by Jewel E. Ann
“It’s not a terrible idea,” I murmured from the back seat.
“What?” Rose twisted her body to give me a wide-eyed expression.
“See? I know my girl. She’s always been my girl.”
I didn’t break Rory’s heart by disputing that. I was her girl, and maybe part of me always would be, but my intentions for considering a move back to Denver had little to do with her.
And from the look on Rose’s face, she knew it. And she wasn’t happy about it.
I didn’t care.
I wasn’t the eighteen-year-old girl she found on the floor with Fisher. A lot had happened. And while I had no expectations of him ever remembering me, I just … I wanted to be near him. I needed to know that he would be okay, even if that meant standing by while he fell in love with Angie again, while he married her, while he started a family with her.
My faith hadn’t completely died. I did have faith that things would work out, whatever that meant.
Chapter Five
“Hey, girl!” Hailey pushed her desk chair back as I opened the office door.
“Hey, yourself.” I hugged her.
“Congratulations, Nurse Capshaw.”
I laughed, releasing her. “Thank you. I’m not done. But I’m excited to spend the next year working instead of being in school. Then I’ll finish up my master’s.”
“We didn’t get a chance to talk at the hospital. But … a midwife, right?” She sat on the edge of her desk.
“Yes. I worked with a midwife in Thailand. I didn’t make an instant decision that I wanted to be a midwife, but I looked forward to every day with her. I got butterflies whenever she announced that someone was in labor. And I couldn’t sleep for hours after a birth. The adrenaline. The sheer amazement. And it never got old. I witnessed nearly thirty births, and they were all a little different. They were all special in their own way. So …” I didn’t have to grin. I realized I’d been grinning since the second she said the word midwife.
“That is awesome. I’m thrilled for you. Maybe you should move back here and deliver my babies when I have them. Hopefully sooner versus later.” She held out her hand.
“Oh my gosh! You’re engaged?”
“Married.” She shook her head. “Hawaii wedding. Less than ten people were there. His name is Seth and he’s a mechanical engineer. Met him online. We’re actually coming up on our one-year anniversary.”
“No way! I can’t believe my mom didn’t tell me. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. So … did you make it in the room to see Fisher? I hear he might go home in a few days. What’s it been? Three weeks now?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I heard he’s going home soon. And I did see him once.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Did he recognize you?”
My head inched side to side. “But at least I’m not his fiancée.”
“Oh my god! Right? I feel so bad for Angie. Like … what if he never gets back those lost memories? And will he be able to work? He doesn’t remember anyone from work except his dad and uncle. Does he remember his skills?”
I shrugged. “Hard to say. He might not. Or he might get all his memories back tomorrow. But what does Angie do? Wait for them to come back? Or settle into the possibility that he won’t remember her, and she needs to see if they can fall in love again?”
“Not Fisher.” Hailey shook her head. “I’m not saying the accident hasn’t possibly changed other things about him, but I can see him just doing it. Like … his family telling him how much he loved Angie. How they had gone through so much over the years to finally be together. And how he was all in, ready for that life. I see him nodding and just … marrying her. Figuring the rest out later.”
“That would be…” I wrinkled my nose “…interesting. It would feel like an arranged marriage on his part. The whole ‘Trust us, you’re perfect for each other.’ I couldn’t do it. I was engaged to the wrong guy for a day, and I couldn’t go through with it.”
“Wait, you were …”
I put my finger to my lips. “And Rory doesn’t know. Nobody knows. I don’t know if he told anyone. Since I broke it off, I highly doubt he told anyone.”
“A day?” She laughed. “What happened?”
He wasn’t Fisher Mann.
“It was impulsive. On his part and mine. And I still hadn’t made a clear decision on the direction of my future, so I couldn’t say yes to marriage and a family. Not yet.”
“Smart girl.”
“How are things here? Who’s in charge now that Fisher’s recovering?”
“Me of course.” She winked. “His dad and uncle have been covering things. He has great guys working for him. There’s not a lot to worry about. Houses are still getting built.”
“That’s good.”
“So when do you go home? You’ve been here for weeks, right?”
“I don’t have a job at the moment, so there’s been no rush to get back home. It’s been nice spending time with my mom and Rose. But I’ll probably head back to Michigan soon.”
After Fisher goes home.
“Sure you don’t want to stick around here?” She tilted her head and gave me a goofy smile.
“Actually, I’m not ruling it out, if I can find a good job. And I’d need to look into the master’s program. But …” I shrugged.
“Do it!” She giggled. “I’m a little biased, but DO IT!”
I laughed. “I’ll see what happens in the next month with job prospects. Rory and Rose are already on top of looking for things around here. When I get back to Michigan, I’ll see where things stand with a few openings that were available before I came here.”
Before I skipped out on an interview because my heart was more mature but still just as foolish as ever when it came to the naked fisherman.
“Well, don’t be a stranger. Five years is too long.” She winked.
“Agreed.” I hugged her again. “Good to see you.”
Under the guise of job searching, I stayed just long enough for Fisher to get released from the hospital. Rory didn’t complain at all. Rose didn’t either, but I knew she was on to me.
“I called Angie and told her we’d drop dinner off but not stay long. I don’t want her to worry about food or have the burden be on his family.” Rory packed containers of food into bags. It was more than one meal’s worth.
“Good idea,” Rose said from the kitchen table, working on lesson plans.
“Peanut butter cookies.” Rory shook a container filled with cookies. “Fisher loves peanut butter. I bet that makes your stomach turn, huh, sweetie?”
Fisher didn’t make my stomach turn. He still made it do things, but only good things. But peanut butter was not back on my food list yet.
“I’ve tried it several times during school, but nope … still can’t do it.” I glanced up from my phone. “Ready?”
She nodded.
“Don’t hate me, but I’m staying here. I’ll stop by this weekend to see him. I’m just behind with my lesson plans.” Rose frowned.
“He’ll understand.” Rory kissed Rose’s head. “Love you. See you in a bit.”
“Love you too,” she muttered.
All the terrible things I was told about homosexuality. All the terrible, judgmental things that went through my head. And there I was watching my mom and Rose so in love. How could so many awful things be said and done in the name of God? It wasn’t His fault. It was a flaw with humanity’s need for control.
“Maybe being home will spark something with his memory,” Rory said as we drove to his house.
“Maybe. Is Angie living with him?”
“Yes, she has been since her mom passed. I bet tonight will be weird for them. Getting in bed with a stranger.”
I nodded slowly, preferring not to think about Angie and Fisher in bed. The last time I recalled her being in his bed, he was in the basement with me, and we were on the pool table doing very naughty things. Maybe the pool table was what they needed to show him.
Do
n’t be that person …
My conscience berated me and rightfully so.
When we pulled into the driveway next to Fisher’s work truck, I grabbed one of the bags from Rory, just to have something to do with my hands to hide my shakiness, my nerves.
“He got a new work truck?”
“Yeah, I think it was about two years ago,” Rory said, ringing the doorbell.
“Hi. Come in. This is so generous of you.” Angie took the bags from us as soon as we stepped inside.
Fisher was in a leather recliner, TV on, blanket over his legs.
“Hey, handsome. Welcome home.” Rory took the liberty of being one of the people he knew, and she kissed him on the head and patted his good hand. His other arm was still in a cast.
Fisher lit up like a child at daycare when a parent picked them up. Familiarity. “Hi. It’s good to be home.” He eyed me.
I smiled. “I saw Hailey the other day. She assured me things were fine. You need to just recover.”
“Hailey?”
“Hailey runs your office. Reese worked for you briefly. Remember? I told you that in the hospital. Reese stopped by to see Hailey.”
“Sorry.” He rubbed his forehead. “A lot happened in the hospital.”
“It’s fine. How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Pretty good. Can’t sleep well yet, but I’m tired a lot. I don’t like how the pain meds make me feel, but everyone seems to think I should still take them. I think they just want me to shut up and sleep while they pray my memory fully returns.”
Just as he said that, Angie appeared from the kitchen, and just as quickly, she returned to the kitchen. Rory gave me a look. “I’m going to see if Angie has any questions about the food we brought.”
I nodded.
“You can have a seat.” Fisher lifted his chin, signaling to the sofa.
“Thanks.” I eased my butt onto the edge, gripping my knees to keep my hands steady. Everything was so weird, so awkward.
“What do you do?” He caught nothing Rory said to him at the hospital.
“I just graduated from nursing school.”
His lips twisted. “Did Rory tell me that? Is that something I should have known?”
“I think she mentioned it, but it’s fine. You sent me a graduation card.” With a goofy, tight smile, I shrugged. “So … thanks.”
He chuckled. That was the Fisher I remembered. That soft chuckle accompanied by a slight head shake. “You’re welcome. Did I put money in the card?”
“No money.”
“Hmm …” He frowned. “Kinda cheap of me. Sorry about that.”
Okay, maybe he wasn’t the same Fisher. It was really hard to tell at that point.
It was my turn to laugh. “It’s fine. I don’t think college graduations are like high school graduations.”
“Maybe. Did I write something nice in the card?”
I found his genuine interest entertaining. As heartbreaking as his accident was, as his memory loss was, I couldn’t deny the new Fisher brought a smile to my face. “Yes, I believe you wrote something nice in the card.”
“Was it lame like, ‘The future is yours,’ or ‘Much success?’”
On another laugh, I shook my head. “No. If I recall correctly, you were way more original than that.”
“It’s funny. I’m trying to remember if I ever recall Rory talking about having a daughter.”
“Well, if you don’t remember me, then it’s unlikely you’d remember her talking about me.”
He stared at the television, but I sensed he wasn’t focused on the show. “Did you like working for me?”
Biting my lips together, I gave that careful thought. That wasn’t an easy question.
“You’re hesitating. Is that a no?”
“You were focused and driven. I was young and, honestly, a little clueless in my life at the time. You hired me as a favor to my mom, but I’m certain you had some days that you questioned why you made that offer.”
“Oh? Why do you say that?”
Before I could answer, Rory and Angie returned. Angie’s eyes were red. She’d clearly been crying.
“Everything okay?” Fisher asked, concern etched into his face. “Did I mess up again?”
Oh, Fisher …
It was hard to fully put myself in his shoes, but I tried. I tried to imagine a complete stranger coming up to me and telling me they were my fiancé. We were in love. And I simply didn’t remember. How does one navigate that? Would I have been able to play the part? Pretend to be in love?
It wasn’t that I didn’t see it from her side—clearly, he didn’t remember me either—but I kind of saw it from his side a little more. Probably because I wanted to see it more from his side.
“You didn’t do anything, babe. It’s just been an emotional few weeks. You’re home now. Life will start to feel normal again, and I’ll get past my silly emotions.” Angie kneeled on the floor next to Fisher’s chair and held his good hand, giving it a kiss and pressing it to her cheek.
Fisher visibly stiffened, and when Angie glanced up at him, he forced a smile. The smile one would have given to a stranger.
She had no choice but to put her heart out in the open on a platter for him to cut into tiny pieces with his unintentionally insensitive comments. However, I kept my heart a little more guarded.
We ended.
I moved on.
He moved on.
End of story.
That was my brain’s version of the story. Another reason I kept my heart guarded was to keep it from fighting with my brain. It didn’t feel like I had moved on. It didn’t like to think of Fisher moving on. And it definitely didn’t like to think our story had ended.
“We’ll give you two some privacy. I’m so glad you’re home,” Rory said.
Before she could take a single step toward the door, Fisher spoke up. “You should stay for dinner. I know you sent way too much food for two people.”
“Oh …” Rory shook her head, giving Angie a questioning expression on a quick glance. “No. Rose is home. And I made the food for you two. You don’t have to eat it all in one night. We’ll drop by another night. Maybe we’ll bring pizza and beer.”
“Yeah, babe. You need to rest anyway.” Angie continued to pet his hand and arm. He didn’t want to be alone with her.
“What’s so funny?” Rory asked.
“What?” I narrowed my eyes.
“You’re smiling. What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. Sorry. I didn’t mean to smile. I’ll rein that in.”
Fisher snorted a laugh. “Yep. She’s your daughter, Rory.”
With no success, Rory attempted to hide her grin from me. “Let’s go, Daughter. Don’t you have a job to find or crosswords to construct?”
“Crossword puzzles?” Fisher did that head tilt that I’d always adored. My little puppy dog. More like a wolf back then.
“Yes.” I smiled, wondering if that would jog his memory. “A cruciverbalist. Ever heard of that?”
I knew Rory missed it, and Angie did too, but I didn’t. I saw that tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth just before he shook his head once. “I … I’m not sure.”
“Fisher’s not a crossword puzzle guy. But he did win a spelling bee. Right, babe? I think your mom told me that once.” Angie tried to demonstrate her expertise.
It thrilled me to know that he shared that secret with me and not her. And his memory might have cherry-picked things from his brain, but not the crossword puzzles because I saw it, the twitch, even his eyes changed a tiny bit into something along the lines of curiosity or satisfaction.
“A cruciverbalist is a person who enjoys crossword puzzles or constructs them,” I said.
Fisher …
That look. Was it the look he gave me the very first time I told him about my pastime? Was that the look I missed? Was that the moment he knew I was more than just an eighteen-year-old girl with freakishly long arms and unlikely to wear socks with my tennis shoes?
I wasn’t trying to take him away from Angie. I was only trying to find my naked fisherman.
My naked fisherman did enjoy crossword puzzles.
My naked fisherman wouldn’t marry someone just because his family thought it was the right thing to do.
My naked fisherman … well, I didn’t know if he still existed.
But I sure wanted to find out.
“No offense, but it sounds like a nerdy hobby.”
“Fisher, that’s not nice.” Angie, bless her ignorant heart, came to my rescue.
“Reese’s dad used to construct puzzles.” Rory played the middle ground. Very matter-of-fact. She wasn’t trying to make anyone feel bad.
Fisher nodded several times. “Your ex-husband died. Right?”
Wow.
Fisher remembered that, but not me.
“Yes. Shortly before Reese turned fifteen.”
“Well, I’m on a roll today. Another asshole remark from me. Maybe I should just take my meds and go to sleep.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m sure someday I’ll find my nerdy, cruciverbalist soul mate. And he will find my affinity for clues and words to be endearing. Maybe even sexy.” I winked.
A wink.
For my naked fisherman.
Then it happened again. The corner of his mouth twitched.
Yes, Fisher. You’re my cruciverbalist soul mate, you stubborn ass with a broken brain.
“I’m sure he’s out there. Good luck.” Fisher kept his gaze on me.
“He’s probably in hiding. Not all cruciverbalists are brave enough to admit their passion to the world.”
“Mmm …” he hummed while giving me an easy nod.
I had his attention.
Not his memory.
Not his engagement ring.
Not his bed.
Shaky ground at best, but I took it.
“Well, goodnight, you two,” Rory said as I followed her to the door.
“Thanks again,” Angie replied.
“Yes. Thanks,” Fisher added.
Chapter Six
Dear Lost Fisherman,
I just got home after spending weeks in Denver making sure you’d be okay. You don’t remember me. That’s fine. Maybe it’s best if you don’t.