by KT Strange
It wasn't a fix, far from it, but it was a start. I felt on edge, not wanting to leave Darcy with him, but also knowing the two of them needed some time to work things out without the rest of the pack breathing down their necks. Max poked me in the back of the neck, and I jerked. She quirked her eyebrow and pointed toward the hall that lead to the murder-room.
"Eli," she muttered. I glanced around. Eli had vanished. Ace picked himself off the floor and grabbed Cash's arm.
Finn looked at us for a brief moment as we left the main living space so they could have a quiet moment together. We needed to talk to Eli. If he wasn't ready to unbend, fine, but at least he needed to be brought down a few pegs. No better place to do that than the murder-room. We could fight in there without Darcy knowing.
Twenty
Darcy
Finn will always be my first true love, even when he breaks my heart. As I clung to him, crying out all the pain from the last few days, his voice soothing me for the first time in too long, I felt it deep down inside me. Nothing would ever pull me away from him; nothing could ever break us, not if we were both willing to keep fighting.
And for Finn? I'd fight for the rest of my life.
“God I'm so sorry, sweetheart,” Finn said, sounding just as broken as I felt inside. “It's like nothing I did made it better, and I couldn't stop myself from just being the worst I've ever been.” He palmed the back of my head and I looked up at him, not wanting to trust, but needing to at the same time.
“You treated me like shit,” I said, and he flinched. I could see on his face that he knew I was right, though. “I didn't deserve any of it.”
“No, you didn't,” his voice was soft. “It's just been a long time since I've felt that helpless, and I guess it got under my skin.”
I choked down the lump in my throat. Seeing him bound tightly by Creston, seeing his injuries afterward, knowing how badly Creston had tortured him? That had nearly broken me. I couldn't even imagine how it had felt to be him, unable to get away, knowing that if he died, the rest of the pack was probably soon to follow.
“Nobody's born knowing how to deal with that kind of situation,” I said, wanting him to know that I didn't think it was all his fault. It wasn't, not really. His face hardened, but I could tell he was mad at himself, not at me.
“It's not like I haven't been through a war,” he said, his hands sliding over my shoulders, as if to reassure himself that I was really there. I wanted to find a way to reassure him that I wasn't going anywhere. The dam had given way. I knew he was feeling terrible and I wasn't going to let him back away now that he'd finally opened up.
"You need to remember that you're not perfect,” I said. He sighed and closed his eyes. His forehead brushed over mine and he pressed himself closer to me.
“When you've got someone as amazing as you in your life, you want to be perfect for them.”
“Well you're never going to be perfect, and I'm okay with that. As long as you're okay with me not being perfect either. Honestly I'd be just fine if we were mostly okay with each other most of the time.”
His laugh was shaky when it finally came, and his arms wrapped around me even tighter. There was no room between us, and I could almost feel his heart beating in my own chest. Finally being close to him like this was like coming home. I never wanted to have another fight with him ever again. The stress from the demands the label was placing on the band, not hearing back from Wolfe when I really needed his help, that was almost too much to handle without fighting with him and Eli on top of it.
“I trust you with all of me,” I said, trying to put all of my feeling, every bit of how much I loved him, into my words. He exhaled slowly.
“Not sure how much I deserve that right now, doll,” he whispered. “All I've been doing is breaking your heart and fucking everything up. If I could do it over I just would talk to you from the beginning, tell you how damn scared I was, but now I've gotta remember all the shady things I've done and said over this last week.”
“No you don't,” I said. “All I wanted was for you say you were sorry, for you to know that you did wrong.”
“Oh I know I did wrong.”
“I can see that now. Can we just skip the terrible feelings? I don’t want to cry anymore.”
His face softened my words and he pulled up his embrace, bringing me up to my toes.
“We can do anything you want sweetheart.”
“All I want right now is you in bed.” I just wanted all of this to be over and to have him back where he belonged, right by my side.
“Not sure how much I deserve to be sleeping next to you right now but I'm not going to say no.” He wore a rueful smile as I peeled one of his hands from my side.
“Bedtime, soldier,” I said. Never mind that it was too early, or that neither Max nor the rest of the pack were anywhere to be seen. I took Finn's hand and led him back to the master bedroom, a feeling of rightness falling over me. Finn was docile as he followed me, looking apprehensive.
“They're gonna be pissed that I'm in here with you. I don't think that they think I deserve to be forgiven so easily.”
“I'm not so sure if I even needed to forgive you in the first place. I was already pretty much there. I just needed to know that everything was going to be okay. If they bitch they can sleep on the floor.”
Finn looked around the room and went to pull his shirt off before I shook my head.
“Nuh uh, Max will be sleeping in here and no way does she get to see all the goodies,” I teased. Finn's eyes widened in alarm.
“Thanks for reminding me,” he said with a small laugh. I sank down onto the bed and he followed me sprawling out beside me. After a few moments I cuddled up next to him, needing to feel his warmth. It was the one thing that could always comfort me even in the worst moments. His hand went to cup the side of my face and then slid through my hair behind my ear. he was watching me with half closed eyes. “You’d think this is my first rodeo,” he said. “Sometimes I feel so nervous around you it's like my first time all over again.”
“Well you certainly don't give me that impression, considering it was me who had my first time with you. You've always struck me as someone who knows what he's doing.” I tried not to blush as I thought back to all the times that Finn had rocked my world. Finn chuckled and moved closer, reaching to pull me closer to him.
“I didn't come in here with you to seduce you,” he said, sounding regretful. “I don't want you to think that's all I want from you, or that's how we should fix this.” He took a breath and then shifted down to me, catching my mouth in a soft kiss. The heat of it melted through me and I tilted my head up, trying to get more of what he was giving me.
I was starving for it, needing his love like water after a long run.
“Seriously, Darcy, I didn't just want to —” he groaned, words stopping dead in his throat when I nipped at the crisp line of his jaw. My stomach was shaky, feeling like he’d just snatched me away from the edge of a cliff. “Darcy, stop.” He grabbed my hands in his, giving me a serious look. “Let me just hold you. I gotta make it up to you.”
“I don't want you to drag yourself through broken glass in order to prove how sorry you are,” I said, but sighed as he tucked me against him, his muscles a comforting weight as his arm wrapped around me. “Maybe a little groveling,” I said after a moment. “This is the kind of groveling I can get used to.”
“Doll, you can have this whenever you want,” he said, his blue eyes so clear up close. After a few quiet minutes of just lying there, feeling safe in his company, I squirmed my hand out of his grip and traced my fingers along the lines of his face.
His eyes fluttered shut.
“That song you played —”
“Baby-girl,” he sounded pained. “I shouldn't have done that. I knew what I was doing, I knew how much you'd feel every bit of what I was feeling.” That made me swallow hard, a bit of pain in the back of my throat.
“You didn't do it to hurt me.”
“It's not always a bad thing,” I said, thinking back to the first time I'd watched them perform. I'd ripped my damn top, so caught up in the magic of their music that floated all around me. I still made me shiver to think about.
“Anytime I make you cry is bad, sweet girl,” he said, his words thick and choked.
“No more coals, or glass, or regrets,” I said, “It's over, Finn. I'm okay.”
He hesitated.
“Are you —”
I kissed him, silencing him, using his grip on my wrists to pull myself up to meet him. After a moment he melted into me, a groan escaping him as my chest pressed into his.
“Shit,” he said when I pulled away. My belly clenched hard at the look on his face, his iris almost disappeared from how wide his pupils were. “Shit, sweetheart, I can't — I missed you, this —” Things between us went from relaxed, soft, quiet, to heated and frantic in a heartbeat. His hands were under my shirt; my back hit the bed as he rolled on top of me. I scratched him and he hissed, sitting up to yank his shirt off, before he bent down to kiss me again, his teeth scraping over my bottom lip.
I almost lost my bra before my shirt, both of us fumbling to get the clothing off so we could be pressed skin to skin. His eyes sank shut when he finally pushed me down into the mattress, his mouth finding the side of my neck. I cried out, reaching for the back of his jeans, hanging onto the waistband to pull him closer to me.
“Gonna have to let go of that, or these aren't coming off, doll,” his voice was gruff, the stubble on his jaw scraping along my bare shoulder. My hands flew away from him and he chuckled, shucking himself out of his jeans, before dragging one finger between my breasts, circling my belly button almost playfully before he plucked at the button on my jeans. It was painfully slow, contrasting with the frantic feeling deep inside me.
“If you tease me, I swear to god,” I threatened him and he laughed, breathless and light. The noise he made next, when I snuck my hand into his boxers, was closer to a pained moan. My hand wrapped around his hard cock and his eye shut tight.
“Sweetheart-"
“No teasing, not tonight,” I pleaded, fingers stroking down the length of him. His skin was so soft and warm over the firmness of his hard cock.
“Who's teasing now?” He caught my wrist and kissed me, mouth rough on mine. His other palm cupped my belly, hot on my skin above my waistband. I squirmed and he undid my jeans, helping me out of them. “One day, one day soon, I'm gonna take my time,” he said as he tossed my jeans on the floor. They made a soft thudding sound. “I'm gonna take my time.” He dragged his fingers up my bare ankle, along the curve of my calf, skimming the inside of my knee. As he got closer to where I needed him most, I held my breath. “Kiss every inch of you. Touch every single part of you. I'll wait until you’re squirming and desperate for it, begging me —”
“Finn, please,” I broke. A flicker of a grin crossed his lips.
“On your belly,” he urged me and I shifted, rolling over, feeling exposed and vulnerable like that. The heat of his breath floated against my neck, and my skin prickled, a shiver running down my spine. “God you smell so good.” His lips ran over my shoulder, soft kisses interspersed with bites. “Hips up, doll.” His hands rolled my underwear down my legs and I closed my eyes, my cheek pressing into the sheets. The dull, muted scents of the guys, their clean skin, surrounded me as I inhaled.
The first stroke of Finn's fingers over my entrance from between my legs had me gasping aloud. The second forced a whine out of the back of my throat.
“No teasing.” Urgency filled me as I looked back at him over my shoulder. His eyes were almost glowing in the dark room, the smooth curves of his shoulders a pale shadow, lit by the world outside the windows.
“I don't wanna hurt you, Darce, gotta make sure you're —” Two fingers slid inside me and I cried out. “— ready for everything I'm gonna give you.”
A flutter of frustration inside me had me arching my hips up.
“Just fuck me already, Finn,” I demanded. He paused, hands stilling on me.
“Well if that's how you want it,” his voice was pure, naked want and it lit me on fire. His arms came down, pinning me to the mattress as his hips slid over the backs of my thighs. My legs were barely parted, just enough room for his cock as he pressed hard into me. The flash of heat was intense, and I closed my eyes tight, letting the pleasure roll through me.
He was with me. I was safe. His weight pressing me down, the rapid heat of his breath on the side of my cheek as he buried his cock inside me until he couldn't go any deeper, his fingers wrapping around my shoulders tight; every sensation pouring through my body grounded me and sent me flying at the same time.
He withdrew, a drag inside me that was so slow it was almost excruciating. I clawed at the sheets, squirming to reach him so I could sink my nails into his hips and urge him to move faster. He grabbed one of my hands and held it firmly beside my shoulder.
“I don't think so,” he said. “You're gonna stay right there and take what I have to give you.”
God, the words, the way he was talking to me? It was driving me crazy. I shivered and squirmed, trying to squeeze down tight on his cock and encourage him to take me faster and give me what I really wanted.
He groaned.
“Doll, sweetheart, you gotta stop that,” he hissed out from between clenched teeth. I rolled my hips, catching him by surprise. A low growl rattled me. “Alright, that's it —” He pulled out of me and I moaned at the loss. Before I could take another breath, he had flipped me onto my back. “You wanna play dirty? I can play dirty.”
“Finn-ah!” My back arched up off the bed as he slid back inside me. Another moment and he had my legs bent, knees pressed into my chest as he pinned me there. I tried to move, as he loomed over me, the heat in his eyes burning me alive.
“Nuh uh,” he teased me, with slow shallow rolls of his hips. “You're gonna stay right there, and stop being so damn impatient when all I want to do is make things up to you.”
My cheeks were flushed so hard that my skin felt like it was glowing, and my breaths were coming in rapid, hot rushes. I felt trapped, his weight overwhelming, but instead of being afraid, I was more turned on than ever.
Sex had never been like this before, and I felt so alive. Finn watched me with each slow, punishing stroke of his cock into me. The need inside me only grew, the tense feeling that demanded I kick out, fight him, and grab what I needed from him.
“Let me take care of you, Darcy,” his voice was low, hitching when he bottomed out inside of me. He was so hot against my skin.
“Please, I need it,” I squirmed my hips as I begged.
“You want it,” he countered, the patience of a saint, as he kept up his steady, infuriating pace. I closed my eyes with a desperate sigh. When I opened them again, there was a smug, playful expression on his face, like he knew just how insane he was driving me and he was totally pleased with himself because of it.
He was holding my knees tight to my chest, but he wasn't pinning my hands down. I slid my hand down my stomach when his eyes shut for a second. I had just brushed my fingers between my thighs when he cracked open one eye.
“Seriously, Darce? You want me to tie you up? I'll do it,” he threatened, and then smirked. “Oh you like that,” he murmured, dropping his mouth to my ear. “There you are, getting all tight on me when I talk like that. Is that what you want?”
The heat inside me, the twisti
ng, desperate feeling, ratcheted up until I was crying out with each thrust.
I couldn't take it anymore. His mouth brushed over the shell of my ear and I cried out, whole body tensing hard as I came, crashing down into a bright flood of ecstasy. Finn let out a long growl, his hands leaving my thighs and bracing them on the mattress. He picked up the pace, thrusting hard into me. Pleasure raced along my skin, spinning tight into my muscles until I couldn't take it anymore, it was too white-hot —
I gasped and his back arched, his face to the ceiling as he came with a low shout. Every single one of his muscles were in high relief, tensed and shuddering as he pulsed inside me. I lay there in a fuzzy, dreamy haze, small sparks of intense heat lightning up along my skin and inside me every few moments.
A moan dragged out of my lungs when he lowered his body onto mine, settling his weight on me and caging me in his arms.
“Darcy,” he whispered after a moment. “I never wanna do that to you again.”
“Huh? Why?” It had been so good—
He chuckled.
“I meant, how I hurt you.”
“Oh.” I swallowed, my mouth dry from panting so hard. “Yeah, I mean, we can skip that. Just go right to the sex. Who needs a crappy entree when you've got dessert waiting, right?” I was mumbling, my words not quite as clear as they could have been, but Finn caught my meaning.
“I love you,” the words rushed out of him, making me shiver all over in the aftermath of some of the most intense sex I'd ever had in my short sexual history. His eyes were bright as he kissed me, slipping down to lay beside me, his warm body curling around mine.
I was safe, and my muscles turned to melted wax as I lay there in his arms, mind floating. His hands roamed my body, rubbing gently over my skin and exhausted limbs. I'd tensed up so much, and he was soothing every ache. His face rested just behind my ear, so he could inhale my scent and whisper comforting nonsense.