by Lake, D. K.
I sighed and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
"It still hurt like hell. The things he said..." I trailed off.
"I know, but I've spoken to him since and he's such a mess. You need to talk to him."
"No. I'm not going to go groveling to him. I've done nothing wrong. He can come and find me, but he's made it perfectly clear he doesn't want me to have this baby."
"Maybe if you listen to him he can explain why he flew off like that."
"Why should I even give him the time of day?"
"Because you love him and you're hurting without him. You two are so obvious. He needs you too. Just speak to him. I know you can sort this out. Just try to listen and not get mad. I know he said all those things but he was only thinking about you, like always. You mean everything to him."
I let out a deep breath.
"Fine. If he comes to find me I'll listen to what he has to say, but if he mentions anything about the baby eating my insides I will most likely punch him."
"And I don't blame you, but try not to punch him too hard, ok?"
"Sophie! Come on, time to go!" Hutch called.
"Here we go." Sophie hugged me once more.
"Be safe." I told her.
"You too." she said.
I walked her back to the group and she climbed into the back of the army truck. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and when I turned around my face fell.
"What do you want?" I asked, crossing my arms and not really caring what she had to say.
"I know you don't like me, but I just wanted to say...thank you." Margo said, chewing on her lip. "Thank you for letting me spend the last few days with Lane. I know you could have had me thrown out of his room but you didn't, and I appreciate that. Lane was a great guy, and I'm really sorry he died, I would have liked to have gotten to know him better. And during the last few days, he only talked about you and how much he cared about you. I just wanted you to know that." she said, her eyes going all glassy and she quickly wiped her tears away and hurried other to the truck and climbed in and Pope waved goodbye to me and climbed in after her. Sophie hung out the window and waved frantically at me as they pulled away and I waved goodbye. I hoped they'd make it back safely. They were good fighters, and they had two working vehicles to get them home.
I started to make my way back inside when I saw Drew sitting on a low wall, watching me. He chose right now to make an appearance. It was like Sophie knew he was waiting to talk to me. Maybe she did.
As I got closer he made no effort to get up and come over to me and I suddenly felt stupid for thinking he would. I was still waiting for an apology. Even a letter would suffice. But all I got was silence. I walked straight past him and jogged up the steps.
"Pretty!" Drew called, but it sounded more like a warning to stop.
My steps slowed down and I turned to look at him over the wall.
"What do you want, Drew?" I said, sounding irritated as hell.
"Walk with me?" he asked, squinting up at me.
I looked out across the grass, contemplating my next move. I wanted to go with him to hear what he had to say. I wanted him to grovel. I wanted him to stay away from me. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to go back in time and be more careful, and use a condom. I wanted to throw my arms around him and bury my head in the crook of his neck where I fit so perfectly. And some days I still wished I had never met him. He confused me so much. I never really knew what I wanted when Drew was near.
"Ok." I simply replied and jogged back down the steps.
It was a nice day, not too hot, not too cold, and it hadn't rained in days so all of the muddy puddles had cleared up.
He got up and grabbed his crossbow and flicked his head in the direction of the gardens and we wandered across the grass and under the trees.
Today he was wearing the same tatty jeans that had seen better days and a baggy white t-shirt that was drowning him and he had rolled the sleeves up. It showed off his toned arms and the nasty scar he had got from a bullet wound. His arms still looked tanned. Any color I had got from being on the road had faded a long time ago.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked quietly.
I was angry before and was ready to yell at him. I had even prepared the speech in my head. It was basically a telling off for the way he had spoken to me...how dare he speak to me that way and then ignore me for a week, and I was going to tell him to leave, and that I didn't want him here if that's how he really felt. But it wasn't exactly true. I didn't want him to leave but I didn't want him to stay if this was how it was going to be from now on. I had been through enough. I didn't want to fight anymore. I wasn't going to let him bully me into making a decision about the baby. I had to figure it out on my own. Bringing a baby into this world was a big decision.
"Come and sit down for a minute." Drew said, steering me over to a small bench under a willow tree but I noticed he was careful not to touch me or get too close.
I had butterflies but it wasn't the kind I liked. It was the bad nervous kind, the worried kind. I knew what this was about. He didn't leave with Sophie and Hutch, but he was still planning to leave. I just knew it. This was him saying goodbye.
Drew lifted his crossbow over his head and left it by the tree before he joined me on the stone bench, but he jumped up again after three seconds and paced back and forth in front of me.
He wasn't saying anything and he just kept glancing up at me from under his beautiful lashes. I had missed him more than I liked to admit this last week. He may appear rough around the edges but to me, all I saw was the little things that I loved.
The freckles on his nose and ears but I would never bring it up because he'd probably hate to know he has freckles on his ears. His sparkling blue eyes that sparkle like the sea on a clear day. His soft hair that fell perfectly over his forehead even after it had been cut a little shorter. The way he chewed on his lip ring when he was nervous, like right now. The way he cracked his knuckles all the time and it annoyed the hell out of me but I'd never told him that. I would miss all these things if Drew left. But I couldn't force him to stay. I didn't own him. If he decides to leave I'd just have to let him go. It would hurt but I'd understand. I might not like it but I wouldn't want him to stay and things are awkward between us and he'd just be miserable all the time.
Getting a conversation out of Drew was hard enough as it was, what would it be like if he shut me out completely?
"Drew, could you stop doing that? Please."
Drew looked at me with a frown. I said please. He sat down on the edge of the bench, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Drew, come on, just tell me. If this is about you leaving, I get it. I won't try to stop you. If you want to leave it's ok."
Drew stared at me, blinking a few times.
"Drew?"
"I don't want to leave. Why would you think that?"
"Um...maybe because you said all that shit and told me to get rid of the baby and then you didn't speak to me for six days."
"It's been six days?"
I looked at him with an are you serious right now look.
"I know and I'm sorry. I've just been trying to wrap my head around the whole idea of you being pregnant."
"If you're gonna yell at me again and tell me to get rid-"
"No." he quickly said. "And I'm sorry about what I said before. I didn't handle it well...I was scared."
"You think I want to be pregnant? I didn't ask for this. I still don't know what I want to do. You don't think I'm scared?"
"I'm more scared of losing you." he said in a broken voice. "The very thought of something or someone else taking you away from me kills me. I don't want to lose you and if this baby caused you any harm in anyway-" he sounded on the verge of tears.
"Hey," I said softly, placing my hand on his arm to calm him. "I'm ok. Nick has already had me checked over by the midwife and the baby is perfectly healthy and not dangerous."
"Not now." He looked up at me
with blurry eyes.
"Not at all. They want to run more tests if I decide to have the baby, but it's not going to kill me."
"It might not be infected but what if it kills you when it's coming out of you? People die all the time giving birth. What if it kills you-"
"Seriously, stop! I'm in the best place I could ever be to have a baby. There are doctors and nurses on call, nothing is going to happen to me. Is this why you freaked out? You thought I was going to die, is that why you wanted me to get rid of it?"
He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands to get rid of any tears.
"Maybe." he responded.
"Drew, it's a baby, not a deadbie. Everyone is aware that I'm not exactly normal as you put it last time we spoke, and they are keeping a close eye on us."
"Us?" Drew said, picking up on the word I used.
"Yes, the pair of us. Me, and the baby."
Drew sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"I hate sharing you with anybody, let alone letting you share your body with an alien." he said randomly.
"An alien, really?" I tried not to laugh.
"I still don't like it."
"It's still early days, let's not worry about it right now." I said, smoothing my hand over his back.
"I'm sorry I said all those things to you." Drew mumbled.
"I know." I leaned closer and rested my chin on his shoulder.
He let out a deep breath and cracked his knuckles.
"Yeah...I have to do this now." he said, suddenly standing up.
"Do what?" He was pacing again. What was wrong now? "What's wrong now? Stop pacing!" Drew stopped and sat back down next to me again. "Just tell me what it is and stop making me think of all the bad things you might tell me."
He looked up at me, the glare of the sun filtering through the willows making him squint as he reached for my hands.
"After this...when it's all over and we're done in D.C..."
I already didn't like the sound of where this was going. Was this the part where he told me he had changed his mind and he wanted to leave? He was all over the place sometimes and it left my head in a spin.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"You know I'm not leaving you, right? Wherever I go, you're coming with me."
"Oookay." Not what I was expecting him to say. I thought he already knew I would go anywhere with him after we leave here.
"Do I get a say in this?" I asked with a small smile.
He thought about it for a split second.
"No."
"Wow. I love it when some guy tells me what to do and displays dominance over me."
"Some guy? I was hoping I was more to you than some guy." he smirked. "What I meant to say was, when I go back to Louisiana I want you to come with me. Come home with me."
Of course, I would go with him. I really thought that was the plan anyway.
"I would but..."
"The baby?"
"Yes, I don't know what I want to do yet and then there's-"
"Ozma." he said, reading my mind with a smile on his lips.
"I still feel responsible for her, and I feel so bad for just dumping her on Tammy." I said.
"I'm sure Tammy didn't mind and understood."
"You don't even know Tammy."
"I talked to her at the prison, she seemed like a very caring person, I'm sure Ozma's in good hands."
"I know, but I still miss her."
"I thought you would say that...so I thought maybe we could go back and get her and sort out a vehicle and drive down to Dodge after."
"Yeah, but still one tiny problem...I'm pregnant."
"I know. And if you decide to keep it then I guess we'll be staying here for some time."
"And you wouldn't mind if we stayed here...one year, two years?"
"We'll stay as long as we need to, and leave when you're ready."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it's what I had secretly wanted him to say all week.
"Leave with a baby? You'd be ok with that?"
"I'm not going to leave you. I'll just have to get used to the idea of there being another one of you running around."
"A mini you." I reminded him. "But it would be dangerous. We couldn't really take a small child with us?"
"Why not? You did it once before when you had Ozma with you."
"I know, but it was hard work."
"But we'll have Josh with us on the way back."
"What? Josh?"
"Yes, Josh. He spoke to me before we left Eden, he said he'd be waiting for us to come back so we can all travel back to Utah."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he wants to go back too. He likes Eden but he said he still wants to get back to the prison."
"But we're not going back for a really long time now."
"Sophie will explain to him about your situation."
"My situation?" I repeated with an amused smile.
"Yes, and he'll know we won't be back right away. I know it will be hard, but I'm hoping the trip will go smoothly, and maybe you can convince Mary to give us one of those fancy trucks when we leave."
"So we go back to Eden to get Josh, then travel back to the prison in Utah to get Ozma, and then head to Louisiana?" It sounded like too much effort. Just saying it out loud sounded exhausting. "So I get to see Sophie again?" I said excitedly.
"That's the plan." Drew smiled.
"And when we finally make it to Dodge Lake you'll introduce me to your sister?"
"That as well. Ellie will love you." he said, pressing a kiss to my head.
"I like the idea of going somewhere warm, somewhere safe."
"You'll like Dodge then. So is that a yes, then?"
"Yes, of course, I'll go with you. Is that what you wanted to ask me? You got all weird over asking me to go to Dodge with you? You already knew I wanted to go with you."
"No, that's part of it, but that's not what I wanted to ask you."
"Oh...so what was it you wanted to ask?"
"Just um, stay there." Drew said, sliding off the bench and getting down onto one knee, still holding onto my hands.
"What are you doing?"
Drew on one knee? I had a gazillion things going through my head right now.
"I don't plan on leaving you." Drew said, squeezing my hands.
"Okay. Is that your way of asking me to move in with you?" I joked.
"I want this. Us. I want us to be together, a family, whatever you need me to be. I don't want to ever lose you."
He buried his face in the crook of my neck and I stroked the back of his head. Drew nuzzling, in daylight? This was so unlike him.
"You're not going to lose me." I whispered, lacing my fingers into his hair.
"Alex," He let go of my hands and pulled away and suddenly there was a little black box sitting on my knee.
"Wh-what's this?" I whispered, forgetting how to speak properly.
"I want to marry you." he said evenly with a very serious look on his face. "I want you to be my wife. You're already my friend, a clumsy one at that, and you're already my girlfriend and lover, and you're the best partner in crime I've ever had and I want to make it official and call you my wife. I want forever with you."
"Do I even get a choice in the matter?" I teased already knowing I would say yes. He was my everything. Even if I did want to punch him some days I still loved him like crazy all the other days.
"No." He shook his head with a smile on his lips and leaned closer to nuzzle his nose against mine. "Because I'm cashing in on that bet I won."
"Bet?" I murmured, still staring at the little black box in wonder.
"I bet you it would rain and you told me it wouldn't. If you lost you had to say yes when the time came. And it rained that night, remember? It rained a lot and there was even thunder."
I had honestly forgotten all about the bet after everything that happened in the days that followed.
"I remember." I smiled, looking up at his beautiful eyes.
I looked back down at the little box and picked it up and opened it. Inside there was a beautiful engagement ring, white gold with a large stone in the center with a cluster of smaller stones all around the edge of it, and more stones down the side of the ring. I was no ring expert but it looked expensive.
"It's really nice." I sounded so dumb. Really nice? It was gorgeous!
Drew didn't say anything and I looked up to meet his eyes that were watching me closely, waiting. I knew what he wanted to hear.
"Yes. I'll marry you, Drew Caraway."
His face beamed and the smile that spread across his lips was one I had never seen before. Not a smirk, and not the crooked half-smile I was so used to, but a full on smile that was full of happiness and love.
"Am I allowed to ask how much it cost?" I teased, picking it out of the box.
"The price tag had forty on it." Drew replied casually.
"Forty dollars? Wow. It looks really impressive for forty." I said and Drew chuckled. "What's funny?" I asked, still admiring the petite ring.
"Forty thousand dollars. Not forty dollars." Drew said and I nearly dropped the ring and the box.
"What?! You stole a forty thousand dollar ring? Are you crazy?!" Forty thousand dollars to me was a lot of money. I hadn't grown up rich and I had never held or been so close to anything worth so much.
"Crazy for you. And I wasn't really looking at price tags when I chose it. It just happened to be one of the more expensive ones. And I didn't steal it. It was on sale." he joked.
"Well, where did you get it?" I asked, rolling the ring around in the palm of my hand.
"Do you remember back in Eden when I went into town for the day and never told you why?"
"Yes."
"Sophie told me about this jewelry store and I wanted to check it out. I was going to ask you to marry me that same night at the party in Eden when we were in that little wooden gazebo but you were really drunk and then we were interrupted and there was never a good time after that. There was another ring I liked but it was a lot bigger and you have such weirdly small fingers."
"Hey! They're not that small. I'm not that small." I said firmly.
"Says the girl that can't reach the top shelf."
"Shut up." I laughed.
He took the ring from me and looked up at me, waiting for permission and I nodded in response and he lifted my hand up and slipped the ring onto my finger. Perfect fit.