“Shit.” She closed her eyes again. “Damn it.”
It was time to stop being a coward, stop avoiding it, and just tell Shane.
Dread roiled in the pit of her stomach.
“Just have to do it, CK,” she muttered. “Just have to do it.”
Jumping off the table, CK stretched languidly, crossed the kitchen floor to jump up on the stool vacated by Katie, and gazed up at her. For once she wasn’t aiming for the cream to lick, but kept her attention focussed on Emma as if she knew she needed comforting.
Smiling, Emma reached out and stroked CK’s ears. “You love me no matter what, don’t you, my precious?”
CK purred, angling her head to push against Emma’s hand.
“You are a cute kitty, aren’t you, Cute Kitty?” Emma gave her a bit more rubbing behind the ears then, taking a spoon, she carefully scraped some of the cream off the Pavlova and placed it in one of CK’s clean bowls. “Here, you deserve it.” She placed the bowl on the floor.
CK jumped down and started licking, her purring giving Emma some comfort.
“It’s time for me to stop being a coward.” She started peeling a banana. “Brave up, ‘fess up, and take what comes.” She just hoped whatever came wouldn’t be unpleasant. Glancing down at CK, she murmured, “At least I’ll always have your unconditional love, hey?”
It was some comfort.
But she also wanted Shane’s love.
The thought had no sooner crossed her mind than she stopped peeling to stare at the fruit in her hand.
Oh God, she wanted Shane’s love? Where had that come from? It was early in their relationship, there’d been no talk of love or anything like that. No need to think of it because they’d just got comfortable with each other, right?
A hot flush went through her, making her stomach dip, her flesh prickle with sensation as the realisation of what she was thinking, feeling, came to the fore.
She stared down at the Pavlova. “I love Shane.” Closing her eyes, she whispered, “I love Shane.”
It felt so right.
But how could she when they’d known each other for such a short time? A couple of months wasn’t enough, was it?
She smiled, squirmed a little inside, glanced down at CK. “I love him.”
Bowl licked clean, CK sat down and proceeded to wash her face, licking her paw to rub along her ears and whiskers.
“Yeah, I know, you don’t care, but CK, I love him.” She couldn’t hold back a little giggle, just a little giddy at the thought.
But as quickly as the happy feeling surged, it ebbed again beneath the knowledge that she had to tell him. Not the love part, that she couldn’t reveal until she knew how he felt about her, but the other thing. The thing weighing on her now, the stupid secret that she’d kept hidden from him for too long.
If she’d told him earlier, if he’d turned away from her then, it wouldn’t have hurt as much. But he might not turn from her now, either. He might be like Doc and believe her.
If he didn’t…
If their friends didn’t…
Would they look at her differently?
Determinedly, she straightened. “I’ll tell him tonight, CK. I’ll tell him and be done with it.”
Besides, it had all worked out, right?
Kind of.
~*~
Shane knocked on the door, smiling when he saw Emma’s silhouette approaching behind the security screen. “Guess who?”
“The Pavlova lover?” She opened the door.
“The one and only.” Bending down, he gave her a smacking kiss on the lips. “Got banana on it? Strawberries? Passionfruit? Lots of cream?”
“I’m starting to think you only lo- like me for my Pavlova.”
“Oh, honey, I love you for everything, but I cannot deny I also love you for your Pavlova.” He rubbed his hands briskly. “Let’s take it to bed, have some fun.”
“On my clean sheets? I don’t think so.” She relocked the door behind him. “Through to the kitchen.”
“You’re getting kind of bossy.” Reaching around, he pinched her bottom, making her jump and squeal. “I like it.”
Laughing, she smacked his arm. “You are so sick.”
“Want me to kiss your bum better?” He rubbed the spot, enjoying the banter, not to mention the softness of that delectable rear end in his palm.
“Just go to the kitchen, will you? Before CK gets to the cream.”
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he drew her into his side. “Then let’s go and rescue the Pav.”
He’d been salivating about the Pavlova ever since he found out she’d planned to cook it for him. He loved her Pav. Not as much as he loved the cook, but still… He slanted a glance down at her, the wavy hair bobbing just below his chin, her familiar faint, floral scent filling his senses. Was it too soon to tell her he loved her? Probably. Who told anyone they loved them after just a few months together?
Still, there was always time for that later. Or sooner.
They entered the kitchen, Emma peeling away to retrieve the Pav from the ‘fridge, Shane to haul out two large plates from the cupboard.
She paused at the sight of the plates. “Just how big do you think I’m cutting these slices?”
He held up a plate.
“Not that big.”
“Saves a trip back for a second slice, right? Just make the two slices into one big-arsed slice and we’re happy.”
She frowned at him while placing the Pavlova on the bench. “You’re heading for a heart attack with all that cream you like.”
“Hey.” He drew himself up indignantly. “I only eat the cream when I’m here.” A wolfish grin crossed his face. “Cream in the kitchen, cream in the bedroom.”
She blushed even while letting loose a very girlish giggle. “You are so bad!”
“You have no idea.” Leaning over the bench, he nuzzled her neck. “And tonight, my pretty, you’ll find out how bad.”
“Behave yourself.” Fanning her face, she caught his wicked gaze and laughed. “Just cut the Pav.”
“My, you are in a hurry.” He grinned. “As am I. But first things first, let’s get a sugar hit and then we’ll go for it in the bedroom.”
“How romantic,” she replied dryly.
“I’m all about the romance, baby.” Getting two spoons from the drawer, he held them up. “Let’s eat.”
“Those are tablespoons. You can’t eat with those.”
“Big Pav, big spoons.”
“Just get the dessert spoon for yourself and a teaspoon for me.”
“You’re no fun.” He winked. “Need to live on the wild side a bit more, Em. Be a devil. Use a mega spoon.”
“I’ll mega spoon you in a minute.”
“Oh boy. Mega spoon me in bed? Can. Not. Wait.”
She chuckled while shaking her head. “You are so bad.”
Oh, how he loved to make her laugh, watch her eyes go all sparkly, those lush lips curve, hear the pure enjoyment in her tone. He wanted to make her laugh, always make her smile, make her happy.
She cut some Pav for them both, ensuring he had a huge slice, and took them to the table. He followed, sitting opposite her and handing her the teaspoon.
The first bite of Pav was like ambrosia. The second bite just as good. The third bite even better.
“Mmmm.” He looked around. “Where’s CK?”
“She already had some cream.”
“Man, that cat is spoiled.”
“Says the man who brings her a roast chicken every week. That he roasted himself, I might add.”
“Yeah, well, keep the cat sweet, keep the woman sweet. Then everything is sweet.”
Emma just looked at him, a small, secret smile wreathing those kissable lips.
“What?”
“You like CK.”
“So?”
“That’s why you buy her treats.”
Well, he wasn’t going to deny it. “Okay, I’m not ashamed to admit I like her. She’s, y
ou know, got character.” Leaning to one side, he fished in his pocket and pulled out a small toy mouse. “I got her this to keep her occupied while we make whoopee in the bedroom.”
“My gosh, the romance in you is awesome.”
“It is, isn’t it?” He smiled charmingly. “I even made sure this thing has catnip in it. Plus, she’ll get a kick out of playing with it.”
“And you’ll get a kick out of watching her go all ga-ga over it.”
“She does have entertainment value.”
Taking a mouthful of Pavlova, Emma licked the cream from her lips thoughtfully.
Shane went just a little hard watching her tongue flick out to slick up the cream. Whoo boy, it was giving him ideas for later. For now, though, he was enjoying being with her, teasing her, spending time with her.
Hell, he was happy just being in the same place as her. Call him a dopey bugger, but he wasn’t ashamed of that. Wasn’t ashamed to admit that he liked the cat that belonged to the woman he loved, and he was happy to have them as a package deal.
“You okay?” Emma asked.
He blinked. “Pardon?”
“You kind of drifted off a little.”
“Oh. No, I’m fine.” He swallowed another mouthful of Pavlova. “You know, I’ve always wanted this house.”
Surprised, she stopped eating. “Really?”
“Yep. Dad bought it as an investment, but I like it.” He looked around. “You’ve made it very homey, more than what it was before.”
Very homey. The house and the furniture were old, but Emma had added little touches that brought out its charm. Little vases of roses, some pictures on the walls, handmade cushions on the sofa and armchairs. Little doilies here and there. Not a lot, but enough to add a woman’s touch.
“Thanks. It is a lovely house.” She cast him a sideways glance. “I like this house, too.”
“These old places have charm and character.”
“I was thinking that maybe one day your dad would let me buy it.”
Surprised, Shane brought his full attention back to her. “Really?”
“Yep.” She fiddled with the teaspoon. “Unless you’re thinking of buying it.”
“Well, the thought had crossed my mind several times,” he admitted.
They looked at each other, the silence between them growing, full of questions, a little wariness.
Where was Emma going with this? he wondered. Was she going anywhere? Was she wondering if he’d buy the house and become her landlord as well? If his dad would give him preference? If he’d actually use that connection to his advantage? Not a nice thought.
“Emma, seriously, if you want to buy this house I’m not going to stand in your way.”
“You really mean that?”
Reaching across the table, he laid his hand atop hers. “You live here. You’ve lived here for awhile now. I have Dad’s other rental house, so I’m not homeless. I like this old house, but I’d never buy it out from under you and then kick you out so I could live here instead.”
She laid down the teaspoon, regarded the last of the Pav on her plate, then returned her gaze to him. Her eyes were soft. “You’re a sweet man, Shane.”
He smiled. “I’ll take that.”
She gave a small laugh.
“So.” He took the opening. “Looking at long-term, hey?”
“Well, yes. I have a great job, a cat, a boyfriend, and a house I like. In a town I like. I’m settling in for the long haul.”
“I’m glad.” His heart swelled. “Really glad, Em.” His fingers stroked across the back of her hand. “I’m here for the long haul, too.”
I should say more. Make myself clearer. Tell her straight out that I’m here for the long haul with her.
As they looked at each other, he felt as though they were balancing on the edge of so many things unsaid, so many emotions unexpressed. He knew what he wanted to say, what he wanted to express.
Maybe he should just do it, then she’d know just how far down this road he’d come, and how far he was prepared to go. Which was all the way, with her by his side.
And the lanky cat, because they came as a package deal. But he was fine with that.
Emma’s expression had softened, but then her eyes dropped to her plate and she recommenced fiddling with the teaspoon.
Just like that the atmosphere between them grew a little awkward.
He pushed his plate aside. “Emma, I need to tell you-”
She spoke at the same time. “Shane, I need to tell you-”
They both stopped.
“Sorry.” She leaned back in the chair. “You first.”
“Ladies first,” he insisted.
She hesitated, then nodded. “Okay.” Turning her head slightly, she gazed towards the open kitchen window where the cheerful gingham curtains fluttered lightly against the slight breeze.
Observing the way she bit her bottom lip, the nervous lacing and unlacing of her fingers on the tabletop, Shane wondered what troubled her. Silently he urged her to tell him, to let him help. Surely she couldn’t be worried about telling him? Surely she trusted him enough by now to know that he wouldn’t fly off the handle, he’d listen, help if he could? Stand beside her?
Could it really be that bad?
Straightening her shoulders, Emma returned her gaze to him, the worry now causing a frown to crease her forehead.
Maybe it could be that bad. But he couldn’t even begin to fathom how someone as sweet and kind as Emma could have anything bad to reveal. Everyone liked her - everyone at the clinic, their friends, his parents, the patients, pretty much everyone she met.
When she still didn’t say anything, he touched her hand encouragingly. “It can’t be that bad.”
She sighed.
“Whatever it is,” he promised, “I’m listening. I’m not judging.”
She smiled a little, but it didn’t match the wariness in her eyes. Or the fear.
“Em, just tell me.”
She took a deep breath, another, then, “Back in the city, where I came from?”
He nodded encouragingly.
“I worked in a hospital.”
“Yes. It’s in your records.”
“You read my résumé.”
“Of course. You work at the clinic, it’s my job to know my employees.”
She winced, rubbed her forehead. “Yeah, it is.”
He waited, puzzled, a little impatient but careful not to let her see it. “Emma, tell me what’s worrying you.”
She dropped her hand back to the table. “I’m afraid once you know that you’ll walk out.”
“Walk out?” His eyebrows rose in surprise. “Why would I walk out?”
“Because…” She shut her eyes. “I’m making a mess of this. Hang on.”
When she drew her hand out from under his, he didn’t recapture it, just sat back in the chair and waited. If she didn’t tell him soon, he’d be hard put not to prompt her to hurry. Whatever she needed to say was causing her some huge issues, and he wanted those issues out in the open and dealt with. Stat.
“Okay.” Straightening her shoulders, she leaned her forearms on the table and looked him right in the eyes. “When I was working in the hospital, I was nursing this elderly lady and-”
Knocking on the door interrupted her.
“Oh for… Is this for real?” Exasperated, Shane rolled his eyes. “Don’t answer it.”
“Hey!” Danny’s voice came from the front door. “I know you’re in there with that Pavlova, Shane! You better have some left!”
“Yeah,” Daz called out. “Open up, Emma. We’ve brought some snacks.”
The expression on her face was a mixture of relief and frustration. “I better let them in.”
“Gah!” Shane slumped in the chair.
She gave him a small, apologetic smile.
“We’ll continue this when those bozos have left,” he promised her.
She hurried from the room and he listened to her greet their moron f
riends and let them inside. From the sound of feet on the hallway runner, it was more than just Daz and Danny. Yep, Mitch’s voice carried through the house, followed by Steve’s.
“Hey hey hey!” Steve walked into the kitchen. “Good lord, man, look at the mega slice on your plate!”
“It’s half eaten,” Shane replied. “How would you know how big it was?”
“Because I can see the bloody huge chunk taken out of the whole Pav.” He dropped a bag with drinks on the kitchen bench.
“How about you lot take a hike?” Shane eyed Daz carrying a box. “Just leave the food and drink and take a really long hike.”
Daz winked at him. “This is a fair exchange. Drinks and pastries in exchange for a slice of Pav.”
“Yeah.” Mitch walked in with empty hands.
“You’re not bringing anything for exchange,” Shane noticed.
“I’m the bum of the group, remember?” Mitch went straight to the cupboard to get out plates. “Besides, I promised Em I’d mow the lawn for her. So I’m exchanging something with her, not you.”
“It’s my Pav.”
“Bullshit. Emma made it, that makes it her Pav.”
“Yeah.” Steve cut big slabs of Pavlova and put them on the plates, effectively finishing off the Pav completely. “So, what’ve you got going tonight?”
“Now that you’re here? Nothing.”
“Whoa, mate.” Completely unremorseful, he grinned widely. “Did we interrupt your little romantic tête-à-tête?”
“I’ll tete you right up the nut sac.”
“I do believe that is tasering, not teteing, and it’s not happening to my nut sac.” Leaning back against the kitchen bench, Steve dug into the Pav with a spoon, scooped a big piece into his mouth and sighed blissfully. “Heaven!”
“She does make a good Pav,” Daz agreed.
Giving up on any hope their useless friends would take the not-so subtle hint and go home, Shane resumed eating.
“How did you know about the Pavlova?” Emma appeared in the doorway. “Seriously, do you blokes smell it or something?”
“Or something,” Danny agreed.
“Someone,” Mitch corrected.
“Depends on the day,” Danny replied. “Some days she’s a person, other days she’s an alien being and I can’t believe we’re related.”
“Ahhh.” Emma nodded knowingly. “Katie.”
Secrets (Hope Bay) Page 26