by Kelsey Soliz
smell bad.”
“Bitter much, Amelia?”
“Shut up, Constantine. How would you like it if I started talking about
my boyfriend and how he asked me to go to the movies with him next
weekend while we’re all sitting here having our birthday time, huh?”
Constantine scoffs and Alexander stills.
“You can’t do that because you don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Hmm. Interesting. Pretty sure I do.”
Alex’s fists clench and he narrows his eyes at me.
“Amelia Poppy, who you been kissin’?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Alex jumps over to my branch so quick that I don’t have time to react
before he’s right next to me. I get those butterflies in my stomach again and
have to force myself to not reach out and touch him.
“Amelia Poppy, are you telling me that you have been seein’ some boy,
and we’re just finding out about it?”
I swallow loudly, realizing my jealousy made this situation backfire. I’m
too scared to look at Cam because I know that will give it away. We both
decided to not tell anybody until Alex and Constantine pull their heads out
of their ass and admit they have feelings for me.
Because now I know they do.
A few weeks ago when we were all at the creek, Alex left his girlfriend
there because I got cramps and he wanted to drive home with me.
And Constantine is grumpy but always plays with my hair when he
thinks I’m not paying attention. Sometimes he loses that mean face he likes
to wear, and I catch him looking at me with a nicer one. Plus, he totally
opened the door for me every single time we went anywhere all summer.
Even if he wasn’t even standing by me when I walked up to the door.
“Why do you care, Alex? How many girlfriends you had this summer?”
That mark hits and he has the decency to pull back a little.
“Oh, she’s definitely got a boyfriend. Now to figure out who. You got
any ideas, Cam?”
I finally turn my head towards him to find him on the verge of cracking
up.
“What the hell is so funny, farmer boy?”
“The fact that you guys are so scared to admit you like her. You’re about
to go punch somebody because you don’t like the idea of her kissing
anyone, right? And Constantine, really? You won’t stop staring at her
boobs.”
Cameron nods to me and helps me find my foundation a little bit. These
boys are mine, even if they won’t admit it yet.
“Not like we can all be with her anyway.”
“Why?” We all look towards Cameron, who’s still got a shit-eating grin
on his face.
“Give me one real reason why we can’t all date Amelia. You know we’re
all going to marry her one day anyway, so why bother waiting to show her
how we feel?”
“You’re crazy, man. People would think we’re nuts if we announced we
were all dating her.”
“People aren’t us. You can’t deny she’s the prettiest girl at school. She’s
awesome and takes all of our shit, all the time, and still hangs out with us.
Your girlfriends ever want to do the shit Mils does? Think about it, man.”
My heart is beating like crazy, afraid they’re all going to tell me they
don’t like me like that again. This might make them stop hanging out with
me, and I need them.
“Cam, don’t. I…I can’t lose you guys. Home’s not been good and if you
weird them all out and they don’t want to hang out with me anymore I
won’t have anyone. Just drop it, please.”
I can’t look at them right now because I don’t want to see their faces as
they laugh at the idea.
I feel a body scoot closer, black hair in my periphery carefully peeling
my hands off my face and watching my reaction.
“Do you…like us? Like that? Like, all of us, Amelia?”
“If you’re trying to make fun of me again, Constantine, I swear to
God…”
He shocks the hell out of me by kissing me, and holy shit. Constantine
just kissed me. Constantine Russel, the boy who growls more than he talks
did something sweet.
“You do, don’t you?”
I look at him, seeing all his insecurities laid bare. He hasn’t made a move
because he didn’t think I’d want him like that. As if that would ever be an
option. He was mine.
“Well, screw what other people think, and forget that girl who wants me
to hang out with her friends. They’re all annoying and dumb. Wait. Who’s
your…”
Constantine looks in-between me and Cameron for a moment, replaying
everything he just said and putting pieces together.
“Wait…how long, Cameron?”
Cameron looks embarrassed and starts rubbing his neck, but then we
make eye contact and the gig is up.
“How long what, Constantine?” Alex hasn’t figured it out yet.
Cameron smirks at him and shoots me a wink.
“You ass! You’ve been kissing her all year, haven’t you? I knew those
weren’t curling iron burns! She doesn’t even curl her hair!” Constantine
looks shocked, but amused.
“Hey, you’re welcome. She would have run off and dated someone else if
you both kept denying how you felt. I was just making sure she was ready
when you were.”
“Oh is that what you were doing?” Cheeky bugger. He always knows
how to pull me out of a mood.
He winks at me again and Constantine punches his shoulder.
“Ow, dude.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Cameron? And Amelia? Are you shitting me right
now? What about all those times you hung out with me and Ashley’s
friends?”
“Yeah, I always spent more time hanging with Amelia. I’m with Tina,
they’re all annoying as shit. Sorry dude, but I can’t stand your girlfriend.”
“Amelia. Is this happening right now? You’re like, actually dating him?
Why the hell didn’t you guys say anything?”
Constantine seems to get it.
“You told her last year it would be weird. Why would she go and tell us
when we made fun of her last time it was brought up?”
I look to Constantine, who seems to be having an internal battle.
“Look, I didn’t want to hurt any of you guys or make you mad, I just…
didn’t want our dynamic to change. I didn’t want you to think I was playing
favorites. And I might be a bit biased but, yeah. Ashley is a total bitch.
Every time we went swimming, she’d flip me off when you weren’t
looking. Every time she kissed you, she would make eye contact with me
and smirk at me right after. She’s been making comments about my crush
all summer.”
“Crush?”
I shake my head, feeling too much now.
“How would that even work?”
Constantine seems to be really thinking about this, but I’m not sure I
want to stick around for the outcome.
“Look, maybe I should go…”
“Don’t go, babe. C’mon, Constantine is so going to say yes.”
Alex’s eyebrows raise at the pet name and Constantine just hops down,
blocking my exit.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
I was already sli
ding down the tree so now he’s pushing me against it, his
hands on either side of my face as he leans over me.
“How much did you freaking grow this summer, Constantine?”
“Don’t change the subject. Cam, get down here.”
Cameron hops down the same side that Constantine did and casually
leans against the enormous tree trunk next to me, like we’re having a
conversation about what movie to watch later. Not, you know, life altering
changes. Because that’s what this moment feels like.
I’ve cried myself to sleep so many nights thinking about my other boys
on dates with girls from school and it doesn’t seem real that they could
actually want me.
“Amelia, I’m only going to ask this one more time, and you better give it
to me straight. Do you like me? If you let me start kissing you, I don’t know
that I’ll ever stop.”
His words should terrify me, I mean we’re 14 for God’s sake. 14-year-
olds don’t talk about being together forever. Do they?
I look to Cameron for help, a suggestion, anything. He slowly leans
forward, kisses me in that familiar way we have and with a hand on my hip
whispers in my ear.
“You can trust them, Amelia Poppy. Look at him. I told you he’d realize
it sooner or later.”
I turn my head back to Constantine’s dark eyes, watch them as they take
in the dynamic between me and Cameron that they’ve been blissfully
ignoring for the past year.
“Shit. We’re not just best friends, are we?”
I start panicking, realizing that Alex isn’t near me. He hasn’t said
anything. I push at Constantine’s arms, trying to get out of his cage so I can
find him. It seems imperative at this moment.
I see him pacing on the other side of the tree, but almost like he can feel
my eyes on him, he pauses and looks up to me with pain and confusion in
his eyes.
I barely hear his words above the rustle of leaves above us, but it’s
enough for me to know he’s not ready. He still has a girlfriend, and I will
not be that girl.
“Just give him time, Mils. He’ll come around. He has to if he wants to
continue breathing. Because that’s what you are, isn’t it? You’re our
oxygen. All these years we’ve chased each other and gone swimming and
watched tv, and I didn’t realize you were sneaking up on me. But you did.
You’re stuck in my chest now, little butterfly. And I don’t change easily.”
I can feel Constantine behind me, his chest pressed against my back and I
feel a shiver run down my spine by the intensity of his words. His promise.
Pushing my hair out of the way, he lets out a low gasp and his body stills.
Shit, I forgot about that.
“Amelia Poppy, why do you have bruises on your back?”
His finger gently traces them, and I can tell when he finds the matching
one that’s been fading on my upper arm. He wraps his hand around my arm,
letting his fingers line up to the much larger ones imprinted on my skin.
“Who hurt you?”
Cameron comes in front of me, a big frown marring his lovely face. His
hair is long and shaggy, I don’t think he’s cut it all summer. I run my fingers
through it, watching the shadows play across the blondes and browns he has
mixed in.
“It’s nothing. I just made my father angry. It won’t happen again.”
I’m not sure if they believe me, I definitely don’t. But at least Alexander
comes close again to look. Being close to me now seems to make him
nervous. I don’t like that. I feel like I broke something between us.
I go to grab his hand, like I have done platonically a thousand times.
Only, it was never truly platonic for me, was it? My hand makes him look
right at me and I stumble under the weight of his indecision.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to ruin everything. We can be friends.
Please, we have to be friends.”
He wraps me in a hug, mindful of the marks on my back. “You couldn’t
get rid of me if you wanted to Mils. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you
need, but…”
“Hey, don’t. It’s okay. I’m excellent at being your friend. I’ve been
perfecting the art for the past 9 years.”
Amelia, age 15
Please, Alex, please pick up.
I gasp in pain as my leg jostles while I reach for my phone. I don’t know
how much more consciousness I have left before the pain pushes me into
oblivion. Tears streaming down my face, my heart breaking at the awful
timing.
Cameron and Constantine were out of town for the weekend, some
school trip because they were so smart and got to do the really cool classes.
Alex though, Alex was around. I knew they’d be back in time for school
tomorrow, but I think he broke it this time. I can’t move my leg even a little
and if I can’t get Alex to come help me then I don’t know what I’ll do.
Alex’s voice is a little muffled as he answers but I can hear rustling
around him.
“Hello?”
“Thank God. Please, Alex. I need you.” My voice breaks into a sob and I
bite back the scream that wants to tear through my vocal cords.
“What’s wrong Mils?”
“I just need you to come help me, like now. Please, Alex I can’t…”
I hear a girl’s voice in the background and almost want to laugh at the
injustice of it. Fucking Ashley.
“Why is she calling? Come on Alex. The movie is about to start.
Everybody is waiting for us.”
Fucking great. He’s at a movie with a bunch of his fake friends while I lie
here with a shattered leg alone. Ashley won’t let him leave. I know it.
“Hold on, Ashley. I’ll meet you in there.”
“Ugh, whatever. But if you’re not in there in like five minutes you can
kiss all this goodbye.”
“Sorry, Butterfly. What’s wrong? What do you need?”
But I can’t talk anymore. My phone falls to the floor and I grab my
stomach as it cramps from the assault, making my head pound and
blackness descend as I move my leg on accident.
∞∞∞
“Fuck. Why isn’t she waking up? Amelia? Can you hear me?”
I know that voice. That’s my Cam. Why does he sound so sad?
I reach out, searching for his hand but find Constantine’s instead. How
can I tell it’s his? How do I tell which is my left and right hand? I just know.
“She moved. Amelia? Amelia? How are you feeling, love?”
I bat my eyes open, grateful for the low lighting. I see Alex at the foot of
the bed, staring at me. His eyes look haunted, and I reach my hand out to
him but Cameron legit growls at him as he steps closer, pulling my eyes up
to his.
“Amelia, what the fuck happened?”
I take a moment to figure out what he’s talking about, and the hospital
bed I’m laying in starts beeping at me.
“I…where am I? Am I in the hospital?”
“Amelia, your leg was fucking broken. And they said you might have
internal bleeding.”
“He didn’t mean to…I mean, I fell. I just was being clumsy and I was…
messing around and fell off my bed. I must have fallen harder than I
&nb
sp; realized.”
“That’s shit and you know it.”
I look towards where Constantine is now sitting on the bed by my hip
and trace his puckered eyebrows. These beautiful boys shouldn’t be sad.
“How did I get here?”
“When you didn’t come to school this morning, Alex mentioned you
called him yesterday and we just got a bad feeling. We ditched to go to your
house. He just left you in your room, Amelia. What if we weren’t there?”
“Then I wouldn’t be hyped up on pain meds, would I?”
“Amelia, I’m so sorry I didn’t come…”
I remember our conversation. I don’t remember how it ended. He sees the
confusion on my face and tells me what I suspected.
“I didn’t leave. I should have fucking left, you would have been in here
all night and safe instead of laying on that floor, all broken…” He starts
sobbing and falls to the floor, and I want to go to him. But I’m so wrapped
up in tubes and needles and a giant fucking cast on my leg that I can’t.
My other boys don’t comfort him. I can tell they’re angry with Alex for
not helping me when I begged him.
“Don’t be mad at him, it isn’t his fault.”
“How can you fucking defend him? He should have been there! Fuck
Ashley! He should have fucking realized how wrong everything was and
sped to you. Instead, he stayed at the fucking movie theatre while you were
unconscious on your floor!”
I put my hand on Cameron’s, not liking him being angry. My hand does
what I wanted to, soothes him and calms him down.
“I’m here now. Thank you, for helping me.”
Constantine buries his face in the bed by my hip and I let my fingers trail
through his black hair. I pat his back and hold him to me as best I can.
“I’m here, Constantine. I’m here. You got me.”
Fuck. Now he’s crying too.
“I can’t lose you, Amelia. We need to get you out of that fucking house.”
And cue the doctor walking in with a very upset father behind him. I
carefully school my features so I don’t give him any reason to be angry
again.
“Oh, good you’re awake Ms. Knight. How are you feeling? It seems you
took a bad tumble. Can you tell me what happened?”
I make sure my heart rate is even before I talk. The boys quietly shuffle
around so it doesn’t look like we’re doing anything embarrassing, but none
of them leave me more than a few feet of space.