by A. R. Breck
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review.
The characters and events in this book are fictious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2019 by A.R. Breck. All rights reserved.
Cover design by James, GoOnWrite.com
For those who are lost, don't give up.
CONTENTS
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
SEVEN
EIGHT
NINE
TEN
ELEVEN
TWELVE
THIRTEEN
FOURTEEN
FIFTEEN
SIXTEEN
SEVENTEEN
EIGHTEEN
NINETEEN
TWENTY
TWENTY-ONE
TWENTY-TWO
TWENTY-THREE
TWENTY-FOUR
TWENTY-FIVE
TWENTY-SIX
TWENTY-SEVEN
EPILOGUE
ONE
"Welcome to your new home, Callie." Aunt Jenna gives me a sad, but warm smile and squeezes my hand in a comforting gesture. But I feel nothing but emptiness as I glance at her and then back out the window. Back to the mountains that seem to be giving me the only solace I can handle right now. They are a welcome view as we finally arrive at her home after the long two-day travel.
This will be my new home for the next year, until I can get a job and scrape up enough money to move back to my hometown in California, after I graduate that is. I grew up in the Carlsbad area in California with my mom. My dad died when I was pretty young, so I don't have many memories of him. It was just me, my mom, and my much older brother who is now off in college. His name is Mack and he is five years older than me. We don't speak much. Plus, he is in medical school so he is constantly busy.
And then there is my mom, who passed away last Spring after a short, but aggressive battle with cancer.
My Aunt Jenna moved out to my home in California last year so that I could finish the school year in my home town. We spent the Summer wrapping up my Mom's estate and selling the house. That was hard. I lived in the same, rambler beach house my entire life. Watching it slowly become empty and walking away from it was painful. A part of me will always be with that house.
Unfortunately, Aunt Jenna couldn't be away from her home any longer so we had to head back to her house, my temporary home in Winter Park, Colorado. I do have to say that it is a beautiful place, although being without my friends or the hustle and bustle of California is making my chest squeeze and my eyes water.
"Let's go in and get you settled, huh? Why don't you go unpack in your room while I whip us up some dinner? You must be hungry." She climbs out of the car and takes a couple of my bags with her.
I'm slower to remove myself from her car. I look around, noticing that the backyard leads to a pasture of grass, trees and some train tracks. I once again look out into the distance at the mountains, a hint of a smile lifting my lips as I look at them. If there is one thing that will make me happy, it will be this view.
I shouldn't allow myself to be so hard on my Aunt Jenna. She has been nothing but a God send to me during this whole process. She is no stranger to grief herself, having lost her husband about five years ago to his own bout of cancer. My Aunt swooped in to California and saved the day, without her I am sure I would have ended up in some foster care system until I turned eighteen.
Though, every time she looks my way, I can't find it in myself to be happy. I feel like throughout my life I have just lost people. My father, my mother, my brother, and now my friends and my home. Although I am grateful to Aunt Jenna for allowing me, some jaded 17-year-old from California, to crash in her spare bedroom for the next year, I can't help but feel a little bitter about the whole experience as well.
I grab the last few bags and shut the door to the car, walking up the pathway and into her home. She lives in a small townhouse in the heart of town. When I get inside, I see Aunt Jenna taking pots and pans out of the cupboards, flitting around in a hurried pace. She has been doing her best to please me left and right.
I imagine this next year is going to be as difficult adjusting to having a child in the house as it is for me. She doesn't have any children herself. Her and her late husband had their jobs they were too focused on, too much traveling and mostly just married to their careers. Since my Uncle John passed away, my Aunt took an early retirement, and I think she is a bit excited to have some company around now that I will be living here.
Aunt Jenna is a short, skinny woman with short, straight blonde hair that falls to her chin. We look very much alike, although I got my dad's dark brown hair that goes down to my lower back. At about 5'2, Aunt Jenna and I are about the same height. I got my mom's big blue eyes and full lips, which my family and friends have always been jealous about. My petite frame makes people think I am younger than my years, something that came in handy as a child when playing hide-and-seek, but doesn't do much for me now.
I just turned seventeen on August 22nd, and it was kind of my last hoo-rah for me and my friends in California before I had to make the trip to Colorado. Now that I'm here, it feels like it was months ago, instead of just days.
With a sigh, I give Aunt Jenna a small smile and make my way to my new room. It's a plain, midsize bedroom with neutral colors throughout, with a full-sized bed, dresser, nightstand, and small desk off to the side.
"I'm sorry it's not much, I had little to improvise on before I came out to California, not sure what you were into and all that. We can decorate how you want, just let me know and we can head to the store one of these weekends and take a look around. Make it a little more you." Aunt Jenna popped up behind me, and I turn around and give her a smile, setting my bags down in the corner of the room.
"This should be fine. Thank you, though. I think I'm going to unpack my things and take a little walk around town and explore before dinner time, if that's okay." My legs have been cramped in the car, and I could really use some fresh air and a cigarette.
"Oh! Okay, yes. That's fine with me. Just be back in about an hour, if that works for you?" She nervously plays with the hem of her shirt.
"Yep, no problem." I turn around back to my bag, opening it up and start unpacking, a cue for her give me some space. I hear her stand there for a few more moments, her gaze hot on my back before she clears her throat and walks out of my bedroom, shutting the door gently behind her.
I turn around and look at the door, feeling the heavy presence of guilt weighing down on me for being so short with her, but knowing that it's needed. I can't let anyone in my heart again. I refuse to show any vulnerability. Every time I seem to love someone, something bad happens, and I won't let it happen again. It's better this way, for her and for me.
I put away my meager belongings in my dresser, and take out the few photos that I have and set them up around the room. I have one of my parents on their wedding day, and one of our whole family when we were young when we were on a camping trip. The other pictures I have is a picture of me and my mom from the other year, and then a few pictures of me and my friends from California. I bring my finger up and trace my mom's face, wishing she could be here to make all these heavy and dark feelings go away.
I run a hand down my face and shake my sad thoughts away, change out of my long road trip clothes and into fresh ones, and grab my phone and pack of ciga
rettes. I pass Aunt Jenna in the kitchen, giving her half-hearted be back in an hour, and head out the door.
The moment I step out the door, it's like a weight is lifted off my chest. The fresh air combined with the sun beating down on me is like a warm blanket wrapping around me, giving me a comfort that I so desperately needed. I decide to head through the downtown that we passed on the here. The many shops looked interesting, much different from the beach style shops down in California. Maybe a few would pique my interest and I could go check next week and see if they have any job openings. Starting at a brand-new school on Monday is about the last thing I want to do. It pretty much gives me hives just thinking about it, but there's not much I can do about it.
At least I'm starting at the beginning of the school year like everyone else, and not in the middle of the year.
Ugh, I shiver. I can be grateful for that, at least.
I head down the street and see many different boutiques that have some interesting clothes, a snowboard and ski shop, a pizza place, and a coffee shop before heading towards the massive Hideaway Park up ahead. There is a pavilion where people are taking a yoga class, and the park where kids are playing on, looking like they could go all day without needing a break.
The moms are applying sunscreen, talking with other moms or yelling at their kids for misbehaving on the playground. They all look so relaxed, like their lives consist of telling their kids to quit running so fast and wiping their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches off of their faces.
I walk a bit further and come upon a skatepark where a ton of people - boys, girls, younger and older are rollerblading, skateboarding and biking on the different half pipes and ramps. I sit down on a bench near the skate park and decide to people watch for a bit. Lighting up a cigarette, I watch a bunch of kids that look about my age hanging out off to the side, some sitting on the pipes and others doing a few tricks here and there. They make me feel nostalgic. If this were California, that would be me in the center of that group of friends. I was always in the center of it all - the life of the party, some would say.
But that was before.
Before my mom's sickness that made me age well beyond my years.
When my mom got sick, a lot of my free time became dedicated to me and my mom. It was just us throughout the years, so I felt it was my duty to take care of her. My brother was older, so he was off in school and couldn't help out much. I still was able to see my friends here and there, but things became a bit distant. After she passed away, it felt like I fell off the grid. My friends were there for me through it all, no doubt about that. Everyone loved my mom, and many of them would call her their second mom. She was the cool one, always had good food and everyone was always welcome in her home. It was a sad day for everyone when she passed away. My heart clenches.
God. I miss her.
"Hey, what's up? I haven't seen you around here before." I turn to the voice behind me, startling me out of my thoughts and memories. A guy is skating towards me from the water fountain. He looks to be about 5'9 with shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes and an average build. He's pretty cute, mostly with that smile on his face and dimples in his cheeks.
"Oh, hi. Name's Callie." I say, giving a small wave and taking a hard drag of my cigarette.
"Callie. Pretty name. I'm Brock. Are you visiting here or...?" He leaves the sentence hanging as he comes to a stop in front of me.
"I just moved here from California." I keep it short and sweet.
He nods his head. "Cool. Are you going to Middle Park this year?"
"Yeah. Senior, you?"
"Same. Hey, maybe we will have a couple classes together." He smiles genuinely.
"Yeah, maybe I will see you around sometime." Some voices come from behind us. We turn around and see some of Brock's friends yelling for him, waving for him to hurry up.
"Well, hey. It looks like I have to get going," he chuckles, running a hand through his hair. "I will talk to you later, yeah? Maybe we can kick it sometime." Those dimples pop out again.
"Yeah, I better get back. See ya." I wave to him and lift myself up from the bench I have been sitting on and stub my cigarette out on the concrete before throwing it away in a trash can nearby. I watch him skate back to his friends and sigh to myself. I wish my life was as simple as it used to be. That I could be back in California, hanging out with my friends, laying on the beach or going to a party and just kicking back.
People take life for granted, not realizing that in the blink of an eye, everything you love can be ripped from you and all you have left are tiny memories, and even those are barely enough.
The walk back to my Aunt's house is quiet and quick. The sun is beginning to set and it casts a beautiful orange hue behind the mountains. Being summer time, the mountains are covered green but on some of the very high peaks you can see snow covered mountain tops. It's absolutely breathtaking, and it makes my heart clench. I thought I've seen beautiful when I've seen the sunset over the Pacific Ocean, and trust me, that is a sight to see. Nothing is like having the sunset over the beach on the ocean. The waves could be angry or the ocean can be as calm as glass, it will always be an amazing sight. Just like the ocean, having the opportunity to watch as the sunset slowly fall behind the mountains is something that I almost feel honored to witness. Being able to see something this beautiful is something I will never take for granted.
I arrive back at the house and walk in to the smell of spaghetti and meatballs. The table is set and Aunt Jenna is in the middle of draining the pasta. She smiles at me as she pours the pasta back into the pot. "Oh good, you're home. How was your walk?"
"It was fine. Just walked around a bit. I'll be right back." I go to my room and toss my cigarettes and lighter into my bag before walking back out to the kitchen.
Aunt Jenna is already seated at the table waiting for me. "So, I figured I would just let you get settled in this weekend before school starts on Monday. You can use Uncle John's old car in the garage to get to and from school, and whatever else you will need it for. I will bring it in to get tuned up tomorrow to make sure everything is in good shape for Monday morning." Aunt Jenna says as she dishes up her plate.
I do the same, grabbing a little bit of everything. Thankfully, I'm one of those people that isn't afraid to eat my weight in food. "Okay, thanks. I'm pretty tired from the drive here, so doing absolutely nothing sounds great." I say around a mouthful of food.
We chat a bit about what they have in town and then I help her clean up the kitchen once we're done eating.
After everything is picked up, she comes up to me and gives me a hug. "Callie, I just wanted to let you know I'm glad you're here. I know this is a hard time for you and I know this will be a hard adjustment. I just want you to know that I know my sister, and she loved you with every single fiber of her being. I will be here for whatever you need. You need to talk? Let's talk. You don't want to talk? We can do that too. I'm here. I just want you to know that, dear." She starts to tear up as she says this.
My own eyes start to water too, but I'm quick to wipe away the evidence. "Thank you, Aunt Jenna."
"Okay, enough of this sad talk. I'm off to bed, I'm beat. You get some rest too and I will see you in the morning. I'm right down the hall if you need anything." She gives a comforting smile before turning towards her room.
I head to my room too and shut the door behind me, leaning back against the door. Sometimes I wish that Aunt Jenna didn't have to be so kind, then I wouldn't have to be confronted with so many emotions all the time. It's almost like having a scrape on your knee that keeps getting scraped over and over without giving it time to heal. Sometimes I would just rather not talk about what is going on in my head.
And with that thought, I head to my nightstand and grab my pair of headphones and plop down onto my bed. I stick my buds into my ears and throw on my Coldplay playlist on Pandora. Once I lay down, I shut my eyes and let my mind go blank as the music plays. Music has always been my go-to, and I always love to sink into t
he words of the songs when my emotions are out of whack. After the day - hell, year I have had, there is nothing better than to turn my brain off and let the music float through my ears and just turn everything off.
After a while, as I'm drifting off to sleep, I allow myself to think about starting at a new high school on Monday. I've gone to the same schools with the same people my whole life, so this will be an adjustment for me. I'm hoping that shit doesn't get too crazy this year, and that I can just fly underneath the radar.
Hopefully, I can get a job and by the end of the year I can scrape up enough money to get my ass back to California where I belong. I'm grateful for all that Aunt Jenna is doing, but my goal is to get back to California as soon as possible. I need to get back to where my friends and my life is.
Back to my home.
TWO
Rolling over in bed, I turn off my repetitive, annoying alarm. Why do we torture ourselves with these incessant alarms first thing in the morning? It seriously grates on my skin when I have to wake up to it, and I'm already not a morning person as it is.
Aunt Jenna knocks on my door, "Callie, are you awake? Time to get ready for school."
"I'm up!" I shout back to her.
I hear her walk down the hall, hopefully to put on some coffee. I stare up at my ceiling, wishing that summer break could have lasted a little while longer. Maybe I could have more time to prepare or meet some people around town so I wouldn't be such a loner on the first day of school.
I run my hands through my hair and down my face. Sitting up, I groan, stretching and cracking my back. After rolling out of bed, I go grab some clothes for the day - black leggings, white cropped tee and a black cardigan. I go take a hot shower and take more time than I should under the spray, relishing in the warm water loosening the tension in my neck and shoulders.
Once I'm finished, I know I have to hurry if I plan to make it to school on time. I speed to blow dry my hair which eventually lays in messy, blonde waves down my back. I apply my makeup which consists of a little mascara and chapstick. I have never been one to wear a lot of makeup. Living the beach life most of my life, none of my makeup would be on by the end of the day anyway. Waterproof mascara was about the only thing that would last throughout the day.