Rationalizing that he'd nicknamed her honey on purpose so she would know his interest in her was merely for show, she concluded that it couldn't hurt to play along. No doubt part of his role included mingling with the ladies and helping damsels in distress. So who was she to deprive him? "I'm much obliged, mister."
She assured herself that he wasn't openly flirting. This was just a business arrangement to him. A way of appearing fully immersed in his role.
He grinned wide. "Thank you, ma'am."
While men seemed to appreciate her appearance now that she'd grown up and developed womanly curves, inside she still felt like a pencil-thin, plain girl who wore glasses and had a serious overbite. She eyed him warily.
Jimmy chuckled and touched her bare arm, making her shiver. "Relax, Lonesome Lilly. I won't bite. Honest."
She assessed his sincerity as merely trying to be kind. Yet, part of her toyed with wanting him to bite her, or at least nibble a little on her ear. Before she could contain it, a giggle burst from her lips. She touched her mouth with the tips of her fingers. "Sorry. That just struck me as funny all of a sudden."
His gaze grew tender.
Her stomach tightened. Goodness, the urge to kiss this strange man was harder to control than she'd ever imagined. Maybe flirting wasn't such a good idea after all. It just seemed to encourage him. She was in over her head and she hadn't even finished her first day.
Suddenly her decision to learn how to entice men by flirting seemed pretty stupid. But there was no turning back now. She'd have fun no matter how scared she felt. It had to get easier the more she practiced, right?
She laid her hand on his chest. As she gave him a sensuous smile her pulse raced.
"You want this, don't you, handsome?" She dipped her chin to indicate her body. "I can see it in your eyes."
*****
Jimmy's heart thumped loud enough to echo in his ears. Of course he wanted her. What normal hot-blooded male wouldn't? But he wasn't going to tell her that and he sure as heck wasn't going to act on it. Unfortunately, his body wasn't listening to reason.
He stepped closer and inhaled the scent of Lilly's silky hair, now blowing freely in the light breeze surrounding him. Her golden locks emitted a faint aroma similar to vanilla ice cream. He wondered how the skin on the hollow of her neck would taste if he kissed her there. Would she melt in his arms and let him explore?
Who was he kidding? She didn't trust him enough to even tell him her real name, so why would she let him explore her neck or any other part of her? A frustrated sigh escaped him. This situation was all messed up. Everything about her made him want to run in the other direction almost as much as he wanted to devour her with his lips. He'd never felt so conflicted about anything in his life. Her invitation just made things worse.
He had also never before felt such a strong attraction to a woman. Plenty of beautiful women had pursued him over the years, but he never let any of those relationships get serious. And the one time he considered it, the woman had dumped him because he told her he loved Jesus more than her. She couldn't handle the truth even though it was Biblically sound and the way it was supposed to be for believers.
It wouldn't be fair to drag an unbelieving woman into his inner emotional circle when their relationship couldn't progress. Just about every woman he'd ever been attracted hadn't been Christian. You think he'd learn by now that staying away was in everyone's best interests. He had his heart set on a Christian wife, and until he found the right person for his life mate, he planned to keep himself so busy that he wouldn't have time for temptation to distract him from his intended goal.
But this time felt different. There was something about Lilly that drew him. He sensed that they didn't share his faith. The saloon outfit was pretty much a dead giveaway in that respect. But underneath her polished veneer he saw a lonely and hurting woman who just wanted to feel loved. That codependent side of him wanted to love her back and overwhelm her with himself.
Yep, he had a powerful urge to ease that hurt and meet her needs—whatever they were—wrong as he knew it was. His gaze moved over her face like a caress. Once again an aura of vulnerability appeared, but only for a moment. That fresh, innocent look soon vanished under the smoky haze filling her eyes. His heart sped up.
Glancing down at her full lips, Jimmy's mouth hovered until the urge to kiss her nearly bowled him over. Like a man possessed, he lost all ability to reason as he contemplated moving even closer. As the seconds dragged by, perspiration collected on his forehead. He must be going plumb crazy to even think about kissing her, and in public, besides. People never kiss the first day they meet. Not respectable ones, anyway.
While he had no intention of getting emotionally involved right now, he couldn't seem to stay away from her. It was downright troubling that he wanted her so much he didn't even care about doing the smart thing and guarding his heart. He wanted to know her in the Biblical sense, and not the righteous kind, either.
Lilly must have sensed his desire because she blushed and licked her lips before parting them. Would she kiss him out in the open like that? The fact that she might do it made him crazy with desire, like all forbidden things tended to do. Worse, he knew if she started on him he'd let her do it.
He'd never had a woman kiss him first before. He'd fantasized about that, but it hadn't happened yet. Would today be the day? For one shocking moment he thought she really wanted him to partake, but his fantasy fell flat when she pulled her mouth into a frown and scowled at him instead.
"You're not playing fair, cowboy."
"What?" He stepped back, hands raised. Where had the prickly attitude come from?
"Stop holding out on me."
He blinked. "I'm not—"
She planted her hands on her hips and examined him like he resembled a wad of old gum stuck to the sole of her shoe. "Why do you keep staring at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Like I'm a juicy steak, or something. It's creeping me out."
"Um—"
"Listen, I'm fine now. I don't need your help anymore, so you can just… go away." She flicked her wrist, shooing him off like a pesky fly.
Her rudeness made him bristle and his attraction deflated faster than a punctured vein. Embarrassed that she'd caught him mid-fantasy, he cleared his throat. He needed to respond with as much dignity as he could scrape from the heels of his Laredo boots.
Pretending he didn't care, he scowled. "I don't need this kind of aggravation from you, either. Believe me."
She continued frowning. "I don't take kindly to rejection, cowboy."
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he decided to let her think whatever she wanted. His legs stretched of their own accord and he turned away from her. His determination to flee before she had the chance to humiliate him further carried him away with long, rapid strides.
Chapter Four
As Jimmy strolled away, he couldn't shake the feeling there was something familiar about the brown-eyed girl. While he had dated a few girls in high school, he didn't think he recognized her from there. And he rarely dated in college, so that ruled out the two places where they might have been introduced.
Still, his gut sensation was too weird to ignore. He knew her. He just didn't know how. That eerie sense of recognition had to be a mutual thing because he sensed a glimmer of recognition appearing in her eyes despite her attempts to brush him off. Something invisible had drawn them together like the polarity from a very strong magnet. His father would call it lust. That might be part of it, but that didn't fully explain what compelled him to want to spend time with her.
Underneath that pretty smile he sensed that she was lonely and unhappy with her life. The overwhelming urge to make her feel better sent his pulse racing. He'd always thought love at first sight was just wishful thinking, but now he was starting to wonder if that curse had grabbed him by the throat. When he looked at her he felt shortness of breath in his chest, and a warm, heady sensation that was diffi
cult to describe, but very real. He'd never responded this way to any woman before.
But he'd never met someone named Lonesome Lilly before, either. Since she refused to tell him her real name it that made things all the more confounding. He sighed, not understanding what had happened between them, but craving the emotional rush that made his body tingle when she stood close to him.
She seemed like an intelligent woman. He saw that sharpness in her eyes. She was the type of woman who would take care of herself and not let anyone push her around, despite her shy demeanor around him. Of that, he was certain.
What he didn't understand was the sudden cold shoulder she'd shoved at him. It came out of nowhere. Moments before her transformation, he'd witnessed her attraction to him building; sensed it in the warmth of her gaze and in her voice as she spoke. Then the smoldering fire extinguished before his eyes like someone had dumped a bucket of ice on the flames. And all because he didn't play along with her.
The sudden shift in her was as unexpected to him as finding a rattler in a bedroll.
Was she afraid of men in general, or just him in particular? Or maybe she just liked toying with men's feelings. He sure hoped not. When he'd drawn close she had bristled like a porcupine, which caught him off guard. He hated feeling stupid after she had obviously come on to him in every way. Or at least he thought she had.
As a full-time therapist and family counselor, Jimmy always prided himself in his ability to read people. Yet Lonesome Lilly remained as mysterious to him as her elusive real name. Not knowing what else to do, he'd walked away from her before he lost his cool. Not the bravest approach in the world, but effective nonetheless.
Lord, why am I such a coward? I don't like feeling this way.
He sighed. Lilly may have been a beautiful woman on the outside and incredibly intriguing, but her fickle attitude wasn't worth taking the time to try and understand. Not when his dad had warned him for years about the perils of being attracted to the wrong woman. He had no desire to figure out the cause of her insecurity. It would seem too much like his counseling job if he tried to fix her issues just so she'd be okay for him to date. Didn't they call it 'missionary dating'? That was a big no-no for Christians. It also felt too much like his failed attempt to resolve his strained relationship with his needy mother before she died.
Some things were just better left alone. Miss Lonesome Lilly definitely qualified as someone he needed to avoid in the future. She was too distracting. If he got emotionally close to her, she might try and control him like his father had warned about. He already sensed that he'd succumb to her wishes given the way his pulse raced in her presence. He'd be whipped for sure, and it wouldn't be a pretty sight.
Having a woman manipulate his emotions was something he dreaded falling victim to. He'd seen what it had done to his parents when his father had lost his dignity. He refused to let that happen to him.
*****
Six hours later, Sammie was still obsessing over the way she had turned that handsome cowboy away so cold-heartedly. She couldn't get out of her mind how mean she'd been to him. He had only sought to help her. So what did she do? She treated him like scum and all but offered to sleep with him to get him to reject her first. She was the one who had the intimacy problem, not him. And like the tender bruise that had formed on her hip from her fall that morning, she got the distinct impression she'd bruised his ego as well.
How she wished she had been nicer when she'd walked away, but her attraction to him frightened her so much she had to drive him off before she fell into his arms and kissed him. It sounded crazy, but that was how she felt. It made no sense, but that didn't mean it didn't feel real and threatening to her status quo. Her thoughts had danced into places they probably shouldn't and she'd found herself fantasizing even more.
She couldn't afford to lose her heart to a man. Not when she was supposed to be transferred to a hot zone in the Middle East in five short months. But she enjoyed how intensely that cowboy had watched her, staring at her lips with such interest that it made her breathless. The smoky look in his eyes fed a hunger she hadn't known she even possessed. It was like something had awakened inside her — like a sleeping giant — and now it could never be put to rest because it had been stirred to life.
While she was stationed at Fort Huachuca, she had planned to enjoy her time there to the fullest, just not in a physical or emotional relationship. That would be too complicated for them both. Oh, who was she kidding? She wanted to kiss that man with everything she had in her. If she didn't watch herself, she might pounce on him and embarrass herself. She couldn't have been more obvious then when she flirted with him within the confines of her saloon girl role. She'd liked seeing him squirm.
She eased onto a bench and watched the sun set. Against her will, her thoughts continually drifted back to that handsome cowboy. She was hopelessly intrigued by him and what it could mean if he wanted to know her, too.
For a moment she found herself wishing he were James, her childhood sweetheart, but then she laughed at the ridiculousness of the thought. James probably weighed over 200 pounds by now and no doubt he still lived in Colorado.
She reflected on how James had told her about his family problems the year they met. He had been staying with his grandma the summer his father died. Sammie's family had lived on the same block. She was glad to offer him a listening ear. He talked a lot, but never told her how his father died. She had figured it was more than he wanted to share. She'd fallen for him. Hard.
Now that she thought about it, she couldn't recall feeling emotionally close to a guy since James had come and gone like the mist on a hot summer morning. They'd known each other a little over a month, but they'd grown quite close during that time. She had told him everything, just like he told her everything — like her thoughts and feelings regarding her parents.
Their kiss had been initiated by James. Though awkward and novice-like, she'd found it incredibly satisfying. The memory still gave her an emotional rush. She knew he'd really cared about her despite her only being thirteen. He never mentioned her slightly bucked teeth, large glasses, or the fact that she had no shape at all. He was the only guy she'd ever known who'd cared about the person she was on the inside.
The next day James left. She never found out what had happened to him. She hadn't heard from him since. Worse than that, she couldn't even remember his last name. That really bugged her.
Forcing herself to halt the memory before a lump formed in her throat, Sammie quashed her thoughts before they took her places she didn't want to go. She had to figure out a way to maintain the façade of coolness now that she'd messed up everything by exposing her true self to the man she'd met today.
A tear trickled down her cheek as her precious memory of that last day returned so strong she couldn't ignore it. While the details were a bit fuzzy, she still felt the stabbing emotional pain of loss.
James sat next to her on the backyard swing and held her hand. He stopped the rocking motion of the swing and gazed at her with an almost frightening intensity in his eyes. "Sam, can I tell you something important?"
"Okay." Her throat tightened as he drew his face near.
He touched her cheek and kissed her gently on the lips. A dazed feeling fuzzed over her when James leaned back and turned his tomato-red face from her. The flush spread to his neck and ears as he looked away. "I really care about you, Sam," he'd whispered. "I'm sorry, but I… I just had to kiss you. First."
She stared, not yet understanding. "You… had to? First? You thought I would kiss you?"
"No, that's not what I meant. I don't want to say this, Sam, but I'm leaving town." He hung his head low and swung his legs back and forth, one at a time and she finally slapped her hand on his knee so he'd sit still. Since that brief kiss, he hadn't looked at her. Maybe he was embarrassed, or worse, regretted it.
"Where are you going?" Her lips still buzzed from his kiss, so she touched them.
"Home. To Colorado." He peered at her fr
om the corner of his eyes. "For good this time."
The bottom fell out of her once-secure world. Though she had only known James for a month, she felt like they had been friends forever. The first time he left it was only for the weekend, but then he'd returned and things were okay again. "You're leaving me?"
She thought she saw tears in his eyes. He nodded and looked the other way again, sniffling so softly she almost missed it.
An intense pain shot through her gut, burning her insides. She finally had a best friend. A confidant she could talk to about anything. Someone who loved her for who she was and no other reason. And now her best friend in the whole world was leaving town and she couldn't stop him. Or, maybe she could. Panic tossed all rational behavior aside.
"No, No! James, you can't leave me! You can't!" Desperation overwhelmed her and she clung to his soft body, sobbing into his shirt.
He tensed under her hand and gently pushed her away. His voice sounded rough. "Don't make it harder, Sam."
Her eyes wet and her heart broken, she nodded and tried her best to be brave. But she could barely swallow for the pain clogging her throat.
James sighed deeply. "Good bye, Sam."
She remembered how he had turned and walked away without looking back. Once again she found herself utterly alone. The moment he slipped out of sight she had resumed sobbing until she collapsed from exhaustion.
Poor James must have been freaked out by her intense emotion. Those strong feelings had even frightened her, so she couldn't blame him for leaving without a backward glance. She would have done just about anything for the love of James.
*****
Jimmy headed over to his tiny home on Toughnut Street in the historic section of town. While exhausted from being on his feet all day, his heart still felt invigorated from the day's events. Several tourists had approached him just to talk, and with one elderly couple he was able to share about his faith and his love for the Lord.
The Shy Captain Page 4