by India Kells
It’s done. Luther in custody. Tessa is safe. More details to come.
It took her a moment to realize the implications of the message. It was a relief to know her life wasn’t in danger anymore and it was the sign that she could leave Locke’s apartment.
Growing cold, she dressed, leaving Gage sleeping on her bed, and went to find Locke.
The apartment was still in darkness, but the storm had passed. Despite the low light, Locke was nowhere to be seen. Worried, Tessa was about to head back and ask Gage where his friend might be when she heard a door close in the master bedroom.
Letting her hand glide against the wall, it was strange to see the bedroom door open and Locke not there. Tessa stepped inside and checked his bathroom as the door was closed but still no one. As she left the bathroom, she felt a small draft coming from the window. After closer inspection, she realized it was a sliding door and it was unlocked. Was Locke out in this weather?
The rain was lighter now, humidity warming the temperature as she stepped on the small metal balcony. To her left was a staircase leading to the rooftop. She was glad it was dark, it prevented her from seeing how high they were. The wind picked up a little as she reached the top and saw Locke with his back to her. He stood still, as if admiring the view.
She walked to him, worried. “Locke?”
His tall frame shivered before tensing as he turned to her. “How did you get here? Are you all right?”
“I was looking for you. And I should be the one asking if you are all right.”
His dark t-shirt was damp, sticking to his muscled body. The more time passed, the colder he became, which twisted her stomach. “Why are you here? I thought that after being fucked senseless, you would be passed out for at least a couple more hours. If you’re after some more, ask Gage.”
The air left her body at the insult. “Are you serious? What’s wrong with you?”
The way he approached her was so menacing, Tessa involuntarily took a step back, but he didn’t stop until he gripped her arm.
“I changed my mind. I’m in the mood to fuck you now.” He yanked her forward against his body, before his hands went to grab her ass. Normally, she would gladly listen to her body and yield, but there was something wrong about this. Locke bit her neck hard, making her shudder, but Tessa pushed against his unyielding body. Instead of stepping away, Locke tightened his hold, scrapping his teeth alongside the column of her neck.
“Let me go!”
His dark laughter was her only answer. As she fought back, he spun her around, one arm banded around her to prevent her from moving, the other sliding inside the front of her pants.
“I know you want to come again. I feel how wet you are. Fight me all you want, Doctor, I know what you want.”
The rain intensified and finished cooling her off. Yanking his hand from her pants, she twisted, stumbling away from him.
“You don’t have a fucking clue what I want from you. And now you’re acting like a complete dumbass. If you want to fuck, go to your friend Gage. I’m through with this.”
She turned, but again, Locke caught her. “You know the deal, until all this is over, you owe me.”
“And I did everything you asked for, even had sex with your best friend, like you wanted me to.”
“I never asked you to fuck Gage!”
“Oh, my bad. You told your friend he could fuck me, and I was stupid enough to think it was part of the deal. Don’t worry, you don’t need to bother about me anymore. I’m leaving.”
Turning she tried to leave, but again, he caught her and turned her around. “You can’t leave until we know for sure you’re safe.”
Again, she shrugged away from his touch. “I’m safe. That’s why I was searching for you. You left your phone in the room and it started buzzing. Tyrone left a message saying it was over. Good news for you. No need to babysit me anymore. You can return to fucking anybody you like, including Gage. Because lo and behold, you may have licked and fingered me, but you never fucked me. I know for a fact I’ve overstayed my welcome and you yearn to get back to your carefully controlled universe. You already resent me, and there’s no need for you to start hating me as well.”
The rain beating against her skin started to hurt and she felt colder by the minute. Desperation seeped it, and she wanted to end this misery now.
“I don’t hate you.”
Tessa was tempted to laugh at how he said those words with such vehemence. “You sound anything but convincing. You don’t need to lie, Locke. You don’t like having me here. Apart from the sex, but even there, you’re so in control, so detached, it’s as if I’m only a hole. Even when we’re intimate, you’ve never opened yourself up.”
“You wouldn’t want me to lose control.”
“I saw you lose control with Gage! I saw who you are with him and I don’t fear that! Why would you want me, hold yourself back when you can be yourself with him? It’s because you don’t want it. You won’t kiss me, you won’t fuck me. You used me but didn’t possess me. You don’t want me. You paid my debt and wanted to protect me. I appreciate it, but there’s no need to play that game anymore.”
He shook his head, water streaming over his face caught up in anger. Tessa knew she was pushing him, but something had snapped inside her, and hurt overtook reasoning. “You think I’m so detached. You want to heal me? Doctor, there is nothing in me to be healed. You want my cock, I can give it to you, over and over, until you beg me to stop. You want my heart? I don’t have one. Don’t consider what I did to stop Luther was something honorable. I made that promise to my mother. You want to know why?”
The more he spoke, the more his fury engulfed him. Tessa felt for him, and she suspected that his anger was only a symptom of something so painful, it had a direct impact on his life, why he craved control and couldn’t help but detach himself from anybody and everybody.
“If I had that control you detest, I wouldn’t have succumbed to anger when my mother tried to prevent me from falling into the underground world. I was so consumed with money and power, so tired of being poor and miserable that I fucking didn’t care if I broke her heart, even worse, that I was putting her in danger. They used her as leverage to control me. Still, I was so full of myself, I was blind and thought they would never dare. They did.”
Tessa saw Locke vibrating in front of her, rivulets of rain tracing his hard body, steam coming off him.
“They did, right in front of me. She suffered her entire life, escaped it to protect me and I forced her back into it. I might as well have killed her myself! And you know what, I did!”
Searching for her words, Tessa wasn’t sure what she could say. “You were a teenager. A kid.”
“I knew better!” Now, snarling at her, Locke was coming undone right in front of her. “I don’t need a savior. Keep your fucking advice. What do you know of me? Not a fucking thing!”
Tessa was desperate to find a way to reach him. “Locke, you have to stop. You are not a monster, you helped those girls. You care about Gage. You helped me. Nobody who is all evil would do that.”
Those sea-green irises turned into darkening holes. “I wanted to take Luther down. That was my only goal, the only way to avenge my mother. Gage is a tool. And you were a tool too, one that ultimately helped me. And if you’re referring to what happened between us, you were an opportunity. A commodity, helping me save money and time searching for a whore who would have done a way better job.”
The words were like a slap in the face. Stunned she felt as if she was outside her body. And beyond the pain, Tessa realized at that instant that she cared for him, deeper than she’d ever felt for anyone before. But she still had enough self-respect to not let herself be trampled by someone who didn’t want her. If Locke meant what he’d said, there was no reason to fight for him any longer.
Locke stood there, soaked and magnificent, with eyes so detached, it was if there had never been any life in them. Without waiting any longer, Tessa went toward the stair
s and made her way down. Inside, she grabbed a pair of shoes and stole one of Locke’s coats before heading to the emergency stairwell. With the power outage, the door was blessedly unlocked. Once outside the building, alone in the dark street and huddled in a coat smelling like the man who never wanted her, she disappeared into the night.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Returning to work was a blessing for Tessa, more than she’d expected. There was a call from her boss about her sudden departure, but the fact that she’d come back way earlier than planned smoothed a few wrinkles. That and the fact the emergency ward hadn’t been a complete battleground while she was gone.
It had been a month since she’d left Locke’s apartment. Not that she wanted to keep count, but her mind did during the day, and her body did the same at night. As soon as she closed her eyes, it was as if every cell of her body caught fire. Even if the last memory of him twisted her heart in a vicious fist.
Alone in her bed, she let her fantasies run wild, masturbating until her clit couldn’t take it anymore or her body shut down from pleasure and exhaustion, imagining what might have been if Locke hadn’t been a total and utter jerk.
But pleasuring herself couldn’t compare to Locke’s touch.
In the end, she didn’t care. Tessa regretted nothing. She had explored sexual fantasies she never thought she’d have the courage to try. Gage had been a good guy with everything, and she was grateful.
And Locke had made her realize that she needed more to life than work. Even if her career was fulfilling, she now knew she needed more. Not only someone to share it with, but also, a purpose.
That whole ordeal shone a brand-new light on what she could do. The previous week, she’d had coffee with Nigel, and he was thrilled to hear she was after a new challenge. There were some more details to iron out, but if all went according to plan, she would be the new addition at his community clinic.
A big change that she hadn’t been ready to announce to anyone apart from Mabel, who threatened her with bodily harm if Tessa didn’t offer her a job with her.
Tessa would have to relocate, but that wasn’t a big deal as she wasn’t that attached to her little apartment. She was looking for a place with a larger kitchen. Another change that she wanted to implement into her life. Cooking was fun, and she intended to continue. That and carving out more time for herself. She may not be ready to date, but she wanted to make space for that eventually. When her heart stopped aching for that jerk Locke. And the worst thing about that, after so much crying and time, she saw how deep his pain was. Maybe he believed everything he’d said, but perspective made her see the good in him too. But she wouldn’t be the one to work that out with him.
As she walked out of the hospital, Tessa zipped up her coat. The wind was picking up, and from what she could tell, rain was on the way.
With the colder temperature, maybe it would turn to snow. Snow was nice, it would prevent her from imagining images of Locke in the rain again.
Night fell fast this time of the year and the weather, she wasn’t going to detour to the market. Anyway, she still had soup from the night before and she really had to start working on her resignation letter.
Lost in thought, Tessa turned the corner and saw a shadow coming out from behind a car. The streetlight was behind him and she couldn’t see his face. Panic seized her as she remembered Luther kidnapping her. Letting out a scream, she backpedaled but tripped. Her butt hit the pavement hard, jarring her spine. Still, Tessa scrambled to get away from the approaching figure looming over her. Ready to kick and bite at the first opportunity, it was the shadow’s voice that pulled at her mind and made her pause.
A car passed by, illuminating Locke’s face as he crouched in front of her.
Her heart accelerated a bit at seeing him, but she was damned if she would let him know. Ignoring his hand, she pushed herself up, but not before seeing how battered up his face was.
“Damn, Locke! Did you forget I was kidnapped less than two months ago! Don’t spring out in front of women like that.”
Not wanting to look at his handsome face more than she had to, not wanting to care, Tessa lifted her chin and walked around him. Her building was just there and all she wanted was to be quick enough to unlock her front door and get inside before he could follow her. Not looking around, she fished for her keys, and unlocked her front door, but it didn’t slam back.
Without turning she hissed. “I’m not available to be your whore tonight, and from what I saw, you’re in need of a hospital. So, leave me alone.”
“Tessa.”
In her hallway, her entire body froze. It was the first time he’d said her name. Every other time, he’d referred to her as Doctor, which was a clear sign of the distance he was trying to maintain. The sound of it, low and full of pain plunged a knife in her heart.
She was a strong woman, she could do this and face him, even with mixed emotions that were twisting her soul. Turning around, she saw him step inside and close the door behind him. Windblown dark hair, five o’clock shadow on his square jaw, his pale green eyes looked at her as if she was about to disappear. Angry bruises on his jaw and temple almost made her wince. There was an ugly scratch near his nose too. What the hell happened to him? Berating herself, Tessa tried to get her emotions under control, but nonetheless he got to her.
She had never seen him looking so wild, but it was the way he stood that made her wonder what was going on.
“What’s happened?” The words were out before she could bite them back. Not that she needed to know, but she approached him as if he was a wild wolf. Before she realized it, she was toe to toe with the man she’d never thought to see again or should still have feelings for.
“Tessa.”
Again, he said her name, and before she could react, he lowered his head as if to kiss her. For an infinite moment he stayed there, so close, his breath fanning her lips, before drawing back. What was that? The longing on his face revealed he wanted it, but he held himself back. Self-preservation kicked in and Tessa took a step back, Locke flinched as if she was the one who’d punched him. He stood there, immobile. She could sense his agony and yearning, something she never thought she would see, as she moved away from him.
“What’s going on, Locke? Why are you here?” She didn’t invite him in, she couldn’t. Her lips still tingled from his ghostly kiss, but she wouldn’t be swayed or played with.
“Sorry.”
Tessa blinked. It was so not like him to apologize or appear so raw and vulnerable, it almost scared her. “About what?”
“About everything I said and everything I didn’t do. I want to apologize.”
Tessa crossed her arms, trying to understand what was going on. “Apologizing would be a start, believe me. But I’m more interested in what made you see the light? And who beat the crap out of you.”
Locke exhaled. “Gage.”
She blinked, not sure she had heard him correctly. “You trained with Gage? Hard training?”
Shaking his head, he raked his hair. “No.”
Again, silence. Trying to get information was like extracting a tooth from a lion. “You don’t want to tell me, fine. The door is there. Have a nice life.”
When she turned again, heading for her kitchen, Tessa was surprised at how she placated him. Despite the hurt, being so harsh and cold was unlike her, but there was no way she would make it easy for him. She wasn’t about revenge or retaliation, but he had to understand the pain he had caused her.
As she went into her small kitchen and dining room, Tessa thought Locke had left. Even though she wasn’t hungry anymore, she got the container of soup from the fridge and started preparing her dinner. After a moment she saw Locke appear near her kitchen table. Something inside her vibrated at the possibilities, but definitely not at the price of her own self.
The man made her kitchen appear much smaller, almost cramped, but it was because she was used to seeing him in his vast apartment. Locke was a big man.
W
hen she poured the soup into a pot and turned up the heat, she finally turned her attention to him. Crossing her arms, she leaned against the counter, a show of strength she didn’t truly feel. “You’re still here.”
He slightly angled his head. “Angry is a new side of you that I haven’t seen before.”
“That’s probably because you called me a whore.”
Immediately, Locke clenched his jaw. “I was wrong, Tessa. I should never have said that. I could say I wasn’t myself, but I know who I am, and on the roof, you saw the worst part of me. Another reason why I tend to prefer control over the world around me and myself. There isn’t a lot of good in my past and that’s had a direct influence on me. But I can admit when I’ve gone too far. After what happened with Gage, you were right. I forced the idea of you having sex with him.”
Tessa stood still, allowing him to continue.
“It was a way of pushing you away.”
“Pushing me away? Locke, I didn’t ask you for anything. I never asked for a commitment. I knew that wasn’t what you wanted. I knew that what we had was only about sex.”
“It was more than sex for me.”
What? Her brain empty, Tessa didn’t know what to say, or if she had heard right. Locke came forward and turned off the stove. The soup was boiling, and she hadn’t noticed. His body was so close now, as he stood before her, towering over her, but still keeping his distance, as if waiting for her reaction. The trouble was, she didn’t know what her reaction should be.
“What do you mean?” It sounded like a stupid question, but maybe more information would give her something to go on.
“You got to me. I think it started at the hospital to be honest. And continued when I rescued you from Luther and you came to stay with me. I … Something in you gripped my gut. I can’t deny it was sexual, but there was also something else that I didn’t want to look into. That’s why I kept you at arm’s length and pushed you toward Gage. Maybe if I saw you with another…”