“Breena, if you will,” Anahita whispered.
The little fairy zoomed right over, still in a better mood from all the cookies, apparently. She looked over the items in the container and began muttering an incantation I vaguely recognized as a Wood magic detection spell. She closed her eyes as the spell finished, and gave a delicate sniff as green magic wafted up into her nostrils.
“Yup…” Breena pronounced, “this is definitely the good stuff. Sort of. Definitely wouldn’t put any of it in a salad, though.”
“I would,” Anahita said softly, and with a small smile that somehow made my spine twitch.
“Well, I know you would,” Breena complained. “I meant ‘don’t put it in a salad for anyone you like.’ Like Wes.” She offered, pointing at me. “Not if you’re trying to be nice.”
“Do I need to know what any of this is?” I asked. “And Breena, why did you cast a detection spell? Couldn’t you have just asked Anahita what these things were?”
“Oh, I knew what these things are,” Breena clarified. “You probably would too if you got a good look at them. I was just making sure I knew the specifics of the compounds. So that I could either duplicate them or provide the antidote.”
“Oh,” I said, before realizing something. “Wait. Why would I be able to recognize them? Botany isn’t one of my main skills.”
“Because they appear on Earth too, silly.” Breena waved her finger at me. “Most of them, anyway.”
“Wait, seriously?” I asked. “Like, exactly the same plant, instead of some Avalonian or Woadland cousin?”
“They’re not specific to any one planet.” Breena rolled her eyes. “Extremely poisonous plants pop up as part of some Challenges. Except on Earth, where they’ve completely integrated into the fauna somehow. We never figured out how, but that’s true of most dangerous creatures there.”
“You and Stell have talked about that before,” I said, searching my memory, “but I can’t remember exactly what you said.”
“Oh, that’s probably just because you didn’t believe us at the time!” Breena announced helpfully. “Remember how Stell and I were both like, ‘Wes, the most dangerous non-Risen, non-Descended animals are all on Earth’ and you were like ‘that’s impossible, Stell and Breena. We don’t even have any magic on Earth.’ And then we went back and forth over how just because something isn’t officially magical, doesn’t make it non-dangerous, and how we pointed out that you guys have grizzly bears and those gibber-kin-looking things you call honey badgers, and I forget the rest myself. But you get the idea.”
Right, I remembered. My home planet was probably the only place in the Expanse where people couldn’t Rise or use magic, and it was also the place where all kinds of horrible things happened that either didn’t happen elsewhere in the Expanse, or just wasn’t as big of a deal thanks to vital guards or Icons or whatnot.
We were also the only race that had somehow made the biggest ruling class in the Expanse feel threatened by us, and apparently the best race for the Starsown to use as Challengers and save worlds, so go figure.
“At any rate,” Breena continued, “I’ve got the details worked out. My magic can mimic most of the plant-based ingredients, but we’ll need another catalyst. Like Wes’ Blood magic. Actually, we’ll need Wes’ blood. Preferably infused with a sample of the poison.”
“I was wondering when we were getting to that part,” I quipped. “So, how much am I taking in, and what do I need to do to prepare? Am I just going to sweat and cough like those guys in Tajam’s plaza did?”
“No,” Anahita said with a shake of her head. “I had to design their poison to be slow-acting, so that I could get them all at once without any of them noticing. Those men actually ingested their deaths weeks ago, back when I first learned of their plans. We no longer have the luxury of time, nor the opportunity to poison every single Malus operative at once. Instead, I must design something potent and fast-acting. And you must hopefully survive it.” The black-garbed woman turned to look at Breena. “How good is he at surviving horrible situations?”
“I think they’re a key ingredient in his protein shake,” the pink-haired sprite admitted. “Or at least, they happen constantly, he overcomes them constantly, and then gets a huge power-boost afterwards. At a rate no other Challenger has ever done. So yeah,” the little fairy grumbled and shot me a dark look. “Load him up. But don’t get mad if he sprouts wings or something afterwards.”
I’m just kidding, she messaged me through the mindlink. I mean, I’m still irritated, but I’m going to be watching to make sure you’re okay.
Noted, I replied, but whatever happens, I’ll try to keep the same number of eyes and ears. Just for you.
Aww, thanks, Breena said sweetly, before sounding cross again. I am seriously going to hold you to that, you know.
I shrugged noncommittally and began casting magic.
Hey, wait a minute, Teeth spoke up. I wasn’t paying attention. What’s happening again?
Anahita had walked over to a small table somehow she had managed to tuck into the room’s corner, and began mixing things together with a mortar pestle.
The woman you were just ogling is about to dump all of her remaining poison into our bodies.
Ogling her? Teeth protested. I wasn’t ogling her!
Yes, I sighed, you were and still are, ogling her. And I already told you she was about to poison us. What the hell is wrong with you right now?
This isn’t ogling! my inner dragon protested. This is just art appreciation! And if you really had a problem with it, you’d be staring at the ceiling right now!
Damn.
Guilty, I admitted, still not looking directly at the beautiful woman mixing a toxic cocktail for me. The stress must be getting to us. At any rate, she’s about to poison us. So that we can use our Blood magic to make more poison.
Oh, okay, Teeth said. Right, now I remember you saying that. Sure, I can help with that. Got a spell right here.
Wait, really? I asked, why didn’t you say anything until now?
Was zoning out, the FNG mumbled awkwardly, sorry about that. But yeah. Let me rummage around in my genetic memories.
That was unusual. Teeth had ogled Stell’s Satellites numerous times during a fight—including whenever one was trying to kill us—without losing track of what was going on.
Something else was bothering him.
Found it, he said a moment later, as Anahita emptied the last mushroom in her little box and began grinding it into the rest of the mixture. Okay, this is basically going to turn our digestive track into a chemistry lab for a bit. It’s going to be super-painful, but we’ll be able to both survive the poison, and use our own blood to make more of it. Actually, we could even tinker with the toxins a bit, first. See if we can get anything else out of being poisoned. Everyone’s expecting that to happen anyway.
I tried to think of a proper reply to that, but Anahita was already walking toward me with slow, graceful steps, holding a small bowl in her hand.
The small smirk on her face told me she caught my trying not to stare at her.
“Is the Challenger ready for his next challenge?” the dark-eyed woman asked me in a smooth whisper.
“Only one way to find out?” I smiled back, hoping I was giving a correct answer. Anahita seemed to thrive on making a guessing game out of her words, and I was doing my best to play along.
Despite the large amount of toxins she was about to poison me with.
“Well, then,” the beautiful woman began, “since you need to ingest this, it would be best if we were to mix with something. I don’t suppose you have any more of tho—”
“No,” Breena interrupted flatly, hovering to my right. “No cookies. You will not be poisoning any sweets. Some things are still sacred.”
“Hold on,” I said, reaching into my storage. “I’ve got like half a dozen spare water flasks in my storage. We can use it, and then clean it with Water magic or something. Will that work?” I asked, s
ummoning one of the many emergency items I had packed away. Anahita blinked at me.
“Yes,” she began, “a canteen of water won’t be enough to dilute it, but how do you still have enough room for a dozen flasks? I thought you already had an axe and some swords and a polearm or two in there? And your armor? I thought I saw you wearing armor yesterday?” She raised an eyebrow at me.
I was currently just in my pants and shirt.
“It’s a big storage space,” I explained, “and it’s tied to my enhanced carrying capacity, so it can actually carry a bit over seven thousand pounds. Only unlike me, it can carry that much all day. So I try to pack as much spare gear in it as I can, in case someone needs an extra weapon or the locals are in need of supplies.”
“Seven thousand—” Anahita shook her head. “Nevermind. With as many Ideals as you have, it’s possible for your body to be that strong, if only barely.” She looked back at all the artifacts cluttering her hideaway. “How well does it store them? Are they carefully secured?”
“Aside from being unable to store anything living, I think so,” I replied. “I’ve checked my gear periodically, and I’ve never had anything scuffed or damaged. What do you have in mind?”
“Nothing, yet,” the mysterious woman said thoughtfully, having recovered from her earlier surprise. “But perhaps you can help me later with something, if your storage space isn’t too full. But we need to return to the topic of poisoning you.” Her smirk returned. “Would you mind opening your flask?”
I did as directed, and held it out for her. She removed a small clay funnel I had not noticed her carry until now, and used it to very, very carefully pour the poison’s powder into the container.
“You will be watching him, Breena?” the assassin asked her fellow Satellite. “I will as well, but medicine is not my strong point, and I do not have enough left to make an antidote.”
“Of course I’ll be watching him,” Breena muttered. “He’s the only Challenger we’ve got left. Wait, no—he’s the most senior Challenger we have left. Anyway, I’ve got my eye on him. He’s a keeper.”
“Good,” Anahita replied. “At any rate, Challenger, thank you for being willing to do this. I will owe you a proper drink, after this. Should you survive.”
Hey, that’s flirting, right? Teeth spoke up. I’m not misreading that? That’s not just a thing you do to be polite when you’re about to poison someone?
Just shut up and help me cast that spell, I muttered back.
Anahita was still smirking when I finished the Blood magic spell. As she stepped away from me, I lifted the flask, gave her a wink to try and be cool, then downed the liquid in several gulps.
“Huh,” I said as I lowered the empty container, “doesn’t taste different at all. Just like normal water.”
“Thank you.” The dusk-skinned woman smiled sweetly. “I work very hard to make my toxins tasteless and traceless.”
Dur.
That made sense.
She still stood there, though, watching me, not saying anything.
“Soooo,” I began awkwardly, “how long do I have to wait for this to take effect? I’m not feeling any elephants yet…” I blinked. “That sentence feels wrong. Breena?” I asked, looking at my blue and green polka-dot fairy familiar. “How much longer until the accordion I smoked starts affecting me? Am I going to notice, or is it just going to put a fuzzy tire on my bathrobe without me ever realizing?”
“You’re perfectly close-grained, Wes,” the little fairy said, her voice somewhat muffled by the scuba mask she always wore. “In fact, the opera lesson you just drank should have already run its course by now. Why don’t you just kick back and eat the rest of the cookies? I think I’m too tired of sugar to finish them, and there’s a whole dozen left.”
Fuck.
Yeah, that last part was the real clue.
I was already poisoned, and hallucinating badly.
“Whoa,” I said, stepping backwards, nearly slipping on all the velcro in the room. “This stuff is really, really strong.”
“It’s elementary school glue,” Anahita said as she shrugged her knees. “What did you expect?”
“I knew it,” I replied, as hundreds of early childhood memories suddenly made sense. “And there’s no way they all didn’t know it when they gave it to us…our alphabet never would have made sense without it…”
Still so hot, Teeth moaned, then paused as a thought struck him. Hey, wait…do you think this is how other women get their guys to do dumb things?
Are we doing dumb things right now? I asked, trying to find a place on the swing set to sit down. Wait…we’re poisoned…just how bad off are we right now?
I vaguely remembered that my Constitution Trait was just under 500, meaning that my body was more or less fifty times more robust than the average human, and that the Ideal of Blood was supposed to help me handle toxins, and had been further strengthened after my encounter with the spidery Keeper queen…even though it still conflicted with my Ideal of Radishes.
So as I sat in the swing under the Woadfather tree, I tried to check my body. My hands looked perfectly fine. I didn’t feel any pain or dizziness. In fact, I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all.
“Breena,” I tried again, “do I really look okay? I have a feeling that I’m on an extremely bad trip.”
“You look completely proper, Wes,” Breena said eloquently as she adjusted the cowboy hat on her head. “But you should really eat some more of these cookies. I’ve already had all I can stand.”
Fuck.
Blatant impossibilities like that were a really bad sign.
Hold on, Teeth spoke up, I’m on it. The hallucination’s mostly affecting your part of our brain. But our spell’s already working. Here. Check this out.
I turned my attention away from the world of underwater clowns and Woadfather trees, and toward the workings of my inner body.
Something I would not normally be able to do if I was completely sober.
CHAPTER 29: LESSON LEARNED
Immediately, the hallucinations faded. I became aware that something fluid, venomous, and powerful was attempting to turn my body inside out. Its shape would shift from spider to snake to centipede to brightly colored fish or bug to finally a very fuzzy mushroom.
But whatever shape it was, it would expel an ink-like substance that burned into the massive sea of power that was my vital guard. The venom hissed as it came into contact with it, and had already burned through much of it, but the rolling tide of life was far from depleted, and seemed to be burning away at the venom’s ink in turn. And as the ink dissipated, the shape-shifting Icon would shrink as well.
On the other side of my vital pool, Teeth stood, resembling how we both looked in our dragonform: a human covered with gold and red scales, our own face covered by a dragon-like mouth that extended slightly from our own chin and gave us a second set of jaws.
Hovering directly over his head were seven orbs of power—each with a different substance inside of them. Each substance was one of my Ideals, with the seventh, smallest orb being my Subideal of Ice.
And here, I could see how they were connected.
They formed an imperfect cross. The orb full of rock and dirt was opposite the orb full of rapidly moving wind. They buzzed angrily in each other’s direction, sending small motes of rock or light gusts of wind across the gulf between them.
But the motes and gusts were intercepted by the crackling orb hovering between them. Small bolts of electricity would zap them and pull them into the Lightning orb, where the wind and particles would dissolve into more lightning.
Then, the lightning would arc out to the Air and Earth orbs, sending small shocks into them, as if it were trying to jump-start a human heart.
And I realized that somehow, the presence of the middle Ideal strengthened the other two Ideals, despite their opposition to each other.
The orbs of Fire and Water took up the other two arms of the cross. Just as the opposition between Earth and
Water, they spat small pieces of themselves at each other. The only real difference was that a much smaller, frosted orb revolved around Water, though it stayed out of the fight and seemed like it was attempting to stay as far away from Fire as possible in its rotations, slowing down when it was on the opposite side of the orb full of Water, and speeding quickly to the other side whenever it had to cross in front of the orb full of flickering orange flames.
But whenever the droplets of water and embers of flame reached the center, they were swallowed up by the elements from the red orb in between the two. Small streams of Blood magic intercepted the emitted droplets and embers, and diverted them into the red orb’s center. There, the captured elements dissipated in a puff of steam that warmed the blood, which then traveled back toward their original orbs on thin red conveyor belts.
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