by Dean Murray
No one said anything as we all mulled this over. Cole finally spoke, although much more respectfully, “And you’re sure this attack has nothing to do with you?”
Micah sighed. “While I cannot absolutely guarantee it — I do come from means — it doesn’t make sense. I’ve been here since before Amelia came. If someone were coming for me, wouldn’t they have done it already?”
“Fine. Fine. So, Amelia, it’s your power. You have got to lock it down. You’ve got to go back to the way it was when you first came.” Cole spoke with such authority, like I could just snap my fingers and it would be that easy. I sat there, first feeling guilty because I knew I couldn’t, then I got angry. It was happening again. The men in my life were just throwing out orders and I was expected to follow them without a word.
I vaulted myself out of the chair. “Oh, that is it!” I slammed my hands down on Cole’s desk, causing both him and Micah to jump backwards in their chairs as a violet shower of sparks erupted in the room.
“I have had it with you guys! I’ve had it with being told where to go and what to do and what to think and how to feel and how to spend every damn minute of my life. I’ve just HAD IT. Cole, I hear what you’re saying. I hear what Micah is saying. But, it isn’t that easy. My power is bigger and stronger than it’s ever been, since someone finally decided to help me do something with it,” I said as I tossed my head toward Micah and simultaneously glared at my brother.
“It won’t be pushed down and huddled up in some corner of my mind. It won’t let me do that anymore.” I could feel my power alternately raging and jumping with joy at my outburst. Lately, it felt even more like it was its own person, just trapped inside of me, and right now was definitely one of those moments. “It wants out, Cole. It wants to be used. If you want to protect me then you had better be okay with someone teaching me. The only way this is going to work is if I can figure out how to work with it, not against it.”
As I finished my rant, I realized that both boys were staring open-mouthed at me.
“WHAT?” I half-yelled, completely agitated. As I followed Cole’s wide eyes, I finally realized the issue. Everything in his office was floating. He hadn’t had much furniture in the sparse room to start with, but as I stopped to really look around, I realized that it wasn’t just his knick-knacks that were hovering. Everything was. Me. The desk with Cole in his chair. Micah in his chair. The whole room was suspended just a few inches in the air. I looked down at my own flip flops, still feeling the ground beneath my feet even though it wasn’t there. I dropped my head back and groaned in frustration.
“Just…just…dammit!” I slapped my hands down on the desk again and with another eruption of sparks, everything came down in a crash. The furniture stayed upright, but the items from Cole’s shelves toppled and scattered. “This has GOT to stop happening to me!” I exclaimed as I fell back into a chair, throwing my arm over my face.
Cole came rushing around the desk. “Ame, how did you do that? Have you always been able to do that?”
“Don’t you get it, Cole?” Micah said, scowling. “She has no idea how she just did that. That’s the problem. How are we supposed to teach her to control something she doesn’t even understand? That we don’t even understand?”
Unable to take any more of their constant bickering — or the continuous insults Micah didn’t even realize he was hurting me with — I stood up and walked out of the room. I could hear them both yelling after me, but I just kept walking.
I walked out the front door, got into my car, and purposefully ignored their calls and messages all the way home. I completely disregarded everything Cole and I had discussed about never being alone because I needed to be alone right now. And, if someone came, so be it, I had enough power whizzing through my system I was sure I could take care of myself. I walked into the building but didn’t go up to the apartment. Instead, I took the same path I had with Aidan and went to the picnic table.
I sat on the top, drawing my legs into my chest, pulling my dress skirt close, and laying my head on my knees. As I sat there, I tried everything I could to connect to my magic, but it seemed to only come out in reaction to someone else. I spoke to it — a lengthy inner monologue where I begged it to calm down and cooperate. I pleaded and even argued. Nothing. It just swirled around me and inside me, always reaching out as if it were looking for something. I had no idea how I was supposed to stay incognito while wearing a homing beacon I couldn’t control or shut down, so I finally just gave up and went inside.
Thankfully, Bethany was working. Oh, no! I’d done it again. I’d been so wrapped up in my own drama that I’d forgotten to talk to Micah about the double date. I dug out my phone and swept my finger across the screen, realizing I had been outside for over two hours. It seemed like only minutes. It was still only 10:00 p.m., so I went ahead and called Micah anyway.
He wasn’t exactly pleasant on the phone, but I suppose that’s what I got for walking out on him and Cole, and then ignoring their constant calls and messages for the past two hours. But, he calmed down and shut up when I told him what was happening with Bethany. I really had come around about those two and he seemed like he did really like her. I made him promise to leave her a message asking to see her tomorrow and to set a real date if he didn’t want to double with Aidan and me. We all needed a little normalcy for a night.
I heard Bethany come flying in the door about eleven, which was her normal time on the nights she closed the restaurant. She had to stay late to close out all of the other server’s tabs, count down the drawers, and reconcile the night. I had left my door open and was sitting in my papasan, allowing my mind to wander as music played softly in the background.
I heard the thud of her purse hitting the counter and moments later she almost skipped into the room and dropped onto my bed. She bounced up and down, chanting, “He calllled, we’re going on a daaaate! On Frrrriday! And we’re having breaaaakfast tomorrrrow!”
“Alright, B! See, I told you! I mean, you have to make sure to give him hell for what he’s put you through, but letting a boy pamper you isn’t the worst thing in the world!” I was genuinely excited for her and seeing the spark back in her personality was exactly what I needed. I had at least done one thing right this week.
I needed to be focused on Bethany and her good news, but Aidan’s face was the only thing I could see. I could hear him in my head, telling me he’d go slow, that he didn’t want me to be afraid. But, right now, that’s all I could do — be afraid. I was spiraling out of control and all I wanted was to hold on to him, but I was so afraid I would just hurt us both. The attack made everything so real. It wasn’t just Queen Julia out there, wanting me for her evil ways. Someone else was out there who knew what and who I was and they could just as easily go after Aidan.
“Amelia, honey, where’d you go? Girl, I know there’s something going on that you aren’t telling me about and I’m about at my wits end trying to sort it out myself. Just be out with it already. You were there for me; let me be there for you.” Bethany’s voice brought me out of my own head, but as the tears I held back for so long spilled down my cheeks, I had no idea what to say. It took all of my willpower to once again stop the truth from tumbling out of my mouth.
“Oh, B. It’s all just a mess,” I finally sputtered out. “Aidan is amazing, but I’m slowing things down one minute and jumping ahead of myself the next. I think I know what I want, but then I don’t, and I keep changing my mind. I think I’m going to ruin this because I’m scared.” It was the closest I could come to the truth.
“Argh. These boys will be the death of us, Ame.” Bethany shook her head as she quickly exhaled a puff of air that pushed her bangs out of her eyes. “I know what you’re saying about being scared, but Aidan isn’t going to run away and I don’t think he’ll let you either. You’ve got to decide what’s more important, lady — following your fear or following your heart. If you pick heart, you’re gonna have to accept being scared to death, but what you get in
the end could be better than you ever imagined.”
I don’t know why I was shocked to hear Bethany throw out such sage advice as simply as if she were telling me which shoes went best with my outfit. It was what she always did at the exact moment I needed it. Every single time I broke down, that girl showed up with a smile and a mop to clean up the mess.
“Now,” she said, smacking her hands on her knees and standing up, “I do believe Fro-Yo is in order. There will be no more crying tonight. We are eating our weight in pineapple yogurt covered in sour gummy worms and strawberries, so move it, sister.”
She walked out of my room, leaving me no choice but to wipe my eyes, shake my head, and follow her. As we got into her Jeep, she also added, “And, no more sad music. For goodness sakes, Amelia, let’s at least convince ourselves we’re the ones in charge of these crazy relationships.” Her exaggerated sigh and eye roll had us both giggling, which was exactly what I needed.
We both knew the boys held the upper hand whether we wanted to admit it or not, but we still sang along to the radio, belting out lyrics about being “Stronger”. I couldn’t have been more thankful to have someone who could read me like a book and knew exactly how to pull me out of my own head. Well, that and a Fro-Yo spot that was open until midnight on campus.
Chapter 14
After that night, I kept to my word and didn’t go anywhere alone. Micah and I kept up our sessions, focusing more and more on trying to control my unwilling power. Well, control probably isn’t the right word, considering it had refused to do anything I wanted in days and seemed to constantly be raging at me. I could feel it beating against my mind, as if it were trying to tell me something, but we just weren’t speaking the same language. It was frustrating and exhausting, all at once.
The only time my magic was cooperative was when Micah put me in almost threatening situations. He would deliberately come at me, his own power full-force, demanding a rise from mine. Only during those times did I have moments of complete dominance, where I was working in tandem with my power. I was able to lift larger and heavier items, take sneak peeks into the thoughts of my neighbors — since they were human and couldn’t stop me — and my defense just kept getting better. I hadn’t had any new issues pop up lately, and for that I was grateful.
Throughout that time, Aidan was my safe harbor. Being in close proximity to him was the only time my power seemed to take a backseat, stopping our constant clashing of wills. The fact that I couldn’t stop staring at his lips and wanting him to kiss me probably had something to do with it, but I couldn’t think about attacks or power surges, or anything really, when his breath would tickle my cheek as he murmured one of our growing inside jokes in my ear.
I was actually sad to see that my words at the gym had resonated. After that conversation — barring the last light kiss at the gym — he’d kept it all PG-13. We went to a movie and he even made sure to put the armrest down, sitting stoically next to me while holding my hand. I could feel the sexual tension buzzing between us, his aura a constant battle of passion against his desire to make me happy. It was my only saving grace, knowing that it wasn’t just me being tortured. It took all of my own willpower to not jump him in the darkness of that theater. I allowed my mind to wander and it took me to places far past kissing. I wondered what he knew that I didn’t. What experiences he’d had. He was the only boy I’d kissed and I was still fumbling, at best, to be flirtatious. It was uncomfortable, but made me want to go further, faster.
I kept sneaking looks at him for the entire two hours. I fantasized about what his five o’clock shadow would feel like against my cheek, his coarse hair threaded through my fingers. I played back the few kisses we’d shared in my mind, determined to make him do it again. I watched his profile as he laughed out loud at the actors on screen, the smile shining through his eyes. He laughed with utter abandonment and I loved it.
My knee bounced up and down as I tapped my foot, nervous energy filling me. It had been two weeks since our last kiss in the gym and he had remained annoyingly platonic. He was still playful and cocky, sweet and tender, but only with his words. My last conversation with Rynna echoed in my head, telling me my heart was mine to give. To choose my path.
So I did. I was done waiting and being the saint. I was learning to control my power, so I wasn’t afraid of hurting Aidan again. We hadn’t seen or heard anything from our random attackers, even with both Micah and Cole doing some discreet digging, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I spent the rest of the movie plotting my move.
It was always lurking in the back of my mind, the fact that things would likely have to change, that Aidan couldn’t always be mine, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t keep myself from him. I spent long nights having conversations with myself around all the reasons I shouldn’t allow this to happen, but all it took was one look from him to root me right back to his side. The bottom line was that I was eighteen, I rationalized to myself. And, I was Immortal. I had years and years of life in front of me. Why did I owe anything to all of these people who had never tried to help me? After everything I’d been through, I owed this to myself. I’d earned this time with Aidan.
We hadn’t talked a lot about his past and the stories he told me that day on the cliffs, but from everything I knew, his fears of abandonment ran deep. His commitment to me was just as hard for him, in his own way. So, as we left the movie theater that night, I made a decision that I was all in. That whatever this was, I was meant to be here, living it. It was the first time in my life I’d made a decision that completely went against everything I’d been raised to be, a decision that was for no one else’s good but my own. It was exhilarating. The fleeting thought that someday I could actually tell him who and what I was lit me up from the inside out. I was so buzzed with excitement that I was talking a mile a minute and yanking Aidan along with me as I bobbed and weaved through the crowd toward the front of the movie theater.
As I pushed through the double doors out into the parking lot, Aidan wrapped an arm around me, slowing my steps and interrupting my internal cheering squad. “What’s gotten into you, doll? You’ve either got something exciting up in that brain of yours or you were sneaking Red Bull during the movie.” He laughed as he tugged me into his chest and pressed a kiss to my temple. I looked up at him, returning his kiss with one just below his ear. “Let’s go walk on the beach. I’m not ready to go home yet.”
I had used my most suggestive tone and was praying it didn’t come across as cheesy as it felt. I was still getting used to this seductive flirtation thing, but I could feel Aidan’s emotions spike and his eyes went from smoke to liquid silver. I had hit the mark.
“It’s your show, baby,” he said with a low rumble to his voice. A voice I hadn’t heard since our last real kiss. I closed my eyes and smiled to myself as I looped my arm around him, walking as one out to the beach.
It was a full moon and it gave us the perfect amount of light to walk on the beach away from the boardwalk. There were other couples walking as well, but it was clear that each of us were in our own worlds. Aidan and I kept ourselves intertwined as we walked. I loved how I fit just under his chin, the top of my head level with his shoulders. How I could feel his fingertips making swirling patterns on the small strip of exposed skin on my back between my jeans and my top as we walked silently, both just enjoying the quiet. I tugged him even closer to me and tried to decide where to start. Was I really ready to verbally commit to this? Could I look him in the eyes and tell him out loud that I didn’t want to go slow, that I didn’t want anyone else?
Aidan stopped and tilted my chin up, “You’re brooding again. I swear, I can feel it when you start to get lost in your own head. What’s up?” He looked down at me through hooded, questioning eyes. Looking up at him, his dark hair shining in the moonlight, strength and passion radiating from him, I was suddenly sure.
“Aidan, I want this. Whatever this is that we have, I want it.” He cocked his head and as his smile spread, hi
s adorable dimple appeared. “Well, that’s probably good, since I want it, too.”
I stepped back a little, trying to give myself some room to breathe, to stop him from intoxicating me into sounding like an idiot.
I pushed at the sand with my toe, suddenly feeling inexperienced and shy. “I don’t really know what we’re doing. I’ve never really had a boyfriend, so this is all new, and amazing, and scary. There are still parts of me that I can’t share with you, but I hope to. Someday.”
It was so hard to be honest without really being honest, but it was true. I hoped that someday I could actually explain it all to him. Right now, though, I hoped that he could see and hear how much I meant every word. I looked up and the grin was back. I could see him holding himself back, waiting for me to make the next move. The reality that I could make him feel that way had me soaring.
Aidan tried to speak but I held up my hand, asking for him to wait.
“I…uh…Aidan, I don’t want you to be so nice. To go so slow.” His eyes widened another fraction, his pupils dilating. “The truth is, the only thing I can think about is you kissing me. About you doing more than kissing me. It’s all I can think about.” I was shaking from the inside out, just wanting to be close to him. But, I stood still, digging my nails into my palms.
In two steps, he had me up and off the sand. I locked my legs around his waist as one of his hands came up my back and into my hair.
“Amelia,” he breathed out in a whisper. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since that day. You have no idea how much I want this.”
Then, all I could feel was Aidan. That stubble was just as rough and amazing and I thought it would be. He kissed me with all the passion I’d ever imagined. His tongue diving into my mouth, claiming it as his. There was nothing sweet or gentle about that kiss and it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be marked. I wanted to feel alive. I just wanted Aidan.