by Ginger Smith
She nodded, so he went on.
“Then Ty came and got me off Omicron. He gave me a job and kept me caring about something. Helped me see further than the next rush. But I can’t help wondering who am I going to be without it, Veevs? When I can’t protect my crew anymore?”
She considered her words for long moments before she spoke. “Hal, you’re going to be the same person. The same smart, brave and good-hearted person that we all care about so deeply. You will still be you. As for us… we’ll protect each other. Together.”
Hal sighed deeply, hanging his head. “I’ve lived my whole life with this early death hanging over me, and now, when I have a chance to be free from it… now’s when I’m afraid?” He shook his head.
“Your life’s about to change,” Vivi said. “It’s natural to be afraid.” She paused a moment, then took his hand in both of hers. He turned to look at her, sensing this was important for her to say. “Hal… do this because you’re ready. Do this because you want it, not because you know Ty and I want you to.”
“I want to. I’m gonna go through with it. I want to be with you as long as I can, it’s just… a big unknown.”
She nodded leaning against his shoulder. “Hal, you’ve always had our backs. Well, we’ve got yours this time. If you’re ready to take this leap, we’re right beside you.”
“I know that,” he said, letting go of her hand to pull her close.
* * *
The next morning, Beryl, Ty, Vivi, and Hal gathered in the Loshad’s small medbay. The process for Hal would be much the same as it would be for Ty. They would inject the solution containing Eira’s nanites into a vein, but in Hal’s case, the nanites would travel to his brain to deactivate the node in control of elevating his adrenaline function.
“If I can deactivate that node, then the rush will be eliminated,” Eira said. “This will lessen the damage to your body and reduce the chance of adrenaline fatigue, with the lowest possibility of complications. I am reluctant to attempt an adjustment of your interface itself at this point, as I do not know what failsafes it could have.”
“I thought that was a wise course of action as well, once I understood it,” Beryl replied. “Take a seat up here, Hal. We’re going to let you sleep through this.” Beryl began to start an IV. “Eira may have to scan you during the procedure, so I want you as comfortable as possible. I’ll be monitoring your vitals for any negative effects.”
Hal nodded as he lay back on the medbed.
“Hal, we’ll be here when you wake up,” Ty said.
“Ready?” Beryl said.
“Yeah,” Hal replied, glancing to Vivi.
Beryl added a syringe of clear medication to Hal’s IV, and he fell asleep quickly. She adjusted some of his medsensors then spoke to Eira. “You can scan him, Eira. He’s asleep.”
“Thank you, Beryl. Please inject the nanites,” Eira instructed.
Beryl did so. There was a period of about five minutes where the only noise was the sound of Hal’s heartbeat on the monitor. Then the beeping began to increase in speed, along with Hal’s respiration. Vivi, who had gone to stand beside Ty to give Beryl room to work, looked up, concern creasing her brow.
“Heart rate’s rising,” Beryl murmured, watching the feed of information from the medsensors.
“I am encountering unforeseen resistance,” Eira said. “His nanites are responding to mine as if fighting an infection.”
They spent long minutes holding their breath, watching Hal’s blood pressure, heart rate and temperature rise on the display above the bed.
“Eira, I’m getting rush level readings from Hal. What’s going on?”
“I am not going to be able to deactivate this node, but I am going to attempt to surround it with my nanites to prevent it from sending a signal.”
Vivi looked to Ty, trying to imagine what Eira was describing.
It seemed days before Eira spoke again.
“Beryl, two-thirds of my mytrite nanites have become inactive due to his system mounting a massive defense. This must have been programmed into his nanites by the ACAS.”
“What do you need?” Beryl asked.
“I will need the rest of my nanites to calm this immune response and finish the job. However, if we do such a thing, I will no longer have enough nanites available for the second procedure. What would you like me to do, Tyce?”
“Do whatever you have to do to save him,” Ty spoke without hesitation. Beryl and Vivi looked to Ty in shock, but he was calm as he made the call. “Do it.”
Hal woke up about half an hour after it was over.
Once the anesthesia had worn off enough that Beryl was sure there would be no ill effects, she sent a very sleepy Hal to his room to rest. Hours later he woke with the worst headache he’d ever experienced, right between his eyes. He groaned while pulling himself to a sitting position and rubbing his forehead.
“Hal, I was instructed by Beryl to monitor you. Are you awake?”
“Yeah, I’m up,” he said, squinting at the display across the room. It was after 1600. He’d slept the entire day. He assumed the operation had been a success because he was back in his room.
He found his boots and shoved his feet in them. “Where is everybody, Eira?”
“Ty and Vivi are in the galley. Beryl is asleep in her quarters. Should I wake her?”
“Nah. I’m OK. How did the procedure go?” he asked as he stood up and made his way toward the Loshad’s main hallway.
“Ty and Vivi wish to discuss it with you,” Eira said cryptically.
Hal felt the back of his neck prickle at that. “OK,” he said.
Vivi was at the cooksurface, stirring a pot. He could smell the scent of vegetable soup wafting through the air. Ty was sitting at the head of the table looking through his handheld. Hal noticed he was still wearing his legbraces, so obviously they hadn’t gone through with the second procedure.
“Hal,” Ty said, standing up. “How are you feeling?”
Hal smiled palely. “Pretty bad headache, but other than that, I’m OK, I guess.” He leaned back against the far wall.
Vivi came over with a bottle. “Beryl said to take two of these with some water when you woke up. She thought you might need them if your head hurt.” She shook a couple of pills into his hand then went to get him a bottle of water.
He took the medicine gratefully. “I know you probably told me, but how did everything go?” When he asked the question, Hal saw Ty and Vivi exchange a glance. OK, something is up, Hal thought. “Be straight with me. Something went wrong, didn’t it?” He glanced from Ty to Vivi.
“It didn’t go exactly as planned,” Ty began. “The procedure was more difficult than Eira thought it was going to be.”
“I wasn’t able to deactivate the node that controls your adrenal output, but I used my nanites to surround it. It can no longer send signals to your nanites to cause the rush,” Eira finished.
“So, I’m cured? I mean as far as you can tell?” Hal asked.
“Yes,” Eira said. “However, I failed to anticipate the strength of your immune response.”
Ty filled in. “Yeah, it seems like your nanites didn’t appreciate her nanites in the vicinity. Eira needed more than she thought. So I made a call, and told her to use mine to keep you with us as long as possible.”
Hal shook his head. “She said she had enough. I would never have done this if I thought that you wouldn’t be able to walk again.” The pain in his head levelled up, began pounding, drowning out everything but itself. He rubbed his forehead miserably and tried to fight back the wave of nausea that threatened.
Ty got up and approached. “Look, sit down a moment. None of this is your fault.”
Hal shook his head. “I’m sorry. I think I need to go back to bed.” He backed into the hallway, then headed for his room, relieved when he didn’t hear the sound of Ty’s braced footsteps behind him.
Only minutes later, Vivi knocked at Hal’s door. “Hey. It’s me. Can I come in?”
There was no answer, so she keyed the door, not really knowing what she’d find.
In the light that spilled in from the hallway, Vivi could see Hal was sitting on the floor in the corner, elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands. “I don’t wanna talk right now, Veevs,” he said.
“I know this wasn’t the way things were supposed to turn out–” she began.
“I wish you’d never asked Eira about helping me,” he said in a low voice, standing up.
Her eyes widened at his words.
He pushed past her, pausing at the open doorway. “He would be OK, if you’d never suggested it,” Hal growled.
Her stomach clenched painfully. “Oh Hal, I just… I want you with us. I didn’t mean for it to happen this way.”
He stepped into the hallway. “It doesn’t matter what you or I meant to happen. It’s too late for that.”
“Hal, you are not being logical,” Eira said across the comm.
“Hal, please,” Vivi said, reaching out for him.
He pulled away from her. “Stay away… just… stay away from me. I need some time.” He continued toward the cargo bay. Vivi would have followed him, but it was clear he wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. He brushed past Ty in the hallway without even stopping and disappeared into the cargo bay.
When Vivi saw Ty, she swiped at the tears on her face with the heel of her hand.
“Ty, it is not logical for Hal to blame Vivi for the occurrences during the procedure today,” Eira said as Ty came down the hallway.
“I know, Eira.”
“If we were at my worldship, I could help you easily.”
“It’s OK, Eira. I know you would do everything you could.” When he reached Vivi, Ty wrapped both arms around her. “Hal didn’t mean that. He’s just having trouble processing all this. I’ll talk to him.”
Vivi buried her face against his shoulder and desperately hoped he was right.
It was 0100 before Hal finally came back to the ship. The lights were on night cycle, so he didn’t see Ty sitting on a supply crate in the cargo bay until he was already inside.
“Hal,” Ty called, standing up.
“Cap… I can’t.” Hal shook his head and continued walking.
“Stand to, sergeant!” Ty’s military tone had the desired effect. Hal stopped, then turned to regard Ty.
Hal was tired. Ty could see it on his friend’s face, and he felt a little bit guilty for using Hal’s programming against him. “Running out of here is not going to solve anything.” He laid a hand on Hal’s arm. “Why don’t you feel you can talk to me about this?”
Hal shook his head. “It’s… it’s not that.”
“OK then, come on.” Ty guided Hal to the galley. It was quiet, everyone was in their quarters, and he could have a few minutes to talk with Hal, uninterrupted. “Take a seat.” He motioned to the table and then sat down across from Hal. “What was the first thing you did when we were on Jaleeth, and you saw I was too injured to defend myself?”
He glanced up. “I took the vat out.”
“Did you think about how dangerous that was to you?”
Hal shook his head.
“Why not?” Ty asked.
“Because. I’m supposed to protect my crew. That’s what I do.”
“So, what should a captain do when one of his crew is in danger?”
“But I’m not in danger…” Hal trailed off.
“Yes, you are. If you didn’t take this chance today, there was a one hundred percent chance you would die in a few years. None of us have a guarantee of life, but you had a guarantee of death. So, that was what I had to do – protect you from death – just like you’ve done for me over and over again.”
Hal let out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t want it like this.”
“Yeah. None of us did, Hal. But there was a choice in front of me and I made it. This…” He put his hand on the outside of one of the exoframes. “This is a manageable condition. I can still function and move with the assistance of this thing. I’m going to need you by my side, Hal, more than ever. The loss of my legs is nothing compared to the loss I would suffer if you died.
“And I haven’t even started to talk about what losing you would do to Vivi. You can’t blame her Hal. She cares about you. Really cares.”
When he saw Hal nod, he was relieved. “I just feel… like it was all my fault, and then I… I said some things to Veevs that were wrong…” He shook his head, unwilling to go on.
“I realize you were blindsided by all this, right after waking up. I probably should have waited a while before we talked, but it is what it is.” Ty shrugged. “Vivi was pretty upset, though. I talked to her after you left, but she needs to hear from you.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Don’t be an idiot. Of course, she wants to talk to you. Work it out with her; you don’t wanna lose that one. Then get some rest, Hal. Things will look a lot better in the morning.”
* * *
Vivi’s door was open. She’d been sitting on her bed, dressed in a pair of sleep shorts and one of Hal’s oversized tees she’d stolen, looking at her handheld, but not really reading it. Hal had been so upset when he’d left that she couldn’t concentrate on anything.
There’s very little trouble he can get into on the base though, she tried to tell herself. And he’d been through a lot today. He just needed time. Everyone needed time alone.
None of that stopped her from worrying if he was OK. Eira had assured them there would be no more negative effects from the procedure, but it wasn’t like she’d done this before.
Every few minutes that night, Vivi found herself looking up at the door, hoping to see Hal approaching. She’d just been about to go to bed when she glanced up for the final time and saw him standing there.
“Hi,” he said.
She sat up immediately and tossed the handheld to the side. “Hi.”
He shifted from foot to foot. “I can just, um… go if you’re busy.”
“I’m not. Please just come in and talk to me.” It was one of the things that she and Noah had never done. He had refused to talk about their problems, unwilling to admit anything was ever wrong or that he’d made a mistake.
Hal hesitated, then carefully stepped right inside the door. He seemed to be struggling to find the right thing to say, so she went first.
“I could tell you were hurt, Hal, but you pushed me away,” she said softly. “I’m here to help you, you know…”
“What I said really had nothing to do with you. It was wrong to blame you for what happened.” He hung his head. “I was just mostly blaming myself and I wished… I wished it had never come up. But it wasn’t your fault. I know that. And I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I messed things up with us.”
“You didn’t mess things up.”
He looked up at her with confusion in his eyes. “I just figured it was over… I figured we were over.”
“Hal, come over here.” She waited for him to sit beside her on the bed, then she took his hand. “I want you to listen to this very closely. When people are in a relationship, they don’t just give up if things get rough. They talk it out.” She dipped her head to catch his eyes. “Understand? I’m not going to give up on you when it gets tough or when you make a mistake… that’s not who I am.”
He looked relieved, but bewildered. “I’m gonna get a lot wrong. I know I am.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t always get everything right either. My ex… remember?” She pointed at the side of her face that had been bruised when they’d met. “So, nobody has this figured out. You just have to do the best you can. If you’re doing that, that’s all I could ever ask for.”
“I promise, I’ll do my best, Veevs,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “Promise.”
It was early the next morning when Vivi opened her eyes and realized Hal was gone. She sat up in bed, willing herself to remain calm. “Eira? Where’s Hal gotten off to?”
/> “He has gone for a walk,” Eira replied. “He knew you might worry, so he told me to assure you he is fine and will be back before breakfast.”
Vivi checked the time and found it was 0600. “What time did he leave?”
“0500.”
She nodded, then got out of bed, tugging on pants, boots and a long-sleeved shirt. She grabbed her jacket and took a fast look in the mirror before entering the main hallway.
“You are going to find him.”
“Yeah,” Vivi said. “He’s… not too far out from the procedure, and I want to make sure everything’s still OK.”
“His vitals were stable when he left. You will find him at the hangar’s entrance, two hundred feet from the Loshad.”
“Thanks, amatan,” Vivi said as she keyed the door to the cargo bay.
Vivi found Hal across the hangar, exactly where Eira said he’d be. It was still early morning, and he was leaning against the hangar doorway, watching the snow fall outside. She was glad to see he’d worn his jacket and tugged his knit cap down around his ears, as it was cold out here. She’d heard the nurses talking in the medcenter about how it would be a late spring in the northern clime this year, and it seemed that winter was taking its one last shot to drape the landscape in a blanket of snow.
She approached quietly, and when he glanced over at her with a sidelong smile, she fastened her hand in his. “Did you know there’s at least twenty different words for snow on Batleek?”
“Yeah? What’s this type called?” Hal asked.
She looked out at the large fluffy snowflakes swirling down to coat the tarmac. “They call it verent, in the old language. It means feather snow.”
“Makes sense,” he said, giving her another quiet smile. After a minute, he let go of her hand to put an arm around her and pull her in.