His warm breath softly touched the skin on my neck while he breathed slow, sultry breaths, lifting my back from the seat. He slowly slid the zipper down from my back and wrapped his arms completely around me. For the longest time, my mystery man held me tightly in his arms, holding me securely against his chest. When he finally lightened his hold around me, he tenderly slid my dress down my waist, and I helped by lifting my hips. We never actually kissed, and he held my wrists to keep me from touching him, but it didn’t even matter. A kiss wouldn’t make this any more infinite.
There are no words to describe how simply magical it was. I’d never felt so whole, so complete, or so loved in all my life. Not just love like Johnny and I said to each other. This was a love so full of energy that I could physically feel it in my entire body, a love that enveloped my entire existence. Past, present, and future. I have no idea how much time we spent together in the pitch black car, and I didn’t care. All I knew was I never wanted it to end, but it did. Even being a senior in high school, I wasn’t sure what an orgasm really was. Not until the two of us came together in something immeasurable. It was a contract, an agreement made in another realm, something so out of this world there aren’t even words for it.
Even though I couldn’t see him through the thick darkness, I opened my eyes, letting my breathing calm until we were both sharingthe same air at the same temperature. His hands released the grasp around my wrists, and I felt the blood return to my fingertips as he withdrew, leaving me breathless and alone. The door closed behind him, and I quickly recovered, instantly realizing what I’d just done. I just wasn’t sure who I’d just done it with. At least, that’s what I tried to tell myself anyway.
Shaking my head, I realized again that I’d just told a perfect stranger something I’d never told anyone. Hell, I barely even talked to myself about that night. Saying I had lost my virginity to a boy I dated all through my senior year was a lot less...slutty. I promised the girl I would probably never see again I would let her know how it played out. That night haunted my every step as I made my way back to my room to get ready for something I couldn’t even comprehend. A chance meeting with someone I suddenly wished I had never let out of my life.
Walking back, I wondered why I did, and I didn’t, like the answers I got. It all boiled down to one thing. A status quo. Even in the third grade, I cared more about what other people thought than what my heart thought. There had been many times I was bored with my girlfriends, not really into the things they were into. Like my nails, I thought, glancing down, and shaking my head. Lots of times I had wished I was doing what Royal was doing instead of what the girls were doing. Whatever he was doing, at least there wereadventures. That I knew for a fact. Everything we’d done was adventurous.
The sound of thunder in thedistance pulled my attention from my pearl white nails to the dark clouds. “Don’t you even think about it,” I warned.
“Huh?”
“Oh, not you. The thunder,” I said to the lady sweeping the sidewalk in front of what used to be one of my favorite bookstores there. It was gone, too.
She glanced up as well, relaying information I didn’t want to hear. “Oh, yeah, it’s supposed to be a doozie.”
Great, I thought, continuing on my way. Even though I had a couple hours until I had to be there, I went ahead and got ready. My hair being done already made things go a lot faster. It wouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to do my makeup and slide into my dress. Knowing I could easily talk myself out of the whole damn thing, I tried to convince myself I needed to hurry to beat the storm. In reality though, I was simply trying not get in my car and go home.
Letting my long train drag behind me, I closed the bathroom door, so I could see my full length self. “Wow,” I exclaimed. Sure, I didn’t look like I had when I’d done this the first time around, but it didn’t matter. I was breathtakingly beautiful right here, right now. I felt pretty, and I’d forgotten what that felt like. Shifting my eyes to the sparkle on the stand, I smiled and picked up the magic wand. “Now you’re beautiful, Jessie Fenton. Now if this magic wand would give me one wish and let me wake up to …hmmmm,” I thought, thinking about when I would want to start over from. I almost said the third grade but decided that was a little too young. Too many rules. “My senior year of high school,” I said with a giddy smile, tapping myself on the head for good measure.
The sound of thunder pulled me from my fairytale, and Iquickly headed out. With ashiny little handbag and my sparkling wand, I hurriedly walked to my car with my dress around my waist. Trying to stuff it all in my car, I remembered what a pain it was the first time around. Backing out of my parking spot, I thought about what I would be if magic wands really did work, and I could actually do it again. I surely wouldn’t wear this giant dress the third time around, I decided, as the first few drops of rain hit my windshield. I took it lightly though. At least I’d made it safely inside the car before it started. I had a little over an hour to drive two miles down the road, and I would have rather drivenaround in the rainthan getting caught in it outside.
It started out as just a normal, steady rain, and that’s when I decided to drive by my childhood home. I could be out there and back in twenty minutes and that was taking my time. A ton of emotions swelled in my chest when I started up the side of that mountain. Royal and I had walked that dirt road so many times it wasn’t even funny, and we knew the forest around us like the backs of our hands. There was a new house at the end of theroad, but that was about it. Unlike town, the mountain leading to Pine Cove Holler was the same. It felt smaller maybe, but that didn’t really make sense.
Just as I turned right on our old road, the rain really started coming down, and I suddenly wished I would have gone with my original plan and done the drive by on my way out of town the following morning. My eyes squinted, trying to see the road I wasn’t familiar with anymore while I looked for a place to turn around. That was about the same too. You didn’t want to make any sudden turns on these roads, and I honestly couldn’t tell what was on each side of me. This was a for sure sign. I’d been getting them ever since I’d woken up, but I didn’t listen. Now, I would be lucky if I even made it on time. “Gah! Why can’t you just stick to the sidewalk?” I questioned with my eyes close to the windshield, trying to see where I was going.
Once I came down the next side of the mountain, I breathed a sigh of relief. Right at the bottom werethe flats where Royal and I raced our bikes, then cars, once we were older. The flats werethe perfect place for teens to race side by side. That made me happy. OnceI hit the flats, I knew Royal’s driveway was next,then mine.I could pull off there briefly and let the rain subside a little with plenty of time to make it to the reunion. Just as I reached the bottom, I hit the gas, but the rest is a little foggy. I remembered hearing the sound of the engine, and I remembered feeling like I was tumbling, and that was it. Briefly, I wondered if I was dying. I tried hard to keep my eyes open, but they were so heavy and strong. And then...darkness fell upon me, and I knew. I was dead.
Chapter Six
“Jessie. Jessie.”
The light was so bright, but I couldn’t open my eyes enough to tell where it was coming from.
“Jessica Darla Fenton. Come on, now.”
Opening one eye, I squinted at the light coming in from the window with a frown, and then I frowned a little more seeing Michael Jackson in a red suit, a white glove, and a hand over his crotch. Still not understanding my state of mind or where I was, I wondered why a poster of Michael Jackson was—.
“Jessie. I’m not kidding. Get up.”
The voice caused me to open both eyes, but I still didn’t move. I knew that voice but from where? Scowling around the room, I noticed John Stamos with the Tanner family over my dresser. Wait… my dresser? Sitting up, I scratched my head, trying to gather my bearings. Another dream. I was having another one of those vivid dreams where I watched from above. Wait, I thought, I wasn’t above. I was in—in my old bed? Unlike the other dreams
I’d had, this one was in real time. It was the weirdest thing ever.
“What the—.”
“Jess? You up?”
My eyes widened, and my heart beat rapidlybehind my chest. This wasn’t real. Was I dead? Looking down atmy hand, I noticed my fingers grasping the magic wand. “Okay, okay, this isn’t real. It’s just a dream,” I said to myself. That wasn’t my gram’s voice, I wasn’t really back in my old room, and I couldn’t really smell the food cooking downstairs. Seeing the shiny wand in my hand, I closed my eyes andlifted it up, tapping myself on the head like I had the first time. “I wish I were back 2017. In Atlanta, Georgia,” I added for good measure. Once again, I opened one eye. This time seeing the photos stuck around the edges of my mirror, and then I saw me.
“Holy shit!” I exclaimed.
Sliding out of bed, the first thing I noticed was how the joints in my knees didn’t ache when my feet hit the floor. It was the weirdest feeling in the world. I felt like I could jump to the clouds, and I did too. I jumped and touched the ceiling, like I had a gazillion times before, to keep polished on my layups. My body not only looked brand new, it felt brand new. “Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit,” I chanted, walking to the same mirror I’d walked to for years. Touching my face, I felt my soft skin, then pinched myself because that’s what they did in the movies. Only this wasn’t a movie. Next, I noticed my breasts. Peeking down my shirt, I cupped my boobs in my hands,raisingmy eyebrows in pleasurable shock. “Whoa.”
My room caught my attention next, pulling my eyes from my young, slender body to the place I’d spent most of my teen years. What a mess, but it was all mine. All thestuff I suddenly remembered. My record player with dual cassette, all my posters, my bed, my cabbage patch kid, my care bears, my little, white jewelry box with the dancing ballerina, all the photos of me and my friends, my basketball trophies, ribbons I’d won for being smart. There was so much to see, and it was so real. Like I was really in it, but that was impossible.
I picked up a stuffed Smurf and sat on the edge of my bed, wondering once again. “What the—.”
“Jess. Your ride will be here in thirty minutes. Come on.”
Even though I had recognized the voice the first time I heard it,it was at that moment whenit really hit me. I hadn’t heard hervoice in years. “Grams?”
Standing from my seated position, I ran my fingers through my hair and paced back and forth over the hardwood floor. “This isn’t real, Jessie. You need to wake up. It’s a dream. This is impossible.” I assured myself, trying like hell to talk myself awake, opening and closing my eyes in hopes to open them to somewhere else.
When that didn’t work, I subconsciously walked over to my window and raised it, realizing I’d done that so many times it wasn’t funny. Even in the hot summer, the nights could get chilly down in the valley, but the morning sun warmed my room, causing a muggy stuffiness I had forgotten all about. “Really, Jess? You’re worried about the old windows and the lack of insulation? You’re seventeen, for Christ’s sake.”
At that moment, it hit me. Wait… I thought. Seventeen? Was this a bad thing? Stopping in the middle of my room, I let thethought marinate. If it wereonly a dream, I could manipulate it however I wanted. Right?
Cautiously, I opened my door and walked across the creaking floor, instantly remembering the cold wood on my feet, and how I used to hate getting out of bed and running to the bathroom, or when I would get out of the shower. It made my bones freeze just thinking about it. “Okay, okay. It’s just a dream,” I coaxed again, searching for answers I didn’t have.
Looking around the bathroom atall my old things, I eased into my dream a little more. On a ribbon going down the mirror wereall my colored scrunchies, my makeup littered a small dresser in thecorner, and there were dirty clothes everywhere.
“Jessie Fenton!”
“Coming.”
Blinking away the disorder in my mind, I quickly got ready for…another time? Hurriedly, I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and ran back across the hall to get dressed. God, I was a messy teen. My two dressers were basically empty. Of course, they were. Everything was on the floor. Opening my closet, I smiled. A full closet of clothes with tags still on them. As soon as my fingers ran across the array of new clothes, I remembered them. My mom had shownup and taken me shopping for my senior year. Rather than freaking out, I thought about how I never let my kids wear clothes I didn’t wash first. And then my eyes widened. “You’re worried about thirty years from now? You’re about to go to high school.”
The panic in my heart calmed when I thought about Royal. Even if there was absolutely no way this could be real, I realized I could make it right. Even if it was a dream, maybe it would help me to let all this craziness go when I woke up in my real life.
“Okay, Jessie Fenton. Let’s go to school. High school,” I said, my head shaking indisbelief while choosing an outfit from my closet. It wasn’t until I slid into my new acid washed jeans and totally eighties shirt that I realized I had the opportunity to change it this time. Wasn’t that why I was here to begin with? If it helped me to move on with my life when I woke up, why wouldn’t I make it right?
Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I couldn’t help but take another look. The last time I stood in front of this mirror I thought I was fat. Not this time. No way. I looked good. I looked damn good. I’d always been one of those lucky teens who never had to deal with acne, but the first time I was seventeen, I covered my face with makeup. This time I wondered why. I definitely didn’t need it. Despite the decoration of makeup all over a table with a mirror, I opted out of the makeup. I didn’t use an ounce from one of three cans of Aqua Net hairspray sitting there, either. I added a ponytail with a scrunchy, matching my shirt. With a deep breath, I adjusted my shirt, remembering I’d chosen that exact same outfit for the first day of school the last time I had this day.
I shook my head, trying to rid the craziness. There was no way I was reliving a day I’d already lived. It was a dream. Nothing more than a dream. Holding the air in my lungs, I stepped out, cautiously walking down the creaking steps. A smile and deep breath through my nose relaxed me in a way I couldn’t explain. The scent of my grams taking care of me. I would have known that smell from anywhere, but it wasn’t the chocolate gravy that stopped me in my tracks. It was my grams. She was humming. She’d done that my entire life, always humming when she cooked. Peeking to the right of me, I noticed the living room, feeling a flood of emotions and memories. The floor creaked again when I walked into the kitchen, stopping at the door to make sure it was trulyreal again. A tsunami of emotions filled my heart, and tears filled my eyes. Right there, stirring my habitual scrambled eggs, was my grams. She looked so young.
“What?” She questioned.
Trying to keep it together, I moved to my chair to keep from falling on the floor. “Uh, nothing. You cooked for me.”
Grams dropped the long ash from her cigarette in the sink and gave me a look. “Who else isgoing to do it?”
“No, I mean. I mean, nothing. Thank you,” I said, standing and wrapping my arms tightly around her waist as she placed my plate right in front of me.
“What in the world is wrong with you? Sit down and eat. Johnny will be here any minute, and you’re not even ready.”
“I’m as ready as I’m going to get,” I said, trying to convince myself more than her. With a smile bigger than Texas, I sat down and dug into my chocolate gravy and scrambled eggs like I hadn’t eaten in months. “Hmmm, Grams, you’re the best cook in the world. I sure do appreciate all the meals you prepare for me.”
“Are you doing drugs? I swear if you start acting like your mother, I’ll throw you out on your head.”
Talking to her with a mouthful of heaven, I waved my fork. “Grams, I’m not. I’ve never done drugs in my life. Not even weed. Because of my mother,” I added matter of fact like. It was the truth, and my mom never tried to hide it either. Not that she was around much. She was always working, or so she s
aid. She wasn’t working. The factory job she’d worked at when I was really little was the longest she’d ever kept a job. Maybe three years. My Grandma Grace took care of me, and my mom took care of herself, always coming and going. I’d stopped believing in that lie a long time ago. We were never going to have a yellow house with a white picket fence, I was never going to get a baby sister, or a pony.
Staring off into space, I wondered about my age. Was I a forty-sevenyear old woman,or a seventeen year old kid? I held a bite of food in my mouth while I contemplated that. I remembered Eric, the kids, and everything else, but physically, I was here. Or dead? That thought reminded me of something Roxy had said:“Sometimes you have to go back to let go.”
My grams walked into the next room and turned on the television to watch reruns of Archie Bunker, Three’s Company, and then Alice. The memory made me smile even more. She sat around for those three shows while she smoked cigarettes and drank coffee, and then she would do whatever needed to be done. “Get your dirty clothes down here if you want them washed.”
All I could do was sit and smile. This kitchen held so much of my life, my favorite breakfast, the eighties wall paper with all the yellow clocks, the table where I had eaten for years, and the calendar that hung just below the phone with the stretched out cord. That one was worth a closer look. “Oh, my God. It’s real.”
“What’s real? You best be hurrying up. Johnny will be here any time now.”
“Oh yeah, Johnny.”
“You two have a fight?”
“No, no, we didn’t. I just forgot about him.”
“He’s a nice boy. I like him. He comes from a nice family, too. You better hang on to that one. Trust me. Find yourself a nice boy, and settle down. Don’t be like your mama. She’s going to find herself old and alone someday without a pot to piss in. You mark my words.”
Once Upon Another Time Page 8