by Erin Johnson
GAME OF BONES
A COZY WITCH MYSTERY
ERIN JOHNSON
To Andrew with love. You. Me. So cute.
CONTENTS
Prequel Novella
1. Primping
2. If Looks Could Kill
3. Policeman's Ball
4. The Bar
5. Raincheck
6. Ladies’ Room
7. And the Award Goes to
8. Ghost Pirate
9. Dead in the Water
10. Party's Over
11. Fish Tank
12. Escape
13. Walk the Plank
14. The Underground
15. Ludolf Caterwaul
16. Owe You One
17. Help?
18. The Pearl
19. An Alibi
20. The Golden Tide
21. Alley
22. All Nighter
23. Questioning
24. The Firm
25. Eve
26. Emerson Watts
27. Favors
28. A Gamble
29. Fifi
30. Cheat
31. A Theory
32. Suspended
33. Walk the Plank
34. Protect and Serve
35. Backup
36. Zale
37. Last Dance
38. Goodnight
Night Job
The Clinic
Time to Face the Music
A Case
A Note from the Author
About the Author
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PRIMPING
“Almost done.” Heidi stepped a few paces back and squinted at me. She bit her lip and twirled her wand around a lock of her long black hair (she wore the other half up in a top knot). She surveyed her work as I grew more and more uncomfortable with being stared at.
I let out a little huff of annoyance. “Is this really necessary? Most of my face is going to be hidden behind the mask anyway.” She’d been doing my makeup for the last half hour. I hadn’t seen myself yet, but I was sure I looked fine—better than usual at least. Which wasn’t hard, considering my usual look involved grabbing whichever clothes smelled least off the pile in the corner and splashing some water in my face. I squirmed, tired of having to sit so still.
Heidi planted a hand on her hip. “You’re like a child.”
I raised a brow. “You do makeup for a lot of children?”
She rolled her eyes and went back to dabbing at my eyelids with a brush.
This was after spending nearly the entire day getting ready. Heidi had dragged me to the bathhouse down the street and we’d showered, soaked, and scrubbed my skin until it was bright red but clean. We’d even (finally) washed my hair.
I couldn’t remember how many weeks it’d been since the last time, but even with a strong detangling potion, my eyes had watered the whole time Heidi combed it out for me. We’d followed that with a nail trim and, at Heidi’s insistence, a full body wax. Thank the sea goddess for the numbing draught they gave out at the bathhouse.
It’d been a long time, years, since I’d been able to afford such treatments and I was loath to spend what few gold coins I had on something so frivolous, but my friend had insisted it’d be worth it.
“Nights like these only come around a few times in your life.” She’d laced her hands together and beamed at me and, like a dummy, I’d begrudgingly handed over a bag of money for some women to rip my body hair out by force.
All of that had been followed by a good hour of having my hair curled, then tugged and pinned into place. If it took this much work just to make me look presentable, I wanted to suggest scrapping the whole thing. I could stay home and eat mochi on the couch in my pajamas.
I sighed wistfully, and the butterflies in my stomach went into cramping convulsions. I pressed a hand to my middle. All the fuss over me just heightened my already intense misgivings about going to the policeman’s ball with Peter.
I shifted where I perched on the edge of the bed and tugged at my bodice. “I’m practically spilling out of this thing.” The black taffeta swished under me.
Heidi kept dabbing at my left eyelid. “You look beautiful.”
She’d even gone to the trouble of asking around to all her cousins until she found one who’d let us borrow a dress that fit. Fit might be a bit of a stretch—literally. Heidi and Will had cast multiple expansion spells on it, getting the fabric to ease as much as possible.
I grimaced. “It’s—oof—so tight.” Every time I inhaled, my chest rose nearly to my chin since my ribs had nowhere to go.
Will, who sat on the floor with his back to the wall, facing me, snorted. “I realize it’s a tad more constrictive than sweatpants, Jolene, but hopefully you can put on a brave face for a few hours.” He rolled his brown eyes, and I shot him a flat look.
He gave me a saucy one back, then pointed a long finger. “Her mascara’s smudged a little on this side.”
“Oh!” Heidi darted forward and pointed her wand at my right eye. The tip began to glow, and I closed my eyes against the bright light.
“You have to keep them open—just for a second.”
I huffed and peeled my watering eyes open. The light flashed and then Heidi stepped back and stood beside Will. “Better?”
My enormous shifter friend draped his long arms over his bent knees and nodded. “You’ve done the best you can with what you have to work with.”
I glared at him.
“Stop!” Heidi waved her hands at me. “Keep your eyes open till it dries.”
I bounced my leg furiously, irritated and full of pent-up energy. I longed to move, to— My stomach sank as I realized what I really wanted to do. I wanted to shift into owl form and fly around the island in the cool night air. I wanted to get out of this tight-bodiced dress and feel the freedom of having wings again.
I gulped. Well, thanks to the curse that’d been leveled on me by my former jealous colleague, that wasn’t gonna happen. I’d lost my magical powers and my ability to shift in one fell swoop. At least I’d been given the new ability to speak with animals—all of them. Woop dee do for me.
Heidi laced her fingers together under her chin and bounced on her heels. She wore bellybutton-high bike shorts and a loose crop top, and while she totally rocked the look, I couldn’t help but think she was about to start leading me and Will in an aerobics class. Especially with all that pep.
“You look perfect.” She pouted. “Oh, Jolene… Peter’s gonna literally die.”
I flashed my eyes at her. “I hope not.”
She giggled and then grew serious. “The mask!” She snapped her fingers. “Where’d I leave it?” She looked around the pile of makeup cases, curlers, and bobby pins strewn about the carpet of my bedroom floor. “Maybe in the front room…”
Still muttering to herself, she headed through the door into my kitchen and front room where I conducted all of my fake pet psychic business.
I dug my fingers into the full skirt of the black gown, tensed, then spun suddenly to face Will.
His already huge eyes widened.
“I can’t believe I agreed to this.” I grimaced and held my elbows wide like chicken wings, then fann
ed my clammy underarms.
Will sniffed and looked me up and down. “Me neither, you freak.”
IF LOOKS COULD KILL
I moaned. “Why? Why did I agree to go to the policeman’s ball? First of all, I’m a shifter.”
Will held up a long finger. “And a fraud, sister.”
I nodded my agreement. “And a fraud. And…” My stomach turned. “And Will… they’re going to be there. I can feel it.”
He frowned down at my skirt. “Un-claw your hands, you’re wrinkling it.”
I looked down and realized I’d been balling the skirt up in my tight fists. I spread my trembling fingers wide and took heaving breaths, my chest rising and falling. I wanted to rip this dress off.
“My former law firm, Watts, Baker, and Low—they were big donors to the police department and always got a whole table at the ball.” I couldn’t breathe. “They’ll be there—Eve and Zale and my old bosses.” I shook my head. “I can’t do this.”
He lifted a bushy brow. “We’ve been over this, and you can. Masked ball, remember?”
I clenched my jaw but gave a slow nod. “Right.”
“Keep your mask on and your distance from the lawyer crowd, and you’ve got this.” He shrugged. “Probably.”
I gave him a look. “Wow. Great pep talk.”
He scoffed. “You go to that one for pep.” He thumbed over his shoulder toward the front room where Heidi still muttered to herself as she searched for my mask. “I tell it like it is, Jolene.” He tilted his head, eyes challenging. “Besides, I say live it up. Who knows how long you have left.” He pursed his lips. “Still no summons from Ludolf?”
I rolled my eyes at him. “No.” I waved a hand. “You saw my door when you came up—no mark.”
Will huffed. “For now.”
Heidi bustled back in, a donut box in her hands.
I shrugged. “Maybe ol’ Ludolf didn’t see the article in The Conch.” The article that included a front page, moving photograph of me tackling a murderer at a fashion show in front of a huge crowd. The one where Madeline L’Orange had cited me as a consultant for the police. I gulped. Yeah… likely no one had noticed that.
Heidi grimaced, but tried for a cheerful tone. “Yeah… maybe….”
Will barked out a laugh and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Yeah, I didn’t think it likely either, but what was I going to do at this point? I just had to keep living my life and hope the mob boss of the shifter underground hadn’t read the paper a few weeks ago.
Heidi crouched down and set the donut box on the floor.
“Ooh. I want one.” I pointed at it.
She grinned up at me. “It’s the only box I could find, silly.” She lifted the lid and pulled out a black, feathered mask.
I blinked in surprise as she held it out to me. “Wow, that’s… beautiful.” The feathers caught the light and shone, slightly iridescent, in shades of green, blue, and purple.
“We worked on a pair of ravens last week and I just scooped up the extra feathers and glued them on and—” Heidi beamed. “Voila. You really like it?”
I ran my thumbs down the length of the silk ribbons on the sides, and my chest grew tight. I grinned up at her, oddly touched. “Pretty fitting for an owl shifter.” Something about wearing feathers suddenly made me feel a little more like myself, despite all the unfamiliar finery and fuss.
I held the mask to my face. It surrounded my eyes and covered the bridge of my nose, leaving the bottom half of my face visible. Heidi lifted her wand; the tip glowed, and the ribbons magically laced themselves through my updo and tied themselves.
Heidi let out a little shriek of delight. “Okay, stand up. Shoes on.”
I slipped into borrowed pumps and Heidi cast a spell on them to keep them comfortable through the night. Thank the tides—just a few seconds in them and my feet were already starting to cramp.
Will rose and stood beside Heidi, towering over both of us. My closet of an apartment seemed barely big enough to contain the bear shifter.
I stood before them. “Well?”
Heidi’s expression was something between pouting and grinning. “You look like a princess!”
Will snorted. “I was going to say evil queen.”
She elbowed him in the ribs but he didn’t even react.
“Okay. Eee!” She pointed to the full-length mirror in the corner. “You can look.”
I hiked up the long, billowing skirt and stepped around the makeup cases to the mirror, then froze. I literally didn’t recognize the woman in the reflection. She—I—looked elegant, powerful, poised. All the things I hadn’t looked or felt since—well, since that Bruma Eve office party when my life had been destroyed.
I slowly raised a finger to the mask on my face and touched a feather, then spun to face Heidi, the long skirt swirling around my ankles. I opened my arms wide. “Thanks, girl.” The words weren’t enough for what she’d done for me, and I still felt strange, but… good strange.
She stepped into my arms and we hugged each other. Then I let her go and looked up at Will.
“Wish me luck?”
He gave me a hard look, then the corner of his full mouth tugged toward a grin. “You don’t need it.” He winked. “Careful, Jolene. You might actually do the officer in.”
I smirked.
As if on cue, three knocks sounded on the metal door to the street, and then the bell tinkled as it swung open. The sounds of the Darkmoon District flooded in—thumping bass beats from the bars, shouts, and chiming bells from street vendors.
“Jolene? It’s me, Peter. Is it, uh, okay if I come up?”
I lifted my chin and shouted, “I’m ready actually—I’ll be right down!”
I reached out and took Heidi’s small soft hand and Will’s enormous paw in each of my own and squeezed.
“Don’t worry, we’ll clean all this up and lock up on our way out.” Heidi raised a brow. “And I want a full report on the night, ASAP!”
I gave her a serious nod. “Aye aye, captain.”
Will pointed a giant finger at me, inches from my face. “Don’t take off that mask, and for fin’s sake, don’t embarrass yourself at the buffet.”
I raised my brows. “There’s gonna be a buffet?” Not that I could fit anything more into this dress. If I ate a baby carrot, I’d probably split a seam.
Will took me by my bare shoulders, spun me around, and pushed me out the door. “Go.”
I hiked up my skirt and wobbled my way to the beaded curtain. I took a big breath, then blew it out and stepped through onto the landing. Peter stood just inside at the bottom of the ridiculously narrow stairway, and he looked up at the sound of the clacking beads, then froze.
I grinned down at him. “Hey, Peter.” He wore a dress uniform, white gloves, and a simple black mask that covered the top portion of his face. “You clean up nice.” I winked.
He froze, mouth half open, and stared up at me. After a few long moments, where I began to wonder if I had spinach in my teeth, he blew out a gust of air and gaped at me like I was the most wondrous thing he’d ever seen. “Sea snakes,” he breathed.
Yeah. I thought of the full day of primping and prepping and grinned as I started down the stairs. It was worth it, just for that.
POLICEMAN'S BALL
I stood beside Peter and gazed up at the tall four-masted ship that towered above us. Its enormous white sails snapped, standing out against the inky night sky under a nearly full moon. The wind picked up, and I shivered and edged closer to Peter. It was nearly the end of summer, which meant the annual Sansea winds were starting to pick up. Waves lapped against the dock, and the wooden boards creaked below us.
The policeman beside me took a deep breath, his chest puffing up, then blew it out. Peter shot me a quick glance, his eyes tight behind his black mask, but managed a wan smile. “Ready?”
I frowned up at him a little, though I doubted he could read my expression behind my own feathered mask. He seemed more nervous than
I was. This was the policeman’s ball, for sand’s sake, he should feel right at home—shouldn’t he?
He offered me his arm. I grinned and looped one hand through his elbow, then gathered up my full skirt with the other. We started up the wide gangplank and I squeezed hold of him tighter, grateful for the extra stability as the wooden beams swayed slightly below us. Our footsteps thudded as we moved up the ramp toward the top deck and the golden lights that spilled out from the cabins. Orchestral music and the murmur of voices blended with the sounds of the cawing gulls who circled overhead.
“Caw!” Brady? Brady! That was my snail! I told you I called dibs.
The other gull, presumably Brady, answered back. “Peal!” I was hungry, Susan! Oh, now I can’t be hungry? You just want me to starve?
I rolled my eyes and grumbled to myself. “So inane.”
Peter glanced over at me. “Hm?”
“Oh!” My eyes widened in surprise. Oh, right. Had to keep the fact that I could speak with animals a secret from him. As far as he knew, I could only read their minds.
Which might have seemed like only a minor distinction, if speaking with animals wasn’t such a big fat clue that I was a shifter. And judging by past experiences, as soon as anyone I knew and liked found out the truth about what I was, they dropped me like an anchor.
I let out a little titter of laughter. “I was just saying, wow, this is so insane!”
Daisy, who’d been padding along quietly on Peter’s other side, barked, making me jump.
Liar!
She hung back to peek around Peter, and we glared at each other. I’d been so caught up in the impressive ship before me and the anticipation of the ball that I’d forgotten to watch myself around the policeman’s lie-sniffing German shepherd partner. Sigh.
She snarled at me, white teeth bared against her dark lips. You look like a common crow in that getup. Is that what kind of shifter you are? Why don’t you go peck something, crow!
I let out a whine. Good one, Daisy. Good one. I rolled my eyes. And no, I’m not a crow.