by K. C. Crowne
"No," I squealed. "It's too sensitive."
I pushed at his head, and he looked up, amused.
"Do you really want me to stop?"
"No. "
He raised an eyebrow.
"Didn't think so."
He smirked and lowered his head, lapping at me, sucking at my clit with a juicy tongue until I could feel the beginnings of a second orgasm approach.
"Hmmmm...." He hummed as he sucked, his eyes closing as he savored the taste of me.
Beneath his body, I could see his hand work on himself, bringing himself close to climax.
Placing my hand on his head, I pressed his face even further between my legs. He groaned louder, his hand moving faster around his cock as the two of us reached a frenzy.
He groaned, his tongue licking at me with long, flat, wet strokes that drove me wild. When it grew too much, I pushed him away. He sat up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“I want you to come inside me,” I said, waving him on top of me with my finger.
He crawled up the length of my body, a ravenous expression curling up the edges of his lips into a wicked smirk.
“Come here,” he grunted, pulling my hips to his.
He entered me roughly, pinning my wrists to the bed as he thrust deep until I screamed and bit his chest, the taste of his sweat mixed with the sour, metallic tang of a minuscule drop of blood as my teeth broke the skin.
“Oh, fuck!” he yelled, thrusting into me one last time before reaching an orgasm that saw the sweat drop from his forehead and his eye clench tight.
Just the sound of his voice and the look on his face as he came was enough to drive me to a roaring second orgasm, my whole body shaking, quivering, clenching itself around him. It felt as though I was floating, as though my mind had left my body and drifted away on a cloud of creamy ecstasy.
When I opened my eyes, he was rolling off me and landing on his back with a heavy sigh.
“Fuck.”
I rolled over and rested a hand on his chest as his body cooled.
A wave of emotion came over me as I watched him. He was the perfect mix of power and strength, love and gentleness. He cared for me, loved me, came to my rescue when I thought I would die. There was nobody on Earth that could come close to him, nobody that could make me feel this level of love and adoration.
Snuggling in beside him, I rested my arm over his waist, and he tickled his fingers over the back of my hand.
"That was really something," he said, still breathless.
"The best."
"It always was with you."
I kissed his cheek and breathed in his smell.
Only now, did I take in his surroundings, the blue bedspread, the Spartan room with only a single television and a PlayStation controller on the floor.
"Wow, you can really tell you've been single for a while," I laughed sitting up.
"What makes you say that?"
"Your room looks like the bedroom of a sixteen-year-old boy."
"Hey, I like it like this," he said with a smile, his eyes still closed. "Besides, I don't think I'm ready to cover the place in needless cushions and scented candles."
But I can do that for you...
Wrapping the sheets around myself, I walked over to the window and pulled open the curtains.
"Wow, you've got a really great view from here. You could really make this place special."
He opened his eyes, yawned, and sat up. "I guess," he said.
"Guys are hilarious," I said. "You'd be happy living in a cave as long as you could order pizza to be delivered."
"Pretty much."
I watched as he stood up and began dressing himself, his gaze remaining strangely away from me.
"You okay?" I asked, sensing something was off.
The loving, adoring look in his eyes had gone and was replaced with a furtive glance as though he was hiding something, as though the best sex of our lives hadn't just happened.
"I'm fine," he said, pulling up his jeans. "Just gonna make some coffee." Then he left the room without looking at me.
What the hell?
Following him out and finding him in the kitchen, I saw him scooping coffee into the machine trying his hardest to not meet my gaze. I recognized that look. I'd seen it a hundred times when we were kids. It was the look that said, ‘I've done something wrong and I don't wanna get caught’. The same one he gave me when we were seventeen and I left him in charge of my hamster while I was on vacation and came home to discover it had escaped.
"Jackson, what's going on here?"
He pretended he hadn't heard me and pressed the switch on the machine, drowning out my voice with the noise from the percolator.
"Jackson!"
Moving in behind him, I snaked my arms around his waist and kissed his back. Maybe some affection would soften him and stop him acting so weird, but it only made him tense up in my arms. When he turned around, his gaze was furtive as though he was intent on looking everywhere in the room but me.
Grabbing his jaw, I pulled him toward me so his eyes met mine.
"What's going on?" I asked. "You're acting real weird."
"It's nothing."
He wriggled free and stepped away. Moving over to the lounge, he switched on the television, another distraction from my voice.
"You must think I'm an idiot if you think I don't know something's wrong," I said, taking the remote out his hand. "A few minutes ago you were all over me. Telling me you loved me, and now it's like I'm not even here, like you don't even want to see me."
A pained look came over his face, and he let out a long exhale as he buried his face in his hands.
"Fuck," he breathed. "I need to tell you something.”
I sat down beside him and studied his face. I'd never seen him look so nervous.
"Jackson, tell me what's going on. You're scaring me."
Slowly, his eyes met mine and they were filled with agony. "Gabby, we shouldn't have done that. I made a mistake. I don't think we can be together."
His words froze in the air. I stared deep into his face, disbelieving. Somewhere deep inside my body, a dark pit of anger welled up.
“Mistake?” I said, taking a step back from him. “Did you just say you think I was a mistake?”
“Gabby, no! That came out all wrong. What I meant was... Shit, this isn't going how I planned. Look, I'm trying to be the good guy here.”
“It doesn't fucking sound like it!”
“Please, just sit back down. Can we talk about this?”
“What's there to talk about?” I asked, remaining standing. “You said you loved me. You made me believe everything would be perfect between us again. But now you're saying what? That you've changed your mind?”
He stood up and tried to reach for me, but I backed away from him. His hand dropped and he said, “What I meant to say was...”
His face was etched in pain as he tugged at his hair. “What I meant to say was that...you'd be better going back to Denver without me. Far, far away from me.”
The threat of tears closed my throat, but I refused to cry in front of him
He can't be serious? He can't really be saying this after what we've just done?
“If you didn't want to be with me then why did you sleep with me? Did you just need to get off?”
“Gabby, oh God no! Fuck. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This is all coming out as such a mess. Please, just listen to me. I love you! Wait, where are you going? Come back!”
I was already throwing on my coat and reaching for the door.
“Gabby! Come back. Wait!”
“Fuck you!”
As I stormed out of the apartment, the cold stinging my face, I still refused to let the tears fall.
I stormed off in search of Jared's apartment, not hesitating about throwing my hand out to hail a cab. As I climbed in, I was pleased to see a friendly face behind the wheel.
“Where are we heading?”
"Thirty-
six Mansionhouse Avenue," I rattled off.
The driver paused for a minute and looked at me in the mirror.
"Sure," he replied, pulling away onto the road. "I don't suppose you heard about what happened there last night?"
"No, " I said, probing for an answer. "What happened?"
"Some hit man pretending to be a taxi driver picked up two girls. Took them to the old Gianni bunker up in the mountains. Everyone's going wild talking about them. I'm surprised you ain't heard about them. One of the girls apparently fought her way out. She's a black belt in karate they say. Beat the crap out of Benny Junior and shot him right in the head."
I couldn't help but smile inwardly. Let the rumors spread, I thought.
"Wow," I said. "She sounds like quite a girl."
We pulled up in front of Jared's and I saw the light was on in the living room. Only two days before we had pulled up to the same spot thinking we were going to be doing nothing more than having a great weekend seeing Roxi Lane. That felt like an entire lifetime ago now.
"Have a good day," said the driver. "Be safe. You never know who's lurking around."
"Thanks," I replied, handing over his fare. "It's a shame for me I don't know any karate."
As I trudged up the stairs, I looked forward to an empty apartment where I could quietly pack my things and disappear. Holding the spare key in my hands, I dug it into my palm.
But as I reached the top floor and caught sight of the front door, I swore I could hear the sound of a television blaring out one of Roxi's hits. As I pushed the key in the lock, I was assaulted by the sound of Carly's tone-deaf voice as she sang along. Opening the door, I saw her packing Jared's clothes into a backpack as she sang, an open bottle of wine on the coffee table beside her.
She heard the click of the door and froze, looking up like a startled deer. "Oh, Gabby! What are you doing here?"
"More like what are you doing here? I thought you were at the hospital."
"I'm just about to head back up. Had to come back for some clothes and toiletries for Jared. Looks like he's going to be up there a long while." She flicked her eyes over to the TV and said, "Thought some of Roxi's old tunes would cheer me up. It's not working, though."
I didn't know what to say and maneuvered around her to grab the wine bottle.
She looked me up and down, took in my demeanor and said, "What's wrong? Where's Jackson? Something happened, didn't it?"
I flopped down on the couch and poured myself a glass of wine. Staring blankly at the television, I became irritated by the music.
“Jackson's an asshole,” I said, taking a gulp of wine.
Looking down at the couch, I thought about what we had done on it. What we had just done only hours ago. It had been the best sex of my life. It surely couldn't be possible to feel so in love, to be consumed by that much pleasure and for it all to be fake.
Did he really mean it? Was it really a mistake?
"Tell me everything," Carly insisted, joining me on the couch.
I swallowed more wine, took a deep breath, and said, "He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him. I thought it was for real this time. That's what he made me believe."
Carly looked confused but said nothing, giving me the chance to talk.
"I slept with him," I confided. "I'm sorry. I know you don't wanna hear that kinda thing about your brother, but that's what happened. I slept with him and it was the best day of my whole fucking life!"
"So what happened?"
"He said it was a mistake..."
Her face dropped. Slowly, she set her wine down on the coffee table and edged toward me. "He didn’t mean that."
"Then why did he say it?"
She didn't have an answer. Neither did I.
"If anything, this whole weekend has been a mistake," I said, standing up. "I'm going back to Denver."
"What? Today?"
"Right now."
Walking into the spare bedroom, I picked up my few belongings that were strewn across the floor and tossed them into my suitcase.
"Gabby, wait! You're not thinking straight. You're still recovering from last night. You need to rest. Need to think about this."
"There's nothing to think about," I snapped. "Jackson's an asshole. He used me. He made me think we were in love and that everything would be perfect and then he just finished with me."
"There has to be a reason. He's not that type of guy."
"That's what I thought."
I pulled my loaded suitcase off my bed and grabbed my purse. "We'll catch up when you're home."
"Wait! How are you getting back?"
"I dunno. Bus? Train? I don't care."
"Just stop a minute. Think about this carefully. You don't have to leave just yet."
"Well, I'm not hanging around here."
Carly sighed and touched her hand to her forehead.
"Okay, listen if you're intent on going home, you can take my car. I don't want you spending hours stuck on some late-night Greyhound with a bunch of creeps."
She disappeared and returned a moment later, tossing her keys into my hands.
"But just so you know, I think you're making a mistake."
I wheeled my suitcase to the door and thought about the journey ahead. In just a few hours’ time, I could be at home, back to normal life and my boring job. But at least I wouldn't be letting myself get treated like shit. As I reached for the door, I said goodbye to Station Springs forever. It had brought me nothing but misery.
Hugging Carly, I kissed her hard on the cheek and gave her a tight squeeze. "At least I have you."
"And you always will."
I walked away, leaving her as she waved to me from the door. The elevator doors chimed open, and I stepped inside, knowing I'd never return, but before I could press the button for the ground floor, Carly stepped toward me.
"Hang on," she said, a pained look crossing her face. "I hate you leaving like this. Something's just not right here. He loves you. I know he does."
"Yeah, well, whether he does or he doesn't, I'm not in the mood to get played around."
Once again, I moved to press the button, but it was caught by Carly's hand as she stepped into the elevator.
"He's always been in love with you. Always said you were the only girl he would ever marry."
"He was young and stupid."
"No, he really wasn't. You know, after he left for training, he used to call home every weekend, not to speak to me, but to ask how you were. He’s always kept an eye on you. Always knew when you did well at school, when you'd won a prize, even when you were sick. He was always asking for you. He always cared.”
It was hard to believe, but it was impossible to ignore the intensity in her eyes.
“Did he really?”
She nodded, her eyes pleading with mine.
“Just think about it, okay? If you leave now, you might not get another chance with him.”
“He made it pretty clear I'll not get another chance with him anyway,” I said and punched the button for the ground floor.
Carly stepped out to avoid the closing door and said, “Call me as soon as you get home.”
I blew her a kiss as the doors closed and looked at myself in the mirrored walls. At first I gasped, not realizing how bad I really looked. It was the first time I'd seen the bruises around my neck, how ugly they were.
“You're a survivor,” I said to myself as the elevator doors slid back open. “You don't need anyone.”
Chapter 26
Jackson
"You did what now?" Lucas asked as he bounced his six-month old, Harriet, on his knees.
After Gabby had left, I felt as though my heart was rotten. It wasn't that I didn't love her; hell, I loved her more than anything. It was just that everything had become jumbled up in my head and it all came out wrong.
"I told her it was mistake," I repeated. "That she should go back to Denver and forget about me."
Harriet gurgled and laughed at me, and I reached over a
nd tickled one of her tiny feet. She laughed even harder and reached for my nose. I couldn't think of a better place to be than right there with the only happily married man I knew. He had it all, the beautiful home, the perfect family, the marriage that dreams are made of. If anyone knew how to help me, it was him.
"I really fucked up," I said.
"Hey! Language in front of the baby."
"Sorry. I mean I really messed up. Like, I was totally overwhelmed, and all this garbage just came spewing out my mouth."
Lucas nodded as he waved a rattle in Harriet's face. She took it from him with a gummy smile and his eyes lit up. He was the ideal image of the perfect father, and it was starting to make me slightly nauseous.
"I get ya, buddy. I really do. Love's a complicated thing. It's hard to articulate at times."
"Exactly! I mean fu-fudge, Lucas. I didn't mean to tell her it was a mistake."
"What did you mean to tell her?"
I opened my mouth, but before I could answer, the door opened and Sandra entered with two chilled beers and two big bags of chips.
"Hi, fellas. Thought you'd like some refreshments.”
She breezed in and took Harriet in her arms with a cheesy grin like something from a laundry commercial, her blonde hair shining in the sunlight. She was beautiful in a plain, matronly kind of way, and Lucas was staring at her as though she was the Virgin Mary.
"It's okay," she said. "I'll mind the little one for a while if you two wanna head down to the den."
"Thanks. You're the best."
Lucas pecked her on the cheek, and I turned away, feeling awkward at seeing the two of them act so saccharine sweet and schmaltzy together.
Eventually, after he managed to tear himself away from Sandra, we headed down to the den, the basement he'd converted into a teenage boy's paradise. He flung himself down on the couch and tore open his chips, cramming them into his mouth.
"So, tell me everything," he said.
"I don't even know where to start."
"Well, what's the first thing that comes to mind."
"That I really love her. Like the way you love Sandra. Like I want to be with her forever."