by C L Walker
“Explain to me again why you are now seeking me out?”
He gave me a look and I ignored the implication that I was an idiot for not knowing.
“What, you do nothing but push my buttons and now you’re trying to seduce me or something?” I laughed. “You are insane and none of this makes sense, but for some reason I’m not surprised that it has ended up this way.”
“It seemed to make sense to you yesterday when you kissed me.”
“Kissing you doesn’t change the fact that you confuse me.” I looked away as I remembered how I had given him a peck at school.
“If I am insane then you are as well,” he said, “I know this because I know you have similar feelings, you think you hate me, sure whatever, but we both know that’s not true.” I nodded my head because I had to also admit that what I thought was hate was something else entirely. “That aside you’re drawn to me just as I am drawn to you and nothing that we have fought about has changed that. Oddly enough the bickering and high emotion confrontations have made me realize how much I want you. It’s messed up but I would never want to argue with anyone else like that aside from you and I’ve never gotten such a kick out of pushing someone’s buttons before. I love to see you angry.”
“Wow, how sweet, I’ve always wanted to be someone’s one and only punching bag.” I leaned back on my palms and closed my eyes and enjoyed the way the sun warmed my face.
“You aren’t my punching bag, you’re my–”
I cracked and eye to look at him. “Your what?” He held my gaze without saying anything, so I gave him my hardest glare. “This isn’t going well for you.”
“Right.” He held up a finger to gesture that he needed a moment while he considered his next words. “I’m sorry, I’m bad with words.”
“Pfft. No, you’re not. That’s me if you recall, I could barely get them out whenever you talked to me.”
“And now I can’t get you to shut up,” he said playfully.
“Yes, you can.” I leaned forward again and when I realized he was staring at me intently I asked, “What?”
“You’re basically admitting that I have something over you.” He leaned on his palm that he had rested against the dock behind me and leaned in closer. “Could you please explain in greater detail how it is I am able to shut you up, I’d love to hear all about it, your honesty today is exhilarating.”
“But you already know and you’re wrong if you think there will ever be a day where I will do things simply to indulge you.”
“Ha.” He kissed my cheek quickly and leaned back before I could snap my head around. “You know so little it’s adorable.”
“Don’t patronize me!” I wiped his kiss off my cheek and made a show of rubbing his germs off onto his thigh, but of course he raised a brow as he considered how close my hand was to the crotch of his pants, so I pulled it away quickly and he laughed at me.
“Nothing works out the way I want it to with you.” I stood up because it was about time to get to school.
He followed and caught up to my side. “That’s why you should just stick to kissing me.” He grabbed my hand when I passed his car and spun me around to encourage me to walk towards it.
“Hmm no. There are plenty of guys to kiss so I don’t see why I have to kiss someone who makes me angry.”
“Because no one makes you feel the way I do.” He opened the passenger door and waited for me to get inside before he walked around to the other side and got in. “Or maybe because your words and your feelings don’t match up.” He started the car. “Here’s a good one, because if you kiss someone else just to spite me, you’re going to hate yourself for it.”
“We won’t know until I try it.” I didn’t know why I purposely provoked him, but it felt like a last grab for something I had already let go of.
“You won’t know until you kiss other guys!” He stopped at the end of the road and threw his car into park before he turned to look at me. “I’m calling your bluff, you won’t do it, so why are you trying to be a brat?”
“I don’t know.” I was a bundle of nerves because I couldn’t keep up with what was happening between us and I was still angry at him for being so rude to me in the beginning. I also didn’t know what he expected of me… what are we doing?
“Shit,” he said, and he put the car back into drive and turned out onto the street. “You’re going to try and push me away for some time to come.”
I looked out the window and mentally berated myself because he was right, I was being petty and trying to push him away. But that’s what I was good at, I didn’t know how to let more people in and especially someone that pushed me to be something I didn’t know how to be.
He was terrifying so how could I give him the power to break my heart?
It was easier if I kept it to myself, and I knew that if we continued as we were, I was going to give it to him, and he had made no promise of giving me his in return.
A few things had been made apparent to me, one being that he was serious in his pursuit of me and the other was that his insistence that things had changed between us was correct. Things had most certainly changed, and that was scary.
I did what I could to slow things down because it was the only thing that I had the power to do.
After we got to school, I took off and avoided him and the things his proximity and attitude change were threatening to make me do, let him in.
He sent me a few text messages throughout the day, but I didn’t answer, and I avoided him at every turn because I was trying to think. I didn’t take my usual routes and I was out the doors as soon as the bell rang for every class. Then I asked Sai if we could go get some burgers for lunch and since Ashley wanted to hang out with her girlfriends it worked out and we left right after third period.
I was being a brat, but I was enjoying it immensely, so much so that I looked forward to how grumpy he was going to be towards me in fifth period.
I walked into class and stopped at the front of the room to look at him. He was leaning his head back with his eyes closed and his arms folded across his chest as he so often did, and it looked like he had ear buds in.
I slowly took a step because I was thinking about scaring him but before I even got halfway there his nostrils flared just so before his eyes shot open, and he looked directly at me.
Damn it.
“Hi,” I said.
His eyes moved to my mouth and I gathered that he couldn’t hear me through his music, so I stuck my tongue out at him and took a seat.
I thought he would inquire as to my whereabouts, but he didn’t move to take his ear buds out and he closed his eyes again until the second bell rang.
After class he let me go and I had wondered if I had taken it too far.
I turned around in the hallway and saw him retreating the other way with a sinking feeling that he was planning something as pay back.
But then when school ended, and I was standing outside talking to Sai, Ashley, and Jesse, Micah nodded his head at us as he walked by but didn’t otherwise acknowledge me.
I watched his car drive away with a dumbfounded look on my face because he was leaving me alone and I found that I didn’t like it one bit.
I was a hypocrite as well, what a pair we were.
I worked until eight and since we had been slow, I was almost done cleaning up ten minutes after we closed.
I was going to go home and call him to figure out what was going on, but it turned out that I didn’t have to.
“Hey.”
I turned to look out the window and narrowed my eyes when I happened upon him standing there with a smile on his face.
“What do you want?” I asked.
He considered my question as he put his hands against the shop and leaned in the window and said, “You.”
I dropped the can of whip I had been trying to put away in the fridge. I cleared my throat before I continued to clean up as I ignored his presence at the window.
When I walked out
the back door, he made it there before me and was leaning against the shop with his arms crossed over his chest. “Have you no response to that?”
“I won’t bother to respond to your teasing anymore.” I slammed the door and locked it. “You’re annoying today.”
“But I’m not teasing you,” he said, and when I gave him a look that let him know I didn’t believe him he clarified. “Fine. I am in a sense, but my words are true, and you know it. You’ve felt my want for you.”
I walked through the parking lot because I wanted to go into the store. “I’m not your type though.”
He jumped forward and opened the door for me. “I lied, and you already know that.”
I slipped past him and barely missed his body that he liked to put in my way. “I’m weak remember, I’m nothing but an ant to be squashed beneath the boots of superior beings such as yourself. “
I grabbed a water and a protein bar and headed to the counter and set them down.
Tim rang me up silently as he always did. He was an odd one that kept to himself, he was the only guy in town that managed to keep his life private.
I said thank you and he grunted in response.
Micah cleared his throat, and I waited for what his next argument was to be.
“You are weak physically compared to me. But you know that I just wanted you to stand up for yourself, I just had a shitty way of showing it because I was dealing with my own shit. But you can’t blame me for not wanting to see you get pushed around by others.”
I turned around so fast he almost ran into me, but his reflexes were better than mine, so he twirled around in a playful way and situated himself on the other side of me.
“I can blame you for being an ass and exploiting my weaknesses.”
“I wouldn’t consider pushing you to your limits until you explode and fight back, exploitation.”
“Then what is it?”
He smiled. “Pushing you to demand more for yourself, and as I said, I like it when you’re all fired up.”
“Is that why you left me alone all day?” I asked letting my issue with his actions show in my tone of voice. “Did you want me to be angry?”
“Woah, what?” He looked taken aback by my question. “You were the one avoiding me for some unknown reason so I thought I would give you the space you thought you wanted so badly.”
“I wanted time to think because things feel like they are moving so quickly, and I can’t figure anything out when you are always touching me and getting in my space. It’s so sudden and its distracting!”
He tried to grab my hand, but I didn’t let him. “I know its sudden, I can’t help it though, it’s too late to put on the breaks.”
“Too late?”
He looked down at his feet.
“What do you mean? Is this like predatorial? Did you mark me like a dog or something when you kissed me?”
“Geez, Sky.” He gave me an offended look. “It’s nothing like that. I am doing this for one reason and one reason only and I told you already why that is. I want you, plain and simple.”
I avoided his intense gaze. “Whatever.” I wasn’t ready to acknowledge his words or even consider saying them back, so I ignored them once again.
“I’m sorry I can’t change how I feel and when I want something, I become determined to have it.”
I hadn’t noticed!
I kicked a rock and sent it flying across the parking lot as I thought of something else to say to change the subject. “What did you mean when you said that I ‘thought’ I had wanted space from you?”
His smiled kicked up again as he poked the tip of my nose. “You didn’t like it.”
“Don’t be cute with me.”
“Is there no denial coming from your lips?” he asked.
“I enjoyed my day without you being in my face very much, in fact I hope that you leave me alone every day from here on out!” I turned quickly to hide my smile.
He laughed as I stomped away. “Here we go again, what so you can kiss other guys? Ha! Look who is being cute now.”
“Goodbye Micah, I will see you tomorrow.” I threw my hand up and waved even though my back was to him.
I walked past the coffee stand towards the trailer park and expected him to be on his way but just when I thought it was safe, he said, “Sky.” I continued to walk and tried to ignore him. “I know its late but since our next computer lab slot got cancelled, we need to work on our project.”
“Shoot.” That got me to stop.
I had completely forgotten about our project and I hadn’t been listening during fifth period because I was too focused on him. I didn’t like that he was ignoring me, and it felt like it did the first week he had arrived, when I felt like he didn’t like even having to look in my direction.
It didn’t make sense because last week I would have loved for him to leave me alone for an entire day, but everything felt different, I wanted him around, perhaps I even wanted him to push me to give in.
Clearly, I couldn’t keep up with him or my own heart. I needed to figure it out and be firm in what I wanted from him so that I could focus on other things.
He mumbled something to himself as I followed behind him to his car that I couldn’t catch.
“What?”
He got in and ignored my question. “Did you get enough snacks; I don’t want you eating any of my food.”
“Don’t even start with that nonsense tonight.” I got in beside him. “I know you don’t mean it.”
He laughed as he backed out of the parking lot.
While he drove to his house, I ate my protein bar and had one hand out the window so I could ride the breeze.
He put on music, and when “Gears,” by Miss May I came on I smiled because it was such a relief that we had the same taste in music. He turned it up loudly and sped down the road with the confidence of someone that knew every corner like the back of his hand.
Once we were inside, I looked at the chairs I had made new with a sense of pride, they looked good considering I had never stained wood before in my life since all my mother’s furniture was bought looking like shit, and shitty looking it had stayed.
“There’s more work where that came from if you decide to break any more of my things.” He pulled a beer out of his fridge and held it out to me. “Do you want one?”
“No, thank you.” I pouted since I was feeling a bit of embarrassment again about his mirror.
“Does that not sound appealing to you?” I shook my head. “I could always make you pay in another way then,” he said as his eyes flitted to my lips.
“Are you going to pimp me out?”
“As if I would share you.”
I avoided looking in his eyes after he said that because his voice had taken on a sensual tone.
“My laptop is upstairs.” He began climbing the stairs and then he stopped halfway when it was clear I wasn’t moving. “And it’s staying up there, come on.”
“Why?” I threw him a look that meant business. “I’m not going upstairs with you.”
He smiled, clearly amused by my refusal. “Are you scared?”
Of course.
I put my hands on my hips and held firm to my position. “I just know what you are up to, you’re going to distract me again.”
“If you know then it should be easy for you to prevent me from doing so, right?”
Easier said than done.
He beckoned me again. “Come on. We do have work to do so let’s get it over with. We have to compile the rest of our notes and there is a ton of them.”
“Fine.” I grabbed my bag and followed him reluctantly to the loft upstairs that was his room.
It had dark earthy green carpet and there was a big bed in the corner with silky black sheets and a maroon comforter across the top.
I eyed the dreamcatcher above his bed and when he noticed he asked, “Are you still having nightmares?”
“You should know, you are always in them.”
“Hey, you could always sleep here with me.” He touched the dreamcatcher gently with two fingers. “Maybe this could help you.”
“To ward off evil?” I asked with a smile.
He nodded his head but gave me a weird look until finally he understood. “Ha, you brat, it won’t get rid of me if that is what you are hoping for.”
“Then I guess there is no reason to sleep with you.” He took a step towards me and I knew what he was about, so I took a step back as I put my arms out between us. “Don’t even try to tempt me.”
He grabbed my hands and pulled me up against him. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” He dipped his head and kissed my neck once so softly I barely felt it.
When he pulled his face up and leaned in for a kiss, I put a single finger to my lips to stop him. “We need to work, remember?”
He kissed my finger. “Fine. You win. For now.”
When he turned around, I sucked in a much-needed breath and put my hand to my heart as I willed it to slow down.
“Has that girl been here?” I asked, and I regretted it immediately as I had no idea why the question even popped into my mind or worse why I would let it slip from my lips.
He had been digging around under his bed, but he stopped and looked at me as he was still bent at the waist with one hand underneath. “You mean the girl you saw me with at the party?”
I nodded my head nonchalantly.
“Hell no. I’m not into her.”
“Then why was she dancing in front of you?” I sounded ridiculous. “And why did you touch her?”
He pulled his hand out and a laptop came with it. “I barely touched her, and I only did because I knew you were going to be difficult about us, so I tried to make you jealous as if that would even help. It was petty and stupid, I’m sorry.”
I stared at him in question.
“What?” He sat down on his bed and motioned for me to sit beside him.
“You treated me like I was a peasant when you first arrived and then by the time the party rolled around you had already had a change of heart?” I was trying to understand him and how he arrived at this idea that he wanted me, and I realized that it was in the week before the party that he had started to say strange things and really push my buttons.