But it wasn’t just that he was right about me not being honest or that he deserved to have his feelings. Darren said he couldn’t think of a reason I hadn’t told him about Willa, and that was true.
“You’re right. There isn’t really a good reason I didn’t tell you about her. The only one I have is I was scared,” I told him.
“What were you scared of?” Darren asked.
“We didn’t even know each other. That night I knew I was leaving the next morning, and I didn’t go into that bar with any intention of picking somebody up. I left the next morning with good memories and, to be honest, wishing I didn’t have to go. Then two months later, I thought I had the flu. I was sick every morning and so exhausted. But it was chilly weather, and I thought I’d just picked up a bug somewhere. But when I went to the doctor, they did a blood test and I found out I was pregnant.”
“Did you even consider telling me? Did it even go through your head that I should know?”
“Of course it did,” I said. “You were the first thing that came to mind. But I had no idea what to do. I wanted to come back to the States, but I wasn’t sure I could. Even if I did, I didn’t know how I would find you. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to see you again. All I had was your first name. Remember? We didn’t exchange anything else.”
“I know,” he said. “We didn’t really get very in-depth with each other. We never even talked about what we did for a living.”
“Exactly. I didn’t have anything to go on. It’s not like Darren is such an unusual name there would only be a handful of options. I wasn’t even sure you’d lived in the area. It was your birthday, and you were there with your brothers and friends. For all I knew, they brought you in from some other place, or you were visiting from a different town. I know I could have done more. I could have worked harder to find you. I could have looked you up, hired a private investigator, something. But I didn’t. That’s something I’m going to have to live with,” I told him.
“And so do I. When you made that decision for yourself, you made it for me, too. I know we didn’t give each other much information about ourselves, but at least you could have tried. Something.”
“I did. I picked up my entire life, my daughter’s entire life, to leave the only home I’ve ever known and move down here on the off chance I would be able to find you. I didn’t just come for a quick visit or swing through town and hope I might stumble on you. When I decided to come down here once and for all, it was to stay so that if I did find you and was able to tell you, you would be able to have a relationship with Willa.”
“But you did stumble on me. Almost six weeks ago now.”
I drew in a breath and nodded.
“Yeah, I did. That wasn’t my plan. I didn’t expect that or go out of my way to make that happen.”
“You were there to celebrate my birthday,” Darren said, sounding slightly incredulous. “You went to the bar where you met me when I was celebrating my birthday, on my birthday, and didn’t think there was any chance you were going to run into me?”
We’d already had this conversation, but apparently it wasn’t enough to satisfy him.
“I had my birthday party at a pizza parlor one time. That doesn’t mean I go back there every year to celebrate. I told you before, you didn’t exactly look comfortable at the bar. It looked like the first time you’d ever been there.”
“Of course it was. It was my twenty-first birthday. My brother brought me there because it’s his favorite bar. It’s where everybody goes after the races and to hang out, as you very well know now,” he pointed out.
I drew in a breath, closing my eyes to try to stay calm.
“The point is, I didn’t think you would be there. If I had known, I wouldn’t have gone. That wasn’t the way I wanted this to work out. I didn’t want us to just spontaneously run into each other and have me blurt out ‘oh, by the way, you have a daughter.’ I wanted to be more diplomatic than that. But then it happened. You walked back into my life. I gave you my phone number so we could get together to talk, but that didn’t end up happening, either. What was I supposed to do, Darren? Can’t you understand what I was going through? I thought I knew how this was going to unfold. Then I found out the job I was dying to get was for your family.”
“You could have told me right then,” Darren said.
“What, as part of my interview? My name is Kelly, I have almost ten years of experience and your two-year-old daughter? I didn’t think you’d hire me, or that you’d only hire me because of her. Or worse, that you’d take Willa from me and I’d get kicked back to Quebec without my daughter.” I took a few bites of my fish and a sip of my lemonade, just trying to get my thoughts together. But no other brilliant comments came to mind. “It was fear. That’s all. That’s the only excuse I have.”
I waited for Darren to respond, but he stayed silent for far too long. His stare was intense, but I had trouble understanding the emotion behind it.
“I was right,” he finally said. “That’s bullshit.”
My hands shook hard enough to make me put down my fork, and I nodded, staring down at my feet.
“I know. But it’s…” I started.
“You’re fearless,” Darren said.
The words hit me, and my eyes snapped up to him. It felt for a second like I couldn’t breathe, like time had slowed down for an instant around us.
“What?”
“You’re fearless. You weren’t afraid to pack up your small daughter and leave your country for a place you only knew from visiting. You weren’t afraid to be alone without your family or anyone you knew just so that you could be here and try to make things right. You weren’t afraid to work in a field dominated by men and command the same respect and reverence they get. Kelly, you’re fearless. It’s something I’ve always known about you. It’s part of the reason why I left that bar with you three years ago,” he said.
I shook my head, tears starting to sting in my eyes as everything crashed down around me. The full reality of the situation was pressing in, and I struggled to control my emotions so we could have a clear, straightforward conversation.
“It’s all bluster,” I told him. “All of it. Of course I was afraid. I was afraid all the time. Of all of those things. I was absolutely terrified to leave Canada. Even though I loved Charlotte when I came here, and I always intended to come back, the thought of picking up and moving here just Willa and me was terrifying. I was scared out of my mind to think about taking Willa away from my family, to not have my sister, my parents, my friends. I didn’t know if there was any way I could do it without them. And I definitely didn’t know if I had it in me to face you. I didn’t know what you would think of me or how you would react to me telling you about Willa. And I was afraid it would all fall down around me. Can you really blame me? It’s exactly what’s happening.”
At least my voice didn’t shake. I had enough strength to stay steady and look him in the eyes when I spoke. The slightest hint of a smile flickered across Darren’s lips. It wasn’t pleasant, not a moment of happiness. More like something amused him even if he didn’t want it to.
He leaned toward me across the table. “Let’s be real. I can buy you were scared I wouldn’t react well or that I’d take her. But you’ve never even mentioned that you thought we could work out. You said you wanted to make sure Willa and I were in each other’s lives, but you never said that you wanted to find me again so you and I could try to work things out.”
“I don’t think I ever let myself think about that. It wasn’t about us. Like I said, I left that morning wishing I didn’t have to, and I missed you the entire time, but making sure Willa knew her father wasn’t about me getting a chance with you,” I told him.
“Why not?” Darren asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you never let yourself think about it? Why did you never think there was a chance it could work out between us? That we could be a family?” he asked.
The word
s made the tears slip down my face, and I looked down, brushing them away. I didn’t really want to think about that, about the abandonment issues I thought I had outgrown years ago but that reared their head when all this happened. If I really dug deep into my head and my heart and was honest with myself, that was the root of all this. I wanted to hide it all as far down as I could and not think about it, but that wasn’t an option anymore. Hiding everything was what got me into this, and I needed to be up-front and honest.
“My parents aren’t really my parents. Well, my mother is. But the man I call my dad is not my father. I lost my father at a really young age, before I could understand it. In the years after, my mother had boyfriends, but they always left. Even when she finally found a really good guy, a man I love and think of as my dad, I didn’t really get over everything else. I’ve always had a sense of abandonment. No matter how right or wrong it is, I was afraid of having too much hope, of getting attached,” I explained.
We fell into silence and went back to eating to fill our mouths and end the need to say anything else. When we finished, I got up and started to leave, but Darren took my hand and I stopped. I looked down at our hands and then at him.
“We’ll work it out, okay?” he said. “Because even with this, I still want you. I have for three years, and this doesn’t change that.”
I was so shocked by the revelation when he pulled me in to kiss me, I couldn’t even respond.
33
Darren
Everything felt completely different the next day when I got to the compound. Instead of walking across the field toward the garage with a sense of dread and worry about seeing Kelly, I was looking forward to it. I was excited to look at her, to see her smile, and to know everything was going so well between us. Everything had changed, and I couldn’t believe it was turning out like this. I thought it was over. I thought there was no way Kelly and I were going to be able to piece everything back together, but the day before, the way she kissed me back told me more than any words she ever needed to say.
I went to her locker and set a snack inside, the way I had before everything crashed and burned. Then I went to my office and made her a cup of coffee. It felt good to be back into the same rhythm, but to have it mean even more. There was no question in my mind when I told her of my intentions that I had deep feelings for Kelly and was never going to be able to deny them so we could just be friends. I started courting her so she would know how I felt and because I wanted the beginning of whatever relationship we could have to be meaningful.
Now those feelings were more. After what we’d already been through and what was ahead of us, I was making a deeper, more intentional choice. I hoped she could see that. After what she’d told me about her father and growing up with the string of men who’d disappeared from her life and left her reeling, I wanted to be there for Kelly. I wanted to show her how much I really cared about her and how precious she was to me. It might take time to build trust and for her to really know I was there for her, but I was willing to do it.
I went into the garage and set the coffee down at her workstation before going over to my bike. I’d gotten a lot of work done the day before, but I still needed to reconstruct part of the machine and do a few upgrades I’d been planning. After my performance at the last race, it was going to be even more difficult to defend my title. That’s how it worked with every season. Other racers got even more intense and did everything they could to improve their performance and shave seconds off their time in hopes of landing a position in the top rankings. They could see their chances at making a name for themselves, earning money, and attracting the attention of potential sponsors slipping through their fingers. It meant I couldn’t get complacent. I couldn’t sit on my laurels and just expect to continue to dominate. For the next few races, I needed to be even more focused and push to stay on top.
Kelly arrived a few minutes later and picked up the coffee with a smile. She looked over at me as she took a sip, and I smiled back at her. Before I could say anything to her, Quentin came in to check on the progress of my motorcycle. I went over everything I was doing with him, and he gave me a few more orders for the custom bikes.
“These are becoming so popular we might have to hire a new team to handle the orders,” he said.
“No need to do that yet. Kelly and I can handle it,” I told him.
I noticed her smile, but she didn’t turn to look at me or get involved in the conversation. That day was packed full, and we were going full force until just before lunch. Dad left the garage to head up to the field, and I took advantage of the free minute. Dragging her behind a stack of tires, I gathered her up into my arms with the intention of kissing her senseless. I’d been thinking about it all morning and couldn’t wait to get a taste of her lips again. I wasn’t angry anymore. Far from it. And without that negativity and fury taking up most of my brain, the wanting and desire for her were so much stronger.
I pressed her back against the tires and kissed her deeply, slipping my tongue into her mouth to explore her and holding her close against my body. The best part was her reaction. She was letting me kiss her, was kissing me back. Her arms wrapped around my neck and her body held against me, she tangled her tongue with mine and nibbled at my lips. With the way she felt in my arms, I figured this was more than enough to start a relationship on, especially when we counted in our history and the shared blood that was sleeping at her place.
If I could have, I would have kept her right there in the garage with me, but we both needed to eat lunch, and the family would have noticed if we just didn’t show up mysteriously at the same time. I didn’t really intend on hiding anything from them, but things were still at a delicate beginning stage. There wasn’t any need right now to spread everything around and get everybody talking. Besides, Kelly needed to do her daily call to check in on Willa. Now that I knew she was mine, those calls were more important. One day I hoped I’d get a chance to be a part of them. But for now, I could settle on her making the call and then checking in with me afterward to let me know how she was doing.
At the end of the day, I pulled her aside again. Kelly grinned and wrapped her arms around my neck. I kissed her once, but then stepped back from her, taking her hands in mine.
“I didn’t take you aside for that,” I told her. “We need to talk.”
She pouted and I laughed, drawing her close again.
“I know. But, listen, we can’t just kiss. We are very good at it, but we have to try to think clearly. We have important stuff to talk about. We need to get all this figured out. But I want you to come with me to Quentin’s house on Sunday. He has the whole family over on Sunday nights for a bonfire, and we usually grill out. I want you to bring Willa,” I told her.
Kelly looked uncertain.
“That seems like a lot,” she said.
“It might be,” I admitted. “But, I mean, it’s a lot for me, too. You have to admit, my family is just kind of a lot in general. It will be nice to have someone else there who stays a bit on the edges and isn’t right in the middle of the action.”
Kelly laughed.
“You’re making me feel super confident about this whole thing,” she said. She glanced around nervously.
That sounded like I was making a little bit of progress. At least she hadn’t come right out and said no. She was at least willing to hear more about it and make a decision from there.
“It’s just a family thing. He’s been doing it for a while now. The family has always been close, but we don’t spend as much time together now as we used to because we’re all so busy with work and everything. So, he makes it a point of getting everybody together on Sundays so we can spend some time together. He has a huge, gorgeous house with a giant firepit in the backyard. He gets a fire going and cooks on the grill. We sit around, drink beer, talk, and laugh. It’s just a good time. Sometimes Quentin’s best friend comes with his puppy, Bud, and she plays with Quentin’s puppy, Rosie.”
Kelly looked li
ke that was convincing her a little more.
“Willa does love dogs,” she said.
“See? Something there for everybody.” I tried to grin convincingly, but she still looked nervous. “Come on. It’s really casual. There’s no big formal table, and I promise you aren’t going to get strapped down and interrogated or anything. We’ll sit around and eat and talk and get to know each other a little better. My mother would really like to meet her grandchild.”
“Just your mother?” Kelly asked.
I laughed.
“Everybody would like to meet her, but Dad is being a little bit more restrained about it. They are all doing their best to stay back and give us our space. They don’t want to interfere or intrude in any way. I asked them to be respectful and let us come to them when we were ready. My father and brothers are doing a pretty good job so far, but Mom isn’t going to hold out much longer. If you don’t want her figuring out how to show up at your house or coming up with an elaborate Bring Your Child to Work Day scheme to get you to bring Willa here to meet her, we do this on our own terms soon. Sunday at Quentin’s is casual, open, no pressure. No one will have any expectations of you. They just want to meet Willa and welcome her into the family. She is the first grandbaby, you know.”
Kelly rolled her eyes, letting out a groan.
“Merry is going to be so pissed,” she said.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“She’s pregnant. Like, super pregnant. She’s about to burst. And I guarantee you when she announced to everybody that she was having a baby, she thought it was the first grandchild. Which would have made sense considering Quentin is the oldest son. By all rights he should have the first baby. But then I come along and announce she’s two years late to the party.”
The words all spilled out of her in a stream I could barely understand, and when she looked at me, her expression seemed exhausted, like all that had drained her.
Millionaire Daddy: A Secret Baby Romance (Freeman Brothers Book 2) Page 18