Pickled

by Deany Ray

  The dream had been so good. Alex had been stroking my back and whispering in my ear…something about detectives getting sexier in Springston. Then he’d kissed my neck and said something about boxes and fake purses and somebody’s mother’s basement…

  Whoa. I sat up, wide awake. Everything from the day before came rushing back at once. No wonder I was sore. And I hadn’t yet recovered from the previous fiasco when I’d been almost blown to bits. I felt around for a scrunchie to put up my hair, moving my arms gingerly. Every movement hurt.

  I glanced over at the bright red letters on the clock, which read eight a.m. So much for sleeping in. Nothing like waking up to the memory of a gun jammed right in your face. I wasn’t sleepy anymore. A memory like that will jolt you wide awake every single time.

  I laid back and remembered, glad to be alive. Most people might have died if they’d been tied up like that by three thugs who were determined to kill them off. But we’d done some kick-ass work, Marge and Celeste at least. They were full of surprises, those two. Who else would have thought to use a lighter to get their arms free from ropes?

  And okay, I’d have to admit it. Sometimes I’d had my doubts that we could do this thing: solve crimes for a living. But my partners always seemed to pull out hidden talents – hidden until the moment when we had to save our lives.

  The police had filled us in after they’d led the guys away in handcuffs. For weeks, the authorities had been watching Spike’s mother’s house, driving by at frequent intervals. Of course, how close had they really been watching? They’d missed the whole shebang in the backyard when Baxter had led us in at gunpoint.

  Then, later that afternoon, Celeste’s ex had made the call for the officers to go in and arrest Spike. They’d been hoping to do it for a while, and the evidence was at last in place, thanks to the explosion at the rental unit and the boxes that they found there full of counterfeited items.

  Of course, we already knew all of that; we were way ahead of them. Spike had told me the whole story about setting up the business to sell the stuff for massive profits. And while the officers rushed in to point their guns at him, we already had that covered. Plus, we had two bonus suspects. Who said we weren’t good?

  They’d been expecting to get Spike. Tall Dude and Baxter were surprises. The police had known they were involved with the operation; they just didn’t think they’d be so lucky to find all three of them together in Spike’s basement.

  Very slowly, I got out of bed and looked around the almost empty room until I found my glasses. Then I moved into the kitchen. Please. Let me have remembered to pack coffee.

  I found it, thank goodness, along with an old chipped mug. I poured some creamer in while I waited for the coffee to finish making.

  Too bad that I hadn’t been all up in Spike’s face with a gun like Marge’s when the officers rushed in. Story of my life. I was the one tied up on the floor while my friends did their thing. Why did Alex always show up when I looked like a doofus?

  Only now he knew the whole truth.

  “Charlie was the hero,” Celeste had graciously explained. “She kept Spike distracted while I was busy getting myself free from those stinking ropes.”

  I thought we’d all been heroes. And when Alex found me on the floor, he hadn’t given me his usual look of pity like I was some fool. He’d looked…kind of soft and tender, like he’d looked in that dream. The memory of that dream still made me kind of weak.

  Something was up with real-life Alex. He could be a pompous jerk; he’d still prefer we stay the heck away from stealing his thunder in some case. (And, boy, had we done it this time.) But it had been a while since he’d raised his voice at us. He’d seemed less controlling and more…caring.

  I could take care of my own self, thank you very much, but being swept up in his muscled arms? Well, I think I’d dreamed that too, sometime in the night.

  He’d stuck very close to me while the house was searched and while the guys were led away. I remembered how his hand had felt, warm against my arm. “Be gentle with her; check her out good,” he’d said to the paramedics. “I want to make sure she’s okay.”

  Then we’d all gone down to the station to give the police our statements.

  Now, as I sipped the first warm taste of coffee, my thoughts turned to Spike’s mom. So many people got hurt at a time like this. Of course the victims did, but so did the families of the bad guys. His mom had seemed like a nice lady; she’d made Spike’s favorite foods and read to him as a child. And still the poor thing ends up with a moron for a son. Maybe I could stop in for a visit, take her to a flower show or something.

  She’d even let him move back home. Moms are nice like that, no matter how old their children get. Hmmm. I bet her overgrown grass was the last thing on her list of mortifying bits of potential gossip. I was sure the neighborhood was buzzing with all kinds of talk that had nothing to do with weeds.

  Once we’d told the police all kinds of details that they didn’t know, an officer drove me back to my new apartment. Another officer took Marge to get her car from Baxter’s place.

  I poured a second cup of coffee and took it back to bed. We had all agreed: no work for us today. But it was a funny thing. Despite helping bag three real life bad guys, we had yet to solve our first official case. We could foil three guys with pistols, Celeste could break out of restraints, Marge could outmaneuver a hardened criminal in a lively round of Who Has the Gun Now. But we couldn’t catch that little bear.

  Which meant no paycheck yet. Perhaps Celeste could get the ex to pay us for our work the night before. Celeste could be persuasive. I wouldn’t put it past her.

  I looked around at my bare walls. I needed pictures, posters, art…, something. The place was small, but it would do. Best of all, it was all mine. Right then, it felt a little stuffy. I needed some fresh air.

  I opened the window by the bed. I breathed in the air. That felt really good. A little cool, just the way I liked it. And I heard voices, too. Neighbors! Maybe new friends, even. Things were looking up.

  But what was that whizzing, whistling sound somewhere near my ear? Like really, really close. I heard a kind of thud; thuds are never good. I turned toward the noise to find a massive arrow plunged into my new beige wall. Absolutely lovely. I wasn’t killed the day before by three felons with guns but I might die today by an arrow coming from an archery range.

  But life was good, I told myself. Never mind the arrow. I quickly shut the window. Some problems had quick fixes. Just close a little silver latch and, just like that, you’re safe.

  After that, I showered and dressed to meet the girls for breakfast at the diner, which was a good thing, really. There was no food in the apartment. I put on a t-shirt and capris, grabbed my keys and thundered down the stairs of the building.

  ***

  Marge and Celeste were already at a table by a window when I pulled into Jack’s. They each gave me a wink as I got out of my car, and Marge looked extra happy, even when you considered the huge feat we’d pulled off the night before. Too much caffeine? I wondered.

  I smiled at them and waved, then turned to find Alex right in front of me. Where had he come from?

  He grinned and watched me closely, like he was thrilled to see me.

  I blushed, remembering my dream, which was silly, really. He couldn’t read my thoughts.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

  “Oh, I just picked up a sandwich to eat back at my desk. No time for a real breakfast. There’s all kinds of paperwork once we wrap this case up.” He sighed happily. “Yep. Last night we did good. The police reeled in some big ones.”

  “The police?”

  He smiled. “I’ll give you that one, Cooper. You girls had ‘em cornered before we burst into the door.” Then his face turned serious. “Charlie, you’re a smart detective. But you can’t keep putting yourself in that kind of danger. If you got hurt, I’d…” He frowned, looking thoughtful. “I’d ask you to be careful. But I know th
at’s not your style.”

  I was too worn out to argue, but I hoped he’d go on talking. I loved that soft look in his eyes when he looked at me.

  “Are you okay now?” he asked.

  “A little sore but fine. What’s the news this morning from the station?”

  “The three of them are still locked up. I don’t think they’ll be making bond. We’ll probably hold them all until their trials.”

  “That’s a relief,” I said.

  As I was looking into his eyes, I saw a shadow moving behind his shoulder. I looked closer. It was too short and pointy eared to be a person, too bushy tailed to be a cat. Alex turned around to see what had made me gasp.

  Lou sauntered about the parking lot as if a panda hanging at a diner was a normal kind of thing.

  Alex stared, amazed. “Hey, look. It’s your little friend.” He began to laugh. “Look who decided to show up for your victory breakfast.”

  Ha ha. Very funny. I had to act, but how? I had to catch that bear. He kept showing up everywhere I went, that should have made it easy. And I blew it every time. I needed to pull the kind of fast trick that Marge or Celeste might try. I needed my own ninja move.

  But instead of the ninja move, there was only blabber that came out. “He runs off every time. Because of the fart. The fart! How can anyone stand that fart? Then every time we look up he’s just gone. And we even tried to trick him with a bowl of pickles, which I thought was really smart. Because the bear loves pickles. And one time I got my brother to chase him in the yard…”

  Alex held up a hand and laughed. “Slow down! What? That sounds like one strange bear. Pickles? Really? Pickles?”

  “And I know that it’s a lame case and that you probably think is funny. But I still need to solve it. Because I need a check. And because the kids, they get so sad when the panda’s not at the zoo. The kids were all so sad that day the monkey jumped up on my head.”

  He stared. “The monkey? On your head?”

  I suddenly felt tired. “I’ve been tied up and gagged and almost blown up too, and it’s just no fair if I get farted on today. I just want to go inside and order Jacks Egg Special Number Two.”

  Alex laughed again. The nerve. Couldn’t he see this was important? That we absolutely had to grab our town’s most important bear?

  He just looked at me and shook his head. “That’s a lot of words.” He took his cell out of his pocket and punched something in. He handed me the phone with a number on the screen. “Just hit send and you’ll be speaking to Animal Control. Tell them to get here stat.”

  Well. I guessed that did make sense. As badly as I wanted to be the hero who had nabbed not only three elusive criminals, but a celebrity bear to boot, this might be the best that I could do. Lou would be home safe. That’s what was important. As long as he didn’t get away before the experts could arrive.

  The panda darted toward the diner door, then ran a little to the left, looking around with curiosity and sniffing the pavement. Was he looking for something to eat? I had to keep my eye on him. I couldn’t let that feisty thing get too far from my sight. I pushed up my glasses, which had slipped down on my nose during the excitement. I willed my heartbeat to slow down. I’d had enough drama for one week. I just wanted my plate of scrambled eggs with bacon and mini flapjacks, maple syrup on the side.

  Alex, to my amazement, took his sandwich from the bag and began to unwrap the paper. The most wanted bear in all of Massachusetts might escape anytime. And what exactly does he do, this guy, this officer of the law? He unwraps a sandwich.

  I glared, but he just winked. Then he removed two pickles from the sandwich and slowly approached our furry fugitive, laying the pickles on the ground. As the bear began to eat, Alex did the most amazing thing. He very gently stroked the bear’s back.

  And, surprisingly, Lou let him. No running off. No farting.

  Alex made it look so easy. I guessed he didn’t have that desperate, got-to-catch-you vibe. He just fed him pickles. Like they were just two guys hanging out in the parking lot on a lazy afternoon.

  I took in the way that Alex brushed his soft hair from his eyes and the way the top button of his shirt strained against the muscles of his chest. Then I glanced at the diner window, where I knew my friends were surely taking in the show. They stared at me, wide-eyed.

  After Lou had quickly gobbled up the pickles, Alex picked him up like a baby and walked over to stand by me.

  I moved a couple of steps away, and then I braced myself. I was on high alert. A fart bomb would be erupting any second now. I waited a few seconds before breathing. Hmm. Guess this is my lucky day. Lou seemed to be digesting his snack with no smelly tummy issues.

  And so I wasn’t (that) worried when Alex put him in my arms. Lou snuggled up against my chest and promptly fell asleep. I hugged him to me and gently rubbed the soft fur behind his ear. When he wasn’t farting in my face or hightailing it away from me, the little guy was kind of cute.

  Soon, the Animal Control van flew into the lot, jolting Lou awake. Two uniformed guys got out and were quickly at our side. The tallest one reached out to take the bear from me and secured him in a cage in the back of the van. I couldn’t even look. The back of a van would probably always bring up bad thoughts. Now I knew Lou would be fine. I was sure he missed his twin.

  “Whew.” The shorter man shook his head. “Someone did good work. We’ve had training in this kind of thing, but that’s one hard bear to catch.” He scrunched up his nose. “I know the kids all love him, but I’ve never seen a bear pass wind like this one does.”

  The other guy came up beside him. “I almost resigned. I couldn’t take the smell. We’re not trained to deal with that stuff. Highly unusual. This little furry guy kept giving us the slip. One of you must be a genius.”

  Alex glanced at me and smiled. “And she’s a pretty genius too.”

  I felt my cheeks getting hot.

  I knew he should get the credit. I gave him a smile. I guessed Marge and Celeste weren’t the only ones capable of surprises.

  “Thank you,” I said when the van was gone. “I don’t know what to say.”

  He winked. “Congratulations, Cooper. You wrapped up your first case. I’ll tell the boss the news when I get back to the office.” He looked down at his sandwich. “I never was a fan of pickles anyway. Just as long as I have lots of mustard.”

  “Stay away from pickles.” I grinned. “They’re bad for your digestion.”

  “Take care, Charlie. I’ll see you around. Most likely you’ll be in trouble, and I’ll show up just in time. Isn’t that our pattern?”

  I lightly touched his arms. “You can be a nice guy, Alex. Who would have ever thought?”

  “Well, if you really want to thank me, you can buy me dinner.” Was that a flirty smile, or was that just me hoping? I had never been any good at understanding guys.

  “Sure,” I said. “Dinner. Absolutely. Uh…just tell me when and where.”

  He was looking at me in a way that made me blush some more.

  “It’s only fair, you know,” he said. “You already stroked my face and told me the kinds of things you really shouldn’t say until at least date number three. Any self-respecting guy would at least want dinner first.”

  I was mortified. If there ever was a good time for the earth to form a giant hole that could suck me in, then this was it. He’d heard what I said to him after the explosion after all. I so wished there was a way to melt into the pavement.

  He winked and reached out to straighten my glasses and smooth down my hair. “See you around, Charlie Cooper. Make sure you get some rest.”

  At last, I made my way into the diner and took my seat. A plate of food was waiting for me; my friends knew my favorite order.

  Marge and Celeste just watched me eat, glancing at each other and giggling to themselves. Celeste was not the giggly type. Today, she looked like her old self with her hair as big and red as ever.

  I looked up from my eggs. “Just come righ
t out and say it. Let the teasing start.” Was it about the bear? Or Alex? Most likely, it was both. I’d get a double whammy.

  “Oh, hon, I just knew it.” Marge grabbed some bacon from my plate. “Alex has a thing for you. And he has it bad.”

  Celeste took a sip of coffee. “Congratulations. Your man is super hot.”

  “He’s not my man,” I said. But I, Charlotte Cooper, of Springston, Massachusetts, had a real-life date. That didn’t happen often.

  “Well, girls,” I continued. “I guess we can turn this breakfast into a double celebration. I’m sure you noticed out the window that I just wrapped up our first case. With a little help from Alex.”

  Celeste held up her mug. “Cheers!”

  I touched my orange juice glass to their coffee mugs.

  “I’m so glad that Lou is safe,” Marge cooed. “Fuzzy wuzzy, cutie wootie, panda wanda.”

  “Marge. Please,” Celeste said. “I’m getting a headache when you talk like that.”

  “How are you girls feeling?” I asked, changing the subject before Marge could think of even one more rhyme.

  “My back is killing me,” Marge said. “Boy, that floor was hard. But that was an amazing night. We should call some TV people. Wouldn’t it make a great plot? With the fake bags and guns and all?” She thought about it a little more. “Which star would play me? Would she come here to meet me first?”

  “You did great work, Charlie.” Celeste took another sip of coffee. “We all were on our game. I can’t believe you kept that guy talking like he did. He didn’t glance over even once to see what I was doing. Because he’d rather talk about himself.”

  “We best rest up,” Marge said. “I’ll bet business will come rolling in. Now that they know what we can do.”

  Celeste nodded. “The chief and I are going to have a long talk tomorrow.”

  Oh, boy. I bet he was dreading that.

  “Now we just need that stupid sign,” Celeste said. “How hard can it really be to put up a stupid sign?”