Anne sided with the powerful on the matter. She condemned Eliza’s senseless unpardonable attack upon Mr. Duffin and criticised her conduct stained with ingratitude. So as not to upset Miss Marsh’s feelings, she wrote that she would never name her to you more.86 Following this betrayal, Eliza broke off all contact with Anne. Furious, she demanded her letters back, as well as a diamond ring and other objects that had once been meaningful to the two of them.
As the daughter of Eliza’s doctor, Mariana Belcombe heard a great deal about all this and sensed that Eliza was being done an injustice. Anne had admitted to her that she and Eliza had once agreed to go off together when of age but my conduct first delayed it & then circumstances luckily put an end to it altogether.87 Mariana had an idea of the part her lover might have played in Eliza’s breakdown, so she asked her to respond to Eliza’s letters and as a favour done to herself, and as the best means of doing Miss Raine a service, to go and spend some time with her.88 Anne, however, was afraid of Eliza’s courage for speaking openly to third parties, and preferred to stay at a safe distance in Halifax.
In the year after that, 1815, Anne suggested making Eliza a ward of the Court of Chancery, effectively removing her adult rights. Mariana’s father, Dr Belcombe, opposed the idea though, as Eliza had intervals of perfect Sanity, and has a correct recollection of what has occurred since her derangement began. He hoped her state would improve after a year in his treatment, although she was very wayward and obstinate, perfectly aware of what she is saying and doing, so much so that it may be difficult to prove her insanity to persons appointed by Chancery to examine her.89 Eliza stood by the truths for which she had been locked away, and Anne had a personal interest in having her declared insane. Coming from a madwoman, any confession about their former relationship would have borne less weight.
Another year later, Eliza, still living at Dr Belcombe’s asylum, wanted to make her will and considered leaving her money to Anne, with whom she had once wanted to live. When the outraged Mr Duffin found this out he suspected Anne of planting the idea in Eliza’s mind and questioned her role in his foster daughter’s life. This conflict was still smouldering when Anne came to York from her mother’s funeral in December 1817. It was extremely important for Anne to restore things with Mr Duffin, as she was dependent on his hospitality in York. With Miss Marsh’s support, they agreed it had been a misunderstanding.90
Three days after Anne’s arrival, Mr Duffin accompanied her to Dr Belcombe’s mental asylum in Clifton. Eliza seemed pleased at my visit, Anne wrote in her diary. The first thing she said to me was ‘Well! So you are in mourning for your mother!’ [...] She afterwards asked me to take off my hat, felt my face, asked if I ever wore false faces and at last said she ‘believed it really was my face’. She then bade me take off my right hand glove and observing the thick gold ring Mariana gave me, asked what I had done with the one I used to wear; then looking at my other hand asked significantly after ‘all my friends’. What Anne answered is not revealed in the journal. She asked me what I had done with the gold chain she gave me and what with the pocket-handkerchiefs. I told her. When I said I never came to York without calling to see her she answered ‘What! Never?’ and seemed much pleased when answered ‘No! Never.’ 91
Anne’s second visit to Eliza a few days later was not as harmonious to begin with. At my request we were left a little by ourselves. At first she said she should take no insolence, no impertinence from me, that I had never done her any good and if I was impertinent we should come to blows. After a somewhat stern remonstrance on my part she said I had always thought nothing of her, that I might have genius, I might have talent but that I had made a bad use of them and indeed the world thought me a fool. She then grew more kind and asked to feel my face, to pinch my nose and feel my eyes [...] and desired me to sit by her on the sopha [sic]. Mr Duffin entered the room at this moment, perhaps not coincidentally, and declared Anne’s visit over. Eliza had tears in her eyes – the only sensitive symptom I have observed since her malady.92 Anne knew better than anyone else who, what, and which circumstances had made Eliza allegedly lose her sanity. Her first lover would never leave Dr Belcombe’s asylum. Anne wrote to her until around 1821 and did indeed visit her every time she was in York, until well into the 1830s.
Anne also wanted to improve her relations with Mrs Belcombe. Although – or because – Mariana was in York as well, her mother had refused to offer Anne a bed in her house. Mariana’s mother took a similarly critical view of Anne’s friendship with Mariana as Mr Duffin had of her relationship with Eliza. She resented her behaviour before and after Mariana’s marriage. Charles Lawton had informed his in-laws about the lack of sexual harmony in the marriage and complained to her father of M–’s coldness & he answered she required more dalliance.93 Meanwhile, there were rumours in York that M– was parted from C– & returned to her father and mother; that she & C– were the most miserable couple in the world, & that, in fact, he had little or nothing; that he had killed his first wife; had not the very best character. Anne tried to make the matter look as well as I could but surely, in spite of anything I can say, people must think there would not be all these reports afloat without some reason or other.94 Mrs Belcombe recognised Anne as the reason why the Lawtons’ marriage had not been a happy one and why it had become the subject of gossip.
Although Anne had distanced herself from Mariana over the past year, she still desired her. Two days after her arrival, she paid a visit to the Belcombes. Four of the five daughters were there, including Nantz and Mariana, whom she had last seen ten months ago. Studiously avoided shewing any warmth to M– Had a few minutes têteà-tête with Mrs Belcombe. We got upon the subject of romance. I said I changed my manners to M– as soon as I was properly told of the folly of them.95 According to this diary entry, Anne admitted there had been something less than sensible in her feelings for Mariana but claimed that she had now got over them.
Her daughter Mariana’s relationship to Anne Lister had Mrs Belcombe as puzzled as the judges passing sentence on two Scottish teachers accused of ‘indecent practices’ at around the same time. Did such things even exist between women? A schoolgirl who had shared a bed with one of her female teachers – something no one found improper – had regularly woken up because the other teacher had lain down on top of her teacher and kissed her. Then Miss Woods began to move, and she shook the bed, and she heard the same noise [like] putting one’s finger in the neck of a wet bottle. On another occasion, the school-girl was woken by their kissing and whispering. She heard Miss Pirie say one night, ‘You are in the wrong place,’ and Miss Woods said, ‘I know,’ and Miss Pirie said, ‘Why are you doing it then?’ and Miss Woods said, ‘For fun.’ Yet even such testimonies to lust shared by two women did not convince the judges. After eight years of extremely discreet procedure through various courts, the House of Lords acquitted Marianne Woods and Jane Pirie in 1819; according to the known habits of women in this country, there is no indecency in one woman going to bed with another. Despite all the signs that had also made Mrs Belcombe suspicious, the presiding judge had pronounced: the crime here alleged has no existence.96 For Anne, this judgement meant a great deal of freedom; yet she still had to be careful, as the case itself implicitly shows. To Mrs Belcombe, she denied any physical relationship with Mariana, claiming, though, that my regard for her was still the same as ever. I am not quite so certain of this.97
Mrs Belcombe contented herself with this explanation and let Anne go out for a walk with Mariana, Nantz and Lou the next day. To prevent either of the two sisters with whom she was intimate from getting suspicious, Anne flirted over that evening’s card game with Mrs Harriet Milne, the fifth Belcombe sister. A day later, Anne wanted to visit Mariana but Mrs Belcombe prevented me from entering her room; she was still distrustful although she could not put her suspicions into words. The next morning, though, Mariana got the better of her mother. A little before 11, she herself suggested our having a kiss. I thought it dangerous & would
have declined the risk but she persisted & by way of excuse to bolt the door sent me downstairs for some paper, that she was going to the close-stool. The expedient answered & she tried to laugh me out of my nervousness. I took off my pelisse & drawers, got into bed and had a very good kiss, she showing all due inclination & in less than seven minutes the door was un-bolted again & we were all right again.
That same day, Mrs Belcombe invited Anne to stay with them after all. M– and I talked it over. I did not like a bed to myself in the room next to the drawing room, on account of Nantz. She was still there too and might come for a nocturnal visit like Mariana, which would give away Anne’s affair with her. I should petition for the little turnup bed in M– and Lou’s room98 – she rather liked Mariana’s younger sister too. Lou is certainly a quick, clever girl & seems remarkably au fait at Hebrew.99 While Mariana was in bed waiting for Anne, Lou was teaching her the Hebrew alphabet. Unlike Mrs Belcombe, Lou knew about her sister Mariana’s relationship with Anne. She, as well as Anne [Nantz] strongly suspects that neither M– nor I would much regret the loss of C–, but that we look forward to the thing and, in the event of it, certainly mean to live together.100 Anne was no longer so sure of that, though. I have before told Lou I thought I had better take her on a running lease till Mariana was ready for me. Lou agrees and we are very good friends. What Anne [Nantz] thinks of it all I cannot say; she certainly is as fond of me as ever and would gladly do as much for me now as she did at Shibden.
Mariana was not as glad. To Anne’s surprise, she was jealous of Lou. Tho’ I laughed at the thing at first, I soon perceived it more real than I had imagined. When they went to bed alone, Lou being away we had a glorious opportunity for a kiss, but the annoyance occasioned by my attention to Lou had made Mariana cool, unwell and out of sorts and I let her be as quiet as possible.101 The next morning, as Anne was packing, Mariana looked at her with a changed perspective, now disconcerted on her own part. Talked over my adventures in former days; M– said had she known them she would never have been introduced to me. Mariana wanted a kiss but I said it was too dangerous, that I really had no courage and that we had better practise a little self-denial.102 This was the first time these two passionate lovers had not come together when circumstances permitted.
Anne returned to Shibden Hall on 20 December 1817, having left hastily six weeks previously. A week later, Mariana paid her a visit on her journey back to Lawton Hall. Now they made up for what they had missed out on in York. Mariana had a very good kiss last night; mine was not quite so good but I had a very nice one this morning.103 On only her third day at Shibden Hall, Mariana received a letter from Charles in the late afternoon. He ordered her to set off immediately & travel as fast as she could to meet him in good time at Manchester this evening.104
‘Kallista’
1818–1819
I cannot live happily without female company.1 Mariana remained out of reach and Isabella was travelling. Anne noticed the twenty-three-year-old Miss Elizabeth Browne at scientific lectures. Having all the 4 preceding nights admired Miss Browne, on the fifth evening she deliberately sat just before her. Handed her several things to look at & contrived to get into conversation with her after the lecture was over. The lecture being longer than usual & I staying a good while afterwards to look at the apparatus, or rather at Miss Browne, did not get home till near 11. During the next night Anne did nothing but dream of Miss Browne &, tho’ I woke at 6, yet had not resolution to get up but lay dosing [sic] & thinking of the fair charmer. She is certainly very pretty. She seemed evidently not displeased with my attention & I felt all possible inclination to be as foolish as I ever was in former days.2 The next evening, Anne sat directly behind Miss Browne and engaged her in another conversation after the lecture. She evidently seems flattered, Anne noted afterwards. My attention to Miss Brown has been pointed these last two nights, I wonder if anyone has observed it?3
Caroline Greenwood and her four sisters did indeed have an eye on Anne Lister’s proclivities. Anne occasionally played music with them. The Greenwoods, a middle-class family in Halifax, were actually very good and worthy and obliging, but Anne considered them a vulgar set.4 Earlier, they fancied me quite taken up with Miss Norcliffe;5 now they rallied me on the subject of my great admiration. Caroline asked malicious questions about Anne’s choice in men, I said above all things, after good sense and good temper, good family and remarkably elegant manners6 – describing her ideal of herself. With ulterior motives, Caroline invited Anne and Elizabeth Browne to tea together. Miss Brown is wonderful – handsome, or rather, interesting, gentle in her manners, entirely free from any sort of affectation & much more ladylike than any girl I have seen hereabouts,7 Anne wrote after the occasion. Elizabeth Browne was one of the sweet, interesting creatures I should love;8 she was younger than her original ideal Mariana, yet the most modest, unassuming, innocent girl (yet not wanting good sense) I ever met with. She has other things to do & reads by stealth,9 having to help her mother about the house. To Anne’s delight, Elizabeth answered when I asked her if she liked Lord Byron’s poetry, ‘Yes, perhaps too well.’ Byron was regarded at the time as the ultimate romantic hero and Anne had taken him as a role model. I could soon be in love with the girl.10
Over the subsequent weeks and months, Anne sought out every opportunity to meet Miss Browne. She ran into her at the library or at the lectures held by her former tutor Mr Knight at Halifax Parish Church, since he had been appointed vicar there. After one such lecture, Anne offered Miss Browne her arm and walked her home. Having the two keys in my hand belonging to the seat [in church] I smiled and told Kallista if they were the keys of heaven I would let her in. But Miss Browne gave Anne the run-around. She made no reply. I observed she never does to anything at least bordering on a compliment. Miss Browne did at least tell her she liked walking in the garden in moonlight, for it made her melancholy. She owned to being a little romantic. Anne quite agreed and rhapsodised that a slight tincture of romance made a character more amiable.
In person, Anne always called her new acquaintance Miss Browne. Secretly, though, she called her Kallista,11 Greek for ‘most beautiful’. With her knowledge of Greek mythology, Anne was doubtlessly thinking of the nymph Kallisto, the favourite follower of the goddess Artemis, who roams the forests with her nymphs and uses her bow and arrows to kill anyone who tries to approach her or her women. When Artemis is hunting alone one day, Zeus takes on her form and seduces Kallisto – who enjoys the experience, believing she is in Artemis’ embrace. Anne may have fancied herself in the roles of both Artemis and Zeus. She probably thought little of the consequences for poor Kallisto: as a punishment, Artemis changed her into a bear, which Zeus then elevated to the heavens as Ursa Major.
Anne’s position in society forbade her from introducing the daughter of a small businessman – Copley Browne was a co-owner of a wire-drawing mill – into the Listers’ illustrious circle. In the strictly hierarchical society of the day, paying and receiving visits – calling – was not something governed by one’s own taste. Anne had to restrict herself to families with whom her uncle maintained contacts. The Listers considered themselves above all other families in Halifax, apart from the longstanding Waterhouses and Saviles. They socialised reluctantly with nouveau riche factory owners such as the Priestleys, Walkers and Rawsons, because their lifestyles were more luxurious and their political influence greater than their own. The Brownes, however, had neither title nor capital. Anne resigned herself to the situation. Lamented, prayed God to have mercy on me & to help me & resolved never more to mention Miss Browne & to avoid her entirely. For the last time I will allow myself to try to meet her tomorrow.
The next day, she searched half of Halifax to cross Miss Browne’s path. When she at last spied a suspicious bonnet, she spoke to her, paid her beauty several compliments & told her she was the best-dressed girl in town or neighbourhood. Miss Browne thanked her politely for the compliments but also said she was afraid of me, whereupon Anne assured her s
he had often frightened me so as to make me quite nervous.12 Following these insinuation-laden confessions, they arranged to meet the next day at the library. Anne’s vow never to see Elizabeth again was instantly forgotten. What a strange being I am.13
That next day, she went on the offensive. My whole strain of conversation was complimentary & calculated to impress her with the idea how much I was interested about her.14 On their next walk five days later, she now begins to shew that she is as much pleased with me as I can wish. Miss Browne had admitted to Anne that she envied my courage. This, Anne responded, might be gained at last by practice15 – only to proceed to action a few days later. As they were walking around the town they were caught in a sudden squall of rain. Standing outside an inn at King Cross, Miss Browne consented after a few ‘hems’ and ‘hahs’ to go inside. The landlady let them have a room to themselves and Anne had twelve minutes to pursue her agenda. I told her her gown sleeves were rather too wide & that her frill was not put on straight. I took it off & put it on again, taking three trials to it before I would be satisfied. She did not seem to dislike the thing, nor to be unhappy in my society. I think if I chose to persevere, I can bring the thing to what terms I please. As she fumbled at Miss Browne’s breast, I thought of what I should not.16
Two days later, Anne went to Langton Hall to see Isabella Norcliffe again. She and her family had spent almost three years touring Europe, ending the trip with over six months in Brussels. She had never abandoned contact with Anne, and had sent minerals from Switzerland and sweetmeats from the south of France. While Anne was toying with Miss Browne, she dreamed of Tib. I wish I was with Isabella & was happy with her. I will try to be so, if possible. Since the difficulties with Mariana had begun, Anne had been persuading herself into new feelings for Isabella. I have always loved her in spite of all & now, Anne hoped, Isabella’s fondness, fortune & connections, if her temper be grown rather more tractable, will make me happy. I almost begin to feel that we shall get together at last.17 Lay in bed thinking & building castles about Isabella.18
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