Semiramis The Vessel

by Maya Daniels

  “Lucifer, stop!” I scream and run towards the pile of human limbs on the ground.

  As I reach them they start groaning and untangling themselves so they can get up. Lucifer and Inanna try to help them as well.

  “It’s not working. I cannot open the portal,” Lucifer says angrily.

  “No shit, Sherlock. We figured that out already,” I snap at him.

  “I am Lucifer. I do not know who this Sherlock fellow is.” He growls low in his throat looking at me suspiciously.

  I can’t help it. I laugh. Bending down, tears run down my face, and I hear the rest of them laughing, too. Leave it to Lucifer to get angry about something so silly. Bent in half, with my hands resting on my knees, I lift my head to look at him. He has murder written on his face. I hope he never meets anyone named Sherlock.

  “It’s a figure of speech, angel. He’s a fictional character, a detective. A brilliant one at that,” I tell him through my giggles.

  “To humans, I am a fictional character, too,” he says through clenched teeth, suspicion not leaving those star-filled eyes.

  “I promise you, this one is!”

  Dismissing his silly jealousy and to keep my stupid heart from getting all warm and fuzzy, I turn around, looking at Meda.

  “We must try doing it our way,” I tell her and she nods grimly.

  I watch her as she turns around, lifts her arms up and start chanting. There is something going on with her, but I will never force her to tell me something she’s not ready to say. I can only hope it’s not as bad as I think it is. I feel her energy meld with mine and ours meld with the rest of my sisters. It swirls and tugs in the middle of my chest. It’s a strange but a comfortable feeling. Knowing it’s because they are connected to me—part of me, makes it special and my heart swells at the sensation. Again, as she nears the end of her chanting, I steel myself for the portal. Nope. Nothing.

  “This is ridiculous! Are we doing something wrong? Or is Ishtar keeping us out?” I start saying and I gasp. “Do you think Ishtar is working with Tiamat?” I look at Inanna for answers but she’s already shaking her beautiful head.

  “No. She will never work with Tiamat. I was worried that this would happen,” she says more to herself than the rest of us. “She will not let any of us open the portal for you love. You will have to open Ishtar’s gate.” She looks into my eyes, love and sadness mingling in hers.

  “How the fuck can I open her gate? I’ve never even heard of it,” I say angrily. “Actually, I’ll just try the chant Meda used, so I can see if I can open the portal,” I add hopefully.

  “No, it won’t work, A-Ma. Your energy was present when I tried and it still didn’t open. If you try again, it will only make you more tired, and we still don’t know what’s waiting for us on the other side,” Meda says but her cheeks turn reddish, and she finishes looking at her toes instead of me. I wonder what that is all about, but I don’t question her.

  “In case you all lost your hearing just now, let me repeat myself. I haven’t even heard of it. How the hell will I open it?” I speak slowly, like talking to simpletons.

  “It’s in you, Alexia. You just need to remember. You have opened that gate many times through many lifetimes,” Daisy finally says, and we all turn to look at her.

  “And how do I do that?” I ask her.

  “By accepting all that you are,” she says simply and slowly lowers herself to sit on the ground “We will sit here until you are ready, I guess.”

  “I’ve accepted it already.”

  “No, love. You have not!” This comes from Inanna and I turn on her

  “What do you mean, I have not? I have done all you have asked of me. Not just you but every fucking entity, god, goddess and angel.” I look pointedly at Lucifer before continuing “I have let you use my heart, my energy, even invade my body with your merging. My soul hangs around someone’s neck like a piece of crap, for fuck’s sake! What more would you have me do, Mother? You want my life? Take that, too, and let’s get this over with!” I’m practically shouting the last words in her face, but she just looks at me, all calm. It pisses me off even more. “Well? What else! Speak!” I wave my hand in her face.

  I’ve lost my mind, yelling at her like some random person I’ve come across and I wouldn’t blame her if she flattened me to the ground and ended my existence. But what else could I do? I don’t know how to make this nightmare end.

  “You have done everything. That is true. Only you did all that for everyone and everything else but yourself. We all know who and what you are and accept and love you for it. Do you accept and love who and what you are?” Inanna watches me with such intensity I feel like squirming in front of her, like a worm pulled out of the ground.

  “What does that have to do with anything? I am what I need to be. It should be enough!” I say stubbornly.

  “But it’s not,” says Daisy, and she has tears in her eyes.

  23

  Alexia…

  I grit my teeth and it feels as though my jaw will snap in two. This whole thing is crazy. I’m sick and tired of everything and everyone and I prepare myself to march out of the damn circle, saying to hell with it all. Accept myself, my ass!

  From the corner of my eye I see shimmering around the altar, so I turn my head to look at it, hoping that by some miracle the damn portal will open. It grows brighter and brighter, so much so that I must squint my eyes or I’ll go blind. Placing my hand over my eyes, I grind my teeth from the intensity of it. It’s like looking at the sun, even with my eyes closed, and I start getting a headache. Everyone is groaning. Just when I feel I’m about to pass out, it dims and I slowly spread my fingers, peeking between them, to see what it is. It better be the portal!

  As my eyes adjust, my jaw drops to the floor, my arm falls limply next to my body and my legs buckle, dropping me to my knees on the ground. All the air leaves my lungs and I feel like I’m about to pass out. Gasps around me tell me that I’m not hallucinating and they see what I see. My hand shakes so badly that I’m having difficulties lifting it. I reach out, hoping and dreading that if I make contact, it’ll disappear and leave me so broken I won’t live through this.

  “Granma,” I whisper fearfully, looking at the shimmering glow of the person standing in front of me.

  Tears run unchecked down my face, blurring my vision, and I wipe them away with shaking fingers, afraid that if I blink she’ll be gone. I fight to swallow the huge lump in my throat so I can speak. Clearing my throat, I try a little louder, still afraid I’ll make her disappear if I disturb the silence.

  “Granma, it’s you!” My voice breaks on my dumb statement.

  “Stand up. Let me see you.” She smiles down at me and opens her arms.

  I fly into her embrace so fast I almost topple her to the ground. I’m ugly crying, laughing and talking—all at the same time. My body is shaking so badly she is having hard time holding me to her.

  “Calm down, Alexia. I’m here, child. I’m here,” she keeps whispering in my hair.

  I cling to her so tightly as though I can hold her here with me by sheer will alone. She grunts and I lift my head from her shoulder to see her features twist in pain. I release my grip but don’t let go. I never want to let go.

  “You’ve grown strong, pussycat. You’ll break me in half.” She smiles at me.

  I start crying all over again with long gasping sobs. Dropping to my knees in front of her, I hug her hips and press my head against her belly, clinging for dear life.

  “Please don’t leave. Or take me with you, please,” I beg.

  “Now, child, that’s nonsense. You will come to me when it’s time, not a moment sooner. Stop crying and stand up so I can see the beautiful woman you have become,” she says firmly and pulls on my shoulders.

  Just like time has turned back and I’m a little girl, I obey her without question. Hiccupped sobs still shake my body as she holds me at arm’s length, looking at me up and down with a longing smile on her face. She looks exactly
like the last time I saw her, like she hasn’t aged a day since.

  “I’ve missed you so much. I love you.” I sob in a whisper.

  “As I have missed you, my beautiful child. There is no one I love more in the universe,” she says and I know the truth of her words in my bones.

  “I’m sorry you lost your life because of me. I wish it had been me,” I tell her in the words I’ve told myself a million times over the years.

  “Don’t you ever say that again, you hear me?” She shakes me, her eyes narrowed, and I look at my feet.

  I fight gods and warlocks, stand up to goddesses and angels, but this slip of a woman makes me feel like a chastened child. The gravity of how much I have really missed her hits me like two planets colliding on my head. I step back to look at her.

  “Why haven’t you come to see me all these years if you can?” Everyone can hear the hurt in my voice. I don’t care.

  “If I could, I would’ve. It was not the time,” she says.

  I want to say so many things but her eyes shift over my shoulder, looking behind me.

  “Inanna.” My grandmother nods slightly using her ‘I mean business’ tone of voice.

  I would’ve smirked at the goddess if I weren’t still shaking in my shoes. Let’s see how brave she is dealing with my grandma.

  “Margaret.” Inanna nods back. Seeing the goddess looking at my grandma with respect makes me all warm inside.

  “Lucifer.” She turns towards the angel.

  “Margaret,” he replies and I forget about shaking and crying the same second.

  “You know my grandmother?” I turn on him incredulous.

  “Of course,” he answers simply, looking at me with emotions I don’t what to think about right now.

  I humph at that but say nothing. I’ll drill him on it later; I have more important things to say at the moment.

  “You’re back for good now, right?” I tug on my grandmother’s hand like I used to do when I barely reached her hips, even if I am a head taller than her now “Right?!” I add hopefully.

  “No, Alexia. I’m afraid not. I came because I needed to see you and help you at this time. I can’t stay, no matter how much I wish I could,” she says sadly. “But we will talk about it in a moment.”

  She turns from me and walks up to Daisy. They embrace each other as longtime friends often do. It’s beautiful to see it. It makes me turn my head to look at my sisters, and I see they are thinking the same, looking back at me with tears in their eyes.

  “…I did all I could, but I still failed you,” Daisy says to my grandmother.

  “You didn’t. Everything is as it should be. It all had to pass. You, most of all, should know that.” My grandma hugs Daisy again before stepping away from her

  Lucifer inched closer to me as soon as my grandmother goes to Daisy and I can feel his eyes on me but I can’t look away from her. It’s the fear that she’ll disappear if I blink. It’s stupid, but I can’t help it. I want to glue my eyelids open so I don’t even have to blink.

  “She won’t leave without telling you,” Lucifer says softly, as if he read my mind.

  “I know,” I mumble, still not looking away.

  “I am sorry,” he says, taking me by surprise, and I do turn to look at him.

  “Why are you sorry? What did you do?”

  “It is not what I have done but what I have not. I cannot help but think if I have gotten involved in all this a long time ago, perhaps things would have taken a different turn. I knew you loved her and missed her but I did not understand it until now. I hate to see that pain in your eyes. It makes me want to bend time and space or kill whoever put it there, just so it goes away,” he speaks softly, his knuckles brushing my face gently.

  “Thank you. You’ll have your chance to kill the one that put it there, don’t worry,” I answer him distractedly because I can’t help how my body reacts to his nearness and touch.

  Like moth to a flame, my body sways towards him to get closer. My gaze drops from his eyes to his lips and he takes a deep breath, parting them invitingly. I lick my lower lip and his eyes zero in on it like a hawk. Everything around me dissolves and all I can see and feel is him. His arm snaking around my waist, the warmth of his body pressing on mine, his breath fanning my face making my blood pound in my ears and my lips tingle. I shove my hand in his hair, tangling my fingers in it and pulling him down to me when clearing of a throat snaps me out of my daze. My grandmother is looking at us with her hands on her hips and amusement dancing in her eyes. I jump away from Lucifer like he has burnt me and bend my head to look at my feet. Shit, I’m a grown-ass woman, not a child! Hearing everyone snickering in the background makes me want to zap their asses to make them stop. I lift my head to glare at them, and they snicker even more. Glancing at Lucifer from the corner of my eye, I can see I’m not the only one acting like an idiot. He has a sheepish look on his face and he’s rubbing his neck, uncomfortably looking anywhere but at my grandmother. She does have that effect on everyone, obviously.

  “You wish to share something with me, Alexia?” she asks, amusement clear in her voice. I steal a quick glance at her face but look down fast.

  “Nope!” I answer my toes.

  Everyone snorts or laughs, the goddess included. Lucifer snickers and I glare at him. Shrugging his shoulder as if to say ‘what can I do,’ he grins at me. Asshole.

  “I don’t, but I think Lucifer does,” I grin at him, baring teeth. Let’s see how funny it is now.

  She turns her head towards him, and Inanna laughs out loud.

  “I would’ve paid anything to see that look on his face.” She laughs harder and the rest join her.

  “No kidding,” Jezz chirps from somewhere behind Inanna. They laugh more at that. My grandmother joins them, shaking her head.

  “You’re a grown woman. You do know that, right?” she asks me.

  “Of course.”

  “So? Want to tell your Nana why you are giving starry eyes to Lucifer?” She smiles so big her face will split in half.

  “I most definitely did not!” I say stubbornly.

  She snickers under her breath and shakes her head. Walking up to me, she wraps an arm around my waist and starts leading me towards the others where they were sitting on the ground. Lucifer follows behind us as if guarding our back.

  “You will tell me when you are ready to tell yourself then, huh?” She squeezes my waist gently, looking at me lovingly.

  “If you stay, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” I promise her and she smiles sadly.

  “If you hurt her, angel, no realm will be big enough to hide you. I promise you that,” she says firmly, not taking her eyes of me.

  “I understand,” he says solemnly, and I look over my shoulder at him with raised eyebrows, my heart thumping so hard it’ll break my ribcage if it keeps it up.

  “I mean it,” he says simply and looks over my head as if the subject is closed.

  We come up to the rest of the group and lower ourselves to the ground. I cling like a tick to my grandmother. If she can’t shake me off, she might stay. She pets my hand gently and smooths my hair behind my ear.

  “Let’s see if I can help you with your destiny,” she whispers so only I can hear.

  24

  Lucifer…

  Inanna is laughing hard at my expense. Let her laugh, I’ll still win in this!

  “I would’ve paid anything to see that look on his face.” She laughs harder and I smile, not feeling bad at all that she is making fun of me. My chest feels warm this moment and nothing can make me lose this feeling.

  “No kidding,” Jezzinta says from somewhere behind Margaret and I glare at her jokingly.

  She raises her arms in surrender, grinning from ear to ear at me and it makes me smile again. I think I shall wear this smile for a long time now. I know Alexia feels the same as I do. When she lost herself in me while Margaret was standing close by, it told me all I needed to know. My heart is full and it feels it’ll t
ake flight. I try to hide it as I do not want them knowing how uncertain I felt about how she feels about me.

  All my fears have been for nothing. I want to shout to the worlds, but I keep my smile and stay quiet. Remi looks at me with knowing eyes, just like Faith and Meda. All four of them nod at me and I nod back. I have won their trust; they know I would do everything for Alexia just like they would.

  “You’re a grown woman. You do know that, right?” Margaret says.

  “Of course!” Alexia answers, her cheeks turning red, and my hands itch from how badly I want to pull her into my arms and kiss her until she forgets her name. I clench them at my sides.

  “So? Want to tell your Nana why you’re giving starry eyes to Lucifer?”

  “I most definitely did not!” My witch says stubbornly as they turn and start walking towards the others, and I walk behind them.

  Watching Alexia walk next to Margaret makes me want to do everything in my power to keep her grandmother here. I can’t cross that line, no matter how badly I wish to do it for her.

  “You will tell me when you are ready to tell yourself then, huh?”

  “If you stay, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” Alexia says, and my heart hurts at the longing in her voice. The next words coming from Margaret make me forget all about that.

  “If you hurt her, angel, no realm will be big enough to hide you. I promise you that.”

  “I understand,” I answer from the bottom of my soul. Alexia looks at me as if surprised.

  “I mean it,” I tell her and look at the rest of them making sure they’ve heard me.

  As we sit and get comfortable, Margaret whispers to Alexia so no one else can hear.

  “Let’s see if I can help you with your destiny.”

  Inanna and I heard her very clearly, and we look at each other. My heart starts beating like a war drum at her words and I see Inanna’s eyes glow with hope. Maybe Margaret can say something to Alexia that will give her some information that we are not allowed to say. I stay still and hold my breath, hoping beyond hope that all secrets will come to an end.