by Eve Gaddy
“It really wasn’t as bad as it looks in this video.”
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “Bullshit. Are you saying you didn’t almost have a collision with another plane?”
“Well, no, but it didn’t happen. That’s the important thing.” She didn’t understand. It wasn’t like a near miss happened daily or anything, but shit happened. You dealt with it.
“You weren’t even going to tell me.”
“No, I wasn’t. And this would be why. I knew you’d freak out if you heard about it. How was I to know it would be all over the fucking Internet?”
“Of course I’m freaking out, you idiot! You were almost in a plane crash. You could have been killed.”
“But I wasn’t. I’m fine. It wasn’t even that close.” Which was a lie and it was clear she knew it.
“Oh, I guess my eyes are playing tricks on me, then. That video doesn’t show your plane missing the other one by inches.”
He sat down since it was obvious Tobi was worked up and wasn’t going to calm down anytime soon. “You’re exaggerating. It wasn’t inches.” More like feet. And not many of them.
“Exaggerating? Am I? Am I really?”
Travis shrugged, then squeezed the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I had no idea that video had been posted on the Internet. I’m sorry it scared you.”
As he looked at her, her eyes filled with tears, making them brilliant green. The tears dripped from her eyes and started sliding down her cheeks.
“Oh, shit. Don’t cry, baby.” He got up and pulled her into his arms, placing her head against his chest. If anything, that only made her cry harder. He felt like a class A shithead. “You don’t have to cry. I’m okay.”
“This time,” she mumbled against him. She pulled back and pushed him away. “What about next time? And the time after that?”
“Tobi, things like that don’t happen all the time. It was a fluke.”
“You forget you’re talking to someone who survived a plane crash.”
*
Did Travis really expect her to shrug it off? When he could have been killed? Once she got home she’d watched the video over and over. It sickened her. It scared her. But she watched. She couldn’t stop herself.
“Of course I haven’t forgotten,” he said. “I’m sure it was terrible.”
“You have no clue how bad it was unless you’ve been in one.”
“But the fact is, the odds are a lot better that you’ll have a car accident than be in a plane crash.”
“Odds don’t matter a damn if you’re the one in the crash.”
“What do you want me to say, Tobi? Would you have felt any better if I’d told you?”
“Maybe not, but at least I wouldn’t have had to find out about it by watching the video on my partner’s computer. My partner Raleigh, who wanted to know why I was hyperventilating after I saw it.”
“If I’d had any idea that some fool filmed it on his goddamn cell phone and posted it on the freaking Internet, I’d have told you. You can be mad at me all you want but that won’t change the fact that you saw the video, and more importantly, that nothing happened. I’m not hurt.”
“You really don’t get it, do you?”
“Obviously not. Why don’t you explain it to me.”
“This—your almost crash—is exactly why I didn’t want to get involved with you in the first place.”
“Tobi, I’ve told you that was an unusual thing.”
“Not unusual enough. I can’t do this, Travis. I thought I could. After I got on the planes I thought—I even thought I could handle it.”
“Handle what?”
“You being a pilot. I thought I could just ignore the fact that you flew all the time. Or not think about it. Which, of course, wasn’t working anyway. But this near crash—”
“It’s called a near miss for a reason. I didn’t crash.”
“I can’t do this, Travis.”
“Can’t do what?”
He looked truly bewildered. Why didn’t he get it? Why couldn’t he understand what she was saying without her spelling it out? “I can’t be with you. We can’t be together anymore. It’s too hard.”
He stared at her for a long moment. “You’re breaking up with me? Because I didn’t crash my plane?”
“That’s not it and you know it. I can’t deal with your career. I wish I could, but I just…can’t.”
“So unless I give up flying we’re done. Is that what you’re saying?”
“No. I’m not saying that at all. I know you love it. It’s not just your career. It’s deeper than that. I would never ask you to give up flying for me.”
“Then what? What am I supposed to do?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing either of us can do. Except end it.”
“Tobi, this is stupid. Do you love me?”
She could feel her heart breaking apart. “You know I do.”
He walked over to her and took her hand. “I love you too. I refuse to accept that the only answer to our problem is to break up.”
“You have to accept it.”
“What happened in that crash, Tobi? I know you were the only survivor. But it’s even worse than that, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” She couldn’t tell him. She could hardly bear to think about it herself, much less tell Travis.
“And you’re not going to tell me.”
She pulled her hand out of his and walked away from him. “I can’t.”
“You could. You’re not willing to try.”
“You left some things at my house. I’ll gather them together and you can—you can get my stuff together and we’ll exchange it.”
“You’ve got it all figured out. Nice and civilized, huh?”
“Travis, don’t make it harder.” He didn’t look civilized right now. He looked angry. Hurt. Disbelieving.
“Why not? It should be hard to rip apart two lives for no good reason.”
“Can’t you see this is killing me too?”
“No, because if it was really killing you, you wouldn’t do it.”
She started to open the door, but Travis forestalled her by slapping his hand on it and closing it. “Let me go,” she said, her back still to him.
“Turn around.”
She turned around. Palms against the wood, his hands were on either side of her, caging her in. “You should have to look a man in the eyes when you break his heart.” He bent his head down and kissed her. Anger, frustration, and yes, love, were all present in his kiss. It wasn’t sweet. It wasn’t gentle. It was hot, hard, demanding.
She kissed him back, aware that this would be the last time she kissed him. The last time he held her in his arms.
He ended the kiss and drew back. Dropped his hands and searched her face, as if looking for an answer she didn’t have. “You’re really going through with this.” It wasn’t a question.
She couldn’t speak around the lump of tears in her throat. She could only nod. Tobi opened the door and Travis let her go.
Chapter Eighteen
“I don’t fucking believe this,” Travis said aloud once Tobi left. He’d told her the truth when he said she’d broken his heart. And it made him mad, hell, it made him furious, that she was being so stubborn. Stubborn and ridiculous.
He went into the kitchen and started banging around. Opened the freezer door, pulled out a frozen dinner, shoved it in the microwave, and turned it on. While he was waiting he opened the refrigerator, looking for a beer. Which, of course, he didn’t have. Because he’d planned to go to dinner with Tobi. Until she decided to break up with him.
Which was completely stupid. She said she loved him and that’s why she was breaking up with him. Women, he thought with disgust. Now didn’t that make a lot of sense? I love you. I can’t see you anymore.
The microwave dinged. He took out the plastic tray and pulled back the plastic on top, burning his hand in the process. “Shit!” He got out a fork and stabbed it in
to the meat. The damn center of the stuff was still frozen.
He threw the frozen dinner into the sink. There wasn’t much food in the apartment and if he didn’t eat he’d regret it. Because he planned to get very, very drunk. Which meant he had to go out. But Booze’s had food so he’d get something there. He picked up his keys, stuffed them in his pocket, and decided he’d be better off walking. The mood he was in, he didn’t need to be behind the wheel of a car.
When he walked into Booze’s a little while later he headed straight for the bar. The bartender, Kirk, slid a cardboard coaster to him and asked, “What’ll you have?”
“Whiskey. Neat. And keep ’em coming.”
Kirk held out his hand. “Keys.”
“I walked.”
Kirk, who knew him and knew he had no problem giving up his keys if necessary, shrugged and poured him a drink.
Travis picked up the shot glass and drained it. “Another.”
Kirk poured him another. He tossed back that one too.
Kirk poured again, and said, “Take it easy, Travis.”
“Not happening.”
“Want any food?” Kirk asked.
“Burger and fries. Thanks.” The bartender left and Travis drank.
The longer he sat there the madder he got. She’d been the only survivor in a plane crash. That was bad, obviously. But did she try to talk it out? Try to tell him about it and see if he could help?
Hell, no. She just said, “We’re done,” and walked away.
“Are you drinking alone or can I join you?”
Travis glanced at Levi and shrugged, signaling to Kirk for another setup. Kirk set the glass in front of Levi, poured liquor into both glasses and left, returning with Travis’s food.
Levi snatched a French fry from his plate.
“Keep your hands off my food,” Travis said and bit into his hamburger.
“What’s got you in such a snit?”
Travis took another couple of bites before answering. “I’m not in a snit. I’m pissed.” He shoved the food aside in favor of the liquor.
“Why? And by the way, you’re not planning to fly tomorrow, are you?”
“No,” Travis snarled. “You know damn well I wouldn’t get drunk the night before I plan to fly.”
“Not ordinarily, but apparently this is no ordinary snit.”
“I told you, it’s not a goddamn snit. I’m pissed.” He tossed back the rest of his drink and slapped the empty glass on the counter. “Very, very pissed.”
“Why?” Levi asked again.
“Women,” Travis said with loathing. “They make no sense at all.”
“Ah, Tobi. She saw the video?”
Travis turned his head to stare at his friend. “Don’t tell me you saw it too.”
“Hell, Travis, you couldn’t look on the web at all without seeing that video plastered everywhere. Of course I saw it.”
“Do you know what she did?”
“No. I take it she was upset?”
Travis gave a harsh laugh. “She broke up with me.”
That made Levi sit up. “She what? I thought you two were in love. You sure acted like it. Both of you.”
“I thought so too.” Travis took another drink, contemplating how ridiculous Tobi was being. “She says she loves me but she broke up with me. Because I’m a pilot. She ‘can’t deal with it anymore,’” he said, making air quotes.
“That doesn’t make any sense. It’s not like she didn’t know you were a pilot when you first got together.”
“My point exactly.” He brooded for a bit before saying, “Tobi was in a plane crash, back when she was in college. She was the only survivor.”
“Well, shit, no wonder she has issues with your job. Did she tell you about it?”
He shook his head. “Only the bare facts.”
“Do some research. You know when it happened, right?”
“Basically. I can narrow it down to within a few months, anyway. But I don’t see what good that will do.”
“She survived that crash but that’s obviously not the whole story. It left a mark. Knowing what happened might help you understand her better.”
“I doubt it.” He filed that away to think about later. Assuming he remembered, which was debatable since he was half drunk and getting drunker.
“You’re gonna feel like shit tomorrow,” Levi said.
“So what? I feel like shit now.”
Levi clapped him on the shoulder. “Try not to worry, Travis. It will work out.”
“Do you really believe that or are you just bullshitting me to make me feel better?”
Levi didn’t answer.
“That’s what I thought,” Travis said and went back to his whiskey.
*
Tobi spent the next two and a half weeks going through the motions. She went to work, did her job, came home, fed Lucky, played with Lucky, ate dinner and went to bed. Got up in the morning and repeated the whole process. She’d thought things would get better. That she’d get used to not seeing Travis. Not being with him.
That had worked out really well. She hadn’t known it was possible to miss someone so much. Not since Shannon had died.
She missed talking to him. About everything and nothing. Missed seeing him play with Lucky. Missed sitting beside him on the couch and watching movies. Missed holding him, kissing him, making love with him.
Lucky missed him too. He’d wander around, sniff at where Travis usually sat on the couch, or his side of the bed. Or a shirt he’d left hanging and she hadn’t had the heart to give back to him. Then Lucky would look at Tobi with a pitiful expression. Where is he? Why isn’t he here? the dog seemed to say.
Finally, she couldn’t stand it any longer. She drove over to his apartment. His truck was in the parking lot. This is a mistake, she thought. But she got out of her car and walked up the flight of stairs to his apartment. Stood at the door and tried to talk herself out of seeing him. She failed. She knocked on the door.
Travis opened it. He wore a pair of old, faded jeans. No shirt, no shoes. His hair was disheveled. Clearly he hadn’t shaved in days. And he looked so good she wanted to eat him up.
“What do you want, Tobi?” he asked gruffly.
“You.”
His eyes flared. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her inside. Backed her up against the door and stared down at her. “Do you mean that?” he demanded.
She nodded, put her arms around his neck, and said, “Kiss me.”
He made a sound between a groan and a laugh. Then his mouth came down on hers. His tongue plunged inside, meeting hers. Thrusting in and drawing back in an unmistakable rhythm.
He stopped kissing her long enough to strip off her T-shirt, then unhooked her bra and pulled it off. His hands covered her breasts, kneading, caressing, plucking at her nipples.
She yanked at the button of his jeans, managing to unbutton but not unzip them. At the same time Travis undid her jeans and pushed them down her legs. She kicked off her shoes and he pushed her jeans the rest of the way off. He boosted her up with her back against the door and her legs wrapped around him. He still wore his jeans. She felt the ridge of his erection beneath the jeans, the contrast of her bare skin against his jeans erotic as hell. “Hand me my jeans,” she panted.
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
He let her down and picked up her jeans. She fished in the back pocket, pulling out a condom and handing it to him. He smiled, shoved down his jeans and briefs and stepped out of them. She grasped his erection and stroked it up and down until he pushed her hands aside and covered himself. Then he picked her up and thrust inside her in one smooth move. Tobi clung to him, nearly sobbing as he drove into her again and again, until she shattered and screamed his name. Moments later, he emptied himself inside her with a harsh groan. They stayed as they were until their breathing slowed. Travis walked to the bedroom with her wrapped around him.
He tossed her down on the bed, got rid of the condom and lay down
beside her. “Again,” he said, and kissed her.
A long time later, Travis lay on his back with one arm wrapped around her. Tobi lay with her head on his chest, tracing circles with her fingers.
“Does this mean we’re back together?” he asked, his voice deep and raspy.
She didn’t answer. What could she say?
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He got out of bed and strode naked into the other room.
Feeling vulnerable naked, Tobi put on the T-shirt he’d draped over a chair. She walked into the living room to see he’d put on his jeans and held her clothes in his hands. “Get dressed,” he said, and handed her the clothes.
Tobi dressed in silence, with her back to him. Travis didn’t speak but she felt his eyes on her while she dressed. Finished, she turned around. “Travis, I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Then I’ll say it. Don’t use me to scratch an itch.” He was still bare-chested, with his arms crossed over his chest. Implacable. Unforgiving.
“That’s not what this was.” How could she explain that she’d wanted to be with him so badly that she hadn’t thought it through? Of course he saw it that way.
“Seems like it to me.”
“I missed you.”
He gave her a hard, disbelieving look. “You missed someone to scratch your itch,” he repeated. Tobi tried to speak but he held up a hand. “Don’t do this again. Don’t come over, don’t tell me you miss me. Just don’t. We’re done, Tobi. Over and done.”
Chapter Nineteen
God, Tobi had no idea how hard it had been for him to tell her to leave and not come back. But as much as he had missed her, as much as he’d loved having her back in his arms again, he knew he couldn’t continue with sex for the sake of sex. Not with Tobi. Damn it, why did he have to fall in love with her? His life would be a lot simpler if he hadn’t.
Tuesday night was the weekly poker game. This week it was at Levi’s house. Levi lived in one of the old mansions on Main Street. He’d moved in last year and made the kitchen, his bedroom and the game room habitable but that was it so far. Travis wasn’t sure what Levi was waiting for. It wasn’t like he couldn’t have afforded to redo the house any way he wanted.