by Emily Mayer
I had told myself so many times that the tabloid pictures didn’t matter, because whatever had happened, it was before we were together. And if it niggled at the back of my mind sometimes, I ignored it—I was too happy to care about what had probably been just a made-up story anyway. Hadn’t the same magazine claimed to find Elvis’ long-lost twin? But, I couldn’t ignore it this time.
Oh God. I thought I was going to throw my cheeseburger back up. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My mind screamed at me to stop watching, to get up and walk away, but my body refused to move.
“Rumor has it this mystery woman is from Kincaid’s hometown and has made numerous trips to LA to visit him.”
I shoved out of my seat, completely numb, and made my way to the gate to board. I woodenly handed my ticket to the gate agent and walked down the ramp. I was suddenly happy to have the window seat. I shoved my carry-on under the seat in front of me and turned to face out the window. The tears were falling down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away. I swiped at them furiously.
How did this happen? He told me he loved me yesterday. The tears fell faster when I remembered the sweet text he’d sent me this morning—this morning, when he was with her. Had he sent me that message while he was still in bed with her? My phone vibrated in my hands. I switched it to airplane mode without even bothering to look at the messages. My vision was too blurred by tears to read anyway.
The man who took the aisle seat kept sneaking worried glances at me. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. The last thing I needed was to be kicked off this flight.
I replayed the pictures from that trashy program over and over again in my mind as we taxied and took off. The pictures were proof—solid evidence that he had been with someone else last night. But somehow it still didn’t make sense. Doubt kept warring with the hurt until I wasn’t sure what I was feeling.
“Do you want something to drink?” the flight attendant asked, turning my attention away from my thoughts.
“A ginger ale, please.” My voice sounded strained and I knew my tear-stained cheeks told a sad, sad story.
She handed me the whole can of ginger ale with a compassionate smile. “Bad day?”
I nodded, a tear escaping out of the corner of my eye.
“The worst,” I answered, allowing myself to be a little dramatic. It wasn’t every day you found out from national television that your boyfriend might be cheating on you.
It wasn’t the worst day of my life. Not by a long shot. My mind understood that I was being dramatic but my heart didn’t seem to care. I remembered those days I had lain in the hospital bed that had been brought to the house, scared to close my eyes at night because I was secretly afraid I might not wake up. I knew I’d had worse days, but my heart hurt. It was a physical pain that reminded me of the days right after surgery.
“Hang in there, sweetie.” She offered the words of encouragement with a sympathetic smile, then steered the cart down the aisle.
I ran my fingers up and down the scar on my chest, sipping on my ginger ale and trying to keep the tears at bay. No matter how objective I tried to be, I couldn’t shake the doubt that kept creeping in. Sebastian had never given me a reason not to trust him. His words and actions had always proven true. I thought back to all our evenings together—even when he was at an away game, he spent most of his evenings on the phone with me. Something wasn’t adding up. Until that show, I hadn’t once doubted that Sebastian loved me; even long before he’d said the words, I knew it was true.
I loved him—and more importantly right now, I trusted him. I needed to stop reacting and be reasonable. By the time the plane landed, I was firmly convinced that the show hadn’t told the whole truth. I needed to hear Sebastian explain what had happened. Somehow, I knew his explanation would make things okay, because in my heart of hearts, I knew him. Maybe it wasn’t rational, but it felt right.
I wheeled my suitcase into the hot evening air and scanned the curb lane looking for Sebastian. My heart lurched in my chest when I saw him. He looked terrible, worse than I did. His hair was sticking out in every direction like he had repeatedly pulled at the ends with his fingers, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He looked more unsure than I had ever seen him. I walked toward him and he rushed to me, reaching out to touch me but dropping his hand at the last minute. That broke my heart more than anything else.
“Hi.” I threw the word out into the void.
“You saw them.” His face was grim. “Lennon, I can explain. I tried to call you but you weren’t answering.”
“I was on a plane. My phone was on airplane mode. I must have forgotten to take it off when we landed,” I explained, trying to sound calm.
“Right, of course.” He sounded so deflated that I fought against the urge to comfort him. I wanted to put him out of his misery. I just didn’t know how to yet.
“Move it along, folks,” a security guard yelled from the street.
Sebastian took my suitcase and walked to the car, tension radiating off his body. I got in and buckled my seat belt. I watched him walk around the car, bracing himself before he opened the door and got in.
He steered the car away from the curb, merging into traffic. His hand was on the wheel, gripping it so hard that his knuckles were white. I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached over and took his free hand in mine.
“Just tell me what happened, please?”
He glanced at me briefly, his surprise written clearly on his face.
“Her name is Anna, and I swear to you, Lennon, I have never been with her, even before we were together. She’s a friend of my sister Lucy. They went to university together, and Anna’s a model or something. She occasionally comes to LA for photoshoots.” He glanced at me again, clearly trying to judge the impact of his words. The tightness in my chest had already started to ease. I rubbed my thumb across his knuckles. “Lucy called me last night because she got a phone call from Anna, and she sounded really messed up. Lucy was really worried about her so I said I would go to the club and check on her. But when I got there Anna was so drunk I couldn’t just leave her. I got her out of the club and into my car, but she passed out before I could figure out where she was staying. I didn’t want to leave her alone in that shape anyway, so I took her back to my apartment. Nothing happened. She slept it off and I put her in a cab the next morning. I had to do the same fucking thing a month or so ago and the media made a big deal out of it. I should have called or texted you, but it was so late and I didn’t want to wake you up. I knew you had to be up early for your presentation. I’m so, so fucking sorry, Lennon. But I swear to God, I would never do that to you. You can call Lucy right now if you want.”
I burst into tears, relieved and embarrassed and even a little ashamed. It was like my body couldn’t house all of those emotions at once and needed to purge them.
“Fuck.”
I heard his rough curse through my sobs. He steered the car off the highway at the first exit we passed and pulled the car into a parking lot. He reached across my lap to unbuckle my seat belt, then pulled me awkwardly onto his lap as much as the tight space would allow. He whispered words of apology and love until I stopped crying.
“I’m so sorry.” I let out a watery sigh. “I didn’t mean to cry. I don’t really even know why I’m crying. I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” he asked, tilting me back so our eyes met.
“Because there was a solid forty-five minutes where I doubted you, and I shouldn’t have. It was totally unfair.” His eyes widened in disbelief. “I should have waited to hear your explanation first. You’ve never given me any reason not to trust you.”
He was shaking his head, and one hand came up to cup my cheek.
“I love you so much, Lennon. I can’t believe you’re mine. I am such a lucky bastard.”
I gave him a watery smile.
“You really are.”
He leaned forward, kissing one corner of my mouth a
nd then the other. He looked at me, eyes so full of love, and kissed me again. I tried to pour all my love into the kiss just in case my words had left any doubt about how I felt. My elbow hit the horn, making us both jump apart guiltily. We looked at each other and laughed, easing the last bits of hurt.
“Let’s go home,” I said, crawling off his lap. “I want to see our fur baby.”
“I stopped by this morning to feed him. He was a little salty about being left alone last night so don’t expect a warm welcome.” Sebastian started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. My eyes landed on an ice cream shop a few buildings down.
“Hold on. I can wait just a few more minutes.” I pointed to the ice cream shop. “I need some ice cream after all those feelings.”
He smiled at me. “Anything you want.”
He reached for my hand, cradling it in his lap as he drove. My free hand reached for my scar, to trace the same familiar route it had on the plane—only this time with more gratitude than I could have expressed in words. My heart was a pretty tough organ, after all.
Epilogue
6 Months Later
“What do you think they’re doing in there?” I asked Aunt Jen.
“I don’t know but I’m more concerned about what you’re doing to those tomatoes right now.”
I looked down at the smashed pile of tomatoes I was supposed to be dicing for the taco bar. My mom tsked from my other side, where she was stirring her famous crock pot pulled pork. This wasn’t the first time Sebastian had come home with me for Sunday dinner, but it was the first time Grandpa had invited him to the garage. Making matters worse, Harrison had gotten up to follow them and had banished me to the kitchen when I tried to join them.
“I’m sure they’re just getting to know each other,” Mom said, sneaking a sly glance at Aunt Jen.
“I don’t feel good about this at all.” I set down the knife and then picked it back up. “I should go check on them.”
“No you shouldn’t,” Aunt Jen said, reaching out to stop me. “Leave them alone.”
I sighed. “Fine, but if Sebastian is murdered, it’s going to ruin my dinner and I’m not going to be happy about it.”
“No one’s getting murdered,” Paige chimed in, carrying a covered dish with tortilla shells to the table. “Harrison’s been doing a lot better with Sebastian lately. I think he almost smiled earlier.”
I liked to think of Harrison and Sebastian’s relationship as a work in progress. They’d spent the first couple of months glaring at each other and speaking in single-word exchanges. Recently, they had graduated to full sentences. Grandpa wasn’t that much better. The first time I’d brought Sebastian to dinner, he was casually sitting in his recliner holding a baseball bat.
“At least let me turn down the music so we can eavesdrop,” I said.
I reached for the remote to turn down the music my mom had insisted on playing at a volume that made conversation difficult—and made it impossible to hear what was happening in the garage.
Aunt Jen swatted my hand away, moving the remote out of my reach.
“You don’t need to eavesdrop,” Mom scolded. “You need to focus on what you’re doing before you lose a finger. Stop worrying about them.”
The men walked into the kitchen, drying their hands off on a rag. Uncle Frank must have joined them at some point. I quickly scanned them for visible injuries. No one appeared to be bleeding or sporting a black eye, so that was a good sign. The only noticeable injuries were the small scratches on Harrison’s arms, which he had arrived with. I had asked him about them earlier, but he had answered with only a grunt and scowl.
They grabbed plates and made themselves tacos. I smiled to see all the food on Sebastian’s plate. He was definitely enjoying the off season. They sat down at the table, which had been expanded to include two more seats, and attempted to sneak bites off their plates without my mom noticing.
I followed the women down the line of food, content to savor the moment. I had managed to get two weeks off work, so Sebastian and I would be leaving Saturday to visit his family. I was incredibly nervous to meet them, but looking forward to the trip. I had talked to his parents and sisters a few times on video chats, and they seemed pretty excited to meet me and see Sebastian.
“Everything okay?” I asked Sebastian, taking the seat next to him.
“Fine.”
“What happened out there?” I asked, trying to pry more information out of him since he had gone monosyllabic on me all of a sudden.
“We were just talking,” he shrugged, all nonchalant as if they all hung out on the regular.
Okay, well I wasn’t about to let this weirdo ruin a perfectly good taco night. I looked up to find everyone’s attention focused on the two of us. The three women were all wearing matching goofy smiles. Paige even shot me a thumbs-up before Harrison dragged her hands down. I swallowed nervously.
“Lennon.” Sebastian’s voice had my head slowing turning back in his direction. “I have a question to ask you too.”
I nodded my head, heart pounding out of my chest. I watched as Harrison got up and opened the basement door. Boomer shot up the stairs and into the room, making a beeline for the table, something shiny dangling from his collar. The scratches covering Harrison’s arms suddenly made much more sense.
“What the cheese whiz are you doing here?” I asked, scooping him up as he darted by my legs. I gasped as my eyes landed on the beautiful ring tied loosely to his collar.
“We’ve been talking so much about what my future looks likely lately.” My gaze locked with Sebastian’s. He took Boomer out of my arms, his face serious as he turned his attention to the small knot. It came free with a few gentle tugs on the string. I watched as he took the ring in his hand, holding my breath the entire time. For once in his life, Boomer sat quietly, as if even he understood the significance of the moment.
“Football used to be the most important thing in my life, but now when I think about what the future holds, the only thing that matters is that you’re there with me. You’ve taught me so much—about supernovas and gamma ray bursts and about the kind of man I want to be. So, Lennon June Walker, will you spend the rest of your life teaching me things?”
“Yes,” I managed through my tears, launching myself on him and smashing Boomer between us. “I love you so much.”
I heard the cheers from the people I loved most around us, but all my focus was on the man whose face I held in my hands and whose hands held my entire patched-up heart.
This surprisingly sweet, fierce man had taught me more than I could ever have imagined that first night at the club. And like the good student I’ve always been, I loved every minute of learning.
* * *
Acknowledgement
A huge thank you to all of you for reading Lennon and Sebastian’s story. Dreaming up their story gave me so much joy, and I hope you felt some of that joy reading it. I never imagined I would be sharing these stories with readers, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you. To all my STEM gals, you freaking rock! I am in awe of you. Seriously. As an astronomy camp dropout, I am amazed by your knowledge. To all my anxious gals, I hope you keep being brave. I know how hard it is, and I’m cheering for you! And to all my fellow, LOTR loving nerds, you keep being awesome!
A special thank you to my wonderful, amazingly patient husband. I could go on and on, but he truly makes this whole thing work. Not only is he a constant source of encouragement, he is also an excellent source of wine and snacks. He basically does everything but write the books, and I know writing would still be just a dream without him.
I feel that it’s only right to thank my faithful assistant, Batman Tupac. He’s old and grouchy but is always available to discuss the plot when I am thinking things through. He’s got some pretty strong opinions when he’s not napping. He really is a very good dog.
About The Author
Emily Mayer
Emily Mayer is a part-time lawyer, full time storyteller, an
d wannabe writer. She lives in Central Ohio with the two loves of her life; her husband and her dog. If she isn’t working, you can usually find her somewhere with a book in her hand.