by Linda Coles
With her mission complete, she pulled up on the driveway and went inside the house to thank Anika for covering.
“No problem,” Anika said. “Glad I could help. Did you get what you needed?”
“Yes, thanks. Jasmine has a bit of a cough, poor mite. See you tomorrow for coffee maybe?”
Anika was already putting her coat back on and Sam watched as she grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
“Yes. I’ll call you tomorrow. I’ve a few errands to run, so I’m not sure when.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow. Drive safely,” she said, but Anika was already half way down the path to the curb. Her friend lifted a hand and waved and a moment later was gone. Closing the front door, Sam leaned against it and rested her head back, her eyes closed, and took a couple of long, deep breaths. The pills were starting to take effect.
Just what she needed.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sam awoke sometime during the night in their bed. Duncan was sleeping quietly beside her. She hadn’t heard him come home or slip in beside her, but then not much would have wakened her after six tablets. Her mouth was parched and she rolled her tongue around the inside trying to lubricate it, but she knew she needed water. The bedside clock glowed three a.m. and a handful of minutes. The dull sensation of a headache made her wince as she pushed the bedclothes back and silently headed to the bathroom. The house was in darkness save for the eerie glow of the streetlamps; it was just enough light to mark her way without needing to turn another light on. She sat and took a pee, then rinsed her hands in the basin, then filled them like a cup and drank the cold water down, repeating the process to quench her thirst. Her head buzzed. How could that be when she had taken painkillers? she wondered. Shouldn’t they dull her pain rather than give her more?
Drying her hands, she padded quietly out into the hall and looked in each of the girls’ bedrooms. Both were fast asleep, not a care in the world. Had they been aware of the commotion they’d caused earlier on that morning, when no one knew where they’d gone? Her head vibrated again, and she closed her eyes for a moment to let the stab of pain pass. What with the amount of upset, her continual tears and Duncan’s harsh words, was there any wonder her head hurt? She loved both her girls with all her being, and the thought of someone taking them away from her was unbearable, something she couldn’t fully imagine and never wanted to experience.
She went back into Victoria’s room and lightly kissed her forehead, then gently brushed a couple of stray strands of hair away from the sleeping girl’s eyes. Then she tiptoed back into Jasmine’s room and did the same.
“Love you both,” she murmured into Jasmine’s hair, then crept quietly back to her own room. Duncan was still fast asleep as she lay down and pulled the covers up to her chin, staring straight up at the ceiling.
Throb, throb, throb.
She massaged her temple and closed her eyes, willing the pain to go away, but she knew it wouldn’t, not yet. Her thoughts went back to Duncan’s words, his threat to take the girls – her girls – away and leave her behind to fend for herself. How could he be so heartless, so damn mean? She turned her head towards him as he lay there asleep and dared herself to open her eyes again and watch him. Peeling one eye open then the other, she focused on his face, a few inches from her own, so close she could feel his breath on her face. His breath smelled of garlic and she wrinkled her nose in disgust, but carried on watching him, taking in every wrinkle, every pore that she could see in the dim light and etching it in her mind.
What would life be like without him in it? Would it be so terrible? Could she survive without him, without his income? It would be tough, sure, but Duncan worked for CID, meaning if anything happened to him, she and the girls would receive his salary and his pension.
The downside, of course, was that the police looked after their own when something happened. If one of them was murdered, for instance, the whole station and probably beyond would be thrown onto the case, leaving no rocks unturned, as the cliché went. Yes, that’s exactly what would happen, she knew. They knew all the tricks, and Samantha knew none. But as she lay there thinking, mulling things over in her mind and listening to his steady breathing, Sam realized there was another way.
If she didn’t know the tricks to work with, she’d find someone else who had.
The kitchen was cold but that didn’t bother her as she filled a glass at the sink and looked out into the darkness. It made her wonder about death, and what it would feel like. Was there really a bright light that beckoned the dying to come towards it? Was there an afterlife, a heaven, some sort of reunion with the Divine? Or was there nothing at all, just a big black hole that everyone fell into, without feeling anything, without knowing anything, like turning a switch off?
Sam glanced at her glass of water she was still holding and remembered why she was in the cold kitchen at gone three in the morning in the first place.
Another tablet.
And some research.
Chapter Thirty-Six
It was nearly five thirty in the morning when she looked up from her computer screen as someone entered the kitchen. Duncan stood in the doorway, blurry-eyed but quite awake, a confused look on his face. She answered his unspoken question.
“Couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to disturb you so I came down here.”
Duncan rubbed his fleecy cotton-clad arms against the cold.
“You must be frozen,” he said. “The heating is only just coming on. How long have you been up?” Duncan entered the room fully and headed over to flick the kettle on.
“Sometime around three, I think, then I kind of lost track of time until you just walked in. I didn’t realize I’d been sat here so long,” She smiled at him as she stood and closed her laptop lid, then busied herself getting mugs from the cupboard and teabags from the canister nearby.
“Shall I put you some toast in or would you like some eggs for a change?” She smiled sweetly at Duncan, who wore a look of mild surprise on his face.
“Er, yes. Eggs would be great for a change. Thanks.”
“Well, go and get your robe before you freeze and I’ll make them for you. Scrambled or poached?”
“Scrambled, please,” Duncan said, and, still looking at her strangely, left the room to grab his robe. Sam heard him pad slowly back up the stairs, probably wondering if he was still asleep and dreaming at her transformation.
By the time he returned, the kitchen smelled of hot toast and a mug of tea was set on the table, his place set with cutlery. He took a sip, though he didn’t say a word.
“Eggs will only be a minute,” she informed him, her voice almost sing-song, as she stirred them. In her head, she was being the perfect wife, and it wouldn’t do her any harm to do so – while he was still here. It was almost enjoyable, but only almost. “Here we go,” she gushed as she scooped eggs onto the waiting buttered toast and set the plate down in front of him. She wanted to scream ‘Voila! I hope you choke!’ but venting inside her head would have to do for now. Before leaving him to eat, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek – which did actually make Duncan almost choke on the mouthful he was chewing. Then, with another unusual gust of energy, Sam informed him she was heading for the shower while he ate, before he needed the bathroom himself, and made her own way back upstairs.
Once in the bathroom, with the door firmly closed behind her, she let out a billowing breath as if she’d spent the day in a labour camp rather than simply making eggs on toast. She turned on the shower and stepped under the warm jets, letting the water run over her head and shoulders. She ran her mind back over what she’d decided during her early morning kitchen research. The main thing was she couldn’t do the actual act herself: she wasn’t that kind of woman and certainly wasn’t a killer. No, that task was for someone else – a professional. She’d run through the various options open to her and hadn’t found one she could get away with all by herself. If she shot him, someone might hear, and besides, how would she remove his body on
her own? If she poisoned him, how would she make it seem natural or an accident? And again, there was the question of what to do with his body. Suffocation? No, she wasn’t strong enough – and again, the body issue. Ditto for drowning or hanging or beating him to death. So as Sam combed conditioner through her hair she mulled the options left to her: make it look like an accident or make it look like a disgruntled villain had taken his revenge and shot him. Ultimately, it needed to look like he’d been killed in the line of duty in order for his salary and pension to continue.
Clean and dried, Sam blew her hair dry and applied a little light make-up before getting dressed in jeans and a nice blouse and going back downstairs. Now that her decision had been made, she needed to make sure he stuck around, and the way to do that was to make him think his words had had the desired effect on her. She smiled at just how far from the truth that was…
Duncan was finishing the last of his mug of tea when she re-entered the room. He did a cartoon-style double-take as he looked up and saw her.
“That startling, eh?” she asked with another pleasant smile.
“No. I mean yes,” he stammered. “Oh, I don’t know what I mean but it’s good to see you so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for a change. I was beginning to worry about you.”
“Well, there’s no need, I’m perfectly fine. And you’re right: I need to clean up my act, get a job again – give me something to do. Then we can get a cleaner to help around here, and maybe some help with the girls for after school. What do you think?”
“I think that sounds perfect,” he said encouragingly. He smiled at her as he stood to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. “Well, I need to get a move on and go shower. Let’s talk more tonight when I get home.”
He headed upstairs and after a few moments, she could hear his faint whistling as he got ready for work. It wasn’t a tune she recognized, but that didn’t matter. It was good to hear him being happy.
Was she being rash with her decision? Should she try and sort her life out with him in more conventional ways? The hateful, blame-filled words he’d thrown at her only the day before surged back into her head now and filled her with resentment almost immediately: if someone could say it, she told herself, deep down they meant it. No, there was no going back: she was going to carry out her plan.
There was no way she was going to allow him to leave her and take the children with him.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
She had a full, though, paradoxically, empty day ahead of her. The front door was finally closed. Duncan and the girls were gone for the day and that meant Sam had a large expanse of time all to herself. The quietness of the house seemed to be more pronounced today for some reason, though in reality, today was no different than any other day. The only thing to have changed was her being up, showered and dressed rather than still bumming about in her nightwear watching TV until lunchtime or beyond.
She flicked the kettle on to boil and sat down at the kitchen table with her laptop and the basic instructions she’d found out about accessing the dark web. While the kettle came to the boil, a text pinged on her phone, making her jump. It was Anika, following up about meeting for coffee today.
Coffee at Macs later? Say eleven?
Sam tapped out her reply, that she’d see her there, and looked at the digital clock on the cooker. It gave her nearly two full hours to do some research before she had to leave. She made herself a hot mug of tea and got to work.
It was all new territory for Sam. She did not really understand the difference between the dark web and the regular web, but she had learned last night she needed to use a different browser than the one she used normally, to keep her safe and to keep her whereabouts secret. If she was going surfing in an ocean filled with sharks and other sea life she wasn’t accustomed to, she was going to need more protection than her swimsuit.
“Okay, here goes. Let’s hope I don’t get bitten or catch a virus or something,” she said, and hit the button to download the Tor browser software. Sam watched the download timer tick over until the icon told her it was complete. All that was left was to install it and she was ready to go. A few keystrokes later and she was in.
To her puzzlement, the search engine page looked like a basic one from back in the 90s. Figuring the page worked exactly the same as the regular web, she put her search term in the box and hit enter – then sat back for a moment and waited. And waited some more. It seemed to her that the ancient-looking page resorted back to dial-up speed. Had she known a little more about what was happening behind the scenes, however, she’d have understood that her hidden ID was bouncing across servers all over the world before finally settling and bringing up what she wanted – that’s what took time.
At last, a list of hits popped up, and from there, it was simply a case of scrolling through and clicking the links. There was a smorgasbord of places to look, and when she finally came back up for air and stretched, it was almost time to go and meet Anika.
“Shit, that went quick,” she exclaimed, and closed her laptop down. She carried it upstairs and slid it under her pillow, though she couldn’t have said exactly why. Duncan knew she had a laptop – that wasn’t a problem – but after what she’d been looking at, it felt like the right thing to do.
Ten minutes later she was pulling into the car park and headed over for coffee with Anika. Her friend beamed at her when she entered the café.
“Wow, you look great! And happier, too. What happened?” Anika squeezed her friend affectionately and they both sat down. “I’ll get you a coffee. Latte?”
Sam nodded her approval and Anika went to place their order. While she waited for Anika to return, she glanced around the café and realized she was smiling a little, smiling because she felt better, lighter; a stress had gone.
Anika noticed it too.
“Well, I have to say, it’s good to see you looking so well,” she said as she sat back down. “And that blouse looks really cool on you!”
“Thanks. I feel a whole lot better now. Things are clearer in my mind and I know what I have to do.”
Did she ever.
“Well, like I say, I’m pleased for you. And changing the subject, how is Jasmine this morning?”
Sam was perplexed. “Jasmine?”
“Yes. You needed cough medicine for her last night, remember?”
“Yes, sorry. Seems so long ago, and yes, she’s fine. Gone to school as normal.” Big smile.
Their mugs of coffee arrived and they sat in silence for a moment enjoying their beverages. Friends could do that; space didn’t always have to be filled with conversation. A baby started crying across the café and a young mother attempted to soothe it, rubbing its back over her shoulder. A couple of people turned to watch, their expressions a mixture of ‘How gorgeous’ and ‘Oh dear, must be wind.’
“Do you remember when yours were that age?” she asked Anika. “Such a beautiful time, when they are totally dependent on you for life. They grow up so quickly, and it’s hard to believe in another ten years, mine will be off to university or jobs. Yours too.”
“I know,” Anika replied. “Time goes so fast. It’s important to savour as much as we can, eh?”
The conversation brought Sam back round to her big decision – keeping the girls with her at all costs and ridding her life of the man she no longer wanted in it.
“I’ve got a question for you, Anika, kind of a trivia question, actually,” Sam said, smiling brightly. “I saw the question online somewhere and it was fun reading the answers so I thought I’d see what yours would be.”
“Okay, fire away. What is it?”
“First, think of the dodgiest person you know. Don’t tell me who it is.” She gave her friend a few seconds to think. When Anika signalled she had someone in mind, she carried on. “Now, what would be the dodgiest thing they could get for you? I mean like a stolen TV or something. What do you think they could get if you asked them?”
“Oh, that’s easy. The person I’m thinking
of could probably get you just about anything you wanted. He’s as dodgy as they come.”
“And how do you know such a dodgy person?”
“I don’t know him, really. He’s a former work colleague of Steve’s but he sees him down The Feathers sometimes. I’ve met him. He’s really seedy.”
“So, you mean he could get cocaine or hard porn or a gun, for instance?” Sam added a bit of incredulousness to her question for effect.
“Definitely. Nothing would surprise me about what he could get his hands on. Why? Are you looking for something kinkier to watch?” Anika gave an exaggerated Benny Hill wink, and both women burst out laughing, so much so that heads turned their way.
“That’s too funny, Anika! No, no extra kink required. Well, not for me anyway, though I couldn’t speak for Duncan,” she said, and they both laughed out loud again, causing more heads to turn. “I guess we should quiet down, judging by the looks we’re getting.”
“What does Mr. Seedy look like?” she went on. “Something stereotypical from a movie, skinny and twitchy maybe? Nasty bleached blond hair and dark roots?”
Anika nodded rapidly through her restrained laughter. “You’ve got it – that’s him! And Mr. Seedy is called Sid, poor sod. Who calls their kid Sidney these days?” and off they both giggled again. When they’d finally stopped laughing, Anika asked, “Fancy another?”
Sam checked her watch, “No, thanks. I should be going. I’ve a few errands to run myself.” She stood ready to leave. Anika joined her and they left the café together. They exchanged a hug as they reached their cars.
“Ah, that was fun,” Anika said to her friend. “Glad you’re feeling better.”