by E. L. Todd
He shook his head. “How long has this been going on for?”
“Six months.”
His eyes narrowed in anger. “And you didn’t think in all that time I should know? You’ve been doing this behind my back without blinking an eye?”
“I’m an adult! I don’t have to tell you a damn thing!” I wasn’t going to let him win this time. Forget it. “Who I sleep with and what I do in the privacy of my bedroom is none of your business.”
“It is when it’s Slade! Someone I considered to be a son! When it’s a stupid punk who doesn’t give a shit about you. Trinity, he’s just using you to get his dick wet. And the fact he crossed me and stabbed me in the back like that is not okay. It’s totally disrespectful and wrong.”
“He’s not using me.”
“Then why did you hide your relationship?” he demanded. “You obviously knew you were doing something wrong.”
I turned my face, averting my gaze. Unable to move, I had nowhere to hide.
“Trinity, answer me. Why didn’t you tell me? Why would you lie?”
“I already told you.”
“No, you didn’t. You lied to my face for a reason. The fact you’re with someone you need to lie for doesn’t make me like him any better.”
“We were…taking our relationship slow. We weren’t ready to go public.”
Now he was more pissed. “No. Slade didn’t want you to tell anyone because he wanted you to be his dirty secret.”
His words stung.
“He doesn’t care about you. He’s the exact same way he’s always been. You deserve something more than that.”
“He’s not like that anymore.”
He rolled his eyes. “Trinity, heartbreakers like him don’t change.”
“You changed,” I snapped.
“After I finished my youth and realized it was time to settle down. You’re just graduating college. Trinity, he hasn’t flushed his recklessness out of his system yet. He’s going to eat you alive and spit you back out.”
I averted my gaze again.
“You remember what I told you? What happens when you have a broken heart?”
I did but I wouldn’t say it.
“I have a broken heart too.” He stared me down, watching me. “Seeing you almost die shattered my heart into a million pieces, but now having to deal with this so suddenly is an even bigger blow.”
“I know it’s hard to accept…and I understand why you’re mad. I shouldn’t have lied to you and I admit that. It was wrong. Now that everything is out and in the open, I realize I could have handled it a different way. I’m sorry I lied and deceived you. I am. But I stand by Slade and I’m not going to leave him. I love him, Dad.”
He didn’t look at me, his eyes trained on the wall. “This is a mistake…”
“No, it’s not.”
He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white. Then he released them. “I will accept whomever you choose to love. I don’t care that Slade has tattoos or that he’s still immature. Even the fact he wants to ink for a living makes no difference to me. Slade is different in his quirks and his attitude. But I’ve always respected him because he’s honest and true. There are a million other things I like about him, and I love him just as much as I love Conrad. Please understand that…”
“I do…”
“But when I asked you if you were with him, you lied. I know Slade pretty damn well, and I can piece together this dysfunctional relationship. He slept with you and used you, and then kicked you aside like garbage.”
His harsh words made me flinch.
“And then it happened again…and again. Somehow along the line it became a relationship of convenience, a secret booty call system, something Slade has been doing all his life. And then at some point, things changed. He realized that he did give a damn about you and he finally started to respect you…even love you.” He studied my face, watching every feature. “Am I wrong? And don’t you dare lie to me.”
I was cornered again, unsure what to do.
“What you do on your own time isn’t my business. I get that. My dad never pried into my scandalous and immoral life, and I’d be pissed off he tried. If you had this sort of relationship with some random guy I never met, I wouldn’t give a damn or expect you to tell me about it. But the fact it’s Slade, someone I trust, is unacceptable. He can’t use you for months and then decide he loves you, not with my daughter. It doesn’t work that way.” He clenched his jaw in irritation. “He shattered my trust and he hurt me right where it hurts. I can’t trust him to look after you and take care of you, not after he used you like a toy. He gave you less than what you deserve and he was a selfish asshole.”
“We all make mistakes…and it was the best mistake of my life.” I shook my head slightly. “And don’t put all the blame on him. There were two people in this arrangement, and I wanted it as much as he did. I wanted it to be that way. I used him just as much as he used me, so stop putting the blame on him entirely.”
His eyes darkened again while he stared at me. “Fine, I’ll cut to the chase. Where do you see this relationship going? He stared at me like he asked me a question when I knew he hadn’t. “We both know how it ends. We both know he walks away from you. We both know he’ll turn around and never look back.”
It was my darkest fear. “All relationships end one or way or another, either by break up or death. So that isn’t fair.”
“I agree. But when Slade does walk away, what will be left? You will never be friends again, one of you will always stay away on holidays, and all your friends will never be able to stay in the same room again. He’ll see other women and you’ll catch wind of it. Like a blink of an eye, you’ll realize how quickly your relationship ended. Trinity, this relationship is doomed to fail. All you’ll get out of this is a broken heart.”
My head started to throb with pain. Never in my life had I been attached to someone like I was to Slade. The connection between us implied something stronger than a relationship, stronger than love. Imagining his absence in my life was unthinkable, even as just a friend. I never wanted to feel that void, to see him go. I knew how he was, how he feared commitment and had a difficult time giving me what I wanted, but I had faith in him. Even if we took it slow, we would get there. We would make it. “I’m willing to risk it.”
My dad adjusted his watch even though it was perfectly in place. His finger moved sporadically, like they wished they were grabbing something else. Then he lowered his hands, staring at the window. “I’m disappointed in you…”
Like a bolt of lightning, it hit me and split my veins in two. Pain emerged in my stomach then flooded to every nerve and inch of skin. I felt sick, wounded, hurt… “That’s not fair…you can’t judge me for who I love.”
“That’s not why I’m disappointed.” His voice was barely a whisper. “I know I’m still your father so we’ll never be true friends, but knowing you lied to me like that…hurt. Ryan knew what was going on, and I was a fool who hoped you’d find a right guy. I feel stupid, played…by my own daughter.”
I steadied the tears that formed behind my eyes.
“How can I ever trust you again?”
I wish I could walk away and hide my face. I wished I could leave the house and head to Slade’s arms. But I was stuck, pinned to the couch and unable to move. “Go…leave.” I didn’t look at him as he said it. “Now.”
My dad stayed in his spot, rubbing his hands together. He would never walk away from me when I was upset, but I knew he was upset too. But he rose to his feet and slowly put his shoes on his feet. Then he grabbed his bag and walked out my front door.
When I heard his engine start and his car recede from my driveway, the tears came. They fell down my face, warm and sticky. My father made me upset before, but not like this. I couldn’t digest my emotions or understand them. But I knew, in the back of my mind, why I was so distraught.
It was because I hurt him.
***
I waited two
hours for my dad to return. He wouldn’t really leave me. I knew he was upset, but his concern for me was stronger. Slade would come back over if I asked him to, but I knew my dad wanted to be with me, no matter how pissed off he was.
When two hours passed, I feared I was wrong. He wasn’t coming back. I hurt him so much I pushed him away. The worst thing I did as a child was sneak out of the house to go clubbing with my friends. He was mad, but I could tell he was amused too. This was different. I crossed a line I could never uncross.
Headlights suddenly shined through my window and brightened my dark living room. When the engine was killed and the lights turned off, my heart stopped. Did my Dad come back? Or was it Slade? Or someone else? I wished I could peek out the window and look but my disability prevented me from doing such a simple task.
The front door opened and my dad walked inside, his bag over his shoulder.
I knew he’d come back.
The tears welled up then fell at the sight of him.
He dropped his bag then came to me beside the couch. His arms wrapped around me and he held me close, my face in his neck. He breathed hard while he held me, his hand on the back of my head. “I’m sorry.”
I clung to him, grateful my dad didn’t hate me. “I’m sorry too…”
“I love you, honey. So much it hurts…”
“I love you too.”
He didn’t drop his hold. His arms stayed around me as the night passed. His breathing started to slow and his heartbeat synced with mine. His hand touched my hair gently, giving me a silent reassurance. “Sometimes I get…intense. I’m not good at being calm or understanding. It’s always been a struggle for me. I’m a horrible person and father for treating you that way…especially when I almost lost you. You are everything to me, and I’m an asshole for making you cry when you’re already in so much pain. I’m so thankful you’re alive and well. Being upset about this stupid and pointless…I’m sorry, Trinity.”
“Dad, forget about it.”
“Why do you let me off so easily?”
“Because I messed up too. We both did.”
A large breath escaped his mouth. “How did I get so lucky to have such amazing kids?”
“You think we’re amazing…? Even Conrad?”
He chuckled slightly but he was still upset. “I wouldn’t change anything about either of you. You’re my pride and joy…so is your mother.”
I held him tightly, so glad he came back and he didn’t hate me. “Dad?”
He held me closer, like he was afraid I would slip away. “Yes?”
“I won’t lie to you again. I promise.”
His chest expanded with another deep breath. “I know.”
“Because you’re my best friend…I never want to lose what we have.”
This time when he took a deep breath, I knew tears accompanied it. I didn’t pull away and look at his face because I knew he would want to hide them from me. A quiet sniff escaped his lips then his breathing returned to normal.
I stayed in his arms, feeling good for the first time since before the accident. Somehow my dad could take the pain away without trying. Slade was the best thing that ever happened to me, always making me smile and melt. But he could never replace my father, the first man I ever respect and admired. It was different with him, unexplainable. There was a connection between us, something that could never be severed no matter how many times we hurt each other.
His love for me was unconditional. And so was mine.
***
We spent the evening watching movies and going through buckets of popcorn. My dad had a very specific diet so he only ate a few handfuls. After that he munched on an apple.
“Mom keeps a tight leash on you, huh?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Something like that…”
By the end of the night, I feel asleep on the couch. I wasn’t sure when it happened, but I knew it was late. When I woke up the next morning, I was tucked away in my bed.
My dad didn’t leave the next day like he was supposed to. Instead, he stayed for another night and brought food from the diner we always went to. The day was spent on the couch watching TV while I finished my homework. My dad never took out his computer, and the only time he answered his phone was when my mom called.
I texted Slade before he got out of class. My dad is staying another night.
I knew he was disappointed even if he didn’t say anything. Let me know the second he leaves. I miss you.
I miss you too.
Let me know if you need anything. Any excuse to see you is good enough for me.
I smiled then put my phone down.
My dad caught the look then quickly turned away, pretending not to notice.
A knock on the door that evening both caught us by surprise.
Was it Slade? Did he decide to come over anyway?
“Expecting anyone?” my dad asked.
“No…”
He looked through the peephole then answered it. “Hey, Skye.”
“Hey, Uncle Mike.” Her wide eyes showed her surprise.
He pulled her into a hug and kissed he forehead just like he did to me. “Thanks for stopping by.”
“I hope I’m not intruding,” she said hesitantly. “I didn’t know you would be here.”
“Nonsense. Come in.” He closed the door behind her.
Skye sat on the couch next to me. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah. I wish I could walk but it’s not the worst thing in the world.” I could have died so I tried to keep it in perspective.
She nodded but didn’t speak.
I could tell she wanted to discuss something but couldn’t since my dad was around. As best friend, we shared the power of telepathy between our minds.
My dad seemed to pick up on the mood. “I’m going to grab some coffee for the drive home. Want anything, girls?”
“No, thank you,” Skye said politely.
“Thanks anyway,” I said.
“Okay,” he said as he walked out. “I’ll be back.”
When we were alone, Skye looked at me. “How’s it going with him…?”
“We had a huge fight last night but we worked it out.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. He seemed really pissed off.”
“He was.”
“So, he’s okay with Slade?”
“Well…I don’t know about that. He made it pretty clear he doesn’t like him as my boyfriend.”
Her face fell in sadness. “I’m sorry, Trinity. He’ll come around.”
“I guess it’s a good thing I got in this accident because he’s having a hard time being mad at me.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, you should be so grateful,” she said sarcastically.
I smiled then looked at the TV.
Skye stared at me with sad eyes.
I knew what she was thinking. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”
She fidgeted with her hands. “Did I do something…?”
“No, of course not. I just didn’t want anyone to know. Everything was going really well and I knew being a secret gave us the freedom to grow without judgment. And for the first few months I didn’t think we were going to last so it was pointless to tell anyone.”
She nodded with pursed lips. “I thought I did something to make you not trust me.”
“No, absolutely not.” I patted her hand.
“That makes me feel better. You’re my best friend and I didn’t know if I somehow pushed you away.”
I shook my head. “No, not at all.”
“Okay, I feel better now.”
I’m glad we got that squared away.
She leaned back into the couch, a mischief look on her face. “Now spill it before your dad comes back.”
I laughed and felt my cheeks redden. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
I laughed again. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“How’s he in bed?” she blurted.
My
cheeks turned a shade darker. “Amazing.”
“He’s all…good down there?”
“He’s impressive.” I laughed at her wide eyes.
She hit my arm playfully. “You’re such a dirty bird.”
I laughed again then hit her back.
“So…when did it get serious?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. A few months ago? We started spending every day together and sleeping together every night. I guess we just got attached to each other.”
“I can’t believe you whipped Slade.” She shook her head incredulously. “I thought that guy was untamable.”
“I guess he’s different with me…”
“Is that why you and Reid didn’t work out?” she asked.
I nodded. “At the time, Slade and I were just fooling around. But then he said he didn’t wan me to see anyone else but him.”
Her eyes were wide and her jaw was dropped. “No way…”
I nodded, pleased with the way Slade and I had progressed.
“But didn’t he sleep with that model?” she asked.
“He lied and said he did.”
“And Roland mentioned something about hooking up with some girl at a strip club…?”
“The girl was me.”
She raised an eyebrow. “They said this girl had tattoos.”
“Me.” I smirked. “I was wearing a disguise.”
She hit my arm again. “That’s so romantic!”
“I guess.”
“So, is he sweet with you? Romantic?”
“All the time.”
“Do you fight still?”
“No, not really.”
She rested her chin on her hand. “I just can’t believe it…you guys fooled us so well.”
“It was pretty fun,” I said with a smirk.
She smiled while she stared at me. “He really makes you happy, huh?”
“Unbelievably so.”
“I’m happy for you.” Her words were genuine and true.
“Thanks.”
“Wedding bells in the future?”
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. “I hope so…”
“Does Slade still not want to get married?” she asked quietly.
“From the beginning of our relationship, he said he would try to give me what I want. He just decided to be my boyfriend, and he finally admitted me loves me…but I don’t think he’s ready to even contemplate that. I need to be patient with him…”