by Cherrie Lynn
And what had she done with it?
This is your medicine. Take it. Swish it around. Taste how bitter it is.
She wasn’t supposed to be this person, but she was. She was this horrible, secretive person, and she didn’t deserve for anything to work out in her favor, did she?
It would all be worth it, no doubt, but she wasn’t worthy of it.
Leaning over, Iris swiped a strand of hair from Dylan’s face. He would be fine. He was strong and he would pull through like a champ. This was only a minor speed bump for him. He’d be up and back to his antics in no time. And Seger, his normally sullen face softened with concern for his little brother—he would be a big help. In that moment Iris knew she’d be glad when everyone was back home and things returned to normal for them. Even if there might never be a “normal” for her again.
“I knew this was all a bad idea.”
Iris’s spine jerked straight as the new voice sounded behind her. She turned to see Heidi rushing to Dylan’s side, nearly bumping Iris out of the way in her haste to do so. A blur of shiny hair and expensive perfume.
“Mommy!”
“It’s okay, baby. Mom’s here.”
Seger rounded the bed to reach his mother in a rare burst of emotion, and the three of them huddled together at Dylan’s bedside, hugging and sniffling. Iris backed away, giving them space, and then quietly excused herself. It had become hard to breathe, and despite any progress Eli had made with her earlier, the only thing she wanted to do was bolt. The only thing that made her stay was the memory of how devastated he’d looked at the mere suggestion of her leaving.
She felt too raw and conspicuous standing here, though, so she drew a breath and headed aimlessly down the hallway. Maybe she could find him and draw a little more assurance from his presence. Surely Heidi wanted enough time with her children to allow that.
She’d hardly gotten ten steps before rough fingers closed around her upper arm, the bite of long fingernails scoring her skin.
“Iris. I need to talk to you.” Heidi’s eyes were sharp and cold and so, so blue. Iris’s heart hit the pit of her stomach.
Heidi knew. Of course she did. They had gotten careless of late. Eli had relied too heavily on the trustworthiness of others within his circle, or they had simply been seen by the wrong people.
Whatever the case, Heidi’s fury was a cold blast that froze around Iris’s weakly rattling heart, sending icy tendrils through her veins.
“All right,” she said, struggling for calm. No need to incriminate herself before finding out exactly what Heidi knew. Now that this moment was here, she felt suddenly numb.
“Where is Elijah?”
“I don’t know. Making calls.”
Heidi turned and stalked away without another word. Iris followed, her knees weak.
Outside, the sun’s setting had done little to chase away the Miami heat. Iris had spent all day wilting in it, but it was more oppressive now off the water.
Heidi led them away from the building, stopping only as Iris debated opening her mouth to protest. They shouldn’t go too far in case they were needed and, frankly, she wanted the safety of other people nearby.
It’ll be worth it, she kept repeating in her head. Just make it through this.
God, she hated confrontation.
The woman in front of her closed her eyes and seemed to draw a breath to calm some inner raging turmoil. Iris knew her well enough to realize that it wouldn’t help. Finally, Heidi opened her eyes and leveled Iris with a glare that was almost frightening in its viciousness. “I want to thank you, Iris, for teaching me a valuable lesson about trust.”
“Okay,” Iris said cautiously, aware she was navigating a tightrope here. One false step . . .
“I know what’s been going on. I know everything. I’m at a loss. I don’t even know what to say to you right now.”
It was sweltering, and she was sweating, but icy chills skittered down Iris’s arms. She hugged herself. “What do you think you know?”
“Don’t play dumb. I know about you and Elijah. I know why I haven’t been hearing anything from you about what he’s been doing on tour. Because he’s been doing you.”
“Heidi—”
“How long, Iris? How long have you been fucking my children’s father?”
Her face an inferno, Iris cast a glance around, praying for him to appear and stand by her side through this like he’d promised. Where had he gone? And the boys . . .
“Your son is about to have surgery. Can’t we talk about this later?”
“No. We’re talking about this now, because now that you’re outside of this hospital, you aren’t going back in.”
Thirty-seven
Iris supposed she should have expected that. Still, it stunned her to hear. “You can’t mean that.”
“I can and I do. I want you gone.”
“How did you find out?”
Heidi scoffed. “You’ve only been flaunting it in everyone’s faces. Your question should be how wouldn’t I find out. As smart as you are, how can you be this dumb?”
She was right, wasn’t she? Iris looked down at her feet—her cheap silver sandals next to Heidi’s Jimmy Choos. “I didn’t want you to find out this way.”
“Of course you didn’t. You didn’t want me to find out any way.”
“You’re wrong. I told Elijah tonight that we should tell you. We thought the timing wasn’t right.”
“When exactly would it be right, Iris?”
“That’s exactly the point I made to him.”
“Look, I want to give you fair warning. You have no idea what your life will become if you do this. And I know you. You’ll never make it. You’re too timid, too trusting, and you’re damn sure too naïve.”
Immaculate Iris. For some reason, the hated nickname Sara had bestowed on her came back to haunt her then. She found it within herself to meet Heidi’s glare with one of her own. “Maybe my eyes have been opened.”
“Yeah, your eyes and your legs, sounds like.”
Such an ugly way to describe all the beautiful things she and Elijah had shared the past few weeks. That offended her more than anything else, but she pulled her lips between her teeth and tried to hold her anger in check. Of course Heidi would try to cheapen it, and she didn’t give Iris a chance to respond anyway.
“I never thought this would happen, you know. Never. Not you. I put my trust in you, and you shit all over it.”
“I never thought it would happen, either. I hope you can believe that, even if you don’t believe anything else I say.”
It was as if Heidi didn’t hear her. “I did know he would try, though, because I know him. I know how he operates and how he gets what he wants. He wasn’t happy about this whole thing, so I knew he’d try to fuck you as some kind of sick revenge tactic. But if there was anyone on this earth I thought would be immune to him, it was you. So, like I said, thank you. You’ve shown me there’s literally no one I can trust. I had made the mistake of forgetting.”
Iris tried to swallow, but her throat was too sticky and dry, choking off her attempt. She knew, knew to the core of her soul, that wasn’t why Elijah had pursued her, but the accusation hurt nonetheless. The doubt it made her feel, because perhaps this woman knew him better than Iris ever would. Her eyes burned and her heart throbbed with dull pain. True or not, she deserved every word of this. Every word. So she would take it.
Heidi shook her head and looked away. “I can’t believe you threw our partnership away on a cheap thrill.”
“It wasn’t that.”
“Then what was it? Explain yourself. You’re not saying you love him, at least I hope for your sake you’re not.”
“No.” Or did she? “I don’t know.”
“You’re not made for this life. Think about it. I know you want kids someday. You’ve said it before.”
“I do. More than anything.”
“Good luck if you think you’ll have them with him. I’m pretty sure he consider
s himself done. Even if he did give you a kid to shut you up, when you’re at home pregnant, feeling like a whale, you’ll be thinking about him on tour with all the twenty-two-year-olds wiggling their tits and asses in his face.” Her face twisted with absolute disgust as she looked Iris up and down. “You’re barely older than that yourself, right? So you should see the truth in it.”
“I’m twenty-six. And I’ve seen them try. I’ve seen him ignore them.”
Heidi looked at her as if she were an uncomprehending child. “Of course he ignored them, because you were around. Keep in mind, thirty comes very fast. Once you’re there, thirty-five comes even faster. Get ready to spend a fortune trying to keep from getting wrinkles. You’d better bust your ass in the gym, and do those Kegels. Remember, he can have an eighteen-year-old virgin any night he wants. And never go on his social media, if you don’t want to see the fans talking about how much of an ugly cunt they think you are. Some of them will even tell you to your face. You could be Miss fucking Universe or Mother Teresa, it doesn’t matter. You still wouldn’t be exempt from that. They’ll hate you. Some of them will literally try to hurt you. They did me. His security saved my life in San Francisco one night.”
Iris remained silent while Heidi ranted, wanting to reject every hateful word, but knowing she couldn’t. These were Heidi’s insecurities, not her own, but would they become hers as well over time? Would she drive herself to this level of anxiety, hearing these words echo in her head day after day? She couldn’t guarantee herself that the stress over keeping him interested wouldn’t wreck her.
But did Nic not face the same temptations every single day? If it had all traumatized Heidi that much, then she wouldn’t have moved on to a Hollywood movie star. The thought stewed in Iris’s brain, but she wouldn’t let herself say it out loud. The calmer she could keep Heidi, the better, despite knowledge of the cruel secret that was itching to come out. She kept her mouth shut and continued to look contrite. Under the circumstances, it wasn’t that difficult.
No matter what, she wouldn’t let Heidi make her feel ashamed. But the description of life as a famous musician’s wife . . . those things frightened her. The only thing Heidi had said that had an unmistakable ring of truth was that Iris wasn’t made for that life. She didn’t want it. She only wanted the man, but he came with a price.
“What do you want from me?” Iris asked at last.
“I told you. I want nothing from you except for you to leave the premises. If you don’t, I will have security remove you. These are my children. Mine.”
She felt her shoulders deflate. Expecting the words hadn’t made them any easier to hear.
Heidi filled her silence with more vitriol. “I realize that doesn’t bother you now, because you think you’ve weaseled your way into my kids’ lives anyway.”
“That isn’t true at all. Do you think I woke up one morning and thought, ‘Hey, I want to take care of these boys for the rest of my life, but I’m tired of getting paid for it’? That makes no sense. I love your kids. You should know that.”
“What I know? Is that I never knew you. I have no idea how you feel about my kids, because I can’t trust anything you say.”
“Forget what I’ve said. Look at what I’ve done for them, how I’ve treated them. You used to depend on me, Heidi, and that’s because you always knew I would do anything for them.” Hot, angry tears sprang into her eyes. She couldn’t help it. Having her love for the boys questioned on top of everything else was too much.
“I want you doing nothing for them. Stay away from them.”
“Why? On what grounds?”
“You don’t want to mess with me, Iris. Step away. You want to fuck my ex-husband, go right ahead. Get all of him you can handle. He was always a fantastic lay. But my kids won’t be a part of it. This is an embarrassment, and I refuse to be party to a celebrity/nanny scandal. It’s disgusting.”
More disgusting than what you did, and continue to do? “Heidi. You can’t keep them away from him. You have a visitation schedule.”
“That we’ve hardly given a second glance because we do our own thing. I’ll keep my boys away from him if I want to, and he won’t fight me on it, or I’ll nail his ass to the wall. You have no idea.”
Because he was so afraid of the truth coming out, the truth Heidi wasn’t aware that Iris knew. “This is . . . evil.”
“You haven’t seen evil, honey. It’s out of the goodness of my heart that I have no plans to scorch your fucking earth. I’ll even give you a good recommendation. But push me, and I promise, you will never work again. You will see evil.” Heidi stalked by her, not bothering to avoid bumping Iris’s shoulder as she went. “Now get out of my sight, before I change my mind on that.”
Iris watched her shimmering blonde hair as she walked away, frozen to her core except for her violent shaking. Her first instinct was to run to Elijah, wherever he was, but she couldn’t dump this on him while his son was waiting to be taken into surgery. This was not her place. Her job was over.
Oh God, her chest hurt. As soon as Heidi disappeared around the corner of the building, the ground seemed to tilt under Iris’s feet, and the sobs erupted.
It wasn’t only her job. It was her heart. Her everything. The life she’d built. Gone, yanked from under her like a rug she’d been standing on. And she’d seen it coming, she’d known it was her own doing, but there hadn’t been a damn thing she could do to stop it. Elijah Vance had crawled under her skin and into her blood.
The need to go to him was almost too much for her to resist, but resist she must. For his sake, and for the kids who didn’t need to see their parents fighting right now—and she had no doubt Elijah would be ready to fight. No. For now, she would leave him alone, let him focus on his family. She would honor a mother’s wishes, no matter how cruelly those wishes had been stated. Putting herself in Heidi’s shoes, Iris supposed she might make the same choices.
Thank God, she had her purse, but weeks’ worth of her things were still on the bus. It was fine. She should be good to get a plane ticket for a flight home, back to her cozy little apartment that she had dreaded leaving what felt like a lifetime ago. It would be good to be back, wouldn’t it? Scarcely feeling the heat or the tears slipping down her cheeks, she ambled toward the front of the building, pulling her cell phone from her purse to summon an Uber.
She would go home. She would sleep for two days. She would regroup, and then . . .
And then nothing.
ONE OF THE THINGS HE hated doing most in this world was done. Shoving his phone into his back pocket, guilt heavy on his shoulders, Eli headed back inside. Family came first, always. There was nothing to be done about the cancellations, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel shitty about disappointing thousands of people.
He stopped short when he reentered Dylan's room. Heidi’s blue eyes met his, narrowed, then flickered away. Angry eyes. Like he had something to fucking do with this.
“Hey,” he said, then moved aside as a couple of nurses came in behind him. It was time to get Dylan prepped for surgery.
“Hi,” Heidi said coolly. “Where were you?”
“Canceling the next two weeks’ worth of shows.”
“Only two weeks? You should call off the rest of the tour.”
“There’s no reason we can’t still do the California dates. I’ll be close to home.”
“Surprised you’re not headed back there now.”
He stared at her, trying to process what had just come out of her mouth. It was because of the nurses fussing around Dylan that he didn’t ask her if she was out of her motherfucking mind. “Well, I’m not. Where’s Iris?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Have you seen her?”
“I saw her. She left.”
“What do you mean, she left? What did you say?”
“I didn’t say anything. What does it matter? She’s my employee, and I’m here now, so we don’t need her. Do we?”
He didn�
��t have time to peel away the many layers of deception this woman was capable of to try to get to the truth. Iris had been on shaky ground when he left her, but he didn’t think she would leave without saying anything to him. She wouldn’t leave Dylan. Absolutely would not. That wasn’t like her. As they rolled Dylan from the room, he pulled his phone from his pocket and shot her a text. Baby, where’d you go? They’re taking him in.
Heidi walked beside him, arms crossed, looking beautiful as always with her hair shoved up in a messy bun and her skin glowing. He eyed her cautiously. Though she didn’t exactly express it, anger emanated from her in waves. After years of living with her, fighting with her, sleeping with her, he knew her moods as well as he knew his own. She was simmering. Something had happened here, something bad.
His phone buzzed in his hand, and the words stopped him in his tracks. Tell Dylan I love him. I love him so much. Tell him I said ‘Get well soon, silly baboon.’
Elijah’s head snapped up, his lungs seizing. “What did you do?” he forced out, glaring at his ex-wife’s back.
Heidi paused, glancing at him over her shoulder with cool disdain. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. But they’re taking our son into surgery right now, so maybe this can wait until later.”
The slight stress she put on our didn’t go unnoticed. Feeling like a fucking caged animal, he trudged up beside her again, a bright sickness churning in the pit of his stomach. Worry for Dylan, for Iris, maybe a little for himself. Goddamn. He would have to work this out in time, but he couldn’t right now. Like the shows he’d had to cut loose, he would have to let her go and get to the bottom of it later.
He needed her, though. Dylan needed her. How could she walk away?
Because she was sweet, and she was a good person, maybe the best he knew. If Heidi had sent her away, she wouldn’t argue. She’d just go. Because right now she considered herself more Heidi’s than his.
When she didn’t belong to either of them and didn’t deserve to be jerked around like this. He wouldn’t blame her if she’d said fuck it and left them all. He really wouldn’t. He just hoped to God that wasn’t the decision she’d made.