“I am, but we have your show tonight, and then I leave tomorrow. I’ll sleep on the flight home.” She grabs the end of my beard and tugs me down to her mouth for a kiss.
“Okay.” I smile against her smooth moist lips. “If I haven’t mentioned it, I love your hair.”
“Oh.” She touches her slightly longer, wavy, and more natural chestnut-colored hair. “Thanks.” Her cheeks redden. “No, you didn’t mention it.”
“No? Well, that’s ’cause I’ve been too preoccupied thinking about what I’m going to do to you in that special bed. The one that’s not made for sleeping.”
“Excuses.” She grins. “But we do need to have that talk.” The elevator dings, and the door opens.
“Yeah.” I grab her hand. “We will.” I don’t care what she wants to talk about. I don’t care about anything but having her in my arms for the next twenty-four hours. Fuck. I wish I didn’t have the show tonight. I’d take her back to my room, let her have a two-hour nap, and then fuck her for the next twenty-two.
The place is quiet. The guys must be out. “Ya want something to drink?”
“A water would be great.” She smiles, sitting down at the table.
I get her what she wants, walk over, and hand it to her.
“Thanks.” She guzzles half of it.
I sit down across from her. “What do you want to talk about?” Might as well get this shit over with. It’s not going anywhere until I address it.
“Well.” She pauses to replace the cap on her bottled water, and I get the sense I’m not going to like what she’s about to say.
“Wait.” I hold up a hand. “Not yet.” I shake my head.
“But—”
“No. Don’t go there. It’s too late, Jaggs. We’re at a place we can’t turn back from, and if that’s what you’re trying to do, it’s not happening. Give us a little more time before you go there.”
“It can’t work. Your family means the world to me.”
“Yeah, and I’m a part of that family. What do I mean to you?”
“I don’t know.” She looks at the table. “But it won’t work.”
“That’s bullshit.” Her eyes flash to mine. “You can tell yourself that shit, but it’s not true. You feel something for me. I know you do.”
Something shifts in her. I’ve seen it before. In fact, I’ve been seeing it for the past year. The face she puts on when she’s about to lie, like when she tells the story about why her mom named her Jaggs. The story goes that her mom was a big fan of Mick Jagger. She tells people when her mom brought her home from the hospital, she decorated her nursery with huge posters of him. When, really, Jaggs was taken from her mother for the first month of her life until her mom cleaned herself up enough for social services to give Jaggs back to her. It’s sad. Her life has been nothing but a series of awful, fucked-up events. I want to give her the happiness she deserves, and I know it’s going to be a fight, but this is one war I can and will win.
“Listen.” Getting up, I walk over and kneel in front of her, taking her hands into mine. “We just cleared up the lies between us, so let’s not start doing it again, okay? If you’re afraid of this, that’s all right. I get it. I’m scared too, but I’m not going to let you go because I can’t handle what I feel.”
She stares down at out joined hands. “I can’t see us going anywhere.”
“Why?”
“You’re you, and I’m me.”
“Hey.” I tap her under the chin to get her to look at me. “I like you.”
“That’s not enough,” she says, and I get that a part of her believes it.
“What would be enough, Jaggs? Do you want me to tell you I love you?”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Like you said, let’s not start lying to each other again.”
“From here on out, I will not lie to you. Can you make the same promise to me?”
She studies me for a few seconds. “That’s the problem. I don’t want to promise you anything. I don’t want to think about you or wonder what you’re doing or if you’re thinking about me, when I might see you again, or will you still want me when I do.”
“I will.” I palm her face, forcing her to look at me. I’m glad she’s on the same track as me. Even more glad she didn’t ask me to tell her I love her. There’s something going on between us, but I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know how to define any of this shit. “I want you, and that’s not going away. These past two months are proof of that. I haven’t touched anyone or thought of anyone but you. It’s you, Jaggs. Since that tragic day, when I saw you, when I held you. Fuck.” I stand, toss my hat on the table, and push my fingers through my hair. “Do you think this is easy for me? It’s not.”
“Then why do it?”
“It’s not like I have a choice. I fucking want you. I want to give this a try.” I stare down at her, having a difficult time reading her expressions. She’s always been good at hiding her feelings. Hell, for the past year, she’s mastered lying to people. Fuck! I know what’s going on. “You’re worried I’ll use again?”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes cower from me.
“Look at me,” I order, and she obeys. It makes me want to take her into my room to see what else I can order her to do. Jaggs rarely drops her defense. “That’s better. Always take me head-on. Don’t ever shy away from me. Do not fear me.”
“I don’t.” Her chin lifts and eyes squint.
“Yeah.” I smile. “That’s better, babe.”
“Fuck you!” She sneers, and the change in her demeanor inspires me.
“Much better!” I smack my hands together. “Anything else you want to say to me? Now’s the time?” I spread my arms wide, ready to take any bullets she’s about to send my way.
“Yes!” She shoots up from the chair. “Yes, I’m afraid you’ll use again. I’m afraid that I’ll give you my heart, and you’ll break it. Yes! You’re an addict, and that scares the hell out of me. Yes! I’m afraid I might find you dead someday. I can’t fall in love with an addict. I just can’t!”
“Wait!” I hold up a hand and grin. “Love? Are we going there? Are we talking about love now?”
“Fuck off, Stone.”
“Come here.” I laugh, reaching for her.
She’s quick to pull away.
“Leave me alone. This isn’t funny, you asshole.” She takes a few steps back from me. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. I can’t do this,” she says, placing her fingertips on her forehead with her upper body shaking.
“Alright.” I sober. “I get it. I’m upsetting you. I see it, but Jaggs, we have to get this out of the way. We need to address this shit before we can move forward in this relationship, and we will be moving forward. I refuse to let you go that easily.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes we can’t have what we want. I’m sure you’ve learned that by now.”
“Ah, I have, but I can assure you, you are not one of those things. I will have you.”
“You can’t!” She shakes her head.
“What if I wasn’t an addict? Could you be with me then?” I cross my arms over my chest. I get what I expected, no response. “You’re right. I’m fucked up, and I can’t erase the things that made me that way. I can’t get the nightmares or the bad memories out of my mind, but with you in my life, it can only get better, babe. But, yes, I’m an addict, and that part of me, well, you’re gonna have to take it along with all the other parts.”
“Along with the part that has you answering calls to deactivate bombs?”’ Her eyes gloss over, and I pause to swallow down the hurt stuck in my throat. That’s it. She can’t get past the fact that I’m like her mother or that four tours in Iraq stole my fear factor. I’m not afraid of bombs; it’s what makes me so good at deactivating them.
“Fuck! This sucks.” I take a deep breath, trying to find a way around this shit, but I got nothing. “Okay.” I press my l
ips together because she’s right. Who’d want to invest their heart into me? Maybe, I need to let her go. “Okay.” I grab her, and this time, she lets me pull her against me. “Let’s try to forget about the shit that’s fucking this up for us and take the next twenty-four hours to just be together. I don’t want to waste any more time on why we can’t be together. I’d rather savor the reasons we should be together.” I kiss her on the top of the head. “Like this, the way you feel in my arms. Hey.” I kiss her head again. “What do ya think? Sound good?”
Her arms wrap around me, and she squeezes her body against mine. “Yeah,” she whispers into my chest. “Sounds good, but tomorrow, we go back to reality.” Her arms tighten. “We just won’t work.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I stand on the stage and look out at the vast open venue. “Getty, there has to be over ten thousand seats in this place!” Mouth partially opened, I turn to the young kid now looking put together and in control as he directs the crew.
“Fifteen thousand and twenty-six, to be exact.” He points to the left at one of the guys carrying a bunch of cords. “Yeah, SAM is huge here.”
“They must be super huge if they’re gonna fill all these seats.” I take another gander at the empty place.
“Tickets sold out on day two.”
“No way!” I spin around to check to see if he’s serious.
He nods with a chuckle. “I shit you not.”
“I had no idea.”
“Really?” He reaches inside his beanie and scratches his head. “No! Not there.” He waves at another stagehand. “That one goes over there.”
“Wow!” I round the grand place once more in utter awe. “Stone never mentioned anything about this to me,” I say more to myself. No wonder he couldn’t drop everything and come back to Cali with me. He had all of this. That group of people, the baseball hat and the dark glasses, it makes sense now. Here, he’s a rock star! I always thought he was a wannabe rock star, but wow, he’s a real live superstar. But so what, right? Wrong. Sad but true, he’s that much sexier for it! “Where is the band anyway?”
“They’ll be here soon, but thanks again for coming over with me. I always get stuck with the prep work, and most of the time, I do it alone. Don’t tell anyone, but I like the grunt work. It’s the best part of the gig.” He leans closer. “Especially when you can’t sing or play an instrument if your life depended on it.” He chuckles. He’s a real sweet kid. I bet Jenny would’ve liked him.
“Oh, I’m honored to be here with the Great Getty.” I smile.
“I like it.” He points at my head.
“My hair?” I touch it, recalling Stone mentioning the same thing earlier.
“Yeah.”
“Thanks.” I smile.
“Yeah, I almost didn’t recognize you when you came into the hotel yesterday. Sorry ’bout that. It took me second to, ah…” He rubs his nose with his fist. “And then that girl came out. I thought about it, what ya must’ve thought. Anyway, I’m not sure if you care, but he ain’t been with anyone since you. He hasn’t used either. He’s a good guy.”
I stare at him for a few more minutes. Maybe he’s in his twenties. I can’t figure him out.
An hour later, Getty and I are occupying the best seats in the house, front and center. I didn’t get a chance to see Stone before he went on, but it’s okay.
I’m stupefied by the number of people who have come to see his band. I look over my shoulder.
Who knew? I wonder if Crash knows his brother’s this big shot in the UK. He’s never mentioned it. All I know is when Stone’s band plays in town, whoever is around goes to support him, but no one talked about this. This is huge!
The lights dim, and the chatter transforms into cheers, whistles, and screams. With the first strum of the guitar, the lights play along with the music, introducing each band member by way of different-colored lights. A blue light hits Stone, and an injection of adrenaline brings me to my feet.
I remain standing through the next three songs. Over the past two months, I’ve listened and learned the lyrics to every song. When the third song finishes, Derrick addresses the crowd with thanks.
Derrick moves to the front of the stage. “Hey, who wants to hear something new tonight?” The crowd hoots and hollers. “What?” He puts his hand to his ear. “I can’t hear you!” The crowd cranks up a few more decimals. “Alright, that’s better.” He nods. “And who wants to hear this guy sing it?” He points at Stone. The crowd goes wild. I don’t know if Stone knew he was going to sing tonight or not. The crowd grows louder, encouraging him, and Stone replaces his electric guitar for Luna.
Still standing, holding my breath with my hands clenched to my chest, I’m hypnotized and fixated on the gorgeous man on the stage. I’m a liar. I want him. I want us.
The lights fade away until he’s the only visible thing. Head bent, he runs the pic along the guitar, and the intense sound rips and roars through the vast open space. He sets another string into motion, and as the vibration courses through me, I lower myself into the seat. Stone plucks a slow and seductive acoustic story with his love, Luna. A few plucks and strums and he’s lulled the crowd. The room silences, giving the respect to the sound that’s taken over the place.
He moves closer to the mic, and my heart slams against my chest. Hair covering his face, his relaxed lips that explored and embraced every inch of my body hours before hover over the mic like that’s where they belong.
His hands leave the security of the guitar, and he palms the mic. “This one is called, ‘Another Land,’” he says in a low gravelly tenor that shakes through the vast room.
The sound pours into me. It resonates all through my body as if claiming me as its new home. His eyes find me, and it’s all over with. I might as well wave a white flag. With every look, touch, kiss, word spoken, and time spent together, the fight is getting harder. I know we should never be an us, but when I’m with him, I can’t feel anything but as one.
He steals his trapping gaze from me, lowering his head to concentrate on the guitar. His eyes close. His mouth opens, and this spellbinding, earth-shattering, and riveting sound pours out of him. The room remains silent as he plays a heart-wrenching, beautifully broken acoustic solo while relating the narrative in that smooth whiskey voice.
I search my dark empty soul
Close my eyes
Get lost in a hole
That’s when I know it’s near
The smoke fills the night air
That’s when I feel what I fear
Shh…she says and holds out her hand
Shh…she says let me take you to another land
And to another world we go
There the journey starts
There the darkness departs
I hear children crying
I cover my ears
It sounds like lying
I turn deaf to all near
I close my eyes
Try to hide
My heart opens
And she moves inside
Shh… she says and holds out her hand
Shh…she says let me take you to another land
And to another world we go
There the journey starts
There the darkness departs
I close my eyes
She’s there
I open my eyes
She’s there
Shh… she says and holds out her hand
Shh…she says let me take you to another land
There we will grow old
There our story will be told
A tear falls down my cheek, and if I thought I had any fight against this man, he just stole it from me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I toss Luna over my shoulder and thank the guys picking up the stage. It’s weird to leave everything behind, but that’s how the pros do it. They pay people to do this
shit. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it.
My eyes land on Jaggs, and she’s another thing I don’t know if I’ll get used to. Especially the way she looks at me. There’s something so innocent, complex, and intimate about it. Like while she might not want to, now that the hate goggles are off, she gets me. Maybe that’s why my heart shifts a little closer to her whenever she’s around.
She’s not like my groupies, who only see what they want. Jaggs beholds the ugly and broken parts of me, and her eyes don’t stray. They stay and wait for more. Maybe she senses my regard, my desire, and my unconditional acceptance of her. Perhaps that’s what keeps her eyes steady on me.
I smile and head over to her. “Hey.” I bend down and take her mouth like it belongs to me. I pull back, chest heavy, missing her already. “Let’s go. We only have a few more hours left.” I take her hand.
Trigger walks by, pausing long enough to ask, “You goin’ out with us?”
“No. We’re heading back to the hotel.”
“Yeah, okay.” He walks backward, looking at us with a grin. “Well, we’re all goin’ and probably won’t be back till morning. So if I don’t see ya, have a safe flight home, Jaggs.”
“Thanks.” Jagg smiles, and I nod at my longtime friend, grateful for the alone time with my girl.
We walk out the back entrance where a crowd of people are waiting behind a makeshift metal fence. They hoot and holler my name.
I open the truck door for Jaggs, shaking my head. “Sorry, that’s so fucking embarrassing.”
“Don’t say that. You were amazing tonight.”
I grab the seat belt and buckle her in. Half because I want to be close to her and half because I want to keep her safe. I take my time, inhaling her balmy scent. “The night’s not over with yet, babe.” I wink at her with promise and then shut the door. And for the first time, I lift a hand and wave at my fans. I’m rewarded by hoisting fists and louder screams.
STONE (Daring the Kane Brothers) Page 11