by Reed, Zoe
It had to be a wild animal. A coyote, maybe even a cougar, neither of which I thought would be bold enough to attack a horse. Still, the silent darkness filled me with a building terror, and with each quiet second that passed by, my pulse quickened. In the earth-shattering stillness it seemed like hours had passed before the breaking of a stick on the ground behind me dropped my pounding heart to my stomach. After recovering from an unnerving flinch, I took a deep breath and gathered the courage to swivel my head, only to see nothing but indistinct trees behind me. A second later Fido stomped impatiently on the ground, throwing his head to let me know he was growing more and more uncomfortable.
“Okay boy, okay. Let’s get home.” I patted his neck and whispered comfortingly, and then I began to turn him around.
Assuming it had only been a small rabbit that frightened us, my heart was in the process of returning to a comfortable rhythm as we turned, until it was bolted to a start again by the near silent padding of a quick stride. The dark outline of a terrifyingly enormous animal crossed the path in front of us, and then dodged back into the trees faster than I could blink. Its shape resembled a canine, but I didn’t think even wolves could get that big. It had to be almost as big as my horse, and definitely wasn’t a coyote or a cougar. When Fido loudly voiced his disapproval I hastily agreed by kicking my feet back, and he took off at a gallop, racing toward the house at lightning speed.
I was no stranger to wild animals, and I’d always been taught that running was the worst thing to do. But the size of that shadow drove reason wildly away. Over the pounding of my heart in my ears and Fido’s hooves in the dirt I could barely hear the rustling of leaves keeping pace behind us. When I looked back, however, I was only greeted by darkness and the sound of an unseen pursuer. Luckily, the brightly lit barn and house came into view as we burst out of the trees, but I didn’t slow our pace until we’d reached the safety of the covered barn.
Once inside I pulled back on the reins, bringing Fido to a stop. “Whoa boy, it’s okay. We’re safe now.” I looked around the barn tentatively, testing my own statement before I dismounted the still uneasy horse.
Walking him into the stall I unbuckled and removed the saddle, not without difficulty because my hands were still shaking from fright. Even unsaddled, Fido stomped angrily around in his stall for a moment before settling, still tense, for staring wide-eyed toward the door. The other horses must have taken note of his behavior, because they also became uneasy. Or perhaps they smelled something in the air.
After giving the horses a little bit of the feed I finally spotted in the corner, I cautiously glanced out the barn door, checking for the large animal. Now the dark hid even the orange trees from me, but simply staring gave me a morsel of courage. It took studying the outside for a minute to convince myself there was nothing dangerously close. Then I left and nearly jogged to the house, my heart hammering away in my chest once more. Once safely inside, I let out a deep sigh and sat on a stool at the kitchen island to catch my breath.
Hearing me come in the front door, my dad walked in from the living room, looking concerned when he noticed me breathing deeply and still nearly shaking. “What’s wrong? You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m alright,” I answered, standing and stretching to try and relax my stress-strained body. I glanced out the kitchen window into the ominous dark, and it took a few more deep breaths to calm me before I could give a full answer. “A wild animal spooked Fido, it scared me is all.”
“Oh, okay. Well, you want some hot tea? It’ll calm your nerves.” He turned to the cabinets nearby, opening all the doors to search for a teapot.
I immediately shook my head, stopping him before he could find it. “No, I’m going to unpack a few things and head to bed.”
With a nod of understanding he stopped searching and closed the cupboards. “That’s probably a good idea, I carried your suitcase up for you. Goodnight.” He kissed me on the forehead and gave me a tight squeeze, and then I headed out of the kitchen.
As I got to the top of the stairs I realized I was right about there being more than four rooms upstairs of the house. With a quick glance down the hall I spotted seven doors in total. A few of the rooms were open, so I slowly walked down the hall, peeking in each of the open doors and looking for my stuff. In the second-to-last room on the right I spotted my suitcase on a full size bed, all made up with crisp new sheets and a puffy orange comforter. A smile creased my lips at the effort my uncle had taken to decorate what he could of the room with my favorite color. It succeeded in adding flavor and warmth to the cold room, which I otherwise would have felt lonely in.
The dark wood floor creaked quietly under my first step as I walked in and made my way to the bed. Opening the suitcase at the same time as I kicked off my shoes, I pulled out sweats and a tank top, then undressed and threw my clothes in the corner so I could put on my pajamas. After getting on the sweats and tank and setting the suitcase on the floor beside the bed, I looked around the room thoughtfully. The goal had been to unpack a few things, but the brand new comforter looked so soft and enticing that it was nearly screaming at me.
With an apathetic shrug, the decision was made that things could be unpacked the following day, and I flicked off the lights to jump under the covers. I shivered when I slid between the cold sheets, and it wasn’t until I warmed and curled up on my side that I realized how tired I was. Within five minutes of lying down and closing my eyes I had fallen asleep. Though I drifted off quickly, that sleep was restless. I tossed and turned all night. Nightmares haunted me with worries of school. My peers ignored me and whispered about me into each other’s ears. I dreamed Aaron left me alone in a field of orange trees. Abandoned me even though I was calling for him. Took my horse and left me alone with the darkness.
Alone with a wolf.
I stepped out into the warm night, the glow of the moon illuminating everything before me. It was the last day of summer. Tomorrow I would go back to the crowded halls to finish my last year of high school. My brothers and sisters fit in so easily. They easily separated their differences from themselves at school and acted like every other teenager. It wasn’t that I was hostile or awkward, and I talked to my peers and made conversation comfortably enough, but I wouldn’t let myself fit in as well as the others. I couldn’t, for fear of them getting too close and finding out about my family. God forbid I ever hurt anyone again. That was probably what haunted me most, since it was the only major difference between my siblings and I that I could think of.
That difference made me cautious, perhaps overly, and my desire to be careful left me inexperienced in my relations with humans. Most of my kind could look at humans apathetically. Deal with them when they had or wanted to, and then carry on with their lives. They certainly weren’t afraid, as I was. What was there to be afraid of? Not the unknown. We were the unknown, the things that went bump in the night. And after all, humans were pitiful, weren’t they? Weak and disloyal, with the predisposition to destroy what they couldn’t understand or control. Maybe my fear came from the fact that there were certain qualities I envied of humans. They were naïve and it wasn’t fatal, trusting and all they’d end up with was a broken heart. They could put their faith in and depend on others so easily. I might be tempted to give in to such foolish trusting if I let myself get too familiar.
I shook my head, the itching in my limbs pulling me from my thoughts. It had been a month and a half since the last time I Changed, much too long. I’d spent my entire summer working as help on some of the neighbors’ farms. It wasn’t that I needed the money so much as I needed something to do. Everyday I kept myself busy. My werewolf stamina allowed me to work from sunrise to sunset, and I worked hard. By the time I’d get home I would be tired and hungry enough that all I wanted was to eat and sleep. It kept me from feeling restless, but it also kept me from Phasing.
It wasn’t until a week ago that my lack of Changes started catching up with me. It started with the itching in my fingertips that would gra
dually spread throughout my limbs, and then to the rest of my body. Eventually the itch turned to a burn, and the longer I waited the harder it became to control. By now it had been so long that my body ached for the addictive burn that came with the Phase. That split second of raging pain as my new skin ripped through me, as I was changed completely. It happened the same way people became addicted to tattoos or piercings. The adrenaline. The mastery of pain. The power. Of course I grew somewhat used to the pain, we all did. Over the years it dulled by repetition, and we just learned to like it.
I walked to the beginning of my family’s small vineyard and took a deep breath. The rich, sweet smell of the grapes had always been pleasing to me, and I enjoyed the simple work that came with living on a farm. Though, it was more for looks than it was functional. Grapes were the staple of my county, and therefore the most practical cover for a family of werewolves. A majority of the deep violet bulbs went to the birds, though sometimes we harvested a few of the fruits to take to the farmer’s market or sell to a local winery, and only because the town had to think we actually got our money from farming.
Truth was that my dad was in charge of all the assets of the Pack in Oregon. We used to live with the Pack, since my dad and the Alpha had grown up together. For the financial work my dad did keeping track of the Pack’s money and out of the IRS’s sights, the Alpha let him take as much money as we needed to live off of. How the Pack got their money, however, I had never ventured to ask.
The warm night air cradled my naked body, and I shivered as a leaf danced by on the breeze, tickling my bare thigh. I embraced the itching in my limbs for the last time before Phasing, and then let it overtake me. The burn grew stronger until I felt the flash of agonizing but euphoric pain that instantly changed me from toe to finger to nose. In a split second I became new, the pain disappearing as suddenly as it had come. A large, dark brown wolf had taken my place.
Lowering my head to the ground to reach my front legs as far as possible, I stretched my long body. The soft, earthy soil felt good beneath my paws and between my toes as I massaged them in and then pressed deep and hard to get my footing. With a strong thrust of my body I was off, racing northwest through the flourishing grape vines, the start of my first lap around town. The thing I loved most about waiting so long to Change was how good it felt when I finally did.
All the power I had to be cautious of, all the strength that coursed through my human body was finally where it belonged. It jolted through me with every strike of my paws against the ground, every breath of the fresh night air. I didn’t hate what I was. Didn’t loathe that I had no choice but to Change or that I was different from everyone else. I loved what we could do. Loved the vigor, the advantage, and the grace of our kind. But I feared every second hoping no one knew. Hoping no one would trace the large paw prints back to my house. That no one would get close enough to get hurt.
I slowed, raising my nose to the air. I had to be about three miles from my house by now, which would put me by the Walters’ farm. The citrus of the oranges was a familiar scent, but the soft breeze carried something new. Something sweet. It was like nothing I’d ever smelled before. It wasn’t a food or an animal. The closest scent I could compare to it was honey, with the additional slight salt of a long day. Someone new? I couldn’t put my finger on it, but my nose twitched and wiggled at the pleasure of the smell.
So I let my nose lead me to it, keeping hidden in the shadows between leafy citrus trees. It didn’t take long for me to find the source of the aroma. Features weren’t clear enough, but there was a girl lying across the back of her horse. A dreadful curiosity took me and, keeping my head low, I crouched into a stalking position as I followed from behind a parallel line of trees. Who is this girl? It wasn’t one of Rob’s kids. They were back at school already, and this scent was unfamiliar. What’s she doing here? The outline of the girl’s chest languidly rose and fell with each relaxed breath. Is she sleeping?
I inched farther, trying to get as close as possible without alerting my mark. I was within leaping distance when another short and gentle breeze picked up, carrying my scent forward. With the draft, the horse became aware of me. Its body tensed uneasily, and I mentally growled at myself for being so careless. Immediately sensing the animal’s discomfort, the girl sat up and looked around. I took a deep breath and prayed that they didn’t run, and if they did I hoped I would have enough strength to control my chase instinct.
As I took a deep breath, I took with it that scent. It was so sweet that it was literally intoxicating. It filled my lungs, seeping into my veins and thickening in my blood until something of a sugar high made me drunk and senseless. What strength I had left I could feel turning to clumsy weakness. Feeling that if I stayed any longer I’d lose the will to leave at all, I turned around. It was best for me to go before I had a chance to screw it up any further.
CRACK. Shit. As I turned a stick broke beneath my paw, causing the now alert girl to begin turning the horse around, back in the direction of the Walters’ farm. The other side of her was exactly where I needed to go, and if I didn’t go now I’d lose the strength to leave the aura of that intoxicating smell. I leaped across the path between trees, hoping the girl hadn’t turned around in time to see. But hoping was useless, and as the horse whinnied loudly I knew I’d been spotted. Turning back from the other side of the path I watched the girl kick the horse, and they took off.
Before I knew it my legs took control of my body, and I was easily keeping pace behind the pair. With my chase instinct taking over I was glad that years of training had been sufficient enough to keep me from lunging at them. However, I had to follow. That wasn’t a choice I could make. While following I kept my nose to the air, drinking in the girl’s scent, now tainted with fear. Every second I remained behind the defenseless pair she became more and more frightened, and while it was my instinct to chase, I had the sense to curse myself for causing fear in something I could only imagine as beautiful.
I nearly skidded to a halt as I got to the edge of the trees, waiting for the girl to enter the barn and be out of sight. Girl and horse made it in, and I took this as my cue to silently pad to the side of the barn. There were no cracks to look through, so instead I cropped an ear and pressed it against the soft wood wall. Though the sounds were faint, I could hear the metal clinking of a buckle as the girl removed the saddle, and then the tiny pinkering of a million grains hitting an empty trough. I listened to the girl’s quick footsteps travel across the cement floor of the barn to the entrance and stop. I wondered what she was doing, but didn’t dare creep closer for fear of being seen. As her footsteps picked up again and headed back toward the house, I wormed to the edge of the barn to take a last, very deep breath of that heavenly smell before it disappeared behind the front door.
I lay down beside the barn with my head rested on my paws for a good five minutes until I had the strength to pull myself away. Before continuing my run I stopped at the pond at the edge of the Walters’ farm for a quick drink, and then hydrated and aching for exercise I started around the edges of town. Every once in a while I’d pass a house on the outside border of a farm and hear the dogs inside start barking or howling, as they would at a wild animal. Sometimes the barking was accompanied by an angry, sleep-disturbed shout. It was mostly small roads that surrounded Tranquility, and while the chance that someone was driving on them now was slim, I wove through the crops so as not to be seen.
Not stopping once, I ran the border of town nine times before my limbs felt satisfied with the night, but after the run my legs had plans other than taking me home. I found myself heading right back to the site I’d been drawn to earlier. By now the house was completely dark, and neither person nor animal was awake. I settled in the same spot beside the barn, head poking out just enough from the side that I’d see if anyone came out of the house. I inhaled deeply to try and get even the slightest whiff of what I feared to be a new addiction, but I got nothing, and huffed angrily at the house that locked it
away from me. Leaning slightly against the side of the barn and resting my head on the cool dirt beneath me it didn’t take long to drift off to sleep.
I was pulled from that deep sleep the next morning by the closing of the front door of the house when Rob Walters came out. I made sure I was hidden from sight, and once he was in the barn I slunk into the trees. It had been so long since I’d spent the night in wolf form. The morning dew smelled fresh and crisp, and the cool air wove through my long fur, tingling my skin as I ran. A few minutes later I reached my two-story, white wood-paneled house. Through the window that overlooked the back porch I could see and hear my brothers and sisters talking in the kitchen. Swiftly Phasing to normal I shook out my arms and legs, reacquainting myself with the feel of my human limbs before making my way to the screen door.
“There she is!” my oldest brother, Carter, said happily as I walked through the back door into the kitchen. It always astounded me how professional he looked in his work suit. The blond-haired, blue-eyed Carter that I knew loved Phasing and running. So while he looked sharp and polished in his attire, he also looked tense and out of place. Like at any second he would shred it to a million pieces and put on his more comfortable skin. He casually took note of my naked body and raised a puzzled eyebrow. “You spent the night out?” None of my family members were uncomfortable with being unclothed around the house. Considering most of us Changed on a day-to-day basis and we’d grown up around it, it was almost the same as being in wolf form.