by Heidi Austin
“Your dad was being an arse.” I said cheerfully. The girls giggled. I had known all the swear words by age eight and I didn’t see the point in curbing my tongue around them. Martin found it hilarious which, after Marie’s death had basically been the only thing he found funny, so it had become a bit of a tradition that I was the uncle who was the bad influence with the potty mouth.
“He said we might move the café.” Cassie said.
I glanced around at Martin who was chatting with one of the customers, unsure what he’d told them. I hadn’t even thought about the impact on the girls.
“Maybe. We’re not sure what we’ll do at the moment, honey, but we’ll make sure we tell you both before we do anything.”
“Daddy said we could go and see it with you.”
“See what?”
“The new café.”
“Did he now?”
“Yes, but he said not to tell you because you’ll get cross.”
I sighed, wanting to be angry with Martin, but too tired and hopeful to try. This could be a really good thing in the long run and I had to keep reminding myself of that.
“I could never be cross with you,” I said, putting my arms around Cassie in a bear hug, which she predictably returned by squealing and laughing hysterically as I pretended to eat her. She was getting way too old for that game but still seemed to love it.
A few people filed out the door and Martin came over, and sat opposite the girls. He gave a green brownie to Molly, who ate it in about ten seconds and then shook her head. Martin sighed and looked at me helplessly.
“I can’t make good brownies, apparently, according to my daughter.”
“But they’re the best in London!” I protested, looking at Molly who shook her head.
“I had a white chocolate brownie at school and it was really nice.”
I rolled my eyes dramatically and Molly laughed. Martin tapped the table and Cassie looked up at him, trying to hide behind her hair again but Marv scooped her up and into his lap so she had no choice but to look at me and her sister.
“Did you read the paperwork?” He asked, looking at me with the same wary expression he had had when he’d told me about Thea’s call.
“I did.”
“And?”
“I think it’s worth a look. She’s pretty thorough.”
Martin smiled. “Yeah. Made our presentation look kind of shit.”
“Proper shit.” I repeated and the girls giggled.
“I had a message from her a couple of hours ago. One of the venues is available to view this weekend if we’re interested.
“Would you stop looking so apologetic? I’m in if you’re in and we’ve been over this. Don’t lie to me again and we won’t have a problem.”
“I told you he was cross.” Martin said darkly, to the girls.
“Stop being cross, Uncle Jon.” Cassie remarked loudly sounding exactly like her sister and we both laughed.
“Girls, can you go sit over there for a sec? I need to talk to Jon about boring grown up stuff.”
The girls glanced at the table he’d indicated and there were two cupcakes on the surface for them. Both girls leapt away to consume them.
“All their teeth are gonna fall out.” I said half-heartedly.
“Life’s too short not to eat cake.” He said in a serious tone that made me snort.
“What grown up stuff did you want to talk to me about? Because I’ve had some time to think things over and it’s a good idea. Whatever happens with the chain shit or the franchise crap, we can work through it together. And by that time you’ll be world famous and I won’t even be allowed into the restaurant without a reservation.”
Martin shook his head, glancing at the girls and then lowering his voice.
“You never talk to me about this stuff but what the fuck is going on with Cal?”
I felt a shiver run up my spine at his tone. It was as though he’d been in the car with us the day before and knew everything.
“Er…not much. It’s a bit of fun. Listen; if I get sacked I am going to be okay getting another job, especially if my schedule isn’t as tied to this place. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m not worried about your bank balance, or this place, or your job. I’m worried about you.”
I frowned at him.
“Look, I’m only going to say this once, because you don’t want to hear it and we’re still fresh from a fight, but you haven’t been the same since you started working for him. I’ve seen how you are around him. Gooey eyed doesn’t even come close.”
“Marv-“
“And I don’t care about the age difference because that stuff is bullshit, but he’s in a different place in his life to you. His dad pays your bills for one; he’s young, not out, sleeps with women on the regular and doesn’t seem like the type to settle down.”
“So?”
“So, as I said, I’m only going to say this once, but you may have this whole, ‘I have casual sex and it works for me’ bollocks going on, but I think if Cal offered it you’d settle down in a heartbeat and I’m worried about you. This is not going to end well.”
Well fuck.
Telling myself that regularly was one thing, hearing it from Marv was quite another. I thought I would feel angry that he was butting in on my life when he had no business there, but we had sat up for hours talking about Marie and the girls and how the hell we were going to function after she died and I suddenly realised it had always been a one way conversation. I had never confided in him about my life, and clearly the only person I’d been protecting in that scenario was me, because Martin seemed to have seen right through it all.
“I’m not sure ‘settling down’ is my thing.” I said weakly. He just stared at me until I sighed and put my head on the table.
“You have been waiting for a long time to meet someone who really makes your head turn, and even when he pissed you off every day, I mean, you couldn’t stop talking about him. Day one was like a Cal tsunami. I even googled what he looked like to see if you might fancy him.” He gave me a pointed look.
“Fuck you.”
“Uncle Jon said fuck.” Molly giggled hysterically and both of us smiled over at the girls. Cassie now had icing all over her clothes.
“So, what’s going on? Am I barking up the wrong tree here?”
“Urgh. Why do we have to talk about this?” I said sullenly.
“Because.”
I frowned at him, fidgeted, trying to get away from his unblinking gaze and then slumped back in my chair.
“He’s too young for me, he’s too good looking and we’re sort of fuck-buddies.” I did say that part quietly because there was no way I was explaining what a fuck-buddy was to two ten year olds, however liberal I was.
“Okay well one thing you can shut up about is he’s too good looking. No such thing and I’ve been told by many of my female friends that you’re hot.”
“Aw.”
“But where is this going?”
“Why does it have to be going anywhere, Marv? I know you seem to think I want to settle down but do you really think I’d choose to do it with someone as frivolous and complicated as Cal?”
“Since when do we choose who we care about? Especially when it’s inconvenient.”
He leaned back in his chair, too, copying my stance and just watched me for a few minutes. It was like being under a microscope.
“I don’t want you to get your hopes up. He seems interested in you now, but I can’t see it going anywhere.”
“Well good, because I’m all about casual relationships remember?”
He shook his head and with that one movement seemed to dismiss the conversation.
“I’m dropping the girls off with the babysitter for a couple of hours and I’m closing early. There’s a bottle of wine in the back in case you agreed to Thea’s proposal and I thought we could prematurely celebrate while we prematurely say goodbye to our café.”
I saw the emotion behind his eye
s and I knew that however premature this might be, bidding farewell to our business really mattered to him.
“That sounds like a plan.” I said quietly and we shared a tentative smile.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
By the time I got home I was drunk. The single bottle of wine had turned into three and Martin, the colossal shit, had only had a couple of glasses because he needed to be sober for the girls. I, on the other hand, had no such obligation and was feeling horribly off balance since the conversation about Cal and as I stumbled off the tube I calculated that I must have necked two bottles just to myself before we left each other.
It was now early evening on a Saturday and I was drunk. Excellent.
I was walking slowly toward my flat, when I noticed a figure sitting on the steps outside my building and without even doing a double take I knew it was Cal. My cock attempted to wave hello just at the sight of him and I groaned inwardly at my own weakness. I definitely didn’t need to see Cal when I was drunk.
I approached slowly and stopped a few feet away from him. He looked over at me, then slowly looked me up and down. I was in jeans and a hoody which he probably hadn’t seen me in before and whatever he had been going to say seemed to get stuck in his throat.
“Hi.” I said, somehow managing to convey just how drunk I was with one word.
He stood up. “I need to talk to you.”
My stomach flipped. Great, I was getting fired.
“Okay, sure.” I said quietly, and just stared at him, drinking him in.
He gave me an exasperated look. “I’m not having this conversation in the street; can I come up to your place?”
I sighed and shrugged, walking past him and fumbling with my keys. The lift ride up to my floor was excruciating and I could feel him looking at me every few seconds.
As soon as we got into the flat I realised why.
“You’re wasted, aren’t you?”
I knew there was no point in denying it.
“Yeah. Martin and I had something to celebrate, or commiserate; I’m not sure which one.”
His expression was a little off, I couldn’t tell if he was angry at me for being drunk, or if it was something else. It felt like something else and I was suddenly uneasy.
“Am I fired?” I asked feeling my eyes give him the once over against my will.
I hadn’t meant to ask the question, but he was shifting his weight and looking as though he was on edge about something.
“What? No, fuck you’re not fired. I needed to talk to you about something, but now I can’t because you’re hammered.” He ran his fingers through his hair and walked away from me. “You are oddly endearing when you’re drunk.”
“I’m not endearing. Or that drunk.” He just snorted in reply. “What did you need to talk about?”
He sighed, looking at his phone automatically and just shook his head. “It’ll have to wait.” He said that softly. “Again,” then louder, “what were you and Martin drinking to?”
“Oh, the usual. The demise of something old, the bloom of something new.”
There was a short pause. “Are you pregnant?” He deadpanned.
I chuckled then thought about it. “We would have seriously beautiful kids.”
He properly laughed then and took off his jacket frowning at me. “How many have you had?”
“I think I might have had too much wine.”
He looked up, staring at me.
“I was only drinking since two hours before.” I frowned as my words got mixed up in my mouth.
“Did he even have the decency to buy you lunch?”
I looked at my phone for some reason at that point. “You know, I don’t think I’ve had any food since breakfast. And he’s not wankered because of his children.”
I laughed and shrugged, snorting at my own idiocy.
“This is messing with my head.” Cal mumbled the sentence but I still heard it.
“What is?”
“You. Me, this thing we’re doing.”
“Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”
“No, but it’s another topic we’ve both been avoiding.”
“I haven’t been avoiding it. I’ve been actively participating.”
Cal just shook his head ruefully and ran his hands through his hair again. He got out his phone, checked something again, then put it back, frowning.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” He calmed a little at that. “I’m okay.”
“If it helps it’s messing with my head, too.” I frowned. I hadn’t meant to say that. This was going well.
“No. I don’t mean it’s messing with my head because I’m freaking out over our age difference and that you’re my employee. That’s why it’s doing your head in, I’m freaking out because you’ve been gay forever. I don’t even know how long you’re going to be interested in me for.”
“You have looked in the mirror recently, right?”
“So you’re just interested in me for my looks?”
I hiccupped and then laughed at myself. “And your body. Jesus, I literally can’t stop staring at it.”
He seemed extremely pleased with that comment just as my brain caught up with what my mouth had said and I groaned. “I’m not obsessed with you.”
He was smiling now. “Good to know.”
“Fuck off.”
“Uhuh. I’m ordering you some food.”
“I’m gonna have a quick nap.” I started stripping off my clothes and he just watched me, mutely, with his phone in his hand, then seemed to change his mind and pocketed it.
“You are such an idiot.”
“Yes, I am starting to agree. I’ll be half an hour.”
I stumbled to my bed and lay down, aware that Cal dutifully followed me and removed my shoes and gently placed the covers over me before I passed out.
~
When I woke up it was dark everywhere but I could hear the TV on low on the other side of the not quite wall round my bed. I got up and was pleasantly surprised to find I didn’t have a hangover. Then I realised it was nine o’clock and I felt embarrassed by my own life for a moment.
I quickly went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, as my mouth tasted like stale wine, and then walked down the steps from my bed only to see Cal lounging on the sofa watching TV, he’d undone the top button of his shirt and his tie was hanging loosely around his neck, his jacket next to him on the sofa. The dim light from the moon was slanting through the huge windows in front of the balcony and he looked like a model in a photo shoot.
He looked up at me, and thankfully there was still laughter in his eyes.
“Evening.”
I grimaced apologetically. “Sorry. In my defense it’s not my fault.”
“That’s a terrible defense.”
“I know. Will pizza make up for it?”
He nodded and I ordered two large pizzas and went and stood in my kitchen, watching him whilst not in his eye line, and drinking water while I waited.
When the pizzas arrived I turned on some lights and we sat at the table without speaking. Cal still seemed a bit on edge and I remembered suddenly what he had said to me before I’d passed out.
“What did you want to talk to me about if you weren’t firing me?”
He looked up, chewing his pizza with a thoughtful expression.
“It’s not that important I’ll speak to you another day about it when you’re not so weird.”
I grinned and finished my pizza slice, reaching for the last one. He looked a little sad for a moment, then looked up at me and I raised my eyebrows in invitation.
He cleared his throat. “Are you seeing anyone else?” His voice quiet.
“What?” I leaned forward, noticing the blush on his cheeks. “No.” I smiled. “I can barely handle you, what makes you think I could fit in another guy on top of that?”
I realised too late that hadn’t exactly been what he wanted to hear.
“Cal, I’m not seeing anyone else. I als
o have no plans to. Why…are you?” The thought made me suddenly feel a bit sick. Was that what he needed to talk to me about?
He looked up. “Of course I’m not, I’ve been trying to get you to look at me for six months, you think I just wanted to sleep with you and then I’d move on?”
I put up my hands. “Hey, hang on, you brought it up.”
“No. God, of course I’m not.”
I felt happiness flood my chest at that and just sat smiling at him for a moment.
“Shut up.” He said softly, but he was smiling too. “Um…”
“What?”
“I’d, um, it would, I think I would rather you didn’t. For now. While we’re doing this. I’m not going to be having any more women in your car.”
“And any men?”
“Not unless it’s you.”
I smiled and nodded. “Deal.” I had to tease him though, because he looked so adorable. “Are you my boyfriend now?”
“I can take it back.”
I laughed.
“So what does that mean?”
“What?”
“Well, that’s exclusive, monogamous, all the things people say about relationships. Look, I’ve never been into fucking more than one person at a time, Cal. I’m not like that and never have been. If that’s what you want I’m happy to just have mind-blowing sex with you and no one else.” That got me a smile. “My question is, where do you see this going, because I can only see it ending one way.”
“And how is that?”
“With me finding a new job.”
He sighed. “I just want to know you’re not with anyone else and that’s it at the moment, ok?”
“Agreed.”
He breathed out and then looked up at me with a shy smile. “You thought the sex was mind blowing?”
I smiled. “Certainly rocked my world.”
“Oh my God you are such an old man.”
I stood up and cleared away the pizza boxes.
He was pensive and quiet for a long time and then he came and stood next to me while I washed up some old plates in the sink. “Do you ever have sex the other way?”
“The other way?” I asked teasingly. He didn’t reply and looked pissed off so I knew it must be important. “Yeah. Not that often, I’m a big guy, most people I get with assume I’m gonna want to be in charge and I have no problem with that. But sure, I’ve done it ‘the other way’ a few times.”