by Tenaya MKD
For Her
"How did they get away?" Crowley screamed. He kicked one of the chair’s front legs with enough force to send Kyle tipping backward. He steadied his chair, just quickly enough to stay upright.
"You ordered us not to kill her, sir.” Kyle stammered. “They outran us.” Light coming from the fixture above his head gleamed off of his sweat-slicked forehead.
Crowley brought himself face-to-face with Kyle, bending over to lean on the arms of his chair. "Clearly, they outran you. The question is, how?” He leaned in even closer. “How are you all so damned incompetent?"
Kyle swallowed hard. He had no answer to give. The intensity in Crowley’s eyes was enough to make anyone afraid; and he had seen what happened to people who David Crowley deemed a disappointment.
A small gust of wind brushed across the back of Crowley’s neck. He didn’t need to turn to see its source. “Thaeo, it’s so nice of you to drop by.”
“You called, sir.” Thaeo said in a deep, flat voice. He pulled back his hood, revealing his smooth scalp, and dark, creased eyes.
Crowley stood to face Thaeo. “Kyle has disappointed me again, Thaeo. And I think this makes one time too many. If it hadn’t been for you, the other night would have been a complete loss.”
Kyle shrunk into the chair, looking up at Thaeo with pleading eyes. Thaeo turned away from him.
“Where is the boy now?” Crowley asked, leading Thaeo to a small table that was set up as a makeshift bar.
“He is at the compound. Sedated.”
“Perfect,” Crowley said. “He must have an ability, if he was with Markham’s little gang. Do you know what it might be?”
Thaeo softly cleared his throat. “How would I know that, sir?”
Crowley nodded as he poured a dark liquor from a crystal decanter into a rocks glass. He offered it to Thaeo, who refused it with a small shake of his head.
Crowley sighed. “Suit yourself.” He downed the liquid in one drink and poured himself another double. “I need Janine back, Thaeo. She holds answers to questions I’ve had for so many years. Answers that I need now.” He sipped his drink this time. “My father is losing faith in me. I can feel it… I want you to track her down.”
“I have no way of doing that. She could be anywhere.”
“Well, it seems she is with Wade Markham. You know him better than anyone, don’t you? It’s time for a reunion. He’s been hiding too well, for too long.”
Over the years, Thaeo had followed commands from Crowley that twisted his stomach into knots, but going after Markham was something he especially dreaded to do. He’d managed to avoid it for a long time. Capturing Zane changed things though. An idea occurred to him. “What if we let the kid go?”
Crowley considered for a moment, “And let him lead us to her… You are smarter than you look, Thaeo.” He sipped his drink. “Set him free, but not yet. I want to know how Markham hides himself from me. Make him talk, first.”
Thaeo’s eyes widened. “I can’t torture a kid. I won’t.”
Crowley stepped up to Thaeo. He was so close that he had to tilt his head back to look into Thaeo’s eyes. “You will do whatever I ask you to do whenever I ask you to do it.”
“You don’t own me,” Thaeo spat back. He regretted the words the moment he’d said them, but he stood his ground, taking care not to give an inch under the intensity of Crowley’s gaze.
Crowley stepped back, smoothing the bottom of his black suit jacket, and took another sip of his drink. “Maybe I don’t. But you know who I do own.”
Thaeo’s eyes darkened. He lowered his head. “I’ll find out what he knows.”
“That’s better,” Crowley said, smiling. He downed the rest of his drink and left the glass on the table.
Kyle’s chair creaked, reminding Crowley he was there. “Drop this one off a cliff or something. The Grand Canyon, maybe.”
Kyle jumped out of his chair and ran for the door. But before he could get very far, Crowley shot two huge fireballs directly into his back. The fire traveled up and down Kyle’s body, engulfing him entirely in seconds. Desperate screams filled the room as he dropped to the ground, writhing in pain.
“Don’t let the place burn down,” Crowley yelled over the screams. He clapped Thaeo on the arm, then strolled out the door.
Thaeo cringed away from Kyle’s agony, covering his ears.
“It’s for her,” he told himself for the millionth time. “It’s for her.”
39
The next morning, we packed up and headed for the LaGuardia Airport in rented vans. I got through the day by getting hammered in an airport restaurant before boarding the plane. Even Eric looked at me judgmentally, when I stumbled on my way to my seat.
Whatever. Fuck everybody.
I took my window seat, clumsily stuffed my backpack under the seat in front of me, and pressed my forehead against the glass to stare outside. But I barely registered anything I saw. The image of Zane strapped to a metal chair, going through the kind of fear I had, kept playing through my mind instead. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone, let alone Zane. My heart ached deeper each time the image refreshed.
Cayde sat in the seat beside me. “We will find him,” he whispered.
“Not if he’s still in New York. We’re abandoning him.” I had to put special attention behind each word, to keep from slurring.
“No, we aren’t. We have to come up with a new plan, but we will never give up on Zane.”
My head snapped up to look at him. “He doesn’t have time for us to fuck around like this!” People in their seats around us turned to look at me. I took a breath to calm myself. “That crazy bastard has him, and we are leaving him behind! We might as well be pulling the trigger ourselves.” My voice was quieter, but it wasn’t any less sharp.
“Nova, I love Zane as much as you do—”
“Do you, Cayde? Because it feels like no one here gives a shit about him but me.”
He looked like I had slapped him in the face. “He has been my family for a long time, Nova. I watched him grow up. I assure you that I love him. I will not give up on him.”
I brought my forehead back to the window, deciding I was done with talking. Cayde moved his hand toward my unbandaged one, but I pulled it away and stuffed it into the pocket of my sweatshirt.
He was hurting as much as I was. But instead of going through this with him, I was lashing out. There was a part of me that recognized this. That knew I was wrong. Unfortunately, that part of me was too small to speak up over the drunk part.
I am shit.
Not only had I lost Zane, but now I was giving up on him. And I was pushing Cayde away. Again.
Shit is the only term for it.
When we finally went through the hatch into the facility, there was a welcoming party waiting for us. The crowd formed around me, trapping me there at the bottom of the ladder. With no way to escape, I watched as Cayde, rightfully sick of my attitude, stalked off toward his room. Sam and Oliver embraced Wyatt. Bunny immediately set to doting on Jacob. Quinn and Markham led Dawn and Adalyn down the hall, with Eric right behind them. I was surrounded by people, surrounded by interaction, but I felt as alone as ever.
Harper was leaning against the wall, with her arms crossed over her chest, staring daggers at me.
“What?” I spat, glaring back at her.
“I just hope that Chief has learned his lesson.”
I sighed. “What lesson is that?”
“To not leave me behind.” She pushed herself off the wall to step up to me. I knew she wanted me to shrink away, but I kept my back straight and chin lifted. “Because if I had been there, Zane would be here now.”
My posture broke as that sunk in.
Just one more way that this is my fault…
Harper smirked, apparently happy with how her words had affected me. Then she stalked away.
The walk to my room was long. It wasn’t until I reached my door that I finally lifted my eyes from my feet. I f
ound myself in the situation I’d been dreading for days: standing face-to-face with Lily. Her eyes were red. They were surrounded by dark circles that looked out of place on her young face.
“I’m so sorry, Lily…” It had never been easier to say those words. Each time I’d replayed the moment that I got into the SUV ahead of Zane, I'd felt sorrier.
“It's not your fault,” she said. But her voice cracked on the word “not” and her eyes glossed over with tears. I didn’t know what to do, or say.
She must have been at my door for a reason. To blame me? To hit me? But she just stood there, with tears streaking her cheeks.
Her arms were folded over her chest, and her hands were balled into fists. But the way her wet eyes sat on me, made me think she wanted to come closer. Maybe even reach out to me. She just didn’t know how. The way she shifted her weight, from foot to foot, gave away her indecision.
For a split second, I considered hugging her. Or at least putting a hand on her shoulder. But I didn’t have the guts. Even if it was what she thought she wanted from me, there was no way that it could help. There was nothing I could do to make this better for her. I’d let her down. And I’d never expect her to forgive me.
I walked into my room, leaving her standing in the hallway alone.
I woke up the next day to the familiar sound of echoing feet in the hall. I lay still, staring at the blank ceiling, until the activity died down. I wasn’t up to facing everyone yet. My head was pulsing in protest of the liquid diet I’d had the day before. And I couldn’t handle having people’s eyes on me. Even if it were true that no one blamed me, I blamed myself enough for everybody. I needed the morning alone.
Slipping into my jumpsuit felt like coming home. Like I hadn’t actually arrived until I was wrapped in the soft fabric again. My comb snagged on knots as I quickly raked it through my hair. Without water, there was nothing I could do to tame the stray pieces that stood at odd angles. But at least I’d tried.
I opened the door a crack to peek into the hall, but Cayde’s chest was blocking my view. He had his good arm lifted, poised to knock. For a split second, I considered closing the door and going back to bed. The conversation we needed to have was inevitable, but I could run away from it a little longer.
Just get it over with.
I opened the door with a sigh. His eyes were outlined by dark circles. His usual stubble was thicker than I’d ever seen it.
“I brought you coffee.”
“Thank you,” I said, taking the mug he offered me. But his kindness only made me feel worse.
I’ve never deserved how good he is to me.
After the way I treated him yesterday, I didn’t understand why he was still bothering. His jaw was set and his eyes wouldn’t quite meet mine. But he was here. That was much more than I would have ever expected.
I stood aside to let him enter. After closing the door behind him, I went to sit on the edge of my bed. He followed, sitting just far enough away that our arms wouldn’t touch. His head hung down. His hands were folded in his lap.
The apology I knew I owed him was stuck in the back of my throat. “Why are you here, Cayde?” My voice came out barely above a whisper.
He stared at me for a moment before answering, his eyes unreadable. “Because I didn’t want to be alone.”
My heart broke. I had let Zane down. Let Lily down. And by pushing Cayde away when he needed me, I was letting him down again too.
“You deserve so much better.” I placed my hand on top of his, and he immediately turned his hand to interlace our fingers.
He stared at our hands, seemingly trying to choose his next words. I braced myself as best I could, expecting him to realize he should have never come to my room. That he’d made a mistake, thinking he could make something with me work. That he’d be better off on his own. But when he finally brought his eyes up to mine, he said, “It’s okay. I understand.”
My mouth fell open. It was what I’d wanted to hear, but it felt wrong to hear him say it. “But you shouldn’t! How can you just forgive me after the way I’ve treated you? This week alone, I’ve lied to you, treated you like shit, and if I had just gotten Zane into the car before me...”
I lost my voice. My eyes were blurring with tears, but I refused to let them spill over. I turned away from him and wiped my eyes with the palm of my good hand. I was beyond sick of crying. The last week had shown me a lot about who I was. And who I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to be so damned emotional.
He put his free hand on my cheek, gently turning my face back to look at him. “Please stop blaming yourself. You couldn’t have stopped what happened. We are going to get him back.”
I nodded. We have to.
“Crowley will torture him, Cayde. Killing one person is nothing to him.” A heavy silence fell over us. The images of Zane strapped to a chair assaulted my mind again. My teeth ground together. “We have to kill Crowley.” Cayde looked at me with furrowed brows. “Don’t act like I’m being harsh! This man is insane and dangerous and planning to kill more people than I can even comprehend! He has to die.”
His expression didn’t change though. Cayde had practical reasons for not wanting to kill Crowley yet, but even with those aside, he just wasn’t a killer. There is no other way, with a person like Crowley though. Cayde’s dreams of using him to expose Shadow were just unrealistic. Crowley had too much money and influence to be brought to justice through the legal system. In order to save Zane, give powered people peace, and stop him from trying to kill off humanity, Crowley had to die.
Memories of the fear I felt, strapped to the chair, expecting him to kill me, crashed through me. Crowley’s sickeningly casual tone, the mania in his eyes, the blood running down Janine’s neck. Then the way his fists burned and the feeling of my skin melting.
The hand Cayde held turned clammy. My heart raced. It was suddenly hard to breathe.
I squeezed Cayde’s fingers between mine, fighting to ground myself in the present moment. To push away the panic. He moved off the bed to kneel in front of me and looked into my eyes. The gold flecks in his pulled me in. Just like on the day we’d met, they brought me back to stable ground.
Crowley made me afraid before I’d even known his name.
He had stolen more than I could list from me, from Cayde, from all of us. Slowly, my heart returned to a normal rhythm. As it did, my fear was replaced with resolve.
I will not live in fear.
“I want to be the one to kill him.”
40
Zane
Zane passed his tongue across his wind-torn lips, tasting blood in the deepest cracks. His feet were rubbed raw where his socks had torn inside his shoes. Every step he took was a limp, favoring his bleeding right foot. As comfortable as his white sneakers had been when he put them on eight days ago, no shoes are made for the thousands of miles he’d had to travel since.
At first, he’d teleported farther distances than he had ever thought possible, and hitched for long rides with shady characters. But there were no roads across this part of the vast Sonoran Desert. And days with little food, scarce water, and no rest had left him too exhausted to teleport further. “One step at a time” was the only option he had left.
As he stumbled forward, leaning into the sharp wind that hit his face, his mind was a confused blur. Delirium toyed with his vision, intermingling memories with the sea of dry sand in front of him.
When the thought of Lily, interlacing her fingers in his for the first time, played in front of him, he widened his eyes, fighting to hold that memory, desperate to keep focused on the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled at him.
But the moment Zane blinked, the tall, hooded man loomed over him again, watching as Zane begged for the pain to stop.
That was the memory that stuck to the back of his eyelids, assaulting him over and over with every blink. Days had passed since his escape, yet the fear that had strangled him during the torture still gripped him tightly.
The feeling that the man was still right behind him had been crawling up his spine, ever since he’d gotten away. Looking over his shoulder had become a compulsion. Even here in the barren desert, with his clouded vision, he couldn’t help but look back.
Every muscle Zane had was aching. As if the electricity the man had used to torture him lingered inside of them. He would not stop walking though. He couldn’t. Lily needed him. He needed her. He needed home.
There was no way of knowing how close he was to the facility, or even if he was going in the right direction. He only had a vague notion of where in the desert the hatch door would be. If his inner compass was wrong, it would mean his death.
When night fell, the air turned frigid. Thick darkness enveloped him. He could barely see a few feet away, let alone catch the shine of the hatch door he’d been so desperately looking for. The howls of coyotes came from somewhere in the darkness. Somewhere close by. Exhaustion was overtaking him, and a small voice inside him said that he would not make it through this night. He needed water, food, shelter… and he had nothing.
The thought of the end burned in his mind, erasing everything else, including the pain, the cold, and the fear. To accept that it was over, that he could rest now, gave him peace, in a grim way.
He’d kept them safe. If he had to die, he would at least do it knowing that because he’d been strong, even when the pain was excruciating—his family wouldn’t be found. They would be okay.
He sighed out a deep breath. “That’s good enough.”
Finally, he stopped walking. He looked up at the moon, and the pitch-black sky now filled with shining stars, smiling. Lily danced before his eyes again.
The day they met. The way her laugh sounded. Her tiny, soft hands. Her bright eyes. A tear ran down his cheek as he let his eyes close, accepting the numbness that was crawling up his legs.
He pictured home, saying goodbye to the place that held everything he loved. Then his knees buckled.