“You’re right about the importance of love, but some men don’t have grand dreams. Some men are just who they are now and nothing more. And some men have the grandest of dreams and won’t become who they really are until they can chase those dreams. I’ve learned that when you marry that kind of man, you marry his dreams too.”
“Maybe it takes the love of the right woman to help a man see his dreams. You and Stephen share a dream of owning enough land to raise fine cattle.”
“Yes, that’s true. But on our journey, I forgot that for a while. And in that time, I lost Stephen too. I vowed never to lose sight of our dream again. Because Stephen will never leave the path that dream will make him follow. It’s his destiny.”
Destiny. The same word the Captain had used. With the decision she made during the night, she would change her destiny forever. This choice would likely affect her future more than any other decision she would ever make. A part of her still wondered if Sam would ever take notice of her. “Jane, why does Sam carry that enormous blade and why is he so serious all the time?”
“I asked Stephen about the knife once. He told me that ever since Sam came home from the war, he never parts with the knife, even when he occasionally attends church. Before Sam left his family to join the Continental Army, he had just been Stephen’s big brother, strong and huge, but still his carefree and cheerful hunting companion. But, when the Captain returned from the war, his former cheerful robust companion did not come back. In his place, a haggard, far too thin, seasoned soldier returned—a serious warrior whose weapon was now as much a part of him as his arm or his leg. Over time, Sam did recover physically, regaining his weight and strength, but his now serious, solemn demeanor—and the knife—never left him. Now, I can’t even conceive of Sam ever parting with that blade.”
Neither could Catherine.
Kelly marched up behind them and stood next to her. “Good morning pretty ladies.”
Catherine gave the young woman an affectionate hug. “Sweet Kelly.”
Kelly smiled and gave her a warm hug too.
The young woman’s complexion glowed in the morning light as she said, “Jane, when we make breakfast, will you show me how to make those heavenly biscuits? They’re the best I’ve ever tasted.” Although still slim, since she had started eating healthy portions of Jane’s good food, especially her biscuits, Kelly no longer looked rawboned skinny.
“I’d be pleased to, but the secret is in the feel of the dough. You know by touch when it feels just right. That comes with practice,” Jane explained. “I’ll show you later when I work the dough. And you have to have the right pans for cooking over a fire, like this Dutch oven cast iron pot.”
As Jane talked with Kelly about baking, Catherine fell deep into her own thoughts—troubled about how to tell two women she had grown very fond of over the last few weeks that she was leaving.
With much difficulty, she decided that she had to return to Boston. After driving her wagon through Boonesborough yesterday, she realized that living alone in this rough and uncivilized town would be impossible. As much as she enjoyed the company of the Wyllies, she couldn’t stay with them forever. They would each be building their own homes and she would not impose on their hospitality or take advantage of their kindness by doing so.
And if the taciturn Captain was going to remain a cold fish, that left no reason to stay.
“Catherine, you seem to be struggling with something. May we help?” Jane asked.
“I’m not staying in Boonesborough. Or in Kentucky. I’m going back to Boston. I gave myself time to resolve what I should do, and now that we’re here, I know I must return home.” She could not hide the regret she heard in her voice.
“Why?” Jane asked, aghast. “I thought you decided to stay with us.”
“I just don’t think I should,” she said, not wanting to explain. “I’ll find a family that will be traveling the Ohio River route back to the East coast to escort me. I won’t have the benefit of my wagon, but that route will be faster. At least on the riverboat, I’ll have a smooth ride.”
“Why go back when a whole new beautiful frontier awaits us? The opportunities aren’t just for men. They’re for women too,” Jane said.
“I have no one here. What good will opportunities do me if I have no one with whom to share them? And my father would expect me to return. It isn’t proper for me to stay. I’ll send him word that I’m on my way home because of my husband’s murder. The Captain encouraged me to decide my own future. Well, I’ve decided. There’s no rational reason for me to stay.”
“Sometimes we must do irrational things to do what’s right for us,” Jane said.
“Going back is right for me,” Catherine said adamantly.
“We all want you to stay, especially Bear. I’ve never seen him this way. He’s acting like a boy in love for the first time. And in my opinion, you will never find a finer man, except Stephen of course, and I’ve already claimed him,” Jane said, smiling.
Stunned, her brows collided with confusion. “Bear?”
With a sly grin Kelly said, “Jane, it’s not Bear.”
“What do mean?” Catherine asked tersely.
“Bear isn’t the one who catches your eye, it’s the Captain,” Kelly said.
“Kelly, you’re as wrong as you can be,” Jane said, her voice mocking the idea. “Sam will never marry. If ever there was a man intent on being a bachelor, it’s the Captain. I’ve known Sam half my life and he’s the type of man that sees marriage as something for others. A person could sooner tame a wild deer than Sam. Catherine knows that. Don’t you?”
Flabbergasted, she glanced back and forth between Jane and Kelly, turned abruptly, and marched away, her fists clenched at her sides.
Shock ripped through her. She couldn’t believe Kelly figured it out. How did the young woman know when she didn’t even understand what she felt herself? What business was it of Kelly’s or Jane’s anyway? She didn’t want to think about this and they were forcing her to do just that. Her decision was made and she wasn’t going to change her mind.
Then her heart beat faster as thoughts of Sam sprung into her head, wrapping around her like a warm blanket on a cold day. She pictured his rare smile and heard his deep kind voice in her head. She had no idea a voice could even be sensuous. But his definitely was. Resonant and rich, the sound of it stirred something within her the very first time she heard it. Perhaps it was the quiet strength she perceived in the tone of it. His voice was both gentle and strong at once. Much like he was.
Why was she so strangely drawn to the man? She shared nothing in common with him. If Jane is right, she could never hope to marry a man like Captain Wyllie. She had promised herself that she would only marry for love. And Sam showed no indication that she even appealed to him. He’d only been cold and standoffish.
Maybe he sensed something from her and it scared him away. Perhaps he’s just incapable of love for some reason. Jane’s right, he’ll never want a wife.
She kept walking toward the river, debating with herself.
Maybe he didn’t even find her appealing. Did he think her a pampered gentlewoman—too genteel, too much a lady? Well, she was learning more each day about how to take care of herself in the wilderness. It wasn’t her fault she’d grown up coddled and indulged. She was who she was and proud of it. If he wasn’t willing to look beneath the superficial part of her, then that was his loss.
Besides, it’s too soon to even be thinking about another man or marrying again. But she was. She couldn’t help it. She just couldn’t. She did feel something for Sam, but was it enough to risk staying here? “Oh Lord, what do you want me to do?” she asked, looking skyward.
She listened to the gurgle and rush of the river. Her emotions seemed to be rushing through her as swiftly as the river’s current. At least the river knew which way to flow. She didn’t know whether to go forward in Kentucky or backward to Boston. She peered down at the mud on the riverbank, feeling like she was stu
ck in it.
Kelly walked up behind her. “Catherine, please forgive me if I misspoke. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Kelly, what made you say that?”
Kelly gracefully stooped down to pick a red wildflower before she answered. “The way you look at him when he’s not looking. The way he looks at you when he thinks no one else is noticing. I look at William the same way when he’s not looking at me. It’s a look of admiration, of wanting—a look of hope. A hope that someday I’ll have the courage to look at him when he is looking at me. A hope that he’ll look back at me, feeling the same way I do.”
Dumbfounded, Catherine didn’t know what to say. She had to admit everything Kelly said made sense. “You’re very wise for such a young lady.”
“And you’re very foolish for such a smart woman.”
She had to laugh. “Why do you say that?”
“Because I think two men may be in love with you.”
Catherine felt her eyes widen, shocked by Kelly’s presumptuous and brash statement. “In love? Two? Oh good heavens, you can’t mean it.”
“Bear looks at you almost the same way.”
“What do you mean ‘almost’?”
“Bear, who is a fine man I’m sure, sees the outside of you—sees your considerable beauty and your charm. You have captured Bear’s mind. However, the Captain’s heart sees the inside of you. He admires who you are—your spirit—and the strength he senses beneath your beauty.”
Had she been wrong about Sam seeing only the superficial part of her?
Her head bowed, Kelly paused, thinking for a moment. Finally, she said, “The Captain’s heart wants you but his mind is still fighting it for some reason.”
“What reason?”
“I don’t know—something hidden deep within him. Whatever it is, it’s important.”
Everything Kelly told her rang true to Catherine. “Kelly, you are remarkable. How did someone your age gain such insight into people, especially since you lived in the woods, alone for the most part?”
“My Ma was the same way. Ever since I was little, we’d talk for hours and hours about different characters in books and the stories in the Bible and about her relatives and people she had known. Ma taught me how to observe people by studying our animals. She showed me how little things they do will tell you a lot about how they’re feeling. Like when a horse pins back his ears, you know it’s time to watch out. He’s mad and likely to kick. She said observing and figuring out people is the same—a gift—the gift of understanding what people are going to do and why. For some reason, she wanted me to be able to do that too. So even after she died, I kept on observing my animals and sometimes my Pa. I could almost always tell when he was going to beat me. When that looked likely, I’d take a long walk in the woods.”
Her heart ached for what the young woman must have endured. “Kelly, you amaze me. You’ve led such a difficult life, yet you are so astute and clever.”
“There is one thing I can’t figure.”
“What’s that?”
“Why you wouldn’t sell me that handsome gelding that belonged to your late husband. I can give you a partial payment now and more later after I find a job in town.”
“That horse was my engagement gift to my late husband. He also gave me my horse as a wedding gift. Even though I didn’t love him, I readily admit that, I did care for him. He was more like a friend. He tried to be a good husband. He just didn’t know how. I don’t have much left of our time together, other than our horses. But now that I’ve decided to leave, I’m ready to part with it.”
“I suspect you will change your mind about leaving. We’d best get back before Jane starts those biscuits and I miss out on my lesson.”
“Yes, I think I need that lesson too. I’ve never made biscuits myself. We employed cooks in Boston. But before we go back, for some time Jane and I have both wanted to tell you something. And I think now may be the right time.”
Kelly looked at her in surprise.
She took a quick intake of breath and hoped she would find the right words. “William and Stephen killed those two men because they were murderers and because they caught them in the act of raping you. What you experienced with that evil man is nothing at all like what happens between a husband and his wife. A man that respects you will be gentle and a man that loves you will make it something you want—even look forward to. What that man did was violent and hurtful. You must remember that it will be completely different when you marry and to not be afraid of your husband. My mother taught me that the act of coupling between two people in love is always gentle, never violent. Jane could explain this even better than I because Stephen worships her.”
She thought about her own experiences as a married woman. It was all she could do to tolerate having her husband in her bed. Although he was gentle, their coupling left a lot to be desired. In fact, there was no desire. No passion. No love. It was quick, predictably bland, often uncomfortable, and always unsatisfying. Her husband tried, sometimes, but cold and aloof by nature, he had no idea how to spark her fire or how to please her. Never again.
Catherine watched as Kelly studied the red wildflower nestled in her palm. “I still dream about them. I feel them attacking me over and over. I feel their hands touching my breasts. It was the first time any man ever touched me. In my dream, I keep trying to scream. But no sound comes out and so no one comes to help me,” Kelly said, her eyes glistening.
“But someone did come. William and Stephen stopped them.”
“I know. Yet, in my mind, the ghosts of those men are still there. They won’t ever go away. They will always be in my head, haunting me. Hurting me.”
“They will go away. You can make them.”
“No they won’t,” Kelly nearly shouted, her repressed anger and stored up tears both clearly surfacing. “I tried to make them go away, but they won’t. They won’t,” she wailed.
“Let God have them,” Catherine said. “His peace can take them away forever.”
“He can’t take away what they did to me,” Kelly cried. “William thinks the same thing. He’ll hardly look at me.”
“William is trying to let you heal. Our bodies heal a lot faster than our minds. William knows you just need to be left alone awhile. He’s a smart man. He will know when you have left this behind you. What happened to you was indeed horrible, but you must put it in your past, not your present. You’re strong. You can overcome this.”
“No man will ever want me after I’ve been deflowered. I’m ruined.”
“Oh, you are so wrong. No good and decent man would ever blame you for what happened. Young men will be standing in line for a chance to even hold your hand.”
“Truly?”
She saw desperation in Kelly’s eyes. The girl wanted to believe what she was telling her.
“Moreover, you are one of the brightest and loveliest young women I have ever known.” She genuinely believed Kelly was. The girl’s perfectly straight flaxen hair hung to her slim waist. Her large bright blue eyes lit up a sweet face. Catherine knew Kelly would mature into a beautiful woman someday. “You’d look like a rose among weeds compared to most of those young socialites in Boston.”
Kelly’s anger seemed to be subsiding. “Really?”
“Indeed. And believe me, William has noticed. He’s just being smart, biding his time until you are ready. Wait till I get you in some fashionable pretty attire and we use a few other tricks you don’t even know about yet.”
“Like what?” Kelly sniffled, but the tears had stopped.
“You’ll see,” she said mysteriously and then gave Kelly a hug around the waist as they started back. She had the means to help Kelly and decided it would give her great pleasure to do so. She vowed to herself to buy the young woman proper undergarments, including stays, and a few gowns in colors that would flatter her. Then she would teach the young lady how to style her hair and few other secrets.
“I’ll remember everything you said,” Kel
ly said, looking at the flower in her hand again. “I’ll keep this in my Bible to help me remember.”
And, to help her forget, Catherine hoped.
She studied her young companion. Did Kelly really have her mother’s ‘gift’? Was what the young woman said about Sam true? She felt her heart swell with hope. There was no use denying it any longer. She could love Sam, if he would let her. He was a man she could respect. Staying would mean risking her reputation in Boston society and her father’s wrath. But Sam was worth the gamble. She would stay, she decided, for now.
And, for now, a chance for love would be her dream.
She would wait until Sam saw that chance too.
Chapter 7
The next morning, against the darkest grey of early dawn, John handed Bear a steaming cup. “Here, I made it strong enough to wake a hibernating bear.”
Bear chuckled, taking the cup. “Good. I know I’ve been accused of soundin’ much like one, with my snorin’. Much obliged John. I’ll be needin’ more than a wee bit of that coffee. I feel like I slept with a wet blanket there’s so much dew this morn.”
“Your snoring woke me up a time or two, or three, or…”
“No need to keep countin’. Once ye get yourself a house built, ye’ll be sleeping better. Ye’ve been risin’ earlier than normal. Tell me what’s botherin’ ye. Ye do na seem your normal self.”
Their voices immediately woke Sam, but he couldn’t make himself sit up. He closed his eyes trying to grab a few more minutes sleep after being on guard duty a good part of the night, but the smell of the coffee called to him. Then he heard John continue.
“The day we reached Boonesborough was Diana’s birthday. I still miss her. Leaving her behind has only made me miss her even more, not less. I can’t help but think that I’ve deserted her. I know it’s not logical, since she’s been dead these few years. Even so, it still causes me grief and most of all guilt. I went to see her grave just before we left. I keep hearing what I said to her over and over in my head.”
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