for this time of year, it looked like spring might come early. I welcomed the warm weather. JJ loved the summer when we could be outside all day, enjoying all the outdoor activities San Fran had to offer.
I was planning a trip to Fisherman’s Wharf in my head when Reid came in.
“How are you feeling today?” he inquired.
I plastered my fake smile on before I turned to face him.
“Great.” The lie rolled easily off my tongue.
“Bullshit. I’ll tell you the same thing I told JJ last night. The three of us… we’re a team. We don’t bullshit each other. Honesty, always,” he replied.
“You said that to JJ?”
“Ava!”
He wasn’t going to let me get away deflecting. Damn him. I didn’t want to talk about this. I remained silent in hopes that he would understand.
“How. Are. You. Feeling?” He enunciated each word in his impatience.
Jeeze.
“My head is feeling fine. No headache. And nothing hurts.” There, that was an answer.
“Good to know. What about the rest?” He pushed.
UGH!
“I’m fine. Really,”
“Is that why you came down this morning with your face blotchy from crying?”
“That’s nice. You saying I look like shit?”
“Like shit? No. Did I know you’d been cryin’? Yes. You forget woman, I know you. I am not new. Mac is walking on shaky ground with you. He knows this, so he’ll keep his mouth shut and won’t press his luck. I’ll press.”
He was infuriating. I didn’t want to fucking talk about this. So, I announced, “I’m going to take a shower.”
I stomped out of the kitchen, and up the stairs. All the while I was waiting for him to follow me. Demand I answer him.
He didn’t.
I grabbed my new clothes from yesterday and brought them into the master bathroom with me. I turned the water on full blast and as hot as I could handle before I stepped in. I stood there for a long while, letting the water wash away my tension. I rolled my neck under the hot water and relaxed even more.
One moment I was standing in the steam enjoying a peaceful shower and the next I was screaming down the house. The memories snuck up on me, the last time I was in the shower a madman was in there with me, threatening to violate me. I thought I might pass out. I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t catch my breath.
Strong hands grabbed my shoulders, my naked back hit a wall of muscle. I continued to scream and struggle with all my might. He wouldn’t touch me. He would never, ever touch me.
“Ava!”
In the abstract, way far away, I could hear my name.
“Ava!”
This time a little clearer, but still in the fringes of my mind.
“Ava, sweetheart. You’re safe.”
“Reid?”
“Right here, sweetheart. Slow down. Breathe with me.”
I waited, and after a few beats, I could feel his chest move against my back. I mimicked his breathing, slowing mine.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Just breathe,” he spoke softly near my ear.
I continued to breathe in slow deep breaths until my mind cleared and could feel the roughness of Reid’s jeans on my backside. Then I was panting and breathing heavy for a whole new reason.
I wanted Reid to erase the memory of Carl in the shower. Replace it with something better.
“I need you,” I admitted.
“I’m right here, sweetheart.”
I had never done this before. I had never been the one to initiate any sort of intimacy. I wasn’t sure how to do it.
“I need you, Reid.” I tried again, this time interjecting flirtation in my tone.
His body stiffened behind me, and his fingers on my hips tightened.
Now he understood.
“You’re not ready yet.” He rejected me.
I should’ve expected that. He probably still had the same images I had of Carl touching me in his head. He might say that he didn’t think I was dirty, but another man had touched me.
“Stop, Ava.”
“Stop what?” I asked. “I understand, it’s… a… um… it’s okay.” Great now I sounded like an idiot.
As much as I understood, his rejection still stung.
“That, right there, you don’t understand. You think just because I won’t throw you up against the shower wall and fuck you, I don’t want you.”
“What if I want you to fuck me against the shower wall?” Jeeze, that was uncomfortable to say.
“You don’t. You don’t want me. You want to use me to wash Carl away.”
Shit, when he said it like that, it sounded bitchy and dirty. I was disgusted with myself.
“I’m sorry. You’re right.” I turned in his arms, uncaring that he would have a clear, unobstructed view of my body. “That’s not fair to you.”
“Sweetheart, if I thought for one second that me fucking the hell outta you in this shower would help you, make no mistake I would. But, trust me, it would only make it worse. The first time I finally have you, it will be because you simply cannot wait to feel me inside of you.”
I might’ve been halfway to feeling that way already. Hearing him say, ‘feel me inside of you’ was doing strange things to my body. A good strange. I had never had anyone talk dirty to me before.
Jacob and I had a healthy sex life, it was good sex. He was my first, and my only. He was always gentle with me. He had good stamina and always made sure I was taken care of. But, he never used coarse words with me. He would’ve never picked me up and fucked me against anything. Hell, he would’v
e never called it fucking. It was always in the bed. Either him on top or me. Never any other way.
“Can I ask you for a favor?” My request was met with a twitch of Reid’s lips.
“Anything,” he replied.
“Will you take off your clothes and just stand here with me?”
I don’t know what made me ask him that. Maybe I didn’t want to be alone in my vulnerability.
“Sweetheart, you’re making this real hard on me.”
I blinked my eyes confused. “Why?”
“I am trying here. I have self-control, but only so much. You standing here naked in front of me. Your perfect tits on display. Your pretty pink nipples pebbled, looking like they need to be licked and tasted. I’m holding on by a thread here.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. Again, no one had ever spoken to me that way. So open in expressing their appreciation for my body. I was a little shocked, and a whole lot turned on.
“Yeah. Oh. Are you starting to understand yet? I have waited years, to touch you, see you, kiss you. I am using every ounce of control I have.”
“What if I told you, I was ready to beg to have you inside me. That I was a hundred percent sure.”
His only response was to growl before he took my mouth. His kiss took my breath away. He could have it, because at that moment I didn’t need it. The only thing I needed was him. My hands tore at his shirt. Breaking our kiss long enough to pull it up over his head. Next, my hand reached for the button of his jeans. I made quick work, getting them down to his knees before the wet fabric bunched up making it impossible for me to remove. He took pity on me, and in some ninja move, he kicked his pants off and into the corner of the shower, never taking his lips from mine.
“Can I?” I started. I had to stop and clear my throat. I wasn’t sure how to ask this. “May I touch you?”
I had kept my hands firmly on his biceps, afraid to move them. First, I needed to hold on to something to keep my balance, and secondly, I wasn’t sure what to do with them.
“Ava. You’re killing me,” he panted.
I looked up and was shocked to find his pained expression.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
Unbroken Page 18