Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  Marin cut me off, standing himself and getting in my face. “Do not dare. It does not matter who fathered the baby. It was my child. I would have loved the baby no matter what. I have the capacity to love, not just hate, which seems to be all you are capable of feeling right now.”

  I flinched and shoved him away.

  He flew backward a few feet and then in a blink was in front of me again, gathering me close. “I ... I did not mean that. I am sorry.”

  “Tell me one thing, Marin, if I asked you to go to Industry with me, would you?” My eyes drifted to his collar, I straightened it, my fingers sliding along his skin.

  “You mean today, soon?” His hands tightened on my waist.

  “Yes, I have to go to Industry. Since I’ve been sick, all my dreams are of the E’mani and Hope. I need to go. Will you go with me?”

  Marin took a deep breath. “It is not that simple. We need to prepare, plan…”

  I stalked back toward my bedroom. “It never is.”

  “Elizabeth,” he called out behind me in a weary tone but he didn’t follow me. Smart man.

  I stayed in my room for dinner. Jace brought me up a tray. Marin knocked, but I didn’t answer. I wedged the chair under the door just as a precaution and lay down.

  A slam startled me awake.

  I glanced askance at the door as Marin’s voice drifted to me. “This is stupid, Elizabeth, we need to talk. You cannot hide from me in there.”

  He’d said that once before. He really didn’t know me if he thought that. I knew he couldn’t sit outside my door all day. He was Clan Chief after all. I’d wait him out.

  I didn’t answer, letting my silence speak for itself. The bed beckoned me back. He pounded a few minutes more, then all was quiet, and I could sleep again.

  The DNA sequence was easy to extract. The tissue samples, as well. The body didn’t need to survive the extraction process. In fact, they expected him not to survive to the next day. I took spinal fluid samples, a brain biopsy. Lung, heart, liver, gut, muscle, testes samples were all next. Remember, thoroughness in all things. Patient 539421 died soon after the heart biopsy and I stopped.

  His irises were completely white, typical of the E’mani. He had sores around his mouth and dried blood. Dilated vessels spread across his distended abdomen, the palms of his hands red, and testicles shrunken. I expected that last of an E’mani. Those freaks. His skin yellowed while I watched.

  I woke with a gasp. What did that? Why was this what I remembered, how did this help me? One sick E’mani. At least now I knew they were not immune to everything though they tried. And this dream disturbed me less than the prior ones. There was no emotion. It was like watching TV. Maybe I was numb. I expected more pain and torture in my memories but what I got was a lab.

  I woke up near Midday, the clan leaders’ daily get together to discuss strategy. Arguments filtered up from downstairs. I risked discovery and bolted down to the kitchen while Marin was distracted with politics and grabbed a sandwich, some fruits, dried meat and bread to hoard upstairs. I managed the stairs right as the meeting let out. I could practically feel Marin on my heels right after I got into my room, dropped my goods on the bed and barred the door. Spot on thirty seconds later, I heard a tap.

  “Please, Elizabeth.” Something thumped against the door then I heard something scrape down the wood. I put my hand on the surface. The wind shivered through the room.

  “Do not shut me out. I need you.” I heard Marin’s voice in my head and in my heart, but I couldn’t answer. I went back to sleep instead.

  My dreams were the key, the answer to the E’mani. I needed to remember. And this time, I wouldn’t forget, a litany that should be emblazoned across my grave. I closed my eyes desperate to dream, but nothing came to me overnight except for screams. Not mine, this time. Others. Many others and not just E’mani. Wings. I wasn’t alone in those labs.

  In the morning, Marin tried again. He persisted in whispering at me with the wind. Little grumbles, various I love you’s, and come take care of your damn cat. I’d forgotten about George. I was sure that Marin had someone taking care of him though. It was kind of his thing. I kept sleeping.

  The next day, at Midday, I snuck out to get a bath and signaled guards to clean my rooms. It was getting a bit rank in there and my skin was sticky. There was shouting as usual from the gathering, but I had no desire to join in. Nothing that had happened had changed anything. I was tired, and I couldn’t face anyone right now. I was too hurt, angry, whatever. The pond at the back of the house was my mecca. I wanted to see again. See my baby one more time. See what I needed to do. The future, the past, anything to help guide me. There was a natural rock ledge that edged the pond. I perched on the shelf, my legs trembling. It was taking much longer for me to recover than I was used to.

  George scampered up to the water’s edge and played in the current. I used the soap and floated in the water, asking what I needed to do, asking to see my baby.

  Let me see.

  This time there was no answer, but at least I smelled better. After I got out, I raced upstairs, George hot on my heels. As promised, they’d cleaned the poop of out the place and the bedroom no longer reeked like an ogre’s den. George jumped onto the bed. I’d barely managed to close and bar the door when a thump sounded outside.

  “This is ridiculous,” Marin steamed. He slammed his hand against the door again. “I am going to come in there and we are going to talk. This is unacceptable. You are my mate. Talk to me.” The wood cracked under another blow.

  My palm hit the door right back. “Not today, please. Please. I just want to sleep a bit.”

  His sigh drifted to me. “Tomorrow, promise me tomorrow. I cannot stand being apart from you. We never sleep separate. This is killing me. We fight, we storm, we rage at each other, but we always sleep together, stand together. You are breaking the rules.”

  “I promise, tomorrow.” My forehead touched the wood. George’s head butted my ankle where he weaved around my feet. I leaned down and picked him up.

  “Tomorrow.”

  But we wouldn’t talk tomorrow. Marin didn’t talk. He dictated. He already said they weren’t changing their plans and I couldn’t wait any longer. There was only one chance left to me. I buried my face in George’s fur.

  Marin would have to forgive me.

  That night, I snuck out of the house and scurried to section two. I deliberately took a circuitous route through the forest that would be hard to follow and and I brought George for cover.

  Finn lounged on his porch, drinking, his feet propped on the rail. No matter what the man, what the time, what the place, guys would always find a way to make an alcoholic beverage. I think it was some sort of universal law.

  As soon as he saw me, his feet hit the wood. Finn tipped his bottle at me.

  I collapsed on his steps, still weak. “I want to go to Industry.” George sat at my feet and rested his head on my toes.

  Finn tilted his head and let his eyes drift down my body while taking a long, slow pull of his drink. He got up and sat down next to me on the step.

  I wasn’t sure he didn’t hate me given his expression but I accepted that. I deserved it even. I didn’t keep my baby safe. But he hated the E’mani more, and I knew that too. Worse, he hated the inaction of the Fost. I could use that to my advantage.

  “You are in no shape right now. You would never make it,” he replied shortly, the bottle hanging between his hands.

  “I heal quick and I hate enough to persevere.”

  His jaw tightened. “As do I.”

  “You know the way, right? You said you’d worked out the routes?” I leaned against the railing of his porch, looking out on Groos.

  “I know the way. Marin wished to wait till spring or summer. He wants to gather supplies. We were putting the journey off till you gave birth as well last I heard.” He took a sip as he gazed at the lake near his home. The wind was silent. I heard the croaking of what could have been frogs, but who knew h
ere.

  My mouth twisted, my hand drifted along my flat stomach. “You know that is not an issue anymore.”

  His knuckles whitened around the bottle and he peered at me. He brought his arm up and around me and pulled me close to his side. His cheek brushed my hair. “I am so sorry, Beta.”

  From his tone, he’d tried to see me after everything happened. We were still friends but with our history, Marin would never have let him get close. Not then.

  My breath shuddered out. “It was a little girl. The baby, I mean.”

  Finn’s jaw clenched harder. The bottle cracked in his hand and he put it on the rail, shaking off the liquid.

  I wiped at my nose. “When I was drifting in and out, I saw her. God, she was so beautiful.”

  A raw sound escaped him. He dug his hand into my knee.

  I closed my eyes and continued. “Her name was going to be Hope. She had my blue eyes, black hair, and the cutest little nose. She was beautiful and they took her from me, from us. I have to fight them. I have to do something.” I turned and gripped his arms. “Please.”

  Finn leaned his forehead against mine. “What does Marin think of your plan?”

  I closed my eyes. “He doesn’t know. He won’t move. He wants me to rest, heal, and have another baby. I think he might be relieved because he would have wondered if the baby was yours, or his.” Why did I say that? Did I believe that? It was unfair, but I couldn’t help wondering. And that set Finn off.

  “The baby was mine,” Finn said with a shake. “He has not let me see you or her. The baby was mine, and I was to be allowed no part of her life. He had guards keeping me away.” His voice cracked. “I would have come to you, helped you.”

  “You can help me now. Take me to Industry.” I gripped his biceps. “Please.”

  “Does this mean you are done with Marin?” Speculation colored his voice. He stared at my face. He brought the back of his fingers up to trail down my cheek.

  Huh. I blinked and turned away. “No, I fully expect him to come after me. This will force him into action. Isn’t that what you want?”

  “I want you.”

  My heart thumped and I closed my eyes. Why now? I leaned my head hard into the railing next to me. “You don’t want me. You want a child. I’m not having any more children until the E’mani are dead. They would never let me reproduce.”

  A slow grin slipped across Finn’s face. “The journey is long. I think I can wear you down.”

  “You can try. I’m pretty stubborn.”

  “That is true.”

  He stood up and walked inside, leaving the door open.

  Seventeen

  I accepted his unspoken invitation and ventured inside the house. This was the first time I’d seen his place. Our affair had lasted all of one night at Ute’s place. Huh. It was not what I expected.

  There were no pictures on the walls, no decorations, no knick-knacks. Bare wood gleamed. Two doors led off the main hallway, which ended at a third door. I followed in Finn’s wake to a kitchen in the back. There was a fire set in the corner, shelves, and a trapdoor to the basement in the corner. A small round table completed the picture. Finn poured himself another drink then turned and sipped his beer slowly while he stared at me. He always did have a staring problem. Never did get that looked at, did he?

  I tucked my hair behind my ear, my head down, and stood gripping one of the chairs.

  “I know the way there. It will be rough going, but spring is here. We could make it. We will need supplies. Tents. Blankets. Food. People will notice if we start accumulating stuff. How do you plan on getting around that?” Finn said.

  “I will be sneaky. I know where Marin is keeping supplies. I do think he plans to head to Industry. Just not soon enough. Even losing the baby didn’t seem to spur him on.” The bitterness in my tone surprised me. I didn’t realize how much it bothered me that Marin wasn’t more upset.

  Finn interrupted my thoughts. “So you get the supplies. Did you plan on it being just you and me?” He waggled his eyebrows. It made me laugh. His mouth curved. “We would travel quicker that way, but with some of the animal packs in the mountains, it would be better to have a few more.”

  Hmm. “I was thinking Ute, Hana, Jace and Bob. I wanted to take one of the miners but I don’t know who I can trust beyond those I mentioned.”

  “I will arrange the people. Several have been itching to travel to Industry. I will make a list. I am sure Ute would go, but he is old. It might be better for him to stay behind and help with the fallout. He can help me make the list, and we should have it for you tomorrow. Plan on us leaving next week.”

  “That soon?” My head spun. Holy shit. My stomach fell even as a burst of elation ran through me. I had to prepare.

  Finn finished off his alcohol. “Marin is going to be very angry. He does not care for people not following orders.”

  “I can deal with him. We made a vow.”

  “And you mean to keep it?” He coached the words like a question.

  “Yes.”

  Finn walked up to me. My butt hit the wall behind me. He held his hands out and after a beat I let him hug me.

  His face abutted mine and he whispered in my ear. “Once we leave Groos, you will be mine.”

  “I’m my own person. I make my own choices,” I whispered back. I wouldn’t turn my head and open that door. It had been shut long ago. I shoved him back.

  He laughed. “Knew that would anger you, look at how red you are. Some fire is what is needed. Not this defeated girl before me. Are you willing to fight?”

  “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

  “Good. We will see. Head home now.” Finn patted my ass and ushered me to the exit.

  I glared at him but let him herd me out. George scampered behind me.

  When I arrived home, Marin sat on the steps in the foyer, his chin in his hands. At my steps, his head rose. A smile blossomed on his face only to fade as he narrowed his eyes, looking out the door behind me.

  “What?” I asked, going for casual.

  “Where were you?” Marin spread his legs in front of him.

  “Outside.” I stripped off my outer coat. George growled at a piece of threatening fuzz and launched himself at it. No longer a teacup, more tabby size now. When did he get so big?

  “I love you, you know that, right?”

  I glanced up at his words. “I know.” My eyes tracked across his face. I strolled toward him holding out my hands.

  He grasped them and jerked me facedown onto his lap. His breath stirred the hair at my neck.

  My nipples pebbled and I flushed at my body’s response. Damn it, it was so unfair. I tried to shift away and Marin’s arm’s tightened around me.

  “Where were you?” he repeated.

  I yanked backward and got nowhere. “I took George for a walk.”

  “A walk, hmm?”

  “Yes, you have a problem with that?” The belligerence in my tone added a nice touch.

  “It depends on where you went.” A tic pulsed about along his jaw.

  “I went nowhere. Just clearing my head,” I lied.

  Marin turned his head and opened his mouth. But I was done with talking and I only had a few days. I licked his lower lip.

  Marin froze. “Are you trying to distract me?”

  “Yes.”

  “It is working.” His head tilted and his mouth claimed mine. He lifted my hands around his neck as he easily picked me up and carted me upstairs.

  “No more separate rooms, no sleeping separate, ever. We talk and get everything out,” he mumbled before dropping me onto his bed. His shirt flew past my head. A quick motion and his pants were off. His eyes were fevered when he crawled to cover me on the mattress. A heavy thigh rested between mine.

  “No more separate rooms,” I echoed, mesmerized by his movements. His muscles rippled when he moved, tight, smooth, ripped. Mmm, what he did to me. I ran my hands through his hair.

  His legs nudged mine farther apart
as he settled between my legs, already ready. “Elizabeth?” His question was clear. It had only been a few weeks since I lost the baby, but I needed him. Plus I’d found a weed that could prevent pregnancies in the books the E’mani left and had been using it the past few days.

  “Yes.”

  Marin smiled. He required no other invitation. His lips met mine. Male, Marin, mine.

  I shivered at the sensation invading me. He ran his hands down my sides and lifted my shirt off and over my head. A cool breeze beaded my nipples making them ache. He licked first one then the other. I arched and he took advantage of the motion to yank my pants down. He moved his fingers downward to play with my sex while his lips claimed mine and sensation flooded me. Sparks tingled beneath my skin, shortening my breath. This was right. I wanted to cherish him in the little time we had left.

  Marin pushed me farther back, positioning his manhood between my thighs. He moved forward, invading me an inch at a time.

  Deliberately going slow, he rubbed my nub, flicking, once, twice, mouth caressing mine. “You like that?”

  “Yes.” The words came out breathy. The pressure built as he stretched me just right.

  Once he was fully sheathed he stopped, watching me. “Do you want me?”

  His hands framed my face. I could see the question in his eyes. There should be no question about my need. I would show this man how much I loved him.

  I hooked my hand around his neck and claimed his mouth. The movement forced my hips to flex and he groaned, his face burrowing into my neck. I linked my feet behind his back. “Always.”

  He let his hands drift down to grab my ass. With a squeeze, he slipped even deeper into my heat. My walls strained around him. God, I loved when he did that, and then he started moving and my eyes crossed. Damn.

  Marin pulled out then slid back home, watching my eyes, wringing everything he could from me.

  The sex was quick and intense, a claiming.

  ~ * ~

  The next day, I wandered through the kitchen contemplating supplies. I didn’t know how to go about getting anything with Marin or my guards being none the wiser. It would be good if Jace and Bob were going to go. I needed to know who was going so I could start planning.