After Cesare had fallen silent, signor Gaspare started to reply, but he was interrupted by signor Ottaviano, who said with a smile:
‘For God’s sake, grant him the victory, for I know you will gain little from this; indeed, I think you will make not only all these ladies your enemies but most of the men as well.’
Signor Gaspare laughed and said: ‘On the contrary, the women have every reason to thank me; because if I had not contradicted the Magnifico and Cesare, we would not have heard all that they had to say in their praise.’
‘What the Magnifico and I had to say in praise of women,’ remarked Cesare, ‘and much else besides, was very well known: so it was all superfluous. Who does not realize that without women we can get no pleasure or satisfaction out of life, which but for them would lack charm and be more uncouth and savage than that of wild beasts? Who does not realize that it is only women who rid our hearts of all vile and base thoughts, anxieties, miseries and the wretched ill humours that often accompany them? And if we really consider the truth, we shall also recognize that in our understanding of great issues far from distracting us they awaken our minds, and in warfare they make men fearless and bold beyond measure. Certainly, once the flame of love is burning in a man’s heart, cowardice can never possess it. For a lover always wishes to make himself as lovable as possible, and he always fears lest some disgrace befall him which can make him less esteemed by the woman whose esteem he craves; neither does he flinch from risking his life a thousand times a day in order to deserve her love. Indeed, if anyone were to recruit an army of lovers, to fight before the eyes of the women they love, it would conquer the entire world, unless, of course, it were opposed by an army of the same sort. And you may rest assured that Troy held out for ten years against the Greeks for no other reason than that a few lovers, before they went to fight, armed themselves in the presence of their women; and often the women helped them put on their armour, and when they left spoke some words that inflamed them and made them more than men. Then, in battle, they were aware that their women were watching them from the walls and the towers; and so they believed that they would win praise from them for every bold stroke and every proof of courage, and this to them was the greatest reward possible. There are many who consider that women were chiefly responsible for the victory of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain against the King of Granada; for on most occasions when the Spanish army marched to confront the enemy, it was accompanied by Queen Isabella and all her maids of honour, and in its ranks there were many noble knights who were in love, and who, before they came in sight of the enemy, would always go along conversing with their ladies; and then each one would take his leave and, before his lady’s eyes, go to challenge the enemy with the proud courage that sprang from love and the ambition to let the women see that they were served by men of valour. Thus very often a handful of Spanish noblemen proved able to put to flight and kill a great host of Moors, thanks to their gracious and much-loved women. So I do not understand, signor Gaspare, what perverse judgement has persuaded you to censure women.
‘Do you not see that all those charming recreations which please everyone so much can be attributed solely to the influence of women? Who is there who studies how to dance gracefully for any other reason but to give pleasure to the ladies? Who studies to compose verses, at least in the vernacular, if not to express the emotions aroused by women? Consider how many noble poems we would be deprived of, both Latin and Greek, if our poets had thought little of women. Leaving all the others aside, would it not be a grievous loss if Francesco Petrarch, who wrote about his loves in this language of ours in such an inspired way, had turned his mind only to exercises in Latin, which he would have done if love for madonna Laura22 had not sometimes distracted him? I will not name the distinguished men of talent alive today (and some of them present here) who create something noble every day, and yet find their subject-matter solely in the beauty and virtue of women. Notice how Solomon, when he wanted to write mystically of very exalted and divine things, in order to veil them gracefully imagines an ardent and amorous dialogue23 between a lover and his lady, since he thought it was impossible to find in this world any more suitable and exact analogy for divine things than a man’s love for a woman; and in this way he wished to give us some inkling of the divine reality that through learning and through grace he had come to know better than others. So it was unnecessary, signor Gaspare, to dispute about this, or at least to do so at such length; but in denying the truth you have prevented us hearing a thousand other beautiful and important things concerning the perfection of the Court lady.’
Signor Gaspare replied: ‘I don’t believe there is anything more to say to you. But if you think that the Magnifico has not sufficiently adorned her with good qualities, the fault has not been his but with the one who decided that there would not be more virtues in the world; for he has given her all there are.’
At this, the Duchess laughed and said: ‘But now you will see that the Magnifico will find some more all the same.’
The Magnifico replied: ‘Truly, madam, I think that I have said enough, and for myself I am well content with this lady of mine; and if these gentlemen do not want her the way she is made, they may leave her to me.’
Everyone fell silent; and then Federico said:
‘Signor Magnifico, to encourage you to say more, I would like to ask you a question about what you wanted as the main occupation of the Court lady, namely, I wish to know how she should behave with respect to one particular that I think most important. For although the excellent accomplishments with which you endow her include wit, understanding, judgement, sagacity, modesty and so many other qualities, with which she ought in reason to be able to converse with anyone and on any subject, I yet consider that she needs most of all to be knowledgeable about what belongs to discussions on love. To win the favours of women, every gentleman and knight makes good use of the noble recreations, fine clothes and elegant manners we were talking about; and so he very rightly chooses his words for the same purpose, not only when he is moved by passion but also, very often, in order to honour the women with whom he is speaking. For he considers that if he declares his love, this demonstrates that she is worthy of it and that she is so beautiful and talented that everyone must want to serve her. So I should like to know the right way for a lady to converse in this instance, and what kind of replies she should give both to someone who loves her sincerely and to another who is deceiving her; and if she should pretend not to understand, or should respond to his declaration, or refuse; and how she should behave in general.’
‘Well first of all,’ said signor Magnifico, ‘it would be necessary to teach her to distinguish between those who are pretending and those who love her sincerely. Then, as for responding or not, I think she must make up her own mind and not be influenced by anyone else’s wishes.’
Federico added: ‘In that case teach her what are the surest and safest signs by which she can distinguish true love from false, and what proof should be enough to persuade her of her lover’s sincerity.’
The Magnifico answered with a smile: ‘I don’t know the answer, because nowadays men are so cunning that they are always making false demonstrations of love, and sometimes they are quite ready to cry when they really want to burst out laughing. So they should surely be sent to Isola Ferma under the true lovers’ arch.24 However, it is only right and proper that I should place this lady of ours under my special protection, seeing that she is my creation, and so to save her from falling into the errors I have seen so many women make I have to say that she should not be too easily persuaded that she is loved; nor again should she be like some who not only fail to pretend not to understand someone who speaks to them of love, even when he does so with great reserve, but at the first word that is spoken accept all the praises that are offered them or else refuse them in a certain way that is more an invitation than a refusal. Thus the manner in which I should like my Court lady to behave in romantic conversation is for
her always to refuse to believe that the man talking amorously to her really loves her. And if he proves to be presumptuous, as so many are, and addresses her with little respect, she will answer him in such a way that he will clearly understand he is giving annoyance; if, however, he proves to be discreet, using modest phrases and hinting delicately at his love for her, in the suave way that I imagine the courtier fashioned by these gentlemen would adopt, then she will pretend not to understand and will take the words to mean something else, trying all the time very modestly, and with the wit and prudence we have already said she should have, to change the subject. Then if what is said is such that she cannot pretend not to understand, she will treat the whole affair as a joke, pretending to believe that the words are meant to flatter her rather than declare what is true, disclaiming her own merits, and attributing the praises she hears to courtesy. In this way she will win a reputation for discretion and she will be more secure against deceit. And in my opinion this is the way the Court lady should behave when the conversation is romantic.’
Then Federico remarked: ‘Signor Magnifico, the way you talk suggests that all those who talk about love are bound to be telling lies and trying to deceive the women they are addressing. And if this were the case, then I would agree that your instructions are sound. But if the gentleman concerned is sincerely in love and is experiencing the passion that can sometimes be so terrible, will you not pause to consider what mortal anguish and distress you are causing him in wanting the lady never to believe anything he says? Are all his supplications and tears and other demonstrations of love to count for nothing at all? Take care, signor Magnifico, that we do not reach the conclusion that in addition to the instinctive cruelty to which so many of these ladies are prone you are teaching them more.’
‘I have not been speaking about a man who is in love,’ replied the Magnifico, ‘but about one who is indulging in amorous conversation, where the first rule is that he must never lack for words. But just as true lovers have ardent hearts, so they have still tongues and their speech is full of hesitation and sudden silences; so perhaps it would not be untrue to conclude that the man who loves a lot, says only a little. All the same, I do not think it is possible to give a hard-and-fast rule, because of the many different ways in which men behave; nor could I add anything else except that the lady should always be extremely cautious and always bear in mind that men can display their affection with far less risk than women.’
Then signor Gaspare said with a laugh: ‘Signor Magnifico, don’t you want this admirable lady of yours to fall in love herself, at least when she knows that she is loved? For if the courtier’s love is not returned, then we can hardly think that he will go on loving; and in this case the lady would be robbed of many advantages, and above all of the service and reverence with which lovers honour and almost worship the virtues of their beloved.’
‘I do not wish to give any advice in this matter,’ answered the Magnifico, ‘but I do maintain that love, in the sense you are talking about it now, is suitable only to women who are not married, for when this love cannot end in marriage, the woman is always bound to suffer the pain and remorse caused by illicit things and runs the risk of staining the reputation for chastity that is so important to her.’
At this, Federico laughed and replied: ‘This opinion of yours, signor Magnifico, seems to me very austere, and I imagine you must have learned it from some preacher, of the sort that reproach women for falling in love with ordinary laymen, so that they can keep the best things to themselves. Indeed, I think you are imposing excessively hard rules on married women, for there are many to be found whose husbands hate them for no reason at all and do them great injury, sometimes by loving other women, and sometimes by subjecting them to all the annoyances they can think of; and then again, some women are forced by their fathers to marry old men who are in poor health and filthy and disgusting, and who make their lives one long misery. And if these women were allowed to get a divorce from those with whom they are so badly matched, then perhaps it would be improper for them to love someone other than their husband; but sometimes through bad fortune or incompatibility of temperament or some other cause it happens that in the marriage bed, which ought to be a haven of concord and love, cursed and devilish dissension plants its evil seed to produce anger, suspicion and the sharp thorns of hatred which torture those unhappy souls, cruelly bound together till death by an indissoluble bond. And when this happens, why do you not want the woman to be allowed to seek some refuge from her torment and to give to others what her husband not only despises but detests? I certainly maintain that those whose husbands are suited and who are loved by them should not injure them; but if women in other circumstances do not respond to those who love them they are doing an injury to themselves.’
‘No,’ replied the Magnifico, ‘they are injuring themselves when they love someone other than their husband. And yet, since very often it is not within our power to decide not to love, if the Court lady should be unfortunate enough to happen to fall in love with someone else because of her husband’s hate or another’s passion, I want her to concede her lover nothing save her heart; nor should she ever give him any positive sign of what she feels, either in words or gestures or anything else that can make him certain of it.’
Then, with a smile, Roberto da Bari said: ‘I appeal against this judgement of yours, signor Magnifico, and I think I shall have many supporters. But since you want to teach this prudishness, so to speak, to married women, do you want unmarried women to be equally cruel and discourteous, and not allow them to give in to their lovers, at least in something?’
‘If my Court lady is to be unmarried,’ replied the Magnifico, ‘then if she is to fall in love I want her to love someone whom she can marry, and in this case I should not blame her for giving some sign of her love, in regard to which I wish to teach her a general rule in just a word or two, so that she may remember it easily enough: namely, that she should demonstrate what she feels to her lover in all ways except those which can raise in his mind the hope of obtaining from her something dishonourable. And in this matter it is necessary to be very careful, since it is an error into which many women fall, as they usually desire above everything else to be beautiful. And, then, since they think it proves they are beautiful if they have a great many lovers, they devote all their energies to acquiring as many as possible. In this way they often behave immoderately, abandon the restrained modesty that so becomes them, and indulge in certain provocative glances, indecent words and utterly shameless acts, thinking that thereby they draw attention to themselves more easily and that this kind of behaviour makes them loved. But this is not so, for the responses they evoke are prompted not by love but by a lust that is hopeful of being satisfied. Thus I want my Court lady not to appear to offer herself to whoever wants her in these dishonourable ways nor to strive as hard as she can to captivate the eyes and affections of anyone who looks at her but through her merits and virtuous behaviour, her charm and her grace, to arouse in the beholder the true love that is earned by what is lovable and the respect that dashes the hopes of those with dishonourable intentions. Anyone, therefore, who is loved by such a woman must be content with the slightest sign and must value more a single affectionate glance from her than the complete capitulation of someone else. And to a lady of this character I should not know how to add anything, save that she should be loved by a man as excellent as the courtier fashioned by these gentlemen, and that she should love him in turn, so that both may attain absolute perfection.’
Having spoken in this way, the Magnifico then fell silent. And signor Gaspare remarked with a smile:
‘Now you cannot complain that the signor Magnifico has not formed a truly excellent Court lady; and from now on, if any such lady be discovered, I declare that she deserves to be regarded as the equal of the courtier.’
Signora Emilia retorted: ‘I will guarantee to discover her, if you will find the courtier.’
Roberto added: ‘Certainly, n
o one can deny that the lady fashioned by signor Magnifico is most perfect. Nevertheless, with regard to those last qualities pertaining to love, I still think he has made her a little too hard, especially in wanting her, in her words, gestures and behaviour, to rob her lover of all hope and do all she can to plunge him into despair. For as everyone knows no men desire what is hopeless. Admittedly, there have been some women, proud perhaps of their worth and beauty, who have immediately told their suitors that they need not imagine they would ever get from them what they wanted. And yet subsequently they have been a little more gracious in their reception and the way they look, and thus their kindly behaviour has tended to modify their haughty words. But if this lady drives away all hope by her acts and looks and behaviour, then I think that if he is wise our courtier will never love her, and so she will lack the perfection of having someone who does.’
To this, the Magnifico answered: ‘I do not want this lady of mine to drive away hope altogether, but only when it comes to things that are dishonourable; and if the courtier is as courteous and modest as these gentlemen have made him, then he will not even desire such things, let alone hope for them. For if the courtier’s love for her is prompted by the beauty, good way of life, talent, virtue, discernment and other commendable qualities with which we have endowed her, then his intention is bound to be virtuous too. Again, if the means by which the courtier is to win her favour are to be nobility, distinction in arms, letters and music, and gentleness and grace in speech and conversation, then the object of his love is bound to be of the same quality as the means through which it is attained. And then just as there exist various kinds of beauty so there exist various desires in men; and so many of them, when they chance to see a woman as grave and beautiful as the one we have described, whether she is passing by, or jesting or joking, or doing what you will, are completely abashed and hardly dare try to serve her because of the respect aroused in all who look at her by the grace which informs her every act. Their hopes aroused, they prefer to turn to those charming and provocative women, who are so frail and tender and whose words, acts and looks express a certain languid emotion that seems likely to turn easily into love. Others, to avoid disappointment, prefer to love the kind of woman who is so free in her eyes, words and movements as to do the first thing that comes to mind, acting with a certain revealing naiïveté. And then there are those who believe that true achievement lies in overcoming difficulties and that the sweetest triumph is to capture what others think is impregnable; and these bold spirits readily fall in love with the beauties of those women whose eyes, words and ways suggest unusual severity, so as to prove that they are capable of overcoming all obstacles and forcing even rebellious and wilful women to love them. Men who are as self-confident as this, and therefore certain that they cannot be deceived, are also ready to love certain women whose beauty seems cunningly contrived to conceal all the wiles imaginable, or others whose beauty is accompanied by a scornful manner of few words and few smiles and an air of disdain for anyone who looks at them or serves them. And then there are other men who consent to love only those women whose countenance, speech and every movement bring together graciousness, courtesy, discernment and virtue, as if to form a single and exquisite flower. So if my Court lady fails to win the love of those whose intentions are impure, this does not mean that she will lack for lovers; for she will find many who are inspired both by her merits and their own worthiness, which will assure them that they deserve her affection.’
The Book of the Courtier Page 29