by Cherrie Lynn
“Stand him offstage?”
“No, put him on. He deserves it.”
“I’m on it.” Dan gave him a somber glance and left, leaving Eli alone with Quin. He wanted to snatch him off the bed and beat the everloving fuck out of him.
“You aren’t sitting me out,” Quin complained, apparently lucid enough to have caught the gist of what just happened.
“Are you trying to kill yourself, asshole, or just your career?”
“I feel good, man. It’s all good. I’m ready to go on.”
“You’re not ready, you’re an embarrassment, and you’re not leaving this nasty fuckin’ bus until you come down. Sit and wallow in your own shit for all I care, but I don’t want to lay eyes on you until you’re straight. You get me?”
“Fuck you, Vance. You don’t run shit. You don’t run me.”
“All right.” He couldn’t take the sight of him one more minute, so he turned and left. He’d been trying to put this train wreck back on the track for too long. It was time to have a meeting about Quin, and show the motherfucker who ran shit around here.
Twenty-Three
Everyone was tense for days. She didn’t have to know them all well to see it. Elijah was good with his boys, and pleasant enough to her, but underneath it all was a palpable strain. He didn’t talk about it outright, but she heard the whispers whenever she ventured off the bus. Quin might be on his way out if he didn’t straighten up his act, and a member of Aesthetic Ruin leaving would rock the rock-and-roll world. So she stayed out of everyone’s way as best she could.
Indianapolis. The boys were excited to see their grandparents, and Iris was excited for a few days at home . . . or so she tried to tell herself. When she watched Eli prowling the bus like a caged panther, she wasn’t so sure. What would he get up to while she was gone? The man looked like he needed to blow off a little steam himself.
She packed Dylan’s and Seger’s things with an odd sense of emptiness. These boys—they had become such a big part of her life over the last couple of years that even a few days away from them was strange to think about. They felt like family, not work. If her eyes burned a little bit, she tried to hide it from them, and especially from their dad.
“You want to come with us?” Eli called, throwing some of his own things into a bag in his bus bedroom. Stunned, Iris paused her own movements and turned her head slowly to look at him through the doorway.
“What?”
“I said, ‘Do you want to come with us?’”
It was repeated so pointedly that she chuckled. She’d heard him, all right, but she hadn’t believed. “I guess I was making sure you hadn’t bumped your head back there or something.”
He walked toward her, bracing his hands on the door jamb. “Your flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow, right?”
“Um, right.”
“No sense hanging out bored in a hotel room.”
“But . . . your parents. You’re going to show up there with a strange female?”
“They know all about you. My mom would love to meet you. They have six bedrooms. Plenty of room for you, trust me.”
He’d told his parents about her? Heidi would throw a fit. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I appreciate the offer, though.”
“Boys!” he called to where Seger and Dylan sat up front waiting to leave. “We’re going to play laser tag tonight. Who wants Iris to come with us?”
“Me!” Dylan cried.
“You bring her and I’m gonna take her out,” Seger warned.
“I’ve never played laser tag in my life,” she protested.
Eli’s cocky grin made her narrow her eyes. “Good,” he said. “Easy pickins.”
“Excuse me?”
He only laughed, turning to finish his packing. “Come on. We’ll kick your ass at laser tag and my mother will feed you a home-cooked meal. How can you say no?”
Oh God. He had her there. Food. And the thought of a few more hours with all of them made her sadness go away, or at least postponed it. How could she say no?
IRIS ALLOWED HERSELF to indulge in a dangerous game on the drive to the Vances’ house.
She imagined this was her life.
Not only being the caretaker to the boys. Something more permanent and encompassing than that.
Instead of having a driver drop them off, Eli had gotten a car and was driving. She sat in the passenger seat, awkwardly aware of how close their elbows were to touching, but not willing to move. She liked the electricity that seemed to shimmer in the air between their skin. It made her hair stand on end. How easy and natural it would seem to reach over and take his hand, even if it wouldn’t be natural at all.
She wanted this.
He seemed much more relaxed now that he was away from it all, lounging in the driver’s seat, laughing at the boys’ antics. Iris wondered how often he made it out to see his family, and finally ventured to ask.
“Not often enough,” he said. “I try to make it out for Christmas every year. And every tour stop. I take the boys at some point in the summer during off years.”
“How do your parents feel about what you do?”
He grinned a very white and very devilish grin, devastating with his dark sunglasses on. “They love it. Worried about me at first, you know, but they’ve seen things change. I try to do them proud. I think they are.”
“That’s nice. I’m kind of nervous.”
“What for? They’re regular people.”
What for indeed? It wasn’t as if she was his girlfriend. It wasn’t as if the impression she made on them would matter. She was letting herself get too carried away with this. Yes, there was an attraction. Big deal. Nothing could ever come of it.
But it felt so right being here.
The house he drove up to was absolutely gorgeous. Multilevel, brick and stone with a four-car garage. “Did you grow up here?” she asked in amazement.
“Hell no. I bought it for them.”
She sat rather speechless as the boys jumped out of the car and ran for the front door, which stood between regal white columns, and opened quickly to reveal an elegantly attractive older woman with Eli’s dark hair. Trilling with excitement, she enveloped both boys in her arms, raining kisses down on their heads.
“Your mom is beautiful,” she told Eli as she popped open her car door.
“Yeah, she gets it from me,” he said, making her laugh.
To her surprise, once Mrs. Vance was done affectionately greeting her son, Iris received the same treatment: a big, crushing hug and a kiss on the cheek. “It’s so nice to meet you,” she enthused, holding Iris at arm’s length and looking her over. “Aren’t you a beauty!”
Iris blushed wildly. “Thank you, ma’am.”
“Oh please, honey. Call me Abby. Now y’all come on in out of this heat.”
Abby Vance had a distinctive southern accent, which Eli later explained was from growing up in northern Louisiana. Abby had met his father, Richard, while she worked in her parents’ gas station. He was a truck driver passing through and stopped for directions. Apparently, it had been a pretty strong case of love at first sight, because within a few months, she had packed her bags and run away to be with him. Now here they were, parents to a rock god.
Abby and Richard told Iris this story enthusiastically over cold drinks on the back patio, where a nice breeze blew some of the heat away, and the blue shimmer of their luxurious in-ground swimming pool was cooling in its own way.
She loved their story and could easily imagine them falling head over heels so quickly: that love still shone through every time they looked at each other. Eli’s dad had a wicked charm about him, his mom had a calm grace, and both of them looked twenty years younger than they had to be. She could also tell that Eli loved them very much. It was refreshing to see healthy family dynamics. Hers had been so messed up.
“Thank you for letting me visit,” she told them once her lemonade was gone—the best lemonade she’d ever had, the perfect blend of tart
and sweet. “Hotel rooms get tiring.”
“I bet,” said Abby. “You just make yourself at home. What’s ours is yours. I hear you take such good care of my boys.”
“I do my best. They make it easy.”
Eli said, “I can yell at them all day long but all she has to do is ask and they jump.”
“Don’t you yell at my babies, Elijah,” Abby scolded him. Eli swung his gaze to Iris.
“Mind you, this is the same woman who once threw a shoe at me to get me out of bed.”
“You can take the girl out of the south . . .” Richard began, grinning.
Abby leaned over to give Eli a teasing shove. “It got you up, didn’t it?”
“Should I start throwing shoes?” Iris asked Eli. He looked at her over his glass of lemonade and winked.
Abby leaned forward, putting her full attention on Iris. “Iris, where do you call home?”
“LA. Originally, I’m from Fresno.”
“I didn’t even know that,” Eli said.
“Men. They never ask questions. Does your family still live there?”
Iris shifted uncomfortably, hoping these particular questions wouldn’t get too probing. Her history wasn’t something she liked sharing until she was ready, which meant hardly ever. But neither did she like lying about it. “They do.”
“Poor thing. Taking care of these two is a full-time job, I know. And now you’ve been sent out onto the road to deal with this one.” Eli’s mom shot him a suspicious glare. “That has to be hard.”
Iris chuckled. “It hasn’t been too bad. He’s a little nicer now than he was at first. A little.”
“Eli!” Abby’s swift glare shot daggers at him.
“What? The whole thing is stupid.”
“That isn’t her fault.”
“I know that. Trust me, I know whose fault it is.”
“Well, hush about it. Over and done.”
Iris twirled her glass between her hands, rattling the ice, watching the two go back and forth. She kind of wished she’d had Eli’s mom on her side this entire time.
“Tomorrow she’ll get rid of us for a few days,” he said, holding Iris’s eye. “I know she’s looking forward to that.”
She wondered what he would think if she admitted she wasn’t really looking forward to it. Maybe not at all.
“YOU HUSTLED US, LADY.”
“I swear, I have never played laser tag in my life.”
“Uh-huh. Then where did all the commando moves come from?”
“I don’t know. I was caught up in the moment.”
“Caught up in the moment. Sure. I’m not amused.”
Snickering, Iris looked into the backseat, where Seger sat, sullenly glaring at her. Dylan was totally happy because she had teamed up with him to take on his dad and brother. “Seger, why you mad, bro? I thought you were going to take me out. What happened?”
He didn’t answer, but she saw the little spark of amusement on his face. He was trying his best not to smile. “Well, I had a good time,” she said, facing forward again. “I think we should play again sometime.”
“Yeah!” Dylan cheered.
“No,” Seger said.
“As long as you’re on my team next time,” Eli said, grinning at her as he took the exit back to his parents’ house.
Iris sat back in contented silence, watching the city lights flicker by outside her window. She’d had more fun than she’d expected, thinking at first that she wouldn’t try too hard, but spurred to action when Eli and Seger kept talking smack. She and Dylan had held their own. They were both sneaky and light on their feet. The others hadn’t known what hit them.
She hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Tired, but happy. Except for the looming knowledge that tomorrow, it would end for a few days.
She would miss the boys. She would miss Eli. She would wonder what he was doing; she already wondered if maybe he would stay in contact with her while she was away, but why would he? Why should she expect him to? Those very good questions didn’t change the fact that she hoped he would, and she feared she might find herself sad and disappointed if he didn’t. The implications of that frightened her.
But she definitely needed some Sara time, so there was a silver lining. She couldn’t tell her friend much, but she could give her the gist. Sara would set her straight . . . or set her on the path to destruction, knowing her. But it would be a fun conversation either way.
Abby wanted to hear all about their laser tag adventures and laughed her head off to learn that Iris had showed the boys a thing or two. But it was the way Eli laughed—and the way he looked at her, the way he smiled—that gave her a wild, unsettled feeling in her stomach.
“Have a glass of wine with me, Iris,” his mom suggested some time later as the boys were getting ready to go to bed. Eli and his dad were talking in Richard’s study, the sound of their voices drifting in to where the ladies sat in the living room.
“That sounds wonderful.”
“Let’s go out on the patio.” Abby got up from the plush couch. “Do you prefer red or white?”
“Red.”
“I have a new bottle of cabernet I’ve been looking for a good reason to open.”
“Perfect. But do you really need a good reason?”
She laughed at that. “I’ll run down to the cellar and get it. You go on out and wait for me.”
The pool glowed like a silent blue jewel, the gentle lapping of the water lulling Iris from the moment she sat down at the table. A glass or two of wine and she would be more than ready for bed. Abby emerged from the house after a few minutes, carrying two glasses with the bottle under her arm.
“I could’ve helped you,” Iris said as the older woman sat and poured for both of them.
“Don’t you worry about it. You’ve been chasing those boys all night.”
Iris lifted the glass to her lips. The wine was rich and dry, rolling over her tongue like a dream. “We had a good time. This is fabulous.”
Abby nodded. “It is, isn’t it? I thought it would be a nice treat. Consider yourself officially off duty.”
“I never really consider myself off duty.”
“I can see that about you.” Abby studied her in a very Elijah-like way, propping her chin thoughtfully in one hand. “He told me you all came down with a stomach virus a few days ago, and even though you were sick as a dog, you were still upset you couldn’t take care of things.”
“It was awful. It’s the worst feeling not being able to take care of the people you—care about.”
“You don’t have to tell me about that. Four years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I thought the chemo would kill me.”
“He didn’t tell me about that,” Iris said gravely, feeling trite now for complaining about her silly stomach bug.
Abby waved her hand dismissively. “It’s not something I wanted too many people to know. He’s just respecting that. Everyone faces it differently. I wanted to face it in private.”
“I understand that. How are you doing now?”
“Cancer free for the last two years.”
Iris lifted her glass and clinked it with Abby’s. After Abby took a sip, she went on. “All of this hit around the time of Elijah’s marriage falling apart, you see. I couldn’t be there for him like I wanted to be.”
“That must have been so hard.”
“Honey, I can’t even describe it. It was like a shard of glass in my heart. I was hardly even worried about myself, only about him. My one and only son had been hurt, and I couldn’t do anything about it.”
Iris stared into the depths of her inky dark liquid for a moment, then asked, “What can you really do, though? As a mother. I’m not one, but I know from watching these boys that there are some things you can’t fix for them, no matter how much you want to.”
“Yes, that’s true.” Abby stared off at some distant point and finally said, very seriously, “But you can cut a bitch.”
It was so unexpected coming from
this elegant woman that Iris burst out laughing. She also realized it was perhaps the first time someone had expressed disdain for Heidi without her feeling the urge to leap to her boss’s defense.
“So how did a sweet girl like you come to work for her?”
Now comes the interrogation, she thought, taking a fortifying sip of wine. “I still ask myself that sometimes. A case of the stars aligning, I suppose.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here, but I feel very sorry for you.”
“Heidi has been pretty good to me. We’ve had our moments. But I love those kids. I’m here for them. And Eli is such a good dad. I don’t guess I really expected that.”
“I loved Heidi like my own when she was my daughter-in-law. And as the mother of my grandsons, I still have to love her. But there are times when I haven’t liked her very much.”
“I understand.”
Abby leveled her with an almost stern gaze. “She tore my son apart, Iris. Don’t ever let her tell you differently. The only thing that got him through was locking himself in his studio and writing song after song after song about it. From the time he was a little boy, music was his coping mechanism. If he knew I was telling you this, he would flip, but I don’t want any caretaker of my grandsons to think less of him because of anything she might have said.”
Iris couldn’t fight anymore. She couldn’t refute the truths she had learned. Taking a deep breath, she nodded. The person she had championed for so long was the villain, and everyone had known it except for her. “I know. I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been out here.”
“I feel better knowing you’re there for them. I like you. When Elijah first told me about the whole thing, I felt like he did about it. But as he talked more and more about you, I could tell his feelings seemed to be changing.”
“I appreciate your trust in me. All of you.”
Abby leaned over and patted her hand. “I’m glad we met. And Iris, I do hope this won’t be the only time we do.”
Twenty-Four
Bed felt so lovely. Iris snuggled down under the clean-scented sheets, feeling more at home than she had in weeks. Not the sterile, impersonal ambiance of a hotel room, and not the bumps and road noise from the bus tires. A real bed in a real home. She and Abby had sat by the pool and chatted for an hour, the wine flowing easily. Now her head swam a little bit, but sleep should come quickly.