Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  About halfway to the greenhouse, dizziness swamped me. Bile rose in my throat. I smelled something burning. I scanned for a threat but felt no sense of cold like I did when the E’mani were present. I sat right there in the snow and worked on keeping my breakfast down. By the time I got the nausea under control, my ass was numb.

  “Beta,” Jace started.

  “I’m fine. Copping a squat.”

  They both blinked. Ha. I found it fun to use slang because it confused them.

  I pulled on my power to warm my frozen nether regions. I felt the power stretch, a fluttering deep in my gut. It was always like that. And of course, my seat of power would be my belly. Within a few seconds, I could feel my fingers, toes and rear again. My head cleared. My stomach stopped its churning. Maybe the food settled wrong.

  I loved having magic. I never got used to it, nor took it for granted. To be honest most of the time, I forgot I had it until something happened and I was reminded. Earth had no magic.

  Yes, there were some on Earth who claimed powers, but it was never proven and science was quick to debunk it. I think in the end even if true magicians sprouted up and saved the world half the population would be like, “Pht, that was all special effects.”

  We were a cynical race, arrogant like the E’mani. Assumed we knew everything. That couldn’t have been further from the truth.

  “Jace,” I said.

  “What.”

  “How’s Hana.”

  Jace glanced away. “How would I know?”

  The dude was still in denial. “Silly boy.”

  I lumbered up and continued down the path through section two. I made it part of the way before dizziness swamped me again. My stomach rolled, my head swam. I puked once into the snow. Finn came upon me like that, face hanging over my own vomit.

  Finn.

  Looking at him was a kick in the gut just like the first time I saw him. Tall at six and a half feet, he was pure rage and hormones, wrapped in the Fost leather and ready for a fight or something more interesting.

  I sighed.

  Finn stooped at my side. “What is wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You know better than that.” He tsked and bundled me up against my guard’s objections and whisked me off to Ute’s nearby.

  Seven

  “Are you all right?” Finn whispered to me, his mouth close to my ear.

  It felt weird to be in Finn’s arms. I tried to hold myself rigid, but ended up relaxing into his hold. When I first arrived here after escaping the E’mani, I’d wandered around trying to find shelter, water and food. I ran across the mines and Finn instead. At first, he thought I was the enemy. I’d been wearing the shivat, and he’d held a knife to my throat. He was seconds from killing me, but he couldn’t. Finn swore the land, the source of our power, told him not to. Not in words, but in feelings. He took me under his wing instead.

  “I’m okay. I was just a little dizzy,” I replied. “And you can put me down now.”

  Finn’s strides ate up the distances to Ute’s house. “Not until we get to Ute’s.”

  “I’m fine,” I protested.

  “You always say that, but I want to be sure.”

  I bucked in his arms. He tightened his grip. “I like that. Keep fighting.”

  Of course, I stopped wiggling. My cheeks burned.

  Finn winked at me as we approached Ute’s. Ute’s house was typical of Groos, a small square building made out of rough wood. Bas relief symbols decorated the door jamb. Smoke drifted from the chimney to hang in the air. This was the first place I stayed when I arrived in Groos. Ute’s smile the first I’d seen.

  Finn didn’t bother knocking. He barged right in with me in his arms. Ute jumped up from the table and the book he’d been reading. Finn deposited me onto the cot in the corner. The guards went to follow me inside, but Finn waved them out and closed the door in their faces.

  The room hadn’t changed since I last stayed here. It was still a box, four walls, one taken up by a large firepit and some shelves, along with a sturdy oaken table. Along the opposite wall was the cot and a nightstand. A nubby rug covered the wooden floor in a Neolithic design and the rest of the room was buried under the books, piles and piles of handwritten tomes. Ute loved to read. Being the clan historian, that made sense.

  I used the nightstand to pull myself up. Finn and Ute peered at me like an interesting bug. I shifted under their regard, disconcerted.

  “Is everything all right, Finn, Beta?” Ute asked. I cannot tell you how much I have heard those words in the past few months.

  “She is ill,” Finn said.

  “No, I’m not.” I patted my stomach. “I’m good. I am not sure what happened, I felt sick for a minute there. Guess I shouldn’t have eaten on the run.”

  Finn came and knelt next to me on the floor. He grabbed my hands and squeezed them. “You sure that is all?”

  He stared at me like he was memorizing my features. His gaze skimmed my face. Finn had white eyes, but not totally white. There was this thin rim of blue that grew around his irises when he got excited. Long black hair, thicker and somewhat ratty, fell to his waist, with streaks of white throughout. In his dark brown leather vest and pants and with his jatua, he appeared a little bit dangerous. All he needed was a piercing or two and he would hit all my bad boy buttons. His face was rough-hewn, and concern etched it at the moment.

  We’d been lovers once. I still cared for him, which was why Marin made sure to keep the two of us apart. We split when I found Finn with another woman. To this day, he insisted nothing would have happened but he admitted at the time to hesitation about being with me. The Fost didn’t believe in monogamy and I insisted on it. Since he was the only one left of his family, it rested on him to maintain the family line. And well, I was human. Neither of us knew if I could get pregnant. He didn’t want to take the risk, and it still hurt to think about.. His words from the last time we fought lingered in the air between us, “I don’t know...maybe,” when I asked if he planned to sleep with Lara.

  Ute popped up in my field of vision to Finn’s left, breaking our eye contact, dragging me from the memories.

  “Are you sure it was something you ate?” Ute asked, watching me close.

  I blinked. I hadn’t answered either of them. I’d been too busy staring at Finn, which he’d noticed, if the smile on his face was anything to go by.

  “I’m fine, like I said. I ate and ran. Bad idea. I need to get to the greenhouse. It’s my shift.” I brushed both of them off as I stood up. My legs buckled beneath me. They grabbed my arms when I swayed. Damn it. Way to ruin an exit.

  “I think you should remain lying down for now,” Ute insisted, his hand under my elbow.

  If I didn’t know they weren’t related, I would have thought he was Finn’s father. They had the same fighter’s build though Ute tended to wear robes. Ute’s thick salt and pepper hair was shaggy with no colorful streaks. His eyes twinkled. That twinkle had been the first thing I noted. He was getting older, his age showed in the lines on his face, but his eyes were always kind.

  I plopped back down on the cot. Finn sat next to me and cradled me into his side. My head rested on his shoulder. Heat curled around me and my stomach settled. I would have to push him away in a second. No cuddling with exes allowed, even if we were still friends, sort of.

  Ute glanced at Finn. “Go get some tea and bring it back.”

  Finn looked up, startled. “I want to stay here and make sure she is all right.”

  “It would be best if you go get her some tea.” Ute pointedly glanced at Finn’s arm wrapped around my waist.

  “And you do not have any tea here?” Finn raised his eyebrows.

  “Ran out.”

  Finn grumbled, but he stood up. Ute took his place at my side.

  I scooted back in the cot so my back was against the wall. “Tea would be good. No food. Not sure my stomach could handle it.”

  Finn grunted and shrugged on his overcoat. He threw
me one last look before leaving.

  After the door closed, Ute asked without preamble, “Are you pregnant?”

  Holy shit. My world shifted. Thank god I was sitting down.

  My hand covered my belly as I peered up at Ute. “I can’t be.”

  Ute regarded me. “Well, we know you have done the activity that could lead to pregnancy.” He flushed and cleared his throat. “So when was the last time, you know, you, er…”

  I counted back. The time here had been hectic. “Um, not since I’ve…Oh god. I can not be pregnant. I’m just a college student, or I was. I don’t even know what I was going to study. This can’t be right, Ute.”

  This was crazy. This was too much. My head swam. My belly flipped. So many things happening in such a short time, I couldn’t take it. And all because of one day. I remembered that day well, the day the E’mani came, those fuckers. I saw it in my mind’s eye.

  I raced into the quad out of breath.

  Huh.

  I slowed and turned in a complete circle. No one around. Unease skittered through me on soft paws. The courtyard was always busy. Not now. I pulled my headphones out of my ears.

  The unnatural silence pressed in on me for a second as the echoes of my steps faded.

  Then screams―men’s and women’s―poured from Main Street. I broke into a run and shot between the buildings toward the sound.

  Cars littered the intersection. Some guy rear-ended someone else, causing a chain reaction down the road. A horn blared nearby, and a faint breeze blew the smell of gasoline, smoke, and copper my way. Clusters of people stood among the wreckage.

  In the closest group, a short dude around my own age, nineteen, twenty maybe, bellowed at a huge, hairy bear of a man, looked like a trucker. The little guy wore a ton of bling, pants hanging low. He darted toward his opponent with his fists out. The trucker didn’t hesitate. He hammered a punch to the dude’s temple and knocked him out cold. One hit. Bam.

  Holy shit! My stomach dropped. I covered my mouth and backed up until my butt hit brick.

  The trucker looked up and stared at me. His eyes showed no emotion. No exultation, no pleasure, no pain. That made it worse, somehow. They were fighting—shouldn’t he be pissed? Annoyed at the very least? Anything would have been better than nothing.

  I held my breath, growing dizzy, while the trucker panted and cracked his knuckles.

  “Guy stepped up on me,” he mumbled and staggered back toward his F150.

  My hand fell to my side and I took a deep breath, before I pivoted to take in the rest of the scene.

  To my left, two men exchanged sloppy blows. To my right, a young couple shoved each other, screaming. I recognized them from calculus class. They were dating and all over each other last I knew. This didn’t make sense.

  Not everybody was fighting. A businesswoman power-walked up and down the sidewalk, smiling. One guy wore exercise clothes, a pedometer hung from his belt, and blood dripped down his face onto his chest. He walked, slack-jawed and silent, around the debris on the road. Luck must have been on his side because no one hit him. Not that there was much traffic. Why wasn’t there any traffic?

  As if I’d called it, a car screeched around the corner fast, rolled up over the curb and slammed into a telephone pole nearby.

  It just missed an old lady who wrestled with a young punk who’d apparently tried to steal her purse. The old broad beat the punk with said handbag. He cringed, trying to get away. Go, Grandma.

  The E’mani gave us something and the effects were devastating. Like Alzheimer’s on steroids, it affected most of the population over the same twenty-four-hour period. Some people fell quicker than others, but for the most part, the world was a different place after a single day. Cities still stood, but the world as we knew it had ended. It still boggled my mind to think of it.

  Billions dead, my mom dead, Sarah, my friends, all gone. They were the lucky ones.

  I panted. My hands curled into fists. But I forced it down. Control was imperative. It was not optional. There was nothing I could do for them now except avenge them. The E’mani wouldn’t get away with what they had done. I wouldn’t let them.

  It took me a few minutes, but I calmed. Thinking about the E’mani always did that to me. Ute shifted foot to foot nearby watching me.

  I couldn’t be pregnant. That would be awful and wonderful all at the same time. My hand kept skirting along my waist. A baby. Marin would be thrilled, ecstatic. Oh god, my stomach rolled again and my heart thumped. It could be Finn’s. I didn’t know when I got pregnant. It just depended on how far along I was.

  Ute’s gripped my hand. “Beta, are you all right? You went pale.”

  I was getting ahead of myself. I squared my shoulders. “How can I find out if I am pregnant?” At home, we had EPTs. Pretty sure those weren’t available here, given there no drug stores.

  “There is a test we can do. You need to provide us with, err….” Ute trailed off. His hands moved in the air in an arc from his waist.

  “Pee?”

  “Yes. We mix it with a weed. If you are pregnant, the leaves will form spots.”

  I took in a deep breath. “Okay, I need that test.”

  Right after I said that, Finn opened the door and a bitter draft followed him into the room. His arms were full of tea. At least ten jars of the stuff.

  Ute turned to Finn after he entered. “I need to get some sugar.”

  “You do not have sugar?” Finn asked, dropping his items on the table.

  “Ran out.”

  Finn raised his eyebrows. Ute darted outside.

  When the door closed, Finn and I were alone for the first time in months.

  Eight

  Finn wandered over to sit next to me on the bed, close, but not touching this time. He placed his hands on his knees and jiggled them out and in. He shifted to examine me with a critical eye. After a minute or two, he spoke. “I miss seeing you.”

  “I miss seeing you too... um, I miss my friend. Where have you been these past few months?” I leaned my head on his shoulder. His hand covered mine on the cot. Fire spread up my arm from his touch. With Marin it was sparks. With Finn it was fire. I shivered as the sensation warmed me, but kept my eyes straight ahead.

  He nudged me. “You mean Marin did not tell you?”

  “No, you’re not a popular subject at home.”

  I swore I could feel him grin. “I went to examine routes for travel to Industry. Find the safest way for us to take back.”

  I straightened up and stared at him. “No. Marin sent you to find routes?”

  “Marin did not send me. I sent myself. We need to go back to Industry. We all need to go home. And I promised you we would.”

  So Marin didn’t want him to go, but he left anyway. Oh, I bet that went over well. Not. No wonder I hadn’t seen him.

  Finn stretched out his hand and trailed his finger down my nose. I blinked at the gesture. Damn it, no. I jerked away and Ute chose that moment to walk in. He stood at the door, shifting from one foot to the other. Poor dude seemed so uncomfortable today.

  “So, tea?” he said.

  I nodded.

  Ute strode over to the fire and boiled a pot of water. A few minutes later, I had my tea. Finn remained at my side.

  Now, how do I get rid of him? I wanted to take the test, but not with Finn there. Ute must have thought the same thing. We kept rolling our eyes at each other. It was making me dizzy. Finn had to have noticed, but he didn’t say jack. After another ten minutes of small talk, I took the initiative.

  “Finn, would you go see if they have any of that mango fruit I like so much? Remember our walk to section one that time and you brought it for breakfast?” That sounded lame even to me.

  Finn’s gaze jumped back and forth between us. “I remember that fruit. I thought you hated it? Did you not spit it out? Are you sure you want some now?”

  Sheesh, he had a good memory, while mine was full of holes. “It’s an acquired taste. Would you mind gettin
g me some?”

  Finn’s eyebrows rose again. “You want some now? I thought food was what made you sick.”

  “I feel much better now and would love to have some fruit. Maybe it will settle my stomach.”

  Ute chimed in. “Get her the fruit, Finn.”

  Finn straightened and ran his hands down his leathers taking his time, strolling to the door. He knew something was up, but he didn’t call me on it. He glanced back once at us when he neared the threshold then left without another word.

  As soon as he was gone, I turned to Ute. “Where is it?”

  He held out a glass with leaves at the bottom, looked like dandelion.

  “So I just pee in the cup?”

  He nodded his head and handed it to me.

  Hmm. The glass shook in my hand. “Well now I’m too scared to pee. What if I’m pregnant?”

  Ute remained silent and placed his hand on my shoulder.

  Deep breath. “Okay, I’m going to try. I’m babbling anyway.”

  “I am going to go outside while you, ah.... That way if there are any visitors, I can keep them occupied, and well, anyway…” Ute strode toward the door.

  We exchanged glances. It would be a big deal if I was knocked up.

  Ute exited. I drank some tea and tried to relax. Think about the ocean. It took a while—performance anxiety—but after a few moments, I peed enough to fill the bottom of the cup. I went to the door and let Ute back inside. We stared at the cup in my hand. This was not the most romantic moment in my life.

  Within a few seconds, spots formed on the leaves. My stomach dropped to the floor and I sat down hard.

  Oh, shit.

  “Does that mean what I think it means?”

  Ute put his hand on my shoulder again but this time it seemed like there was much more weight to it. “Yes. You are pregnant. Do you know who, or when?”