“Yeah, he was incredible,” David said as my mom set his breakfast down in front of him. He said a quick thank you in Spanish and turned back to Dad. “But you wouldn’t even know it from the long face he had on all night.” He laughed to himself, clapping himself on the chest. “Must be girl troubles or something.”
I froze for a second and almost choked on my toast. Luckily, neither of them noticed.
David picked up his fork and started eating, chuckling to himself.
Dad gave us a rare smile at David’s comment but picked up his paper again. “Ah, I remember those days.”
I tried to focus on eating again, but it was hard. Knowing me, I’d say the wrong thing, and they’d find out like that. So I didn’t say anything.
Mom sat down with her own breakfast. “Do you now?” she asked with a knowing grin. Dad cleared his throat and got back to his newspaper.
They had been each other’s first real boyfriend/girlfriend, and they’d been together since. They’d been around my age, actually.
My parents had gotten married at eighteen and nineteen. But for some reason I wasn’t allowed to date.
I just didn’t get it, why they had to be so strict sometimes.
David hadn’t really ever had a girlfriend himself, but my parents had never told him he couldn’t date. They just weren’t as strict with him as they were with me.
I didn’t get it, then again, that was life as a Puerto Rican girl living in the US with very traditional parents.
David’s phone buzzed, and he scarfed down the rest of his food. It must have been Aaron because he hobbled his way over to his PlayStation in the living room as fast as he could.
Aaron.
He had seemed kind of serious and quiet last night when we’d been out eating after the game.
We had hardly looked at each other muchness said another word to one other at Bobby’s, which I knew Scarlett had noticed. Thankfully, she hadn’t said anything, though.
The whole night last night had been weird. I could see now that he’d been avoiding me, but honestly, I’d been doing the same thing.
It was kind of like after the winter dance but ten times worse because now our feelings were out in the open, and I’d straight up told him no, that this wasn’t going to work. Ever.
And it was the truth.
This way, staying friends, was so much better, even if neither of us liked it.
I liked him. He liked me.
But being more than friends meant that his friendship with my brother would turn awkward at best and blow up at worst. My parents, or rather my Dad, wouldn’t like it. He wouldn’t like me going out with any boy, but especially not one that hung around all the time, rode with us to school, and lived across the street.
And even if somehow he did allow me to date Aaron, then we wouldn’t be allowed to do anything anyway, not without proper adult supervision AKA my dad or David three feet away. That’s not the type of relationship I wanted, one full of restrictions and that caused all sorts of tension for everyone.
It seemed like whichever way I looked at it, this just wasn’t a good idea.
As I headed back to my room, I couldn’t help but touch my fingers to my lips and remember that moment in the gym with Aaron last night.
He had been so close…
I blinked.
Just friends.
We were just friends.
I had to remember that, no matter how much I kept wondering what it would’ve been like to kiss Aaron.
No matter how much I’d been anticipating it.
Kissing him would be amazing, that I knew for sure, but then it would cause all sorts of trouble for us both.
Sooner or later, everyone would find out about us, and it would not be good.
We would each be in so much trouble, and he didn’t need that in the peak of his basketball season.
He didn’t need to lose his best friend and teammate either.
The truth was I didn’t like stirring up trouble. I wasn’t one to rebel.
Besides, I really wanted a new car and keeping something like this from my parents would not be the path to the sort of freedom I wanted.
Even if it was hard for me and Aaron, at least this way we could still be friends.
And what if we went for it, everyone freaked out, we somehow made it work, but only for it to not last?
That would be the worst scenario of all.
That it all would’ve been for nothing and cost Aaron and David their friendship.
And my friendship with him too.
I could never deal with that, much less forgive myself for it.
So I needed to keep my distance, no matter how much I wanted Aaron to kiss me.
Friends.
11
When I walked into chemistry next week, I stopped dead in my tracks.
The person behind me bumped into me, and I mumbled an apology before turning back around.
I hadn’t expected Aaron to be seated next to my usual seat again, not after what had happened Friday.
It had me standing there trying to guess what was going on inside his head.
Maybe he didn’t want to give up on us.
Maybe he just wanted to keep being friends.
I had no idea.
All I knew was that I’d successfully avoided him all weekend and all day, but unless I wanted to be a jerk, I wasn’t gonna be able to do that for the next hour.
The bell rang, and I made my way to my seat, willing myself to not be awkward with him.
He glanced at me as I sat down. “Hey.”
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Hi,” I replied without making eye contact.
Then I focused on getting my science book out, looking for a pencil, and anything else that would keep me busy and not thinking about Aaron.
The truth was I had no idea how I was supposed to behave around him now.
“How was your weekend?” he asked.
I finally looked at him. “It was good,” I said, immediately regretting my tone of voice. I sounded fake, too nice, like I was just going through the motions even though I didn’t actually want to talk to him.
I hated it, especially when he practically cringed, sank down into his seat, and didn’t say a word to me after that.
Ugh.
He had been totally nice to me, and I’d gone and made things worse.
Even that morning on our way to school with David, I had hardly been able to look at Aaron, much less say good morning. I was sure David knew something was up at least with me. Hopefully, he didn’t connect any dots and realize something had happened between Aaron and me.
I had purposely stayed away from him since Friday night after the game. I had hardly looked at him, and I felt terrible about it.
But what else was I supposed to do after that conversation in the gym?
He probably thought I hated him or something, but all I was trying to do was keep my distance.
My only option was to let him down. There was no other option.
What we both wanted? Not an option.
Us being friends… it clearly just made things worse.
It led to moments that could cause a lot of pain, for us and everyone around us.
No. I’d done a lot of thinking since Friday, and this was for the best. To put some distance between us. Maybe if I hung out with him less, was around him less, he could finally see that I wasn’t the girl for him.
There were plenty of girls at this school that would be better for him.
His best friend’s sister? Definitely not the girl for him.
And as much as I wanted it, he wasn’t the guy for me.
I shut my eyes.
He wasn’t the guy for me.
I wasn’t the girl for him.
What we had between us, it would go away if I went away.
The bell rang, and Coach Collins started class.
Thankfully, that day was mostly lecture and taking notes.
I concentrated on the te
acher’s lesson on types of chemical bonds.
After I finished writing down several real-life examples she was discussing, I glanced over at Aaron.
He had hardly written anything on his paper. He’d gone serious, and I recognized what was happening. I’d seen it sometimes after a football game where he had messed up a pass or not been able to stop the other team from scoring a touchdown.
He had closed himself off, probably blaming himself for causing this.
I blinked back tears. I had done that.
He’d opened himself up to me, told me how he really felt about me, and I’d gone and stopped being his friend.
I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, but instead, I kept taking notes.
One word, then another, without really taking any of it in.
The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Aaron slowly grabbed his things. Most of the class left in a flash, loud and glad the hour of note-taking was now over.
Meanwhile, Coach Collins left the room, maybe to grab copies or run to the bathroom.
A couple of students slowly followed after her, laughing about something. Just like that, it was only us.
I stood there for a second, taking in Aaron. Now he was the one refusing to look at me. He stood up and packed his stuff quickly into his bag, head down.
As he went to leave, he went by me. I grabbed his arm, and before he could say anything, I wrapped him in a hug.
I held onto him like I was afraid that if I let go, I’d never be able to hug him again. If we were going to be something less than friends, then that had to be true.
So I held onto him. Slowly, he hugged me back and then settled into it. He rested his head on top of mine.
I closed my eyes for a few seconds, wanting to memorize the feel of him forever.
Finally, I let him go.
At first, he looked at me with this hope in his eyes, but that quickly faded.
This was more of a goodbye hug. No words were needed. We both knew we had to do this.
We would still be in each other’s lives, every single day, but we couldn’t keep doing this.
Friends. Wanting more. Stepping back. One or both of us getting hurt. Trying to be friends again.
It was a dance that drove us both crazy, and I needed to end it.
I gave his hand one final squeeze, and then I grabbed my bag and left.
This was going to be so hard.
Already, it was.
But one day, he’d find another girl, someone that would be good for him.
We’d go to college, get the distance we needed.
It wouldn’t hurt like this forever, I reminded myself.
One day, maybe, we could genuinely be friends, no feelings involved.
Even so, as I walked to my next class, I knew one thing: I’d always felt the same way about Aaron Garcia and always would feel the same way about him.
That would never go away.
12
Scarlett, Audrey, and Nora walked with me to lunch.
“So any new developments with Aaron?” Nora asked. She carried a pair of drumsticks in the back pocket of her ripped up black jeans. She was the best percussionist in the school band, and she knew it.
That girl was a born rebel, and I loved it.
She nudged me, and I remembered her question. That girl saw through any facade I put up, so I exhaled and just told her. “We haven’t really talked the past few days. We’re just not really friends anymore. It’s for the best.”
Audrey gave me a sympathetic look and intertwined her arm in mine. “Aww.”
“Why?” Nora went on, looking a little puzzled. “Why stop being friends?”
I glanced at Scarlett, who probably knew where I was coming from just because we were both in cheer and around Aaron more than Audrey and Nora. I shrugged. “It’s just hard when we’re friends and we know we kind of like each other and stuff happens or gets close to happening and…”
“And?” Nora said as we got into the cafeteria and in line. “You two are just…made for each other. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and it’s so sweet I could barf.” That at least got a smile on my face. “I just don’t get why you can’t be more than friends if you both have feelings for each other,” she finished.
“Because,” I replied, even though I was sick of thinking about it. “David would hate Aaron for going after his sister.”
Nora pursed her lips. “I just think that’s a big assumption, Rach. Why push away Aaron based on what you think would happen?”
I shrugged. “Because I know my brother.”
Scarlett exhaled. “Maybe he’ll come around someday,” she said. “It could work out. Maybe not now, but at some point.”
I shrugged again, not sure I wanted to hold onto that kind of hope.
“So what if he doesn’t like it?” Nora put her hands on her hips. “He’ll get over it eventually. If he really loves you two, then he’ll understand. Won’t he?”
Audrey frowned. “I don’t think it’s that easy.”
I stopped. “You don’t get it. David would be so mad at Aaron, thinking he just hung around and became his friend to get with me or something. And how dare he look at his little sister like that and… And then I’d see how much all of that would hurt Aaron and David, and I just can’t. I mean, what if they got into a fight or something? Plus my Dad likes Aaron right now, but he wouldn’t anymore if all of sudden Aaron was my boyfriend. Oh, and that’s assuming he’d let Aaron be my boyfriend. And that’s not even taking into account if it all just fizzles out. Like what if we broke up after a month or two? I would hate myself if it was all for nothing.”
Nora frowned, but I could see she saw my point, even if she didn’t agree with me. “Wow. The whole situation just sucks. You know what? I changed my mind. Go fall in love with someone less complicated, ‘kay?”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “So that’s why it’s best that we’re not friends anymore. It’s easier that way.”
Nora sighed. “You’re still giving him a ride home, though?”
I nodded. “Yeah.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him I couldn’t do it anymore. That wasn’t the type of person I was, anyway.
“I bet that’s fun,” she said as we grabbed trays for our food.
I grabbed utensils. “Not really.”
They used to be the highlight of my day. These days, they only consisted of small talk about school or homework and listening to music in silence.
Already, I missed all of our old conversation over the years, joking about anything and everything. His brothers. My brothers. My dad. We actually joked a lot about my Dad and my culture in general. He loved hearing about it because his Dad hadn’t been in the picture in a long time.
Aaron and his brothers were half Latino because of their Dad, but they didn’t speak Spanish or anything.
I got the feeling that he wished he knew more about his roots so I told him a lot about mine.
Last semester, we listened to Spanish music and sometimes I taught him words or phrases in Spanish. I loved that all of that had brought us closer together.
But we couldn’t have that anymore.
My heart hurt just thinking about it.
Audrey’s voice brought me back to reality. “I don’t know, Rachel. Do you think you’re being too hasty? Maybe you guys can be friends? Keep doing what you’ve been doing? I mean, you guys are just miserable like this…”
I shook my head. “No, we’ve tried that. It doesn’t work. The other night, after the game…” I told them about our conversation in the gym.
Nora quirked a brow. “Wow. It’s such a bummer you guys can’t just go out. If he was any other guy…”
“My dad would still not like it,” I interjected.
Scarlett gave me a small smile. “Ben says Aaron’s always been crazy about you.” She paused for a second. “Maybe right now it’s not working out, but I have the feeling that one day you guys will work it out. This won’t last forever.”
> I gave her a small smile. “Maybe.” I knew all of my friends were trying to help me feel better. It wasn’t much, but it meant a lot that they were trying. That they were there for me. They were sweet. “Thank you.”
We went on eating lunch. I eyed Aaron from across the cafeteria. He was sitting with David. They had to be talking about something funny because my brother was laughing. Usually, Aaron was pretty easygoing. They were always goofing around. But today, Aaron had his arms crossed and resting on the table in front of him. He smiled but not really, kept his head down for the most part.
A few seconds later, he caught me looking at him. I immediately turned away.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and blew out some air.
After a couple of minutes, we got up, dumped our trays, and made our way back to class. The more I walked, the more something important hit me.
That image of David and Aaron had me thinking.
Maybe Scarlett had a point.
I kept thinking that one day Aaron and I would head off to college and things would be easier then because he wouldn’t be around all the time.
The truth was I would miss him no matter what.
It wouldn’t be easier to be away from him.
But I had missed a big piece of the puzzle.
David was leaving to college first and in just a few months.
Surely he’d find new friends, be busy, and not be home most of the time.
I was sure that he and Aaron would always be good friends, but probably not best friends. Maybe after he left, things could change between Aaron and me.
Maybe one day David would come home and see what was going on with me and Aaron and he wouldn’t be against it. Maybe he’d be open to it then.
Maybe I didn’t have to stop being friends with him now, which would be good because it was a lot harder than I had imagined.
I could just keep my distance for a few more months. We could still be friends, just not as close as before. I’d reign in my feelings, keep them in check.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to cause him or me any more pain.
But maybe this could give us some sort of hope?
I had no idea but it had to be worth a try.
Dating Aaron & Other Forbidden Things (Garcia Brothers Book 2) Page 5