by Tenaya MKD
Cayde was holding me. I could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was stressed.
I wanted to tell him to calm down. That he always worried too much. That everything was fine. But my hip was throbbing.
Why is that? Oh, that's right, I just passed out. Maybe I’m not fine…
I must have only been out for a moment, because we were still on the floor. He was cradling me in his lap. His body felt warm against my clammy skin.
His fingertips dragged softly across my arm, stopping when he reached my shoulder to reach up and run his thumb across the beads of sweat still on my cheek. For a pleasant moment, I forgot I needed to open my eyes.
“I’m okay,” I said. My voice was only a whisper.
“I felt you from all the way in my room. You were scared but...it was weird. It woke me up. What the hell happened?”
“I had a dream.” Finally peeling open my heavy eyelids, I looked up into Cayde's face. His brows were deeply creased. “You worry too much.”
“There is no way that was just a bad dream.”
“I think you're right.”
Bad dreams don't usually knock you out.
“What did you see?”
I had to close my eyes again, but as soon as I did, it was like I’d been dropped right back into the dream.
“Me, you, Eric, and Quinn were walking through a building. A skyscraper. Near the top floor, I think. I could smell rubbing alcohol. We were looking for something. Or, someone.
“There was a dark hallway. Then a room with an operating table. The floor was covered by clear tarps, splattered with blood. We found a wall of cages…with people inside them. They were so scared, Cayde.” The fear on their faces made me feel afraid all over again. He wrapped his hand around mine.
“We were trying to open the locks, when people rushed us from behind. A needle stabbed me in the neck. I screamed. Then my vision went black.”
When I opened my eyes, I was relieved to be back in my room, looking up at Cayde’s tense face. He held me a little tighter, and I curled into his arms. I was more afraid than I’d ever admit.
Afraid because of what I’d seen, but more than that. Afraid of what was happening to me. It felt like the dream had sucked the life out of me.
“What did you feel like before you passed out?”
“Drained. Completely exhausted.”
“Let's get you dressed. We need to go see GWNN.”
The glow emanating from GWNN's crystal heart dimly colored the room in teal. Cayde walked straight to the control panel and started pushing buttons. The crystal hanging above our heads grabbed my focus though.
The light it emanated came from a bright ball of energy at its core. It pulsed steadily. With each pulsation, color burst from the energy ball, then ran through the crystal and outward.
The wires connected to the crystal seemed to be siphoning off some of that energy, pulling it into the panels they were connected to. Cayde had said this wasn't magic, but that was pretty hard to believe.
“Holy shit,” Cayde said.
That caught my attention. “What is it?”
“You have a third wave reading! And it was spiking like crazy, just before I came to your room! You are still reading high. Whatever you just went through, is definitely related to your abilities.”
Great.
But as much as I was frustrated by my body, I was also relieved. The power I’d been waiting for had finally shown up. I hadn’t exploded. And I hadn’t put anyone else in danger.
“What kind of power would give me nightmares though?”
“What if it was a vision?”
Cayde had no doubt that what I had seen was a psychic vision. I wasn't so sure, but that may have mostly been denial. The idea that we might actually go through what I saw tied my guts into knots.
He told Markham about it, first thing in the morning, while I sat silently in the other chair at the chief’s desk. Besides being a little tired, I felt like my normal self. I just didn't want to talk about it. The look that Markham gave me when Cayde said the word “psychic” made me a little nauseous.
The creepy way he’d looked at me before was nothing compared to the way he behaved after that. He started coming to morning trainings to watch me. He kept coming to the garden, just to awkwardly ask how I was doing. I went from rarely speaking to him, to running into him around every corner.
He was trying to decide the best ways to use my abilities. It was written all over his face, any time we were in the same room. I considered leaving the facility right away, just to ensure he wouldn't get the opportunity. But I couldn’t talk myself into doing it, no matter how I tried.
I was too scared to leave. Still scared of Shadow finding me, scared of not being able to control my abilities, and afraid to go back to being alone.
I told Bunny that needing people was a weakness! I should have never listened to her!
But even while I fumed, pacing my tiny room, I didn’t really blame anyone but myself. I’d known better, and I’d let this happen, long before I’d even met Bunny. I’d let people in, all on my own, because deep down I didn’t want to be alone.
You’re weak. And you’re stupid, Nova! Damnit!
I collapsed onto the bed, running my tense fingers through my hair.
Now, if Markham wanted to take advantage of me, he had me right where he wanted me. Trapped by my own unwillingness to leave.
I’ll just have to be careful.
I'm not anyone's pawn. Definitely not Shadow's, but not Wade Markham's either.
I’m in charge, damnit.
25
It was a sleepless night. I’d tried reading, but my eyes stayed alert. I’d even tried meditating, which only irritated me. And Bunny wasn’t in the kitchen. I’d finally resorted to a punching bag.
I didn’t hear the door open when he came in, but I felt his eyes. I turned my head, just enough to see Markham standing about fifteen feet away, watching me. My skin crawled.
Stalker.
“Can I help you?” I asked, but I kept my attention on the bag.
Jab. Jab. Hook.
“I heard someone in here. Thought I should make sure everything was alright. It’s late.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Roundhouse. Jab. Jab.
“I’m sure there is a lot on your mind.”
Mainly, how little I can trust you.
He came a few feet closer. “How have you been feeling? Any more visions?”
“You mean since you asked me yesterday? No. Nothing new.” He was grating on my nerves, and I wasn’t hiding it.
“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, Nova. I’m just wanting to look out for you.”
Look out for me? Or use me?
I bit back the question.
Jab. Jab. Hook.
He took another few steps toward me. I hit the bag even harder, hoping to drown him out with the sound of my fists against the leather. He raised his voice. “Sam had an idea for a specific test she’d like to run. Something to determine why your powers are developing this way. And if you’re done developing them now.”
Those were both questions I really wanted answers to. But I would not subject myself to being a lab rat in order to get them. I considered not responding, but it seemed he wouldn’t leave until I did. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Great. I think it might be helpful for everyone, if we had those answers.”
I finally turned to face him. “For everyone?”
“Yeah. It would be nice to know what you’re capable of. I’m fairly certain you’re no danger to people here, but if we could know for sure… well, wouldn’t you like to know that too?”
I shoved the bag away to tromp toward him. “Of course, I would, Wade.” His eyes narrowed at my use of his first name. “But how much poking and prodding do you expect me to go through to get to those answers?” My voice was sharp. I was standing closer to him than I’d ever been before, looking directly into his eyes.
&nbs
p; His features stayed relaxed, but his hands balled into fists at his sides. A long moment of silence passed. “We just want to help you, Nova. That’s our only goal.”
I walked past him, nearly brushing his shoulder with mine as I did. My instincts were screaming at me.
Nothing he says is true.
This time, I didn't sweat so much. This time, I woke up determined.
Any doubts I’d had before disappeared. I was having visions. Every detail I’d seen in the first one had been the same this time, but even clearer. The smell of the rubbing alcohol stung my nose. The thinly splattered blood on the floor was visibly beginning to dry, cracking like worn paint. Where it pooled in the tarp’s folds, it was dark, congealing. When the prisoners cowered in their cages, the metal shifted, sharply creaking. And when the needle punctured my neck, it stung like a bitch. My heart had beat so loudly, I could hear it through my chest.
Things couldn’t have been more vivid if I was there in the room.
What was different, this time, was that I hadn’t woken up when everything went black. The vision continued, with me regaining consciousness in a reclined, metal chair. My wrists and ankles were held down by attached metal cuffs. Electrodes were taped to my forehead, with wires connecting me to a beeping machine I couldn't see.
When I’d lifted my head to scan the room, my attention locked onto a woman across from me, strapped into an identical chair. She was unconscious, and her face was obscured by a mask attached to a pumping machine that I assumed was helping her to breathe. But I recognized her curly mane of long, black hair immediately. I shouldn’t recognize anyone, but I knew her.
How do I know her?
My mind felt like it was vibrating while I tore through my memory, looking for the answer. And then it hit me—like I’d been run over by a semi-truck. I felt flattened.
I knew that face because it was my face.
I was looking at me.
A minute later, I was banging on Cayde's door.
He threw it open, pulling on a shirt as he did.
“Are you okay? I thought I might have felt you, but it was weaker this time.”
“I had the vision again. But there was more this time.” I pushed past him into his room.
“Tell me what you saw.”
I told him everything. The blood, the needle, the electrodes, and, most importantly, that I had seen my body.
It obviously worried him. His eyebrows creased and his jaw set, like they always do when he’s concerned. It didn't seem to surprise him though.
“Why don’t you seem shocked?”
“What do you mean? I’m worried about what might be happening to your body.” He was pacing, wringing his hands. Obviously anxious.
“You aren’t surprised that it was there.”
His face froze, still trained on me. If anyone was a worse liar than me, it was Cayde.
“Do you know where that building is?”
He was suddenly captivated by his dresser drawer, as if there were more than a couple of plain, gray t-shirts in there.
“Where is that building, Cayde?” I asked again.
He cleared his throat. I think he considered trying to lie to me. But now that I had the hunch that he was hiding something, I would never drop it. And he must have known that.
“It's in Manhattan.” The words came out quietly, but quickly, like they’d had to be forced.
My stomach dropped into my feet. He had been keeping something from me. Something huge. “And I assume you know what the building is for?” My voice was cold and hard.
“Please don't be mad, Nova.” I could tell he wanted to reach out to touch me, but he didn’t dare. “Chief Markham thought that if you knew, you might end up wanting to do something to get yourself hurt. We were just trying to protect—”
“You knew my first dream was a vision immediately, because you recognized the place I’d seen.” I wasn't asking, because I already knew it was true.
“We thought if we told you, you'd try to do something reckless! We just want what's best for you.”
“You planned to just leave those people in cages to die?” I yelled. Then what he was actually saying caught up to me. “You knew my body was there?” I hadn’t meant to whisper, but my voice felt strangled. Hurt stirred itself into the anger already burning in my chest.
He really didn't want to answer. I saw a list of ways to get out of being honest with me flash in front of his eyes, before he decided they all sucked. Finally, he admitted the truth. “Chief has been pretty sure.”
“How dare you make a decision like that for me!” Angry tears were stinging my eyes. I turned away from him to blink them back, refusing to wipe my eyes and let him see how emotional he’d made me.
While I had been so focused on Markham being a snake, I forgot how influential he was on Cayde. The person who I trusted the most was just as bad as the person I trusted the least. And I’d put up blinders to avoid seeing it.
I felt his calming influence trying to push away the turmoil I was feeling inside, which only pissed me off more. “Stop fucking doing that! Stay out of my head!”
“I can't control it when I’m upset! I'm sorry!”
I stomped toward the door, but just before I reached it, I stopped myself. “What is that building?”
“Crowley owns it. We've thought for a while that he might personally be working from there. I had been looking into it, the day that you and I met.”
My eyes stayed low, trained on the doorknob. I wanted to get the hell out of his room. But I had to ask these questions. “How did you know my body was there?”
“Chief only told me after your first vision. He said that the first time GWNN picked up your readings, you were in Manhattan. It was only a blip before they showed up on the other side of the country, but he saw that you were there.”
I forced myself to turn around to face him. “And you didn't see anything wrong with his choice to keep this from me? To keep me from my body? From my memories? You know what that means to me!” I had to see him explain this. It felt like he had stabbed me in the back. And as much as I didn’t want to look him in the eye, I had to know how he could do it.
“I just want to keep you safe.” His voice was small.
That was all I could stand to hear. I turned back to reach for the door, but he grabbed my arm.
“What would have been the point in telling you? There is nothing you can do about it! We stay in an underground facility to avoid Crowley for a reason. It's too dangerous to go anywhere near that building!”
“The point is, that this is my life, and you and fucking Markham had no right to keep it from me!” I shook his hand off my arm and left his room, slamming the door behind me.
He must have known better than to follow me, because his door stayed closed. I stood in the middle of the hall, staring at the white cement.
It was probably around 4 a.m., but my stomach was churning too hard to go back to bed. It felt like I had swallowed acid.
I need to hit something. Or someone.
That thought brought me to Eric's door. I knocked forcefully, but tried to keep myself from banging. He came to the door in black, silk boxers that made his pale skin look even lighter in contrast. I’d never seen his usually gelled hair such a mess. If I’d been in a better mood, I’d have enjoyed the sight.
“What did Cayde do now, sweetheart?” he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“I need to hit something. Get dressed.”
“You sure you wouldn't rather come in? There’s more than one way to blow off steam.” He leaned against the doorframe as he crossed his muscular arms, smiling seductively.
As tempting as his strong chest was, hitting him sounded better at the moment.
“Be in the training room in five,” I said over my shoulder as I started down the hall.
26
Eric finally sauntered in, fifteen minutes later with his hair styled, carrying two cups of coffee. I was beating the shit out of a punchin
g bag. Sweat dripped down my face, soaking my black tank top.
“Sorry I’m late.”
Annoyed that he’d taken the time to do his hair, I didn’t answer.
He extended the coffee to me. “I have a peace offering.”
I could never say “no” to coffee. Or stay mad at Eric.
We sat on the floor and sipped slowly. The hot drink calmed the acid in my gut. Between it and the punching bag, my shoulders were beginning to drop away from my ears.
“So, what happened, sweetheart?”
“I have to get out of this place, Eric. I have an idea of where my body is. And what happened to me. Markham and Cayde have been keeping it from me.”
His eyebrows shot upward. “Why would they do that?”
“Cayde says 'for my protection.' The same bullshit line people always give when they manipulate someone.”
“You don't think it’s true?”
“Whether or not it’s true, doesn't matter! They had no right to keep this from me! That's my body! Those are my memories!” My volume had climbed with each point. I forced myself to take a deep breath. “I might believe that Cayde had good intentions, but not Markham. He has known about this since the day I got here! And he has been looking to use me, ever since he found out my abilities were different.”
I couldn't tell if Eric agreed with me or not. Both of them had saved his life; he had a sense of loyalty to them.
“So, where is your body?” he asked.
I told him about the visions and what Markham had told Cayde. When he was caught up, he only sighed.
“I have to get to New York,” I said resolutely.
He stared at me. It felt like he was measuring me. Trying to decide if I was enough, or too much of... something. I couldn't tell what. It felt like ages that he was calculating, before he said, “So, how are we going to get there?”
“You want to help me?” I’d not expected that. I’d never have asked him to do it.
“I'm sick of hiding in this underground bunker, drinking days away while Crowley is out there, torturing people for Shadow. I've wanted to take the fight to him for a long time.”