by Dean Murray
He let go of me and shrugged his shoulders. “Isn’t it obvious?”
I shook my head. I wanted to hear him say the words. I needed to know if I was right, or if I was completely wrong in thinking that I was more to him than the little girl he had guilted himself into protecting. He had kissed me, so I couldn’t be that far off base, right?
“I care about you,” he answered.
Though he said the words I had hoped to hear, one question still remained. Was it the little girl, or the mature young woman she had become, that he cared about?
“You don’t have to keep protecting me, Nathan. I’m not that little girl anymore.”
“I know that. I wasn’t thinking about it like that, Kris. I protected you because I wanted to, because I really do care about you.”
Me. He cared about me, not the little girl who thought he was her guardian angel all those years ago. My intuition had been right. All this time, while I had been falling for him, he had already been there, suppressing his feelings behind orchestrated words and acts of indifference.
Maybe even a few lies?
“You were never going to leave, were you?” I asked in a small voice. Had he said it just to make me think he didn’t care?
He shrugged and lowered his head to avoid my eyes. “I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it.”
Oh. I couldn’t keep the hurt out of my voice. “But you wanted to?”
“No. I needed to.”
“I don’t get it. Why?”
Nathan tossed his hands up with a shrug and rushed through with his answer like he knew how ridiculous it sounded, but it was the best he could come up with, “Because I care about you.” I could see that he had something to add. I waited and he hesitated, like I have seen him do before, but this time, he went through with his answer. “I thought it would be best, for you, if I weren’t around.”
Just how ridiculous I found that explanation was audible in my voice. “Why would you think that?”
He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“No, I’m not.”
He looked down at his feet for only a second. When he looked up at me, there was a fire in his eyes, and it wasn’t because he was mad at me. “You really want to know why?”
I managed only a small nod because he took a step just then, closing the distance between us and stealing my next breath. Next thing I knew, I was pressed between him and the railing, and his mouth was claiming mine with a fierceness I hadn’t expected, even from him. I was so stunned it took me a second to respond—but only a second before I softened and opened myself to him.
His fingertips brushed down my sides, coming to a stop at my waist, where he gripped to lift me onto the railing. My mouth parted with a small gulp of surprise and he plunged deeper. His hands rested on my hips as he wedged between my knees. My hands slid up his chest and over his shoulders to the back of his head, where I buried them in the tufts of hair I found there, holding him to me, never wanting him to stop what he was doing to me.
Much too soon, he did, and left me feeling bare. Exposed. Empty.
He entwined his hands through my hair and, with a subtle tug, tipped my face up to his. Nose to nose, our heavy breaths mingled, and our eyes met.
“That’s why,” he murmured. He inched back just enough that some of the fog lifted, and I remembered some of what we had been talking about before the world’s greatest kiss had distracted me.
“I shouldn’t...” His voice was thick with emotion. Or maybe lust. “I shouldn’t want this. The way I look you now...changed somewhere along the way.”
He sounded distraught, and I tried to pull him to me again, as if kissing could solve everything, but he held firm, frustratingly close. Not close enough.
I considered the possibility that he may be the type of guy that responded better to conversation, and so, I opted for that angle. “How long have you felt like this?” I asked him.
“A long time.”
“How long?” I pressed.
He shrugged bashfully.
“Since the car accident?” I asked quietly.
He grimaced uncomfortably. “Around then.”
I knew that dream had been real. His anguish over almost losing me, that sort of kiss—it had all been real. And, I was sure that it had been the moment he had realized his feelings for me.
“This is still a little weird for me,” he continued, pulling me from my thoughts. “You were three when I first found you. I watched you grow up the last six years.” He shrugged as if that explained everything.
“What? You think you’re too old for me?” I guessed.
“I am too old for you.”
“You’re twenty-two.”
He tapped a finger to his head. “Up here, I’ve experienced thirty-five years.”
“But you don’t look thirty-five.” My eyes wandered over the young tight body in front of me. Even clothed, I was reminded of what I knew was underneath. “I went to school with a girl who dated a forty year old, who looked forty. That was gross, but you are definitely not gross.”
He gave me one of his almost smiles, but I knew he still wasn’t convinced.
“Besides, I’m going to be eighteen soon, and then I could date anybody, any age, I wanted,” I continued.
Finally, I saw the trace of a dimple. “Are you trying to make this sound better?”
I shrugged, feigning innocence.
“Age is only part of the problem,” he added somberly.
“What’s the other part?” I asked hesitantly.
“Alec, for one.”
My stomach flip-flopped. Uh-oh.
“I know how into him you were, and maybe still are....” He trailed off and he may have been giving me an opportunity to correct him, but I didn’t.
I couldn’t. Not when he might have been right. Granted, I had fallen hard for Nathan. But seeing Alec again had brought back some of the feelings I still had for him, deeply rooted in my heart, and I couldn’t ignore them.
“But I don’t...” I started meekly, fighting for the right words, any words, to say to Nathan. “I don’t feel for Alec what I feel for you. It’s different somehow.”
“But it’s there,” Nathan insisted. “And that’s okay.”
That earned an eyebrow raise from me. “It’s okay that I have feelings for both of you?”
Really? Did he understand what he was saying?
He nodded, and then hesitated in a way that worried me. I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to like his reasoning. “I don’t know if I’m prepared to act on this—this thing between us.”
Prepared to act? Wouldn’t that include kissing, which we have already done? “You mean, more than you already have?” I couldn’t help the trace of sarcasm in my tone. It was in my nature after all.
“Yeah.” He gripped the back of his neck as he shifted uncomfortably. “I got carried away. I shouldn’t have...”
Oh, no. He regretted kissing me? It was the worst feeling in the world, the worst news I had ever received—aside from the revelation that I was a Skotadi. I wondered if he could hear my heart breaking into a million pieces. Surely, he saw the devastation on my face before I dropped my head.
“Kris?” He lifted my chin with his hand. He struggled to find the right words, and ended up saying nothing.
“I like you,” I said with a shrug. “A lot.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “How about some time?” he finally offered. “Time for both of us to figure some things out. Because we both have a lot to figure out.”
Yeah—my feelings for two guys and his girlfriend’s return from the dead. To say that we both had some baggage was an understatement. In the wake of realizing that, all I could manage was a pathetic, “Yeah, I guess we do.”
“Kris?” He waited until I looked up at him before he continued, “Just because I’m not ready to act on my feelings doesn’t change how I feel about you. That’s there, and it’s not going anywhere. I just...”
“Need to think?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I get it.” And I did. We both had some thinking to do. But, like he said, the feelings weren’t going to go anywhere as we took some time figuring them out. I even managed to smile despite the dull ache in my heart. “I guess that means you’re not going to leave?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he confirmed with a chuckle.
“You know what else this means, right?”
He tilted his head. “What?”
My smile grew. “You’re going to have to work with Alec.”
Nathan closed his eyes with a groan, like he had forgotten that unfortunate detail. When he looked at me again, I saw the answer to one of my earlier questions written all over his face.
“You’re jealous!” I exclaimed. “That’s why you don’t like Alec!”
“No,” he replied automatically, paused, and then shrugged as if to say, well, maybe a little.
I tried to mask my teasing smile, but it was hard to pull off. It was just too funny that, considering all the reasons Nathan had to dislike Alec, jealousy topped the list. “You’re going to have to get over that,” I said. “You two are going to be seeing a lot more of each other.”
“Can’t wait,” he grumbled.
As if on cue, Callie opened the front door and entered the apartment with a brown bag with grease stains on the bottom. Alec followed with four cups of steaming hot coffee. Nathan stepped back and helped me down from my perch on the railing before either of them saw us. He started for the door, and then turned back to me.
“You’re sure about this?” he asked.
Through the window, I watched as Alec scanned the empty apartment, and met his eyes when they eventually shifted to the porch. “I’m positive,” I said.
Nathan gave a slightly reluctant nod—I considered that an improvement—and opened the door for me to enter ahead of him. Alec’s eyes were glued on me as we approached, like he somehow knew what had transpired between Nathan and me on the porch. I started to smile encouragingly—or maybe it was apologetically—when I heard Nathan address Alec from behind me.
“You’re here to help?” he asked, voice clipped.
Alec never took his eyes from mine as he nodded his answer to Nathan.
“I’m going to be keeping an eye on you,” Nathan warned.
Finally, Alec shifted his attention to Nathan. “Likewise.”
I groaned. “Alright, enough. You guys don’t like each other. I get it. But I trust you both.” I gave them each a stern glare, ending with Nathan. “So deal with it.”
Alec shrugged at the same time Nathan mumbled, “Okay.”
They acted like a couple of kids that I had just scolded for fighting on the playground. I nearly laughed, but held it back, not wanting to give them the impression that their behavior was acceptable. There was a stretch of silence as I let them both sulk that was eventually broken by Callie’s voice of reason.
“Don’t want to be a downer in the midst of this beautiful bonding moment, but does anyone have a plan?”
Another quiet stretch followed before Nathan spoke up. “I think determining what happened to Lillian is key. I’m sure she’s not the only one they turned. Somebody knows something. We just have to find them.”
Alec nodded thoughtfully, surprisingly in agreement. “I know where a few of the higher-up Skotadi can be found. We can get them alone and use our powers of persuasion to get the information we need.” A slow grin spread on his face. “I think I’m going to like this part.”
“We’re going to find and torture Skotadi for information?” I felt sick. Not at the thought of torture, but at the improbability of this plan. It wasn’t a very good one. It also sounded dangerous.
Unexpectedly, Nathan was the one to side with Alec. “We’ve got to start somewhere.”
“And I’m going to do what I can to help,” Callie volunteered.
“We’ll find a way,” Nathan added with far more confidence than I felt.
I looked back and forth between the guys—the two that I have put all of my trust in, the two that shared the same treasured spot in my heart, and the two that I knew would not let me down. No matter how impossible their plan was.
At least they agreed on it.
And, well, I was just glad they weren’t trying to kill each other. Because even if they were natural enemies, hated each other with a passion, and would butt heads every step of the way, there were no two other people on earth I would rather have by my side through what awaited me.
I had a feeling we were in for one hell of an uphill battle. One that there was a good chance wouldn’t work, or that would get us all killed. But, then, what else was new?
That was the life I now knew.
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s do this.”
EPILOGUE
3 weeks later...
It was a clear night, and the moon was full, providing Callie and me with enough light to see our surroundings. Unfortunately, it also meant others could see us, where we leaned against the side of our rusty old Tahoe, which was parked in the driveway of a sprawling ranch home in a quiet neighborhood.
Every time we did this, I was nervous. Tonight, more so than usual. The moon was to blame. I preferred to be unseen.
“Is it just me, or are they taking longer than usual?” Callie mused from beside me.
“Definitely longer,” I agreed.
“Think they’re okay?”
I lifted the walky-talky in my hand. It had been at least twenty minutes since they had reported that they had found their target and were beginning the interrogation.
Interrogation. That was what they called it. However, I imagined something far more ominous was unfolding inside the house. Even though they were taking longer with this one—their third Skotadi hijacking—I had all the confidence in the world that they were okay. Actually, they were probably rather enjoying themselves.
Despite their strained and reluctant partnership, I was surprised by how well Alec and Nathan worked together. It was kind of scary, really, how similar they were when it came to making decisions and executing them. And, even if they have yet to uncover any significant intel, I had faith that they would. Eventually.
Maybe even tonight? Maybe that was why they were taking longer—maybe they were on to something?
“They’re fine,” I told Callie.
She sighed loudly, clearly not seeing the potential positives that might come from them taking longer. “So,” she said conversationally, “anything new in the dream department?”
After we had fled Alec’s apartment three weeks ago, I had made the decision to not keep anything from Callie again. She knew everything—from my long history with Nathan, to what I have discovered about myself and what I was, and even the strange dreams I have yet to decipher.
“Still the same,” I told her.
The boy in white had returned to my dreams on a nightly basis, which I took to mean that he was no longer on the run from the Skotadi. Every night, the black void between us got smaller, I got closer to seeing his face, and the voice inside the dream got louder and clearer. It was him, I now knew, and he needed to tell me something.
Whatever it was began with an ‘S’ and sounded like the name of a person or a place. That was all I had so far, but every night, I got closer to understanding it, and grew more and more hopeful.
Because, even if he was supposed to be, I knew that was not my enemy. If anything, I got a sense of security from him, like he was a friend, an ally. I realized how crazy that sounded, but I knew it was true. Though I didn’t yet understand how, I knew that he was a vital piece of the puzzle.
Or I was just that gullible.
“You say anything to Nathan about them yet?” Callie asked me.
“Tell him that I’m having dreams about another guy? Uh, no. He’s already weird enough as it is.”
While Alec was not shy about voicing his feelings, Nathan was sticking to his decision to not act on
his. Since that kiss on the porch, he has kept his distance, thoroughly frustrating me in the process. I didn’t think that telling him about the boy in white would help my cause.
“It’s probably just being around Alec,” Callie offered.
“And let’s not forget the part about me turning evil,” I added. Making light of my doomed fate was the only way I knew how to deal with it.
Even though my uncertain future worried Callie, she went along with my desire to not dwell on it. “That is quite the mood breaker,” she laughed along with me, and then sobered. “But seriously, I’ve seen the way Nathan looks at you.”
Her tone grabbed my full attention and I turned to look at her expectantly.
“He’s crazy about you.”
Even if only briefly, her words made me smile.
“And we all know Alec is,” she continued with a giggle.
“It’s not funny, Callie,” I scolded. Really, being stuck between two guys sucked. I sure wasn’t enjoying it. Not like Callie was.
“It’s a little funny,” she insisted.
The look I gave Callie effectively communicated my desire to be done with this conversation. The smile on Callie’s face faded and she turned away from me, to observe the house once again.
“So,” she began slowly, drawing the word out, “should we interrupt their fun, or what?”
I eyed the house reluctantly. Going in there was not something I really wanted to do. Some things—like what they did to convince the Skotadi to dish on top secret information—were better left unknown. But then, the shadows on the street were growing darker and closer the longer Callie and I stood there.
I didn’t want to run the risk of anyone spotting us either.
I brought the walky-talky to my mouth. “Hey, guys?” I spoke into it, and waited.
And waited. Long enough that my stomach started to feel hollow with concern. Callie met my eyes, and I saw that she felt it too.
Maybe they weren’t okay after all.
“Everything okay in there?” I called into the speaker, and was answered by silence on the other end.
“Maybe they’re on another channel,” Callie suggested softly.
“Maybe,” I said, though I doubted it. We had set the channels before they went in. I handed the walky-talky to Callie. “I’m going to go find them.”