After You Died

by Dea Poirier

  “You’re just like me, you know?” He slurs the words out.

  I shake my head. We are nothing alike. I can’t find my voice to argue. Anger has wrapped its hands tight around my throat. Thoughts about the night he attacked me slither into my mind. My eyes clench shut as I force them out. Do not let him win. Do not let him get inside your head. You can do this, you can stay strong.

  “I know all about you,” his tone is mocking. “Rich judge father, race horses, old money.” Each word is like a punch to the gut. That’s not my life anymore. Chances are, it will never be my life again. Those things, all the things I grew up with do not define me. They’re not a part of me, they did not make me who I am.

  “Are you done?” I ask, proud of how strong my voice sounds

  His eyes snap forward, looking through me. Every muscle in his body has gone rigid. Even his fists are clenched tight. “No, I’m not.” He wants to torment me. “You think you’re so much better than everyone else here.”

  “No, Becks,” I manage to keep the words calm, even. Like I’m correcting a child. He looks down at me, with that look I’m so used to now. He doesn’t believe me. I continue before he’s able to argue. I tell him the details I’ve told everyone else a thousand times.

  “I heard about that girlfriend of yours,” he laughs. “I bet you did it.”

  I shrug. Anger flares within me, but I won’t show him. I won’t let him win.

  “Funny, since you got here, ‘lotta kids gone missing. ’Lotta kids killed. I suppose you don’t remember any of that either?” He’s toying with me, trying to get me to swing first.

  I roll my eyes at him and look back at the trees. I’m done with his game.

  “Guess we’ll know for sure if I end up dead.” He laughs, and then decides to finally move on.

  After

  There’s dirt in my mouth when I wake up. I push off the ground, my hands sink into the moist soil. Moonlight filters through the trees and bathes the forest in a gray glow. Olivia sits atop a fallen tree beside me, my heart skips, and terror traps a breath in my throat. Up this close, the gash on her throat is so deep, I don’t know how she’s not bleeding. Then again, there’s so much blood soaked into her dress, it’s likely there’s no blood left in her body.

  “What are you doing here? You can’t be here. This isn’t happening,” I say as I press my eyes closed and shake my head. Confusion blankets my mind.

  I need to wake up.

  “Watching over you,” she says with a smile as she looks down at me. The way her mouth curves shoots a shiver up my spine.

  “You’re haunting me,” I say automatically. Nothing about her presence feels comforting, or protective.

  She tilts her head and presses her lips together. “That’s not what I would call it.” She bristles and brushes her curls back.

  I’m not sure if it’s because I know it’s not real, or because of Sayid, but seeing her makes me nauseous.

  “What do you want?” I ask, hoping that doing something, anything, might make this hallucination end.

  “To help you, to protect you.”

  “Please, just let me move on.” Pleading edges on my voice.

  “I can’t do that,” she says as she offers me a hand to help me up.

  I don’t take it, I don’t want to touch her. Instead, I use a nearby tree to stand. I waver on my feet. The earth seems to move around me, wavering from left to right.

  “How did I get out here?”

  “You followed me,” she says like it should be obvious.

  “You’re not real, you’re dead,” I say as I look toward the trees. I just want to wake up, to get away from her.

  “I’m not dead. I just needed to look dead,” she says as she runs her fingers along the gash on her neck.

  “How?”

  She makes a tsking sound. “You have your secrets, I have mine. Maybe one day, once Dominic’s dead, then I’ll tell you.” She smiles at me and taps her finger on her chin.

  I only glance at her, but it’s enough to make bile creep up my throat. Maybe if I leave, if I just walk away, then I’ll wake up.

  “Before you go, I want to show you something,” she says as she holds out her hand.

  “What?” I ask.

  She smiles. “I can’t tell you, I have to show you. It’s a surprise.”

  Olivia walks from the clearing, and for a few minutes I follow behind her. She points to something in front of her. I have to look around her to see it. At the base of the tree, Becks slumps, his jaw is slack, his eyes stare off at nothing.

  “I killed him for you.”

  My guts knot, and I take off into the trees. I have no idea where I’m going, this is a part of the woods I don’t recognize. But I don’t care. I’d rather run into the unknown than spend another second near her. It takes at least ten minutes for me to find a path, and by the time I reach the tree line, there’s a cramp in my side that threatens to take over the rest of my body. I collapse onto my bed, my skin slick with sweat, and force the night from my mind.

  After

  Something touches me, waking me with a start. A nightmare haunts me, I’m dizzy, disoriented. I try to move, but I can’t. I’m pinned down. Furious blinks shutter my tired eyes, I try to make them adjust to the darkness. That’s when I see him. Dominic on top of me, he straddles me, and holds me down.

  “Shh...” he whispers so close, his hot, moist breath hits my cheek.

  Goosebumps erupt from my arms, neck. Panic shoots through me when I see the bunks in my room are empty, the door is shut. Sayid is gone.

  Where the hell is Sayid?

  Dominic pets my hair gently and hushes me. His fingers slither across my cheek, they’re impossibly warm. I recoil, and pull my head away from his touch.

  Did Dominic do something to Sayid?

  “It’s okay,” he whispers, his fingers run through my hair.

  My skin goes cold beneath his touch. I try to shift beneath him, trying to find a way to throw him off me. My hips are the only part of my body I can move. He pins me down. Dominic is too strong, much stronger than he looks. My body is frozen, paralyzed beneath him. Short shaking breaths erupt from my lips.

  “I’m not going to hurt you,” he coos. “Not yet, anyway.” His fingers dance gently along my cheekbone.

  Where he touches me, my skin seems to shrink away. It takes me what feels like forever to clear the fear caught in my throat. The words I seek are hidden in my mind beneath a fog of terror. Finally, with a shaking voice, I ask, “Dom, what are you doing?”

  He leans back so that he sits on my hips, his fingers drag across my bare chest. When he moves, I try to take the opportunity to shift, knock him off me. That’s when I realize my arms are bound above my head. I try to tug against the restraints, and pull against them as hard as I can. They won’t budge.

  “There’s something I need to know. And there’s something I need to apologize for.” He strokes my face, then his fingers brush my abs, one by one. “Ugh, I’d kill for these abs.” A disturbing laugh slips from his lips, somewhere between maniac and schoolgirl. “You’re always so muscular.”

  Light hits me in the eyes, I recoil and squint. Realization floods my mind, the gleam of metal. A knife. He traces the tip from my sternum to my belly button. Not enough to cut, he’s toying with me. I shrink away from the knife, sucking in my stomach. I hold my breath. Each jagged breath gets caught in my chest, one on top of another, they pile until my lungs are bound with chains of fear.

  “Dom, please, what are you doing?” My words are steady, strong. The panic has reached a point that I’ve started to feel calm, settled. I can talk my way through this. It will be fine. It has to be.

  “I need to know if you’re who I think you are. If you lived because you’re him, or if there’s some other reason.” His eyes are wide, hungry. “Something gives me a feeling you’re just like Eden.”

  “What do you mean, just like Eden?” I growl. Something snaps inside me, realization and anger at the
same time. It was him. I was right. He has Eden. He took her. Why didn’t I listen?

  His face scrunches up like he’s going to cry. Even in the dark I can see how red he is. He turns, refusing to look at me.

  “I’m really sorry I hurt you, Asher, I love you. But I just got so mad. Always coming in after Olivia, she didn’t love you the way I do. She didn’t deserve you. No one else deserves you. I was just so angry that you betrayed me again. It’s a shame you don’t remember.” He tsks. “You normally do. That first mortal wound usually does the trick,” he says as he runs his finger across my neck.

  A twisted smile darkens his face.

  “But when I realized you didn’t remember, that you didn’t get your memories back like you normally do—” His face brightens. “I thought it might be another chance for us.”

  “Did you kill her?” The question slips out of me in a strangled growl. “Where did you take her? What did you do to her?”

  “I killed her,” he cocks his head and smiles at me.

  Rage strangles every single thought in my mind. I struggle against the restraints. I’m going to get free, and I’m going to kill him.

  “Oh, darling,” he says as he rush is hand across my cheek. “Don’t worry, she’s fine.”

  “If you killed her, how is she fine?”

  “I killed you, and here you are, fine,” he says as he pokes me softly in the belly.

  Eden is like me. She can’t die. Relief washes over me.

  “I’ve killed you both hundreds of times, Asher.” When his eyes meet mine again, there’s a spark in them, an intensity that scares me.

  My throat is dry. I’m lightheaded. I don’t know if Dominic is insane, or if he’s telling the truth. It can’t be true.

  But I already know the truth.

  He smiles at me and leans down, his face pressed next to mine. His bare chest sticks to mine as he takes a long, deep breath. “You smell so good,” he purrs. Then his lips brush my neck.

  My jaw tightens, and I turn my head away from him.

  “See, here’s the thing. You were hurt. You bled to death so quickly. I was so sad to see you like that, lifeless, pale. I spent sixteen years finding you, and since you died, I was convinced you weren’t him. I mean you couldn’t be. You died. But then I had to take over that ugly business of killing Olivia. Can’t have any witnesses, or survivors.” He wipes a tear from his cheek. “But the next morning I heard they arrested you, uninjured. Then they locked you in the hospital for a month, always with a guard, so I couldn’t get to you. ”

  Anger wells inside me. He’s talking about killing Olivia as if it’s as trivial as breaking a dinner plate. Like she didn’t matter at all. If he hurt my sister too, hell even if he didn’t. I will kill him. Even if I have to chew through whatever he’s tied me up with. He deserves to die.

  He continues talking, though his far-off eyes show he’s lost in thought. “It’s amazing though, no matter what I did to Eden, when I came back in the morning, there she was, lively, unharmed. I mean, I knew she would be, after all,” he laughs, then smiles like she’s a favorite pet that’s made him proud.

  “Where is she, Dom?”

  “At the Drew Mansion. Don’t worry, she’s safe. And you’ll see her soon enough. I have to kill you two together, remember. Otherwise, you’re both very difficult to find. Eventually you always find one another. But it’s in my best interest to kill you as early in your lives as possible,” he says as he pets my cheek.

  The Drew Mansion? Where the fuck is that?

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I spit the words at him.

  He pulls the knife up, running it across my stomach again. No matter how I twist and turn, I can’t get him off. My breaths quicken as my anger rises. Then he pulls back, and drives the knife into my chest.

  Before

  Date Unknown

  The flickering candle casts a shifting glow around the room. A breeze I can’t feel breathes through the room. I’ve been waiting for her for too long. Long enough that I suspect I’m too late. Fear creeps in that Dominic already has her. Wind licks the flame, the shadows twist around me. Before she enters the room, I feel her. Her presence comes with more energy than the sun. A buzz, a life, something I will never understand.

  In front of me a worn wooden table holds the daggers. She’s talked me into this, but I don’t agree. Then again, it may be our best chance. Most of all, it terrifies me how long it will be until I see her again. She’s made me do a thousand things I haven’t wanted to. And in truth, I’d do a thousand more. Once upon a time, we thought Dominic’s blood was necessary for the ritual. But Alaric told us the truth, all the power lives within the dagger. Dominic has none on his own.

  She shoves a sobbing girl into the room. Her arms bound with rope and a dirty white cloth tied around her mouth.

  “It’s about time. He’s coming for you,” I warn her.

  A smirk twists her lips. “We’d better hurry, then.”

  I look at the sobbing girl as she rocks back and forth on the floor. “I thought you said she was willing, a volunteer.” I spit the words at her the second she sweeps into the room.

  “The girl is,” she says as she kicks her onto the floor. “Was, cold feet is all.” She rolls her eyes. “Is it really important?”

  I press my lips together. It’s important to me.

  “Don’t want to get off on the wrong foot. We’ll be stuck with her for a very long time,” I pause and correct myself, “I will, anyway.”

  Her eyes tighten and she presses her hand into her temple. “He’s getting closer, I can feel it. We need to get this over with,” she says as she thrusts the dagger toward me.

  “Wrong one, love,” I say as I slip the decoy dagger back onto the table. Instead I grab the one I know is real. I slip the cloth away from her mouth and offer her a kind smile.

  “Will it hurt?” the girl asks as her eyes well with tears, and her lips tremble.

  “A little,” I say as I stroke her hair. “What’s your name darling?”

  “Elizabeth,” she says with a wavering voice.

  I draw the blade across her palms. In a few moments I have my own cut. I press our palms together. I whisper to her as our blood mixes, “Not anymore.”

  After

  After Dominic’s attack in the middle of the night, I can’t risk sleeping in Madison. Part of me thinks it may not have been real. But the other half of me isn’t so sure. When I woke up, there wasn’t a single scratch on me, but the small piece of rope I found on the floor tells me it may not have been a dream after all.

  All day I’ve laid low. The guards must think I’m dead, or at least that’s what I figure since someone had to put me in the morgue. There are rumors swirling around the school that I ran away, I was killed, and a few that I’m locked away with the crazies.

  I’ve hidden out in the labyrinth of hay in the loft. A few hours after lights out, I creep from the stables to Madison. I should have convinced Sayid to stay with me, but I was too chicken shit. There was no point in risking him.

  This late at night, thankfully, I’m the only person awake. A chorus of heavy breaths, snores and crickets are the only thing I can focus on to keep thoughts from creeping into my mind. I need a map so we stand a chance of finding the Drew Mansion, where Dominic has Eden. There may also be information about Dominic in the school’s files, I need to know what he did to get in here, and if there’s any other information that we could use. This is the last night I’ll spend in this place. No one will come looking for me anyway since the guards think I’m dead. Then I have to find Eden, if she’s still alive.

  I need to get into the office to get a map. Then I’ll have to resort to calling my dad, maybe he can give me some clues, or at least tell me where or what the Drew Mansion is. Eden’s necklace is nearly burning a hole through my pocket.

  I have to find her. I have to get to her before Dominic gets back there.

  All I can hear are the words of warning buzzing in the
back of my mind. I could see the fear in Eden’s eyes when she talked about him. Thinking of it now, the way her jaw was clenched, her eyebrows raised, her eyes so wide the white was an ocean around her brown irises. It makes goosebumps prickle on my arms.

  I take the shortest shower of my life and pull on clothes from the dirty laundry that aren’t as bad off as my old ones. I move through the dark cottage, as smooth as a snake across silk. This time of night, I know the guards are nowhere near Madison. But I can’t risk waking anyone else. Crouching next to Sayid as he sleeps, I shake his shoulder gently. His eyes pop open.

  “H—” he starts to say, but I clap my hand over his mouth.

  “Shh, it’s me,” I whisper. I raise my hand and signal for him to follow.

  Like shadows, we sneak across the carpet, work our way down the hall and the stairs. I don’t even turn around until we’re outside. I don’t have to turn, I can feel Sayid behind me, inches from me. The ancient porch bows and creaks beneath my feet. Sayid stretches and yawns. The cool night breeze is as crisp as an apple.

  “What’d you wake me up for? Are you okay?” he mumbles.

  “I have to go. I need to find my sister.”

  Sayid bristles, and his eyes go wide. “You’re leaving?” he asks as he crosses his arms.

  I nod slowly. “I have to find her. I can’t stay here anymore. Getting answers about Olivia, that’s part of the reason I stayed. But saving Eden, that’s more important.” That’s all I can tell him. It’s too much to explain, it all sounds too crazy.

  “So you woke me up to say goodbye?”

  I shake my head. “I woke you up because I need your help, and I want you to come with me.”

  The tiniest smile crosses his lips. He looks intrigued, he creeps closer to me and drops his voice. “What do you need help with?”

  “The office, we’re going to need a map. I imagine if there’s one here, it’s in there. We’ll probably also need money.” I step toward the edge of the porch.