by Max Hudson
Through the fog of circling thoughts, he heard one loud and clear that made him twitch:
What if he used me?
He ran the bar of soap over his skin and watched the bubbles erupt. As he washed them away, he listened to the silence of his apartment. Only the shower head seemed to make noise. Everything else was settled and quiet, even the washer which must have finished a cycle. He hummed as he shut off the water and stepped out, grabbing a towel to wrap himself with.
He walked into his bedroom and then into the living room, reaching again for his phone. He took it with him to his bed. He had still received no answer from Charlie. While he ran his shaky fingers through his hair, droplets of water fell from his follicles, hitting the screen of his phone.
Within seconds, the droplets grew bigger. He felt them trickle down his face, carving rivers into his cheeks as his vision blurred. He set his phone aside and wiped his eyes.
“I don't want to cry over this.”
He sniffled and laid back in his bed with his arms behind his head. His sheets still smelled like Charlie. As much as he wanted to bask in the scent, he knew it would only bring more heartache. He dried himself quickly, got dressed, and tore the sheets from the bed, resolved to get them cleaned of any energy Charlie had left behind.
He took the pillows from the dryer and tossed them on the couch. As he switched his clothes from the washer to the dryer, he felt a sense of relief wash over him. And as soon as the bedsheets were safely tucked away in the washer, he sighed.
“I'll assume it's over,” he told the walls. “Better safe than sorry.”
Chapter Eleven
Charlie
“I still can't believe it.”
Charlie chuckled as he wandered along the avenue with Scotty on a leash, admiring the fountain sitting at the edge of the park. He paused in front of it as the water trickled out of the spouts, the lights under the water changing from green to blue and then to purple. He smiled warmly.
“Everything is coming together, bud,” he said to his dog. “Looks like we can go home feeling happy and healthy.”
His phone buzzed in his pocket. Although he was curious as to why his phone had been buzzing all evening, he wasn't particularly concerned with answering it.
I'm sure my campaign group is upset that I left, but they'll get over it, especially when they catch wind of how things are improving.
He retained his smile as he walked down the road toward Elias's apartment. He froze in the middle of the sidewalk.
Oh, no! Elias!
He picked up his pace and tugged Scotty along, encouraging Scotty to run. He jogged rapidly toward the apartment complex where his car was still parked under a streetlamp. He ran up the steps and tried the doorknob only to realize it was locked.
He knocked. “Elias?”
Scotty boofed curiously and sniffed at the door. Charlie listened closely to the wood, noticing there were sounds on the other side but no response from Elias.
He knocked again. “Elias! It's Charlie. Can you let me in?”
No response.
He stood patiently in front of the door for several minutes before whipping out his phone. He noticed the texts from Elias inquiring where he had been and what was going on. The last text was the one that nearly caused him to spin.
“I'll just assume it's over,” Elias had texted. “You don't seem to care.”
Charlie frowned.
“I do care,” he whispered. He raised his voice a little more, directing it through the door. “I do care, Elias.”
The door swung open. “Then, why didn't you say anything?”
“I was in a rush. I had to go.”
“Because of Stanley?”
Charlie nodded. “Yeah, but everything worked out. It's fine. Doesn't that make you happy?”
“I just don't understand how you went from hating him one day to forgiving him the next.”
“I never said either of those things.”
Elias huffed impatiently. “You two looked pretty all right in that coffee shop earlier.”
“The coffee shop?” Charlie frowned further, the corners of his mouth digging deeply into his jawline. “Did you follow me?”
“No, I just happened to be in the same shop as you.”
“I can't tell if that's sarcasm.”
Elias crossed his arms. “I'm being serious, Charlie. I went for a walk to clear my head and wanted some coffee, so I dropped into my usual spot. I saw you there with Stanley.”
“I didn't see you.”
“Of course, you didn't. I guess it's convenient to toss me aside when your ex comes marching back.”
Charlie knit his eyebrows together. “Hey, that's not fair to say. That's not what happened, Elias. Why don't you calm down and let me in? We can talk this whole thing out.”
“No, I don't want to do that. I'm sick of sneezing. I can't be around Scotty right now or else my head will explode.”
“You're the one who agreed to house my dog. Why didn't you think of that before?”
“Why did you even think of asking me?”
“You said you wanted to help, so I went to you. How is this suddenly my fault for asking for help?”
Elias shook his head. “You don't get it, do you? You don't get how this looks, Charlie. And that's just sad.”
“I can understand a miscommunication, but I can't forgive being the only person to blame here. Don't you think you're blowing things out of proportion?”
“I think I'm seeing things pretty clearly.”
Charlie rolled his eyes. “Then, you wouldn't be so angry. What do you think you saw, Elias?”
“I don't think I saw anything, Charlie.”
“Just let me inside. I'm sure your neighbors don't appreciate us arguing on your doorstep.”
“I'm not arguing.”
Charlie huffed. “It sure sounds like arguing.”
“Maybe to you. Maybe to someone who can't see how their actions are hurting the people around them.”
“Hey, I had to do this. It involved Scotty and my mental health. It involved Stanley and our divorce. I had to handle it.”
“So, you're just going to up and leave your campaign without saying anything?”
“Uh, earth to Elias,” Charlie announced while placing his hands on his hips. “Aren't you forgetting we're keeping Roger in the dark about this whole thing?”
“And why is that? Because you're afraid Roger will judge you?”
“Yeah! That's kind of something I'd like to avoid.”
“So, you were just going to keep our relationship under wraps, too? What about our teammates? Were you ever going to tell them?”
Charlie looked confused. “I didn't see you running around announcing it the entire world either, Elias.”
“Maybe that's because I wanted to make sure it was real.”
“What part of this doesn't feel real to you? How can you possibly think it's not real?”
“Because I gave you everything, Charlie. I gave you a place to stay and I gave you comfort when you were hurting.”
Charlie took a breath and exhaled slowly, allowing his shoulders and subsequently his hands to drop. “Are you really going to hold that over my head?”
“No, I wouldn't do that.”
“It sounds like you just did. I don't think I can talk to you right now.”
Elias shook his head. “No, you don't get to be angry, Charlie. You're the one who ran off and left me in the dark about what you were doing.”
“Do you need an update every time I do something without you? God, you're starting to sound like Stanley.”
Charlie covered his mouth immediately, turning away from Elias. He coughed nervously and played with Scotty's leash. When he met Elias's gaze, all he saw was hurt.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.”
Elias raised a hand. “Don't. Just go.”
Charlie began to open his mouth, willing the words to spill. He wanted to convey every bit of regret he
felt. He wanted to tend to the wounds he had created, to fix the channel that had been broken between them.
But it was too late.
And he knew it.
He shuffled away from the door and retreated down the steps. At the bottom of the stairs, he paused, noticing how Scotty was whining again. He tugged Scotty to his car and opened the passenger door, releasing Scotty from the leash. As he plopped down into the driver's seat, he took a longing glance at the window of Elias's apartment.
The window was empty.
***
When Charlie pulled up into the parking lot of his apartment complex, he turned off the engine and sat for a long while, staring out into the darkness beyond his car. Streetlights dotted the area, imposing circles of light into the darkness. Scotty whimpered. He turned to his dog and planted his hand on his dog's head, assuring his dog that everything was okay.
Nothing is okay, he reflected solemnly. One relationship was repaired and now my new one is ruined. What do I do now?
He took a few deep breaths before exiting the car. He let Scotty out on the leash, walking his dog over to the dog park. His first instinct was to text Elias.
He's who I would call when things were going wrong. He's always been my best friend. We've always had such a good connection. Why did I have to ruin it by kissing him?
He frowned as he popped open the gate to the dog park and closed it behind him, bending forward to let Scotty off his leash.
“Go on,” he encouraged lazily. “Run about. Get all that energy out of your bones.”
Scotty took off with lightning speed. He ran to the other end of the park, grabbed a ball that had been left behind, and brought it back to Charlie. Charlie collapsed onto a nearby bench and accepted the ball. He turned it over between his fingers.
“Gross,” he grunted. He tossed it toward the other end of the park. “But it'll do for now. I'm sure its owner won't really mind.”
The ball sailed through the air and Scotty barked, standing up on his hind legs to see where it would fall. He darted after it when it landed. Charlie smiled slightly, enjoying the peaceful time he always found with his dog.
So much has happened in the past twenty-four hours, he reflected. What the hell else could possibly go wrong from here? Armageddon? The plague?
He shook his head.
I don't even want to think about it. There's no use thinking about it.
He pulled out his phone and mindlessly scrolled through social media, attempting to give his brain something on which to focus. He idly scrolled through funny pictures, birth announcements, and warnings about flu season. He shrugged and tucked his phone away.
“Nothing interesting.”
When he focused on Scotty, he noticed Scotty was tossing the ball in the air and catching it with eager jaws. He chuckled to himself. After a few minutes, he clicked his tongue, beckoning Scotty to come over to him. Scotty brought the tattered ball.
He lifted it and held it over Scotty's head.
“Do you want it?”
Scotty barked.
Charlie tossed it across the park again, watching it float through the air. The gate to the park squeaked and a voice followed: “That's some arm you got there.”
Charlie glanced over to find Ivan.
He offered a small smile and turned back to Scotty. “It's not bad.”
“Where did you go tonight?”
“Out.”
Ivan hummed as he relaxed into the bench. “Yeah, I mean, we all figured that much. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is fine.”
“It doesn't seem like everything is fine. Elias was really worried about you. He looked pretty torn up after you left.”
“Did he, now?”
Ivan nodded. “It seems like you two have found more than a friendship.”
Charlie turned abruptly. “And how do you know that?”
“I could just tell. When Mike and I were at Elias's the other day, he said he was seeing someone. And I knew that you two were spending a lot of time together lately. Heck, you had your dog over there tonight. You never do that.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, so?”
“So, how's it going?”
“Well, I think it just ended.”
Ivan frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I had to go meet up with Stanley tonight. He was a mess about his father and Scotty cheered him up. We were able to come to good terms so we can finally end the marriage for good and maybe even be friends.”
“Dude, that sounds amazing! But what does that have to do with Elias?”
“Well, I didn't tell Elias where I was going or what I was doing. I figured it wasn't a huge deal. Elias saw Stanley and me sitting at the coffee shop. I think he heard some things out of context.”
Ivan hissed. “That doesn't sound great. Have you talked to him?”
“I tried. He wouldn't listen.”
“Shoot. I'm sorry, bud. Is there anything I can do for you?”
Charlie sighed. “I don't know, man. I'm not really sure what to do. I was going to call Stanley, but that might be in poor taste.”
“Yeah, I'd say so.”
“Do you think I did something wrong?”
“I mean, I can't say for sure. It's like when you're tossing down spell cards to get your character ahead of the game, you know? You might toss the wrong one every so often. It's not because you weren't thinking. It's just a mistake.”
“Interesting.”
“We all make mistakes, Charlie. I'm sure Elias makes plenty of them when he's not around you.”
Charlie nodded. “I guess I do the same thing.”
“Well, nobody works like you at Raven's Hide. That's for sure. But I've seen you stumble a few times.”
“Thanks for saying that.”
“What do you think you're going to do?”
Charlie shrugged. “What's to do? Elias doesn't want to talk right now. Just when I had things patched up with Stanley, I lose the one good thing about my life right now.”
“Don't see it like that.”
“Then, how should I see it?”
Ivan huffed with amusement, staring off into the distance. “See it as a way to strengthen your bond with Elias.”
“Is that how you see you and Theo?”
“Oh, well, Theo and I...” He trailed off and cocked his head curiously. “I mean, I still haven't made too many moves there.”
“You're such a shy ranger.”
“I like to take my time.”
Charlie laughed. “I mean, you make a decent player. I'm sure Theo sees that much.”
“I'll get there eventually. That's the thing: relationships take time. You can't rush anything or you end up losing your footing too early and stumbling really hard.”
“Maybe that's what I did. Maybe I moved too fast with Elias.”
“How long have you and Stanley been separated?”
Charlie sighed. “A good while. It had been six months since I even slept next to anyone in my bed.”
“My mother always told me it takes the amount of time of the relationship to get over that relationship.”
“Ugh, I can't imagine doing this for another three years.”
“That doesn't mean you can't make new connections that are rewarding. But it does warrant some mindfulness.”
Charlie hummed thoughtfully. “You've made some good points.”
“Do you feel better?”
“Only a little.”
Ivan clapped Charlie on the back. “Glad I could help, bud.”
“Yeah, thanks. I'm glad you dropped by.”
“I figured you would be here.”
“What are you doing up this late?”
Ivan shrugged. “I needed some air. Since we couldn't finish campaign night, I felt restless.”
“I get that.”
“Do you want to hang out and watch something? I've got a few movies I've been meaning to check out.”
Charlie paused for a moment
, chewing on his lower lip. “No, I think I'll take Scotty home and take a hot shower. We need to rest.”
“That's understandable. Let me know if you need anything, okay? I'm here for you—we're all here for you.”
Charlie smiled warmly. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
Ivan nodded and stood up, clapping his hands together. “Well, time to hit the old sack. Take care, man.”
“You, too.”
Charlie watched Ivan leave. He watched until Ivan retreated to the third building on the left, his smile lingering a while. He turned his attention to Scotty who was sitting at his feet.
“Hey, boy,” he greeted as he ruffled Scotty's fur. “Are you ready to go in?”
Scotty nudged his hand. He stood up and attached Scotty's leash, leading Scotty to the gate. He walked back to his apartment slowly, taking his time. He allowed Scotty to sniff all the flowers along the way. Once he made it back to his apartment, he let Scotty off the leash and hung the leash up next to the door.
He studied his apartment. “I could do with some cleaning myself.”
Not that I have anything else to do except work.
He took off his glasses and went to his bedroom, setting his glasses on the nightstand. He sank into his mattress and kicked off his shoes with a sniffle. Scotty hopped up on the bed next to him. Smiling, he reached for his dog and stroked his dog's fur, finding the gesture was more calming than ever.
He sighed. “We have some thinking to do, don't we?”
Scotty stared at him with glossy black eyes.
He nodded. “Yeah, we do.”
He relaxed back into his bed without peeling off his jeans or unbuckling his belt. While he rested, he left one hand on Scotty and the other on his stomach, studying the way his stomach rose and fell with his breathing. The ceiling wasn't particularly appealing. It was the type painted like popcorn. Images swirled into focus and then out as he continued to inspect it.
Seconds turned into minutes as he got lost in the pictures that arose. Magnificent boats with great sails sprung up in the far corner, leading to rough seas toward the middle of the ceiling. His eyes swept along the ceiling toward the other side of the room where he focused on a face that reminded him of Elias.