by Jenna Brandt
“You are welcome, Margaret. I am glad that you agreed to come. It would have been lonely without you along.”
Margaret glanced to where Cort was still standing.
She was curious to know his intention toward her. Did he want to be with her in any way, or was he merely passing time with her as they made their way to Boulder?
“Are you glad that I wanted to come?”
“Did you want to come?”
Turning to face him, she stared at him plainly for several seconds before replying, “Yes.”
He stared back at her with the same intensity before bridging the gap between them. Margaret braced herself in anticipation of what was going to happen. When he reached down and took her cheek in his hand, she leaned into it, savoring the feel of his skin against her own. It felt so good to have him touch her. Wanting more, she moved forward and leaned against him, putting her hands delicately on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and enfolded her in his embrace.
They stood there for several moments before Margaret looked up at him expectantly. “Are you going to kiss me?”
“Do you want me to kiss you, Margaret?”
Slowly, she nodded. Cort brushed a lock of hair out of her face, smiling down at her. Gradually, his lips descended until they met hers. The kiss was gentle, both of them testing, unsure.
Cort broke the kiss, pulling back he whispered, “I have wanted to kiss you for some time now.”
“Why did it take you so long?”
“I wasn’t sure if you felt the same.”
Margaret averted her eyes. “I have to admit, I have confused feelings where you are concerned.”
Reaching out, Cort touched the side of her cheek again. “What confuses you?”
“I am scared to care for a man again.”
“You don’t have to be afraid. I believe God brought us together for a reason.”
“I just think it is best if we keep our distance.”
A look of hurt crossed Cort’s face before he looked away. “I will honor whatever you want.” Cort lifted his hand to his forehead to shield his eyes as he scanned the terrain. “We should probably head back. It looks like there are some storm clouds on the horizon.”
Margaret did not argue, realizing it was better this way. She hated all these mixed emotions she was feeling for Cort. Part of her wanted to open her heart to him, but the other part was afraid because of her past. Rather than making a decision on what to do, she decided to return to aloofness when dealing with Cort until they reached Boulder. Then they could part ways, and she would be free to focus on starting over.
As they reached the wagons, Cort shouted out, “We need to stop here and make camp. A storm is heading this way.”
Randall and Pastor Thompson quickly pulled the wagons to a halt. Everyone began scurrying around, preparing for the storm.
The men tied down the wagons and secured the oxen and two horses. The women made sure that all the supplies were covered and nothing would be damaged from winds or rain.
After all the chores were finished, Randall turned to Cort and offered, “Mister Westcott, you can join our family in our wagon during the storm if you wish.”
His eyes darted skeptically to Margaret. “It might be best if I stay outside and keep an eye on the animals.”
“Do you think that’s safe?” Jackie inquired.
“It won’t be the first time I’ve been outside during a storm.” Cort assured.
Guilt flooded Margaret’s heart. He was willing to stay out in a dangerous situation to avoid being near her. She knew he was trying to honor her request.
Pastor Thompson must have noticed the awkwardness between Margaret and Cort because he offered a seat in his own wagon. “You are more than welcome to stay with us for the duration, Mister Westcott.”
“Thank you kindly, Pastor, but I’ll be fine.” His eyes flickered to Margaret once more before he added, “I can use the time alone to pray on some matters. If it gets too bad, I’ll take you up on your offer.”
As raindrops started to fall, Margaret tilted her head up and let a few fall on her face before she turned around and headed to her wagon.
She had always liked the sound and smell of rain, but storms were a different story, especially out on the trail where there was minimal protection from the elements.
As she entered her wagon, Henry was sitting on the edge of one of the cots. His eyes were wide with fright and his lower lip was trembling.
She gathered him up into her arms. “It is all right, darling. Mummy is here.”
“Where, Cort?”
Margaret’s heart tightened at her son’s question. When he was feeling up to be outside, Cort often played with Henry around the campfire, read to him from the Bible, or let him “comb” Chester. His interactions with her son was another reason Margaret was confused about Cort. He was so sweet with him, she knew he would be a good father.
“Cort is busy, darling. Whatever you need, I can do it.”
Shaking his head adamantly, Henry demanded, “Want Cort.”
Hesitantly, she thought about her options. She could ignore her son’s request, but she knew if she did, she was doing it out of selfish motives. She could go ask Cort to come spend time with her son, but she had just decided to keep her distance to protect her heart. That would be doing just the opposite.
Deciding her son’s feelings were more important than her own, she set Henry down as she said, “I will be right back with Cort.”
Just as she was getting out of the wagon, Randall and Jackie were getting ready to get in.
“Where are you off to?” Randall asked with curiosity.
“Henry wants Cort to be with him. I am going to go see if he will be amicable to staying with us during the storm. Do you know where he decided to take shelter?”
“He’s over by the horses, underneath a couple of trees.”
Margaret nodded and headed off in that direction. She found Cort leaning against a set of boulders with his duster coat pulled in around him and his hat down over his face. Apparently, he was an expert at being out in the elements.
“Pardon me, Cort, but I was wondering if you mind coming to my wagon?” Margaret inquired. “Henry is asking for you.”
Slowly, Cort raised his hand and pushed back his hat to reveal his face. One eyebrow shot up as he looked at her through amused eyes.
“I thought you wanted me to keep my distance.”
She stiffened as she crossed her arms. “I did, but this is not for me. It is for Henry.”
Climbing to his feet, Cort adjusted his hat and coat. “For Henry then. He’s a good boy and I don’t want whatever happened between us to cause him to think I don’t care.”
Against her will, her heart filled with warmth at the kind regard Cort had for her son. All she had wanted since he was born, was to find a man worthy to be his father. Michel could have been, if he had been given the chance, but it was robbed from him by Witherton.
Perhaps Cort was right, and God had brought them together. He was a man that was good to her son and could provide a good life for them. Could that potential life be enough for her to open her heart and let him in?
As they started to make their way to the wagon, fighting against the wind, Margaret said, “Thank you for doing this.”
“What was that? I can’t hear you over the wind that’s kicking up,” Cort yelled.
Margaret stopped and turned to face Cort. Even in his disheveled appearance, he looked handsome. He was grinning at her, causing his eyes to sparkle. It was all she could do to not lean up and kiss him.
In a louder voice, she shouted, “I said, ‘thank you.’ I appreciate you doing this.”
Huge gusts of wind whipped around them, causing Margaret’s hair to twist and twirl. Cort reached out and gently pushed at several strands that were in her face. He tucked them behind her ear, then let his hand linger on the side of her face.
“It seems I’m not very good at keeping my distance when i
t comes to you,” Cort confessed.
She felt him move towards her, and she knew from the smoldering look in his eyes, he planned to kiss her again. She should move away. She should turn away and head back to the wagon, but something kept her rooted to the spot.
The whistling of the wind was overwhelming, but she could swear the pounding in her chest was louder. She pressed her lips together as she waited for his lips to meet her own.
But before he could kiss her again, she heard him yell, “Watch out!”
Margaret felt Cort’s arms wrap around her as he pulled her towards the Thompsons’ wagon. Just as they arrived, he dove underneath with Margaret in his arms. Behind them, she heard a loud thud.
“What is going on?” Margaret asked in utter confusion.
He whispered against her ear, “A tree just got struck by lightning and fell. I could tell it was going to land where we were standing. I had to act quickly to keep you safe.”
He had just saved her life again. Though she knew she no longer needed to be in his arms, she found herself wanting to stay.
“I suppose I owe you another thank you.”
“Any time,” he said with another grin. “I enjoy rescuing you.”
“I hope I will not be needing any more once I arrive in Boulder.”
“I was thinking about when we arrive in Boulder. I don’t like the idea of us keeping our distance.”
“You don’t?” Margaret asked, trying to focus on anything other than his lips that were only a few inches away.
“Just the opposite. You need a husband to protect and provide for you and Henry. I need a strong, good woman who is not afraid of frontier life. I think we should get married.”
Her mouth went dry as her eyes grew round with shock. What did he just ask her?
“Margaret, I am asking you to marry me.”
Keeping her eyes averted, she weighed out the different sides. If she agreed, her family would have a good provider and protection by a Christian man—everything she had been wanting for Henry. But somewhere between France and where she was now, she had come to a place where she wanted not only these things for her son, but she also wanted love for herself. She would rather be alone than subject herself to a loveless marriage. And though she knew that Cort cared about her well-being, she saw no signs that he loved her.
Margaret held back the tears and forced out, “I cannot marry you, Cort.”
He furrowed his eyebrows together in disbelief. “But it is the smartest thing to do. Why won’t you agree?”
“I cannot.”
“We are mutually attracted to each other, and we have a growing friendship, both of which are a sturdy foundation for any relationship. Explain to me why it will not work.”
Pushing him away, she blurted out, “Because I want more than that. I want more than you can offer.”
She tried to climb out from under the wagon. Even though the storm was in full rage, she would rather brave it then stay close to him a moment longer.
But he grabbed her arm, stopping her from fleeing. “Margaret, you can’t go out there. You might not want to stay here with me, but it’s not safe out there.”
“I can take care of myself,” she said, yanking free from his grasp, and climbing out.
The moment the cold, wet rain slapped against her body, she knew she had acted rashly, but she did not care. She needed to escape and get back to Henry.
She pushed forward, trying to see through the pelting rain and wind. After a few minutes of slow and deliberate movements, she reached the other wagon and lifted the entry flap.
“Maggie, dear, we were starting to worry that you had gotten lost. But then, you had Cort with you, and he knows the area quite well, does he not.”
Margaret moved past Randall without answering him. She picked up Henry from Jackie’s lap, trying to forget about what just happened between Cort and her.
“Are you all right, Maggie?” Jackie asked.
Margaret refused to glance up. “Yes.”
“You seemed a bit ruffled from being outside, and not just from the storm. I also noticed Cort is not with you. Did something happen with him? Did the two of you have a fight?”
“You could say that,” Margaret whispered.
“What happened?”
“He asked me to marry him—”
“Oh, that’s wonderful, chéri!” Jackie interrupted.
“But I told him no.”
“Why?”
“Because I do not think things would work out between us. We are completely different.”
“I do not believe that. Look at Randy and me. We come from completely different pasts, but we are perfect together.”
“Yes, but Rand also loves you dearly.”
“Oh… so this is really about love. I should have guessed. Only two things can upset a woman so: one is love and the other is a woman more beautiful than herself. The latter is impossible with you, chéri.” Jackie leaned forward and patted Margaret’s knee. “Maggie, you must understand that love does not always operate the same. Yes, Rand and I did fall in love very quickly, and we were in love when we got married. But that is not the only way. Sometimes, love comes later. If you act out love, the feelings will follow. I have learned that from reading the Bible. Cort is a good man. He cares for you and the attraction is obvious. The rest will come in time.”
Margaret slumped forward and put her face in her hands. She waited several moments before saying softly, “I cannot marry him without knowing he will love me. What if it does not come in time? I could not bear it.”
“Then you were right to say no, and you must wait until you are certain. It is not the end of the world, and he will understand why you have not accepted. You did explain to him all of this, did you not?”
Looking up, Margaret brushed a tear a way. “No, I just told him I could not.”
“Oh, Maggie, you need to let him know what is going on. He will wait for you. I know this because I have seen the way he watches you. But if you leave it this way, you might miss out on the best thing in the Americas.”
“Thank you for trying to help, Jackie, but I am going to have to handle this my way. It is best if I leave things the way they are. I do not want him to fake anything or try to convince me he is feeling something he does not.” She pressed her lips together, pausing a moment, then added, “I would rather be alone than never know whether he genuinely loves me or not.”
Jackie shook her head. “Do not pass up the chance at experiencing something wonderful because of fear, chéri.” After a moment’s hesitation, Jackie added softly, “I do not believe in fate. You know this because you have seen me make my own. But most importantly, now I rely on God. He wants to guide our lives, and I believe that He brought Cort into your life for a very specific and special reason. God loves you, Maggie, and He wants what is best for you. Do not throw away what He has given you.”
She was shocked that her friend, who was a new Christian, just told her something that she as a Christian should have already known. It was embarrassing how little she really put her trust in God. It had been that way since she was a little child, so afraid to give up control to anyone, even to the one who made her.
Margaret replied in a saddened voice, “I know you are right, Jackie. I just do not see a way for Cort and me to be together.”
Chapter 6
Several days passed while Margaret struggled to get her emotions under control. It was through her own stupidity that she allowed herself to care for a man who was only looking for a sturdy frontier wife, not love. And she knew, even though she could be what he wanted, she feared he could never be what she needed.
“Mama, why you cry?”
Margaret lifted her face from where it had been resting in her hands. She sniffed lightly and, after a few seconds, replied, “Nothing, darling, I only had something in my eye. It is gone now and it will not be coming back. I promise.”
“You sad, Mama?”
“Why do you ask, Henry?”
“Henry, darling, I think you should go back to sleep and rest some more before dinnertime. You have not been feeling well, you know.”
Margaret watched her son pout, sulking that he was not getting the answer he wished.
“But I—”
“No ‘buts,’ Henry. Go to sleep now. I do not want you getting sick again.”
She was actually quite worried about her son. He had gotten sick twice since they started their trip from France and had been fatigued the entire duration. It continuously made her flash back to when he was only a few months old and almost died from pneumonia. She feared that he might not survive another attack of the fever.
When he bit his lip in anger, Margaret frowned at him and then tapped his cheek. “Do not bite your lip, Henry. It is a very naughty habit.”
He started to object but saw the warning look on her face and opted to obey. “Yes, Mama.”
“I will be back in a couple of hours to wake you.”
They were back on the Overland Trail, and according to Cort’s calculations, they would arrive in Boulder in two days. That meant she had to get through the next couple of days, and then she would be rid of him forever.
She hated his ability to affect her, even though she had tried to distance herself since she refused his proposal. Her heart pounded every time he looked at her, and she secretly wanted to feel his kiss on her lips again. But she would not return his look or let him know the effect he still had on her.
Margaret forced herself to be courageous. She was good at being alone. First, it had been out of necessity; now it was out of choice. If she were tied to no man, then no man could hurt her. And if that meant never feeling love again, so be it.
But that all changed in a flash, and nothing prepared her for her reaction. One moment, Cort was riding his horse, and the next, something hit him in his right shoulder hard enough to knock him off.
At first, Margaret thought they were under attack by the Cheyenne again and quickly halted the oxen pulling her wagon. She frantically looked around but could see nothing but their own party.