by Cherrie Lynn
Tomorrow. He could call her tomorrow, throw himself on her mercy, but that would be breaking the word he’d given her. If he wanted Iris to trust him, it was the last thing he should do.
“Dad, are you okay?” Seger asked, making Eli stop and look at his son. He’d been awesome during Dylan’s downtime and he’d wanted to come for this last run, so Heidi had taken Dylan home with her.
“Sure, bud. Why do you ask?”
“You’ve been different today.”
“It’s the last stop. I guess it’s always bittersweet.”
Seger watched him for a minute. “Do you miss Iris?”
Answering the question with a question was avoidance at its finest, but in the end he was a chickenshit. “Do you?”
Seger shrugged one shoulder. “I kinda do miss her dumb rhymes.”
Eli huffed a laugh. “You always hated them the most.”
“She still did them, though. She didn’t care that I hated them.”
“Probably made her do them more.”
Seger grinned. “Yeah, probably.”
He looked so grown-up right then, so astute, that Eli couldn’t resist giving him the truth. “I miss her. I miss her a lot.”
“Why don’t you call her?”
Ah, the innocence of youth. “I did. She was supposed to come tonight if she wanted to see me.” He sighed. “She hasn’t.”
“I know Mom fired her. She never told us, but I know she did. Iris wouldn’t just leave. Was that because of you?”
Eli walked over and sat on the couch next to Seger. A knock sounded at the door, making his heart jump, but it was only Dan telling them they had twenty minutes until showtime. He crossed his arms and stared at the floor, hoping his kid wouldn’t hate him when he admitted the truth. “Yeah. It was because of me.”
“Because you like her.”
He looked at Seger and felt the fact tumble out like it was the simplest thing in the world. “I love her.”
“Dad. You have to call her.”
“I told her I wouldn’t. She’d be here if she wanted to be, Seeg. I left her a triple-A pass. It’s up to her.”
“Yeah, but . . . shouldn’t you show her that you like her that much? I didn’t show Bella, and now she likes that Tristan guy. I should have shown her.”
Eli watched the gamut of emotions cross his young son’s face and wanted to weep for his future. He was a deep little guy, which meant he would feel everything more deeply. He had that curse. Eli had it, too. Life hadn’t been easy for him growing up. Hell, life hadn’t been easy once he was grown with the world in the palm of his hand.
“I probably should have shown her,” he admitted. “But she’s afraid. And I was afraid anything I did would scare her even more. Maybe our timing isn’t right. She probably has lots of things she wants to do now. You’ll understand the older you get. Timing is everything.”
“But how can she forget us?”
“She’ll never forget you. I promise she thinks of you every day. I bet someday we’ll get to talk to each other again. Maybe. Things are . . . not good right now. You know.”
“Yeah,” his son said dully. “I know.”
He’d tried to protect his kids from it all, but he knew Seger heard it and was smart enough to comprehend it. But sitting here and talking about this right now was shredding his fucking heart in his chest. It felt too much like saying goodbye to Iris, and dammit, he didn’t want to do that. They had so much to see and do together. He had so much he wanted to show her. A lifetime of things. This couldn’t be her answer. It couldn’t be.
But each second that ticked by on the clock across the room drove the truth deeper into his guts. She wasn’t here. Which only meant she didn’t want to be.
Forty-three
This was the view Iris had never really wanted. Her feet ached. The air was rancid with sweat and smelled distinctly of beer and cigarettes and weed, the latter of which Sara had pointed out because Iris had never known what it was. She remembered walking through clouds of the scent during her time on the tour. When Sara was offered one of the thin joints by a guy standing next to them, she took a hit, but knew better than to even ask Iris.
She didn’t begrudge her friend her fun. Sara had been flirting wildly with the extremely tall, bearded weed smoker since they’d settled on a spot next to him, only fifteen feet or so from the stage. Iris had no doubt they would be mugging down before the night was over.
The opening band had been familiar to her but brutally loud from this perspective, and now her ears were ringing and she wanted to sit down, but there was no leaving for a break in between sets or their spot up front would close up forever. Being this close was dangerous. The faces in the crowd had mostly been a blur to her from the side of the stage, but Eli walked right up front and surveyed his audience all the time. What if he saw her?
She’d keep her head down. No big deal. Plus, she was short, and the people in front of her were tall, so she had a hiding place. If nothing else she’d jump behind Sara’s new interest; he towered over both of them.
Shifting her weight from one aching leg to the other, she tried to make herself seem as small as possible, so intent on the task that for a moment she didn’t realize Sara was talking to her.
“—hot, isn’t he? He’s already invited me back to his place.”
“Really, Sara? You don’t even know him.”
Sara gave her one of those patronizing looks that had always bothered her. “That’s never stopped me before, Iris.”
Yeah, yeah. “I guess you can’t, though, because you brought me, and you have to get me home.” She quickly saw by the expression on her friend’s face the point Sara was trying to make. “You are not making me take an Uber home after you made me come here.”
“No, of course I’m not. Maybe he can ride with us and come back to my place.” Clearly, Sara had hoped Iris would offer to find her own way home. And maybe she should. Maybe she should find it right fucking now. She turned to gauge the distance to the nearest exit, where hundreds of people would be a hindrance, but the house lights went down, plunging the entire arena into absolute darkness.
The crowd surged, pushing them all forward. Struggling to keep her feet, all she could do was surge with them, carried along the current. Thunderous bass sounded, and the cheering alone was deafening. She grabbed Sara’s arm to keep from losing her.
One by one, the guys came out as spotlights swept over stage and audience alike, catching everyone’s faces as if in a strobe. Russell first, as always, adding his drums to the bassline. Jason and Travis, then Quin, looking grim and half-pissed off as usual.
By the time Elijah came out, tears were openly streaming down her face. His usual strut was gone, his mannerisms completely different, more humble, and his audience adored him, screaming their support. Iris could hear every woman within twenty feet of her pouring their hearts out to him as he put a hand on the mic, leaning the stand to the side as he grinned gratefully out at all of them. He looked beaten, but not broken. Never that. He was too strong for that.
She didn’t even think to put her head down. She couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen in her entire life, and she’d had him, and not a single person around her knew it.
She saw him draw and exhale a deep breath before pulling the mic stand straight again. “There’s nothing like being in front of the home crowd,” he told them all, his voice raising the fine hairs on her arms. As the audience cheered their agreement, the band launched into their opener, everyone jumping at once around Iris as the music hammered her ears.
She realized she needn’t have worried. There was no way he could see her down here. She was safe. And there, standing right where she would have been standing had she still been with the tour, was Seger by himself. More tears welled in her eyes. He was such a tall and handsome boy, looking just like his dad as he nodded along to the beat. Iris knew it was probably her imagination, but he looked even more grown up now than
the last time she’d seen him, the weight of hard truths taking its toll. She wanted to go up to him and give him a hug more than anything right then, even though he would probably grumble about it.
Iris couldn’t take it anymore. She left Sara’s side, pushing her way through the thrashing, moshing crowd of people, until she reached a security guard standing far to stage right. She grabbed his arm and he put his ear close to her mouth to hear her. “Where can I check if I have a backstage pass waiting?”
When he stood straight again, his eyes swept her body with lascivious glee. “What’s it worth to ya?”
Oh Jesus. She stepped away, shaking her head, wondering how many young women had succumbed to that sort of thing just to get behind the scenes. “Whoa, honey, I’m just jackin’ with you,” he said, though he hadn’t sounded like he’d been kidding at all. “It would be at will-call.”
Well, it hadn’t been at will-call, so that was that. If it had been that important to him, he wouldn’t have forgotten. She had to quit acting on these moments of weakness and remember the big picture . . . which was heartbreak and Heidi destroying her. The woman haunted her nightmares.
She glanced at the stage, watching the action as she slowly made her way back through the tightly packed crowd. Ordinarily, she wouldn’t have dared to try, but she was numb. What did anything matter anymore? All she could do was go back home, accept the new job if it was offered, and carry on. It was the smart thing. It was the right thing.
Eli’s rock star moves were back in full force now, his voice powerful, the bass rattling her ribcage. His cocky walk, animated expressions, the way he engaged the crowd. He was a hell of a showman. Iris watched him as she found Sara again by some miracle, even though it hadn’t really been that hard; she was the girl wildly making out with the weed guy, who was quite possibly the tallest guy in the building.
Sighing, Iris slipped along the edges of a mosh pit and sidled up beside them, her stomach churning with bright sickness. Sara managed to tear her lips away from her new guy long enough to ask, “Where’d you go?”
“Nowhere,” she muttered.
“Wanna join us?” the guy asked, grinning wolfishly.
Iris only glared at him while Sara quickly shook her head. “She’s not into that. Leave her alone.”
“Aww, damn.”
Sara had been such a huge help to her in a lot of ways, and Iris loved her, but sometimes she wondered why in the hell they were best friends. No two people had ever been more different. Oh well.
Eli’s vocal parts ended and he wandered to the side of the stage, giving Seger a fist bump and accepting a towel from a woman standing nearby. She also handed him a bottle of water while he wiped his face, which he took and killed in several gulps. Iris squinted, trying to make out who she was, but she didn’t think she’d ever seen her before. Even in the darkness, her blond hair shone, as did all the skin she was showing. Then he leaned over and gave her a hug before trotting back out under the hot lights.
Who the hell was she? Was she the reason he hadn’t left Iris a pass? Had he met someone else? She certainly looked more his type. Oh God. What an absolute damn idiot she had been to think Elijah Vance had been mooning over her these last two weeks. It just went to show the truth in Heidi’s words. She would always wonder. She would always worry.
“I’m driving myself crazy,” she muttered out loud, knowing no one would hear her.
“Turn these lights up so I can see all these beautiful motherfuckers,” Elijah’s voice boomed out. All around her, arms went into the air as brightness flooded the auditorium. At this point, she dared him to see her, staring him dead in the face as he looked out over his minions. And his burning green gaze swept past her once . . . twice. She could swear they locked eyes for half an instant, but if he saw her, he gave no indication. Sara jumped up and down like a fool, waving as if he might leap from the stage and sweep her into his arms if he saw her.
But then, something incredible happened. Iris saw a flurry of activity out of the corner of her eye, and Seger ran out onto the stage. He looked right at her, then grabbed his dad’s shoulder and pointed, right there in front of everyone. Elijah glanced at his son in confusion, but then his entire being seemed freeze as he followed Seger’s pointing finger.
In one breathless moment, their gazes tangled. Unquestionably. He stared right at her. He took a step forward. Iris’s knees nearly gave out, her hand coming to her mouth. Panicked, she turned, but everyone was packed in too tightly, trying to see what was going on. She was trapped.
And then her name reached her ears, her ears and the thousands of other ears in this building as Elijah spoke it into the microphone. Sara whirled, her eyes as big as saucers and bright as the moon. “What the fuck?”
Iris couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything but stand like a frightened rabbit in a cage. Helplessly, she looked back up at Eli, the yearning on his face breaking her heart. He turned and strode to the piano that had been brought out for the next song, a murmur of confusion going up from the audience. Seger went back to the side of the stage. Sara hadn’t stopped staring at her. “Did Elijah Vance just say your name?”
“He— um, no, that’s crazy.”
“He looked right at you and said your name.”
“Sara, I don’t—”
She broke off as the piano strains that came from his talented fingers filled the arena, only they weren’t the next song. They were completely unfamiliar to her, slow and beautiful, causing a hush to fall over the crowd. His band members looked at each other uncertainly. The lights darkened once again, and everyone brought out their lighters or cell phones, casting an eerie glow over the faces around here. Elijah began to sing.
“You’re digging me out of my grave
But I was safe there—”
Iris burst into sobs. The lyrics went on, his voice soaring with them, but she couldn’t quite make them out. She only knew it was the most achingly gorgeous thing she had ever heard, and it was hers. He’d taken the two lines she’d read on the bus that day and written her a song.
There was no moving the people around her, no matter how much she shoved. Sara, nearly forgotten beside her, grabbed her arm and turned her. “Iris Silverman, did you steal my rock star husband? Is this . . . what is this? Did he write this for you? It was him all this time?”
“I’m sorry, Sara,” she said, shouting to be heard over her song. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you so many times.”
“Iris! Oh my fucking— Oh my God!” She jabbed her finger several times in Iris’s sternum. “You are no longer Immaculate. You are Evil. Evil Iris.”
Somehow, she liked the new name better than the old. So much of what she’d done seemed evil to her that nothing else mattered much in the grand scheme of things. “I’ll have to live with that.”
Sara grabbed her by both arms. “I love it. And he’s waiting for you. Do you hear me? Elijah fucking Vance is up there, on that stage, singing for you, waiting for you! Oh my God. You fucked him! All that talk outside and you— Oh my God! Get your ass up there and claim your man in front of all these people or you’re dead to me.” She smacked her befuddled new guy on the chest. “Help us. This is Elijah Vance’s girlfriend and she never told me. We’ll get you up there, Iris. Let’s go.”
Iris crushed her friend in a hug. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I’ll find you afterward and explain everything.”
“Whatever! I can think of much better things you can be doing afterward, Iris.”
Yeah. Iris could, too.
Forty-four
He stood in front of thousands of people, watching security help her over the rail and up onto the stage, his heart damn near beating out of his chest. They were causing a scene that would be all over the Internet tomorrow, and he didn’t give a fuck anymore, but she might. He expected her to put her head down and quickly walk to the side of the stage to wait for him, but she didn’t. She came to him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, tears ru
nning down her face, and she was here. He held his arms open for her, and she flew into them, squeezing him with more strength than she looked capable of. Eli breathed in the sweetness of her hair, soaked in the softness of her skin, and exhaled weeks’ worth of tension. She was here at last where she belonged.
“Fucking missed you,” he murmured, feeling her fingers tighten on his back. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
“I didn’t have a pass.”
“Then someone’s gonna get fucking fired, because I left you one.”
He was happy to stand here all night, but they had a show to finish. She released him and stepped back, wiping her cheeks. He grinned at her. “Can I tell ‘em?”
Giggling, blushing, she nodded, the curtain of her dark hair shielding much of her face from the crowd. He lifted the mic to his lips. “This is my baby, y’all.” The place blew up. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, his next words only for her, spoken into her ear. “Go see Seger, he’s missed you. Rhyme at him. Trust me.”
Her face brightened at the mention of his son, and if he hadn’t known before, he knew then that he loved her. Adored her. Would spend his entire fucking life cherishing her, if she’d let him. If only she’d let him.
Eli watched as she and Seger collided in a hug, and he escorted her the rest of the way off the stage. Then he looked back out over his audience, feeling their love surround him. As always, there would be a few jealous assholes. Heidi had battled them, but Heidi was, well, Heidi. Iris had an innate grace and kindness he thought most of them would adore. And if they didn’t, fuck them.
“All right, guys,” he said into his mic, “now that all is right again in my world, let’s work on yours.”
SARA MIGHT HAVE ENCOURAGED Iris to enjoy her night, but that didn’t stop her from sending at least a dozen text messages, every single one in all caps. Her friend kept remembering things from their previous conversations, finding new reasons to freak out every couple of minutes. Iris couldn’t stop laughing.