by Kelsey Soliz
was the only way I made it through all the healing and therapies, I couldn’t
call you. I just couldn’t.”
She wheels herself out of the room, disappearing through a slider at the
back of the small house.
We all turn to Theo, who looks like he just lost a whole lot. Maybe he
thinks he did. Cam is the first to realize the implications here, of what this
all means.
“You love her, right?”
His eyes are tortured but he can’t deny it, not without also denying his
own self.
“You’ve taken care of her the past two years…how bad was it?”
He sits down across from us, chugging his coffee and stress pulling his
hair.
“It’s been rough. She’s so scared to let anyone else in. She doesn’t think
she deserves it. That school she went to, they tried to brainwash her.
Convinced her she was evil and wicked for loving more than one man.
She’ll probably be pissed that I’m telling you, but her cousin…fuck. She
stole that bracelet, sent her videos and pictures all the time of you guys
hanging out with her and her friends.
“Sophie and her mom kept her locked up in between school terms, and
she was constantly taunted by the life she was missing out on. Sophie was
cruel and relentless, made Amelia think that you were all better off without
her. She saw you guys hanging off of other girls, going to dances…she still
calls for at least one of you in her sleep several times a week.
“I’ve been trying to get her to reach out to you, I knew she would never
allow herself to be happy unless she found closure, but she didn’t want you
guys to feel tied down. She wanted you to live your lives and have every
experience, without a girl at home that needed so much extra atention. She
didn’t want you to resent her.”
Alex looks ready to go fight someone, and Cam is just crying. I feel
numb.
“What happened at the fire?”
The three of us have waited years for the details of that fire, maybe we
could finally lay our questions to rest. I can see the memories flickering in
Theo’s eyes as he talks, the fear he felt at the scene.
“I almost didn’t get there in time. I saw the beam land on her, saw her
skin charcoaled and wasted, waited while she had surgery. Her aunt never
checked on her, never visited…but the fire was intentional. I don’t know
who, or why, but her door was bolted from the outside. I had to kick it
down. There were a bunch of candles, in a room underneath hers. Knocked
onto their side, scattered like whoever did it wanted it to spread fast. You
don’t accidentally knock over that many candles and then flee unless you
wanted someone to suffer.”
“They never arrested her aunt…why?”
“Alibi. Same as her daughter. But I don’t know of anyone else that would
have wanted to hurt her. Her dad had already passed, no other family. It
doesn’t make sense.”
“We’re all thinking it, I’m just going to say it. I think it was Sophie. She
has always been a bitch towards Amelia.”
“Maybe, but there’s a big line between bitch and murderer.” Alex would
defend her.
“She’s always been after you, Alex. What if she saw us there that night?
What if she saw how desperate we were to be with her? Would she have
gone off the deep end and tried to hurt us?”
“Fuck.”
Amelia
We never made it to the funeral. After Theo filled the guys in on what she
subjected me to, and what Sophie subjected me to, they all refused to take
me. That also means that Sophie was left without the satisfaction of having
Alex there, because he refused to leave my side. To be honest I’m feeling a
little suffocated. They keep hovering, trying to help me with things.
This is exactly what I was afraid of. That they’d see me as delicate, as a
project to fix. Instead of woman that just wanted to be kissed and held. Not
that I’d make the first move, it’s hard to believe they found me sexually
desirable now that I was wheelchair bound and couldn’t even see.
“Hey.”
At least Theo still treated me the same. I was sitting in my favorite spot,
the back garden that was full of potted plants so that green was all I could
see. There were some bright flowers dotted throughout, but a path wide
enough for me to navigate and the smell of vibrant life was why I always
ended up here if I wasn’t painting.
I smile up at him, feeling nothing but gratitude for all he’s done for me.
“How long Theo?”
I appreciated he didn’t play dumb and ask me what I meant. It’d been a
few days since he told me he loved me, and with the other guys basically
moving in and taking over the living room, we hadn’t had a minute to talk
about it.
“You want the creepy answer or the nice but not quite true answer?”
I smile into the way he picks up my hand, sitting on a chair next to me
and tracing designs on the underside of my wrist.
“You’ve put your whole life on hold to take care of me, you’re not
creepy. You’re one of the best people I know.”
“I don’t think that means much, considering I’m one of the only ones you
talk to.”
I laugh at that, but he’s right. I hate going into public and lost most of my
friends when I went to boarding school.
“Fine. I held your hand in the back of the ambulance, on the way to the
hospital that night. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t let go or pass you
off to someone else. I waited in that waiting room for hours, lied about
being your boyfriend so they’d keep me in the loop, and I couldn’t figure
out why.
“I’ve never personally invested myself with any victims before; I usually
let the professionals do their job and go home at night; but I couldn’t leave
your side. Even before you woke up, I’d sit there and watch over you while
your body tried to knit itself back together. Hearing your story, watching
you pick yourself back up and eventually get discharged, I loved you even
then.
“I didn’t think you were ready to hear it, though. I know you still love
them, and that’s okay, as long as you have room for me, too.”
“How could I possibly ever be someone’s wife though? I’m completely
useless. How can you want me like that when I Iook like this?”
“I don’t love you because of what you can do for me, I love you because
of who you are. You know, all those dates I went on? Fake. I’d just sit in my
car eating pizza and watching Netflix. Pathetic, right?”
My eyes widen and I lose it as I try to imagine him doing this. Getting
dressed up, applying cologne…then just sitting in a parking lot and eating
pizza.
“None of them were real? Oh my God…Theo! It was like once a week
there for awhile! I can’t believe you went on fake dates to keep me from
getting suspicious!” Sad, but really, really funny.
“I’m in love with you, Amelia, and you’re all I want. I’ve waited two
years to tell you that, and it’s terrifying, but there it is.”
I bring his
hand up to my face, kissing the top of it and putting his warm
palm against my cheek.
“I’m not sure I know how to be a woman anymore.”
“You’ve got four guys willing to show you.”
“I can’t…I can’t ask you guys to throw your lives away to be my
caretakers. Cameron needs someone that can help on the farm. I can’t do
that. Alex needs someone that can play with him and go on adventures. I
can’t do that. Augustine needs someone strong to hold him up. I can’t
fucking do that! I’m-”
“Stop right there. If we say we want you, that’s all there is to it. You
don’t get to tell us what we need. We’re adults. If we tell you we want you,
we fucking want you, okay?”
Well, I can’t argue with that. He takes me off guard with his kiss, pulling
me out of my chair to sit across his lap, pulling my arm around his neck.
His fingers dig into the bottom of my scalp, securing us together as his lips
press against mine, waking up all kinds of forgotten things in my body.
His other hand tightens around my hip, not letting me put an inch of
space between us. I kiss him back, deciding to let myself let go of
everything, even if just for this moment. Forget about what anyone would
think if they saw me sitting on Theo’s lap kissing him, forget all my
objections about us being together, erasing the reasons I want to fight to
keep distance between us.
All of the little moments of living with Theo over the past two years rush
through me like the tide, reminding me of how steadfast he is, how warm he
is, how good he is at making me happy.
His tongue slides into my mouth and I feel like I might cry again. I’m so
tired of crying, of hurting. I just want to feel good.
“Take me to bed?”
He startles and pulls back a few inches, looking at my face for clues.
“Amelia, you don’t-”
Stupid. Of course. Good enough to kiss, not good enough to make love
to. I couldn’t give them a relationship if they were too repulsed to be
physical with me.
“Fuck. Don’t look at me like that. Believe me, I want to.”
“It’s okay, Theo.” I sound defeated, even to myself, but I can’t find it in
me to care.
He stands up and pulls me through the house, into his bedroom that I’ve
hardly been in. He lays me on the bed like I’m a glass doll, then lays next to
me and wraps himself around me.
“I’m going to say this one time and one time only: this body? I think it’s
gorgeous. Maybe it’s wrong of me, but the fact that you kind of need me
around makes me feel important. I want to make you feel good, Amelia.”
“Then touch me? Shit. I’ve only…had sex once. And it was completely
ruined by the aftermath. Part of me wants to keep pushing everyone away,
to insist that I can’t be what you need. But the other part of me knows I
deserve to be happy, to be loved. It’s hard to reconcile the two. I don’t feel
sexy. I don’t feel like a woman in that sense, most of the time.”
“Amelia, I know these eyes aren’t very strong, but see me. I don’t want
to take advantage of you, or to make you think you owe me any physical
thing-”
I kiss him to get him to shut up. I grab his face and pull him into me,
wiggling my hips until our bodies are as close as they’re going to get with
clothes on. I lift one of his hands up and put it around my waist, squeezing
it to get him to pull me tight.
“I’m not as delicate as you think. My legs are weak and won’t support
me, my skin is a gnarled mess from the fire, and my eyes can’t do what
they’re supposed to, but the rest of me works just fine. I don’t want to think
about everything, I just want to feel.”
He rolls so I’m on top of him, running one of his hands through my hair
as the other one slides over my hip, brushing across my ass. His lips are
steady and warm, leaving me reeling. I panic for only a moment when I
think of my other guys, wondering if they’ll see this as some sort of
betrayal.
“Sshhh, I’ve talked with them, Amelia. We’re not going to make you
choose.”
“I- what?”
“It’s just you and me here, okay? We’ll figure the rest out later. Being
with me won’t make them love you any less.”
I relax into him once more, doing exactly what I wanted to and just feel.
His hand starts trailing under my t-shirt, my bare skin crying out in ecstasy
at his touch. I can feel him hardening underneath me, his hips trying to
gently push up against me as I use the leverage to push my own pelvis into
his.
This moment has been two years in the making, and so far, it’s not
disappointing in the least.
I dart my tongue out to taste the skin on his neck, trying to brush the
long, tangled hair off of my face as I open up my hips, bringing my legs
into a straddle. I give over to my instincts, grinding against that bulge that
promises pleasure.
His hands fly to my waist with a groan, picking up the pace as I whip my
shirt off and toss it beside the bed. I ignore the part of me that wants to keep
my scars covered, promising myself that in this moment, I’m just a woman
like any other.
Theo is quick to unfasten my bra, then he’s cupping my breasts and
running his thumb over my nipples as he sits up, bringing his mouth to
them. My head falls back as my breath quickens, hips still gyrating against
him.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful. I’ve wanted to feel this skin for so damn long. It
tastes even better than I imagined. I need to see more of you.”
He leans me back on the bed and is on his knees, resting between my
own. I’m burning up, needy, clawing at him. His mouth trails down my
torso, spending extra time on any scar tissue, and I can feel his eyes tracing
the same path. Charting it.
I feel his mouth brush across my hip bones as he peels off my leggings,
inhaling me and resting his head on my stomach.
“Amelia, can I taste you? I want to lick you until your legs shake and you
feel like you’re going to explode.”
“Just make me feel good, please. Fix all those bad touches, Theo. I need
you. Oh, God, I need you.”
“I’m right here, baby. Not going anywhere.”
He rips off my panties and nudges me apart with his nose right before his
tongue circles my opening and runs the length of my slit. Theo traces
circles around my clit, toying with me, before using his teeth to nibble on it
and suck.
Alternating between the two places he relaxes into it like it’s his job, my
legs draped over his back. I can feel wetness dripping down onto the sheets,
and I know I’ve never been this worked up before. When he inserts a finger
I’m lost, shaking like he promised as I scream his name.
“Goddamn, baby. Fuck that sounded amazing, my name on your lips. I
could die right now and be happy about it.”
“Not before I feel more of you.” My voice is breathy and stuttering, but
it’s only a compliment to how well he dominated me.
“You sure, Amelia?”
“Fuck m
e, Theo.”
I hear a rustle of a condom wrapper, and I suddenly feel sorrow that I
can’t really see his body. I let my hands wander up and down his now bare
chest, feeling his light sprinkling of chest hair, his pebbled nipples and his
toned abs. His hips are wide and solid, his cock throbbing and leaking heat
and liquid.
I wrap my hands around him, loving the way he feels against my fingers.
So soft and delicate, but making him buck like crazy and hiss out breaths as
I move my hand up and down him.
“You’re going to make me come before I even get to feel you, Amelia.”
“I just want to remember how you feel, just in case. Give me this.”
“You still don’t get it, do you? I’m not going anywhere.”
He gently pries my hand off of him, raising my palm for a kiss. He
distracts me with kisses as he slowly slides in, my whole body rejoicing at
finally being given something worthwhile. I had been denied so much for so
long, whether from my awful family or awful brainwashing teachers or
even my own self-imposed limits on what I deserved.
Seeing my boys again, feeling them, kissing them, opened something up
within me. There’s a pit so deep that’s ready for me to grant it free reign, to
swallow every bit of affection and pleasure I’ll feed it. And Theo is doing a
damn fine job right now, gripping my hips and fucking me like he won’t
ever let me go.
I kind of hope he doesn’t, but there’s still a big, insecure part of me
whispering in my other ear that he’s going to want a whole woman. That
my brokenness will never hold up. For now, though, for now I give in and
let Theo touch me anywhere he damn well pleases. I let him wrap my mind
up in his seduction of whispered words and feathered caresses, our bodies
gaining momentum as we move together.
“I never thought I’d get this, Theo.”
“Sweetheart, there’s so much were going to give you.”
“Don’t make promises to me, Theo. I can’t stand it. Just be here with
me.”
He won’t let me rush anything, slowly making love to me as if he’s trying
to make up for all the years of emotional neglect. Trying to fix the void
inside of me, trying to re-train my brain into accepting him. He keeps his
eyes locked on me, hips flexing and pulling as my whole body ignites, little