by L. J. Red
Chapter 16
Talon drowned in rage, time stretching out until he didn’t know how long he had lain there, his muscles aching, tensing and locking, his breath raw in his chest, his heart beating fit to break his ribs. Then, through the haze of madness and rage, he heard something. Faint at first, then gradually growing louder. A thread of gold through the darkness. A quiet, insistent noise, soothing and calling him, calling him up and out of the dark. It cut through the waves of his emotions, tamed them with a touch, and finally, Talon felt his exhausted body relaxing, his limbs sinking into the ground, his heaving breaths slowing. A touch, a solid hold on his hands, pulled him out of the madness.
He dragged in a final gasp and opened his eyes. He expected to see Lucian looking down at him, but instead, Eden was sitting beside him, her warm hands enclosing his own.
“Hey,” she said softly, and he realized he recognized her voice. It had been her singing to him within his mind, drawing him back to consciousness. He stared at her, speechless. How had she done it? How had she saved him? Then on the heels of that thought, he realized there was only one way she could have saved him. The soulmate bond, the only thing his body would have recognized as more important than his rage. She had called him out of his madness because she was his soulmate. The knowledge rocked through him, shattered the last of his barriers, the truth burning away his denial.
Talon dragged his heavy head up to see Lucian and Neal standing close by, ready to intervene, and beyond, Rune and Dana circled around May and Hope, their stances defensive, Rune’s neck still marked by blood from the wound Talon had given him. He let his head thump back to the ground. He had attacked a Shadow. He had given in to the rage in front of a human, in front of Lucian’s and Neal’s mates. Worse, he had done it in front of Eden.
He turned to look back at her, his eyes drawn like iron to a magnet. He’d just proven to her that he was a monster, no better than the Radiance scum he’d taken her from. Despair rose in him, choked him, and he tugged his hand free from her grip, missing her expression of loss as he rolled to his feet, swaying from exhaustion. He looked up at Lucian, despair in his eyes.
“I’m not hurt,” Rune spoke up, glancing between Talon and Lucian, clearly worried for Talon’s fate. “There was no harm done.”
“There was harm,” Talon ground out, his voice raw. “I lost control…” He trailed off. “You know what you must do,” he said to Lucian.
“Go clear your head,” Lucian said into the silence. “Stay on Sanctuary grounds. We will speak once you’ve had some time to settle.”
His voice was hard and promised nothing. Talon hunched his shoulders, feeling low and defeated. He nodded and turned to the doors, not looking at Eden. He couldn’t bear to see the rejection and horror she must feel.
Talon walked away from the ballroom, not turning back once. He let his feet lead him aimlessly through the Sanctuary. He felt hollowed out, empty, and his mind couldn’t hold on to any thoughts, just the dawning horror at what he had almost done. He could have killed Rune. Without Lucian and Neal there to hold him off, with his wild rage fueling him, he could easily have killed a vampire he respected, his brother, a fellow Shadow. He bowed his head; he was truly lost.
He found himself in the courtyard between the Shadows’ rooms, the first place he had come when he arrived at the Sanctuary, many months ago. He looked up at the windows to Lucian’s rooms. He remembered meeting Dana there, needling Lucian until he snapped. But Lucian hadn’t reacted like Talon had. He hadn’t unleashed the kind of rage Talon had on Rune. Talon knew he’d lost control. He was unlike his fellow Shadows. He’d finally gone too far. He sank down onto the edge of the fountain, his head in his hands. He didn’t know what he was going to do.
He didn’t know how many hours passed before he heard quiet, deliberate steps, and he raised his head to see Lucian approaching. He tensed, ready to take his punishment, ready to hear the worst, to hear Lucian pass the verdict he knew was coming. Death. But instead, Lucian came closer and sat beside him, his shoulder pressed against Talon’s in silent support.
“Anything I say now I imagine you’ve already told yourself a hundred times. Any anger, any punishment, I can see you are already hearing in your mind.”
“I fucked up.”
“Yes, Talon, you did.”
“I attacked a fellow Shadow.”
“Yes.”
“Why aren’t you done with me then?” Talon looked at Lucian in desperation. “You should be mad.”
“I am angry,” Lucian said carefully, “but not with you.” His eyes were dark. “I’m angry with myself.”
“What?” Talon asked, reeling back.
“For not helping you. For not seeing this earlier. I’ve failed you, Talon,” he said seriously, “and I can only hope you will forgive me.”
“What are you talking about? I’m the one who almost killed Rune—”
“I should never have let it get this far. I should have stopped sending you out alone on the most brutal of cases. I should have given you more time between assignments—”
“It’s not your fucking fault; its mine, and I can’t believe we’re arguing about this. You should be killing me right now.” Talon jumped to his feet.
Lucian stared up at him. “You came back, Talon. You know how many vampires have returned to sanity from a killing rage?” He stood and faced Talon, his eyes deadly serious. “None. No one. But you did. She brought you back.”
Talon stared. “No.”
“Yes, Talon, you cannot deny it anymore. Eden is your soulmate,”
“No.” Talon shook his head roughly. “I know that. I know she is,” he admitted. “Hell, I knew it from the start. I was just too much a fool to admit it. But fuck, Lucian, you saw what I was like back there. She saw that; she saw me at my worst. In what possible world would she choose me now?”
“Tell her,” Lucian urged. “Tell her the truth—”
“I can’t. No. No way.” Talon paced up and down. “I’m not telling her, Lucian, and that’s final. She doesn’t deserve to be tied to a monster like me.”
“You’re not a monster, Talon. You’re a warrior, you have scars, we all do, but you will heal from this. As for her, don’t make her decisions for her. I made that mistake with Dana. Let her decide, but you must tell her.”
Talon turned away. Tell Eden? Tell her she was his soulmate? That she was tied to a violent monster like him for the rest of eternity? He could never do that to her.
Chapter 17
Talon lay on his bed in the darkness of his room, the dawn sun closed behind thick blinds. He’d stayed talking with Lucian long into the night, but they’d circled around and around with no solution. He knew Lucian was right. He had to tell Eden; he had to show her exactly how deeply they were tied together. It wasn’t fair on her otherwise. The bond was here to stay, she needed to know. But he couldn’t bear to do it, to trap her in another hell just like the one she had only recently escaped from. She’d said he was no better than the Ravagers, and she was right; he was just as bad as them, only instead of turning her into a vampire against her will, now he was tying her to him.
He tossed and turned, his concerns plaguing him until, finally, he fell into an uneasy half-sleep. His thoughts twisted their way through his mind, reaching out, despite his intention to hold back, and between one breath and the next he found himself in the welcome darkness of Eden’s mind.
She was standing in a hallway, a few paces before him, moving quickly, putting her head into empty rooms and calling with a voice that was muffled in the dream, the words snatched away into an unintelligible mumble. He walked quickly, trying to catch up with her, but she remained stubbornly ahead, starting to pull away. He was losing her. His breath caught and he ran, sprinting, gathering the shadows to him and using them to flicker through the air forward toward her. But further and further she receded until she was all the way at the end of the long hallway, about to turn the corner and disappear. It was a dream, it didn’t m
atter, neither of them was really there, but Talon still couldn’t stand to see her leave.
“Eden!”
His voice echoed off the walls and Eden finally stopped walking and turned to him. He came out of the shadows, appearing before her and sweeping her into his arms. The world spun, and when they finally left the shadows, they were standing in the courtyard, the noise of the fountain gently breaking the air around them. The night was cool, and he could smell honeysuckle on the air.
He could feel Eden’s confusion through the bond, and he sent a soothing wave of reassurance toward her. She turned in his arms and, thinking quickly, Talon dragged the shadows around his face and his body, masking him from view. Eden turned fully to face him, and he wished he could tear the shadows away and show her his face but he couldn’t risk it. Not after the mess he’d just made in their waking lives. Better she didn’t know it was him.
“Who are you?” she whispered. “Where are we?”
Talon looked at her, the precious innocence in her eyes, the edge of wonder as she looked around the courtyard. The dream world was outlined in light, a glittering gold, beautiful, unreal, and he refused to break that beauty by showing her who he was. “We’re wherever you want to be,” he said. “And I’m whoever you want me to be.” He reached slowly toward her, his fingertips stretched in shadow like a silken glove, and he ran his fingers up her arm, delighting in the smoothness of her skin as he drew her in close to him. With his other hand, he placed his fingers under her chin and raised her face to meet him. Unable to bear the distance a moment longer, he gave in to the desire that had been dragging at him ever since he met her, and he kissed her lush, inviting mouth.
The bond sparked and opened between them, but Talon didn’t care. He wanted it. He was through with denying it to himself. Eden was his soulmate. He needed her like the humans needed to breathe, and every moment of the kiss drew them deeper together, binding their souls and spreading the light all the way through their bodies. Desire flashed from the kiss into his body, electrifying his nerves and rocketing down his spine and lying heavy between his legs, starting a heavy, low pulse of need he couldn’t deny. He angled his hips away so she wouldn’t feel his hardness. Too much, too soon, but fuck, he wanted her. He ached to feel her clenching around him. He wanted to feel the silky softness of her body, but not with his face hidden. He couldn’t do that to her. That would be one secret too far.
“Who are you?” she whispered. “I feel I should know you.” She raised her hand toward his face.
His shadows moved, parting at her desire. This was a shared dream and she could have control over it just as easily as he could. She was no human after all; she was a fully-fledged vampire, and his soulmate. But he couldn’t let her know who he was. She couldn’t find out the truth, that the violent madman she had just seen lost to his wildness was the same one holding her so firmly in the dream.
He had to distract her, and it was easy to fall back into another kiss, to fall back into the desire thrumming through the bond.
“It doesn’t matter,” he urged between kisses, his voice a soft, coaxing purr. “Just feel.” He caught her hand where it trembled in the air, turning it and kissing her wrist softly, feeling the delicate bones under the skin. She gasped and he could hear the sound of her heart beating faster as desire rose within her, the air scented with the beginning of her arousal. He growled, dropping hot kisses along the sensitive inner skin of her wrist and up her arm, then he captured her lips once more.
She melted into the kiss and Talon surrendered to sensation shamelessly, driving her pleasure higher as desire thrummed heavy between them. She was perfect, made for him. He couldn’t give this up. Every night he would come to her. Every moment asleep he would give her pleasure like she’d never felt. And every moment awake he would work to leash his violence. He would force his wildness down inside himself, he would give up his savagery. If he had to stop going on missions, he would do it. Anything to be worthy of her.
The thought of giving up the one thing that gave him meaning, his role as a Shadow, hurt him deep inside. But he had no choice. She would never want him otherwise. He forced any conflicted thoughts away, drowning himself in desire and plundering once more the treasures of her mouth. He wanted her to feel all the pleasure she could feel, wanted to lift her to heights she had not known. He wanted to give her everything in the dream that he couldn’t in waking life.
Talon gently rocked them backward, shifting the dream around them so they were lying on the soft grass, the night sounds surrounding them as he coaxed her to open to him. He slid his hand over her neck, kissing the soft, delicate skin of her throat. She moaned underneath him, gasping, and he felt the shiver through the bond at the sensations he was calling forth. It was as if the feelings were new to her, as if no one had ever taken the time to devote to her satisfaction before. He growled under his breath, anger rippling through him, cursing the fools who had treated her badly before. She tensed underneath him and he forced the anger back, turning away from it. He would not lose himself to that again. He would be gentle, and he ruthlessly chained his anger down, focusing instead on the feel of her underneath him, focusing on the delicious way she rubbed against him, instinctive, wanton, driving him out of his mind, driving him to distraction. He ached to drop his hips and let her feel the aching hardness between his legs, to blink away her clothes with a thought and take roughly what she was so innocently offering. Her body arched beneath him, her eyes half-lidded with desire.
But Talon refused to be rough. Instead, he coaxed. Gently he teased her with hot, heavy kisses, until she was writhing and moaning underneath him, her dark hair spread around her face. “Please,” she moaned. “I want you. I need you.” Her hand crept down to the junction of her legs. He gripped her hand, halting her movement.
“Let me,” he said. His shoulders curling like a panther, he crawled down her body. He inhaled deeply, surrounded by her hot musky scent. Dizzy with lust, he buried his head between her legs. She cried out in pleasure, bucking her hips up so hard he had to grip them and hold them down as he led her higher and higher, plunging deeper within her, lips and tongue working furiously, delighting in the wet heat of her. She was so responsive; it filled him with satisfaction at the way she gave herself over to her pleasure. He loved seeing her driven wild with sensation, worshipped. He ached, but his own pleasure meant nothing in the face of hers. He built the fire higher and higher. She thrust up to meet him, her entire body tensing and crying out as pleasure rocketed through her. He felt an echo of it: bright white heat through the bond flowed into him. The dream buckled around them once, twice, then broke apart.
Chapter 18
Eden surged awake, panting, the covers twisted around her legs, thick, wet heat and glorious shivers of lust still running through her. She had never had a dream that intense. It took her a long time to get her breathing back to normal.
She had never had a dream like that. She couldn’t imagine why she would now. She barely left her room the rest of the night, caught by aftershocks, sense memories that sent bolts of shattering desire through her. She found herself hoping, wishing, the dream lover would return the next night. And he did, and the night after that. Three nights in a row, she felt loved, cherished, as he showed her through every touch and every kiss how intimacy was supposed to feel.
There was a realness to him that made her wonder if he was more than merely a dream person thought up by her own mind. But that was impossible. It was a dream; it wasn’t real. Just her restless mind giving her a strange, delicious escape. Perhaps it was something about being surrounded by the Shadows, the aura of desire the warriors carried with them. Like… Like Talon.
She’d finally admitted to herself that the sexual heat he radiated was unique. The other Shadows were gorgeous hunks of vampire strength, but only Talon caused that chain reaction of lust within her. She wished she could speak to him, ask him what had happened between them in the ballroom. But he was avoiding her again. Occasionally, s
he would get the strange sense that he was near, that he was watching her even when she couldn’t see him. But that was foolish. He had no reason to seek her out. He didn’t like her, after all. He didn’t want anything to do with her; he’d made that clear in the gym. And she reminded herself that despite her desire, she shouldn’t want anything to do with him, not after the display of violence he’d shown in the ballroom. It didn’t matter what had come after. Nothing about that made any sense. She couldn’t really have called Talon back from his madness. She was a nobody. It had to have been something Lucian had done. What was Eden to Talon? Nothing.
She would’ve hidden away in her rooms for the entire week, given half a chance, but instead, May seemed to have made it her mission to coax Eden out of her rooms, getting her to open up about her nurse training, even going so far as to introduce her properly to Dr. Patil. Eden might actually have the chance to learn from her for however long she was at the Sanctuary. She wasn’t sure how long that would be; she hadn’t wanted to push her luck. She was determined to learn as much as she could while she was here. That was what she had been doing all through the day, fighting her tiredness to try and learn from Dr. Patil, who was forced to pull crazy shifts to keep up with the vampires and her work at Rush University Medical Center.
Eden pushed open the door to her rooms, her thoughts straying again to the dream lover, hoping she would see him when she slept, already drifting into delicious memories, but stepping inside, she was brought abruptly back to earth by the sight of Hope rifling through her possessions.