by Jane Henry
“Bloody hell,” he mutters. “Jesus, you’re a picture.”
I whimper when he brings his mouth to my neck and suckles the delicate skin while he pinches my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I’m dwarfed by him, and not just physically. His energy and need to possess me clears my mind as it makes my heart dance a crazy rhythm.
“It was a mistake,” he groans, releasing me just long enough to strip off his own clothes.
“What was?”
His forehead falls to mine. “Letting you go for even that one night.”
Chapter 21
Nolan
We lay in the stillness of early morning. I left the balcony door open, and a chilly, salty breeze rustles the bedsheets. Sheena draws closer to me, her head on my chest. She grips me so hard I feel she may never let me go.
And Jesus, I hope she doesn’t. I hope she never lets me go.
“I’ve always left when things get difficult,” she says. “But I won’t, Nolan. I won’t.”
“Good. I won’t let you. I’d track you down and drag you home by the hair.”
She shivers and smiles. “Mmmm, I love it when you talk dirty to me.”
I grin.
I love this woman.
“Mam is going to lose her mind,” I tell her. “Three more to call her Granny? Well, one. I think Fiona and Tiernan may not go for the granny thing.”
“Fair enough,” I say around a grin.
Keenan may lose his mind, too, when I’m telling him I’m moving away from here. My plan isn’t to move far, though, but right by the Church. There’s a little cottage there, big enough for all of us. For now. I don’t tell Sheena it’s likely Tiernan will board at St. Albert’s soon.
We’ll work the details out later.
We shower and dress, and when we go to meet her family for breakfast, we tell them the news. Neither of us sees the point in holding back any longer.
“Where’s the ring?” Fiona asks with a little dance.
Sheena rolls her eyes. “Give us time, Fiona. My God, but you’re a little matchmaker, aren’t you?”
Lachlan walks in the room and Fiona clams up so quickly, it’s amusing. I look from him to her, then back again.
He smiles warmly at her, before he takes a plate and loads it up with food. He doesn’t eat it, though, but walks over to Fiona and places the plate in front of her. “You love the currant scones,” he says. “Have to get them before Cormac comes in.”
She smiles and flushes even deeper.
Sheena narrows her eyes, having watched this exchange. “Mother of God,” she says to me through gritted teeth. “If that brother of yours thinks for one goddamn minute that my child of a sister—”
“Is no more than a child who’s here under the protection of the brotherhood? A friend, as it were? Aye,” I tell her. “Trust me, Sheena. He wouldn’t think of it. And if for some ridiculous reason he ever did get the notion in his mind? I’d kill him with my bare hands before you got a chance yourself.”
“I’d help you,” she begins.
I take her hand in mine and give her a little squeeze. “Down, girl. He gave her a plate of scones. It’s harmless.”
She sighs, then shakes her head. “If you say so.”
“I do,” I tell her. “Now come, today’s a celebratory day, isn’t it?”
She finally gives me her winsome smile, the one that lights up her whole face. I bend and kiss her forehead, my hand cupped at the back of her neck. She sighs into me and places a gentle hand on my arm.
“You’re too good to me,” she whispers.
“Nah,” I tell her. “Don’t worry, doll, I’ll make you pay up later.”
She winks. She’s game.
Tiernan is understandably hesitant at first, then finally gives us a sheepish grin. “Means you’ll be my brother, Nolan?” he says with a shy smile.
I grin at him. “Aye, brother.”
He swells with pride. It’s the first time I’ve given him the Clan title of brother. Sheena may have issues with our recruiting him, but she’ll learn to deal with it. He’s meant to be part of the brotherhood as much as I am, or Carson, or Lachlan, or any of the other brothers who aren’t related by blood but heart. They are every bit as much my brothers as Keenan and Cormac.
“What’s this?” Keenan walks in the room, Cormac behind him. I stand with Sheena to greet them.
“They’re moving in together!” Fiona says, and when Lachlan laughs out loud, Fiona hides her face in her napkin.
Keenan swings his gaze to mine, his brows lifting upward. “What’s this, Nolan?”
I meet his gaze squarely and don’t look away. I stand by my decision.
“We’ll have to talk about this,” he says. “In the history of The Clan, no blood relation has ever lived off the premises.”
“Aye,” I tell him. “But sometimes it may be time to break tradition.”
“Break tradition?” Carson enters, his hair still damp from a post-run shower, most like. He saunters up to the table and grabs the last scone just before Cormac does. Cormac growls at him, but Carson ignores him. “What’s Nolan doing now?”
“Why’d you assume it was me, you motherf—”
I pause when Sheena smacks my arm.
“Course it’s you,” Carson says. “Fess up.”
Keenan fills him in, and Carson heads to the table with a plateful of food. “Aye,” he says. “Smart. The O’Gregors might have told Sheena they’ll leave off, and they may have made a bargain because of Tiernan. But I don’t trust them. If you show them you two have a solidified relationship, there’s no way they’ll touch you.”
Sheena’s brows raise, and she looks at me with her mouth slightly parted. “What’s he talking about?” she says.
“Marriage!” Fiona says. Keenan groans and pours himself a cup of tea. Cormac grins around a mouthful of scone. Mam pretends she’s just buttering a scone, but it looks like she isn’t even breathing, and Fiona once more flushes a shade that matches her hair. Poor lass.
I blink, as what Fiona just said makes sense to me.
Marriage.
“Aye,” Carson says. “You know Clan law, Nolan. If you’re married to her, no rivals can touch her without certain and severe consequences. It’s the safest thing to do. And if you marry her, Tiernan becomes like family. Also subject to the protection of The Clan.”
“We need to talk about this later,” Cormac says.
“Sure,” Carson says, ever pragmatic and logical.
“If later means right after breakfast, yes,” Keenan says sternly, giving me a serious look that once more rivals dad’s.
I grin at him.
“I’m done eating. You?”
He puts the rest of his scone in his mouth, a mammoth bite, then chases it down with a cup of tea.
“Animals, every one of them, like I never taught them a day’s worth of manners,” mam mutters to herself. It’s the first she’s spoken since Sheena and I came down. I wonder what’s on her mind, what she thinks of all this.
Our meeting is brief, all the members of The Clan who were at breakfast joining us.
I tell them why I made my decision and hold Sheena’s hand and look Keenan in the eye when I tell him, “And this is what’s best for us. Think on it, Keenan. You know we planned this from the beginning.”
“We did not,” Keenan says, eyeing Sheena thoughtfully. “We planned on Sheena and her family leaving, yes. We did not plan on you going with them.”
Sheena bristles, but I place my palm on her lap to settle her.
“And now I think it’s the right decision,” I tell him. “It doesn’t mean I’m any less devoted to The Clan than I am now.”
He works his jaw but doesn’t respond at first.
“Yes and no,” Cormac says. He leans back in his chair, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “Truth is, when you take a family of your own, your duty is to them above all. And even though you’re still dedicated to The Clan, it’s impossible to be as dedicated as you were
when you were single.”
“That may be true,” Lachlan says, his eyes serious. He’s leaning back in a chair perched precariously on two legs. “But think of all the time he won’t spend chasing pussy now?”
I punch his arm so hard he topples over. “Not in front of Sheena, you—”
Keenan raises his eyes heavenward. Lachlan’s laughing even as he rubs his arm and adjusts his chair.
“It’s my job, Sheena,” he says. “I don’t mean anything by it. Nolan has no younger brother, see.”
She shakes her head and cracks a smile. “He can still chase pussy,” she says. “Around the dining room table, then?”
Even Keenan chuckles. I only shake my head. “Alright,” I say out of the side of my mouth. “Behave yourself.”
“Or what?” she breathes in my ear.
My God, the little brat.
I bend my mouth to her ear and make a promise that makes her flush as deeply as Fiona.
Keenan clears his throat. “Since something like this is unprecedented, I thought it prudent to discuss it as brothers. But you have your mind made up, Nolan. And I understand why.” He draws in a deep breath, and once more the heaviness of leadership rests heavily in the lines of his forehead. “So tell us how we can help, and we’ll do what we can.”
Sheena blinks rapidly, as if she’s trying to hold back tears. I squeeze her hand.
“Aye, brother. I will.”
We stand together and leave the room. It feels symbolic, leaving a meeting of The Clan together like this, like I’ve made my choice. We did it once before, but the circumstances were very different.
I won’t choose. I refuse. I love Sheena, and I love The Clan. And if Cormac and Keenan can raise a family in The Clan, so can I. Hell, I’ve already recruited a new brother.
Still, as the days pass and nothing comes of the run-in with the O’Gregors, we pack our bags and prepare to move, a part of me grieves this. It’s what anyone would, I suppose, like the loss of a childhood innocence.
We move to the vacant cottage that overlooks the Irish Sea, just like the mansion. It’s only a stone’s throw from the home where I grew up, which pleases mam immensely. She can go for a bit of a walk and come visit anytime she wishes. It pleases Keenan, too, to have me so close he can call a meeting whenever he needs. Carson says the location is perfect for safety purposes and shows me how we can surround our new home on all sides with the protection we need.
On the day we move, I find myself standing at the edge of the cliffs, just like I did the day I was instructed to find Sheena. I look out at the sea and take a drag from a cigarette. I don’t smoke much, but there are times it helps.
“Didn’t you know you smoked, Nolan.” I look over my shoulder to see Tiernan and Fiona approaching me.
I toss the cigarette to the ground and grind it beneath my heel. “I’m quitting,” I tell them. “That was my last one. It’s a terrible, nasty habit.” I’m suddenly aware of the fact that I’m responsible for these two now, to help Sheena raise them right. I cross my arms on my chest and give them a serious look. “And if I ever catch the two of you smoking—”
“Wait, now, how did catching you with a smoke become a lecture to us?” Fiona asks, her eyes dancing with amusement.
I stroke my chin thoughtfully. “Well, since I’ll… sort of be your brother now.”
She grins. “Sort of. But be warned, I already have an older brother, and I don’t let him boss me around either.”
Tiernan growls, and I feel an instant kinship with the lad. He rolls his eyes as he looks to me, then clears his throat. “Anyway, Nolan, we’re here for a reason,” he says. “Can we have a word?”
“Of course.” Mam and dad were always good about being available for us, never turning us away. They never made it feel like an inconvenience. I feel the weight of responsibility for these two. And if I’m honest?
I like that.
I wasted years of my life before I got my head on straight, with no one to care for, no responsibilities. And now that I have them… even if by choice… I feel more fulfilled.
Fiona crosses her arms over her chest, and though she looks at me kindly, her voice holds an edge of steel that reminds me of her sister.
“We’ve seen what Sheena’s gone through the past few years. And if you have any intentions at all about leaving her, know this. It will break her heart.”
Tiernan nods. “Aye. And we won’t allow it, Nolan. We won’t let anyone lead her around, you see. We saw her waste herself on men who didn’t deserve her in the past. And let’s be honest. A connection to your family brings added complications.”
“Aye,” I tell him. “I know it. But on the other side of that coin, Tiernan? If I claim your sister and make her mine, she’ll have more than a connection to The Clan. She’ll have their protection and guidance. Financial and physical security all the days of her life.”
“And family,” Fiona says softly. “She’ll have family. More than the dysfunctional crew she currently has.”
Tiernan frowns. “Speak for yourself.”
“Lad, you’re most definitely a dysfunctional crew,” I tell him affectionately. He playfully punches me, and I lose my footing, stumbling toward the cliff’s edge. Large rocks loosen and drop downward and rain into the ocean below. Tiernan grabs me by the arm, and though I’m in no real danger of falling, yanks me back to firmer footing.
“Mother of God,” he mutters. “I could’ve killed my sister’s man.”
I shake him off and punch him back. He takes it unflinchingly. Likely thinks he deserves it.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I tell him. “Gotta try harder than that to kill me. Anyway, welcome to the brotherhood. It’s what we do. Threaten the lives of each other one minute, then save the very lives we threatened the next.”
Fiona shakes her head. “I will literally never understand men.”
Tiernan glares. “Good.”
“Neither will I,” Sheena says, walking toward us with baby Sam on her hip and mam by her side. “But do you have to do this right at the edge of the cliff? Really? As if my heart can take anything else?”
“Honest to goodness,” mam says, shaking her head. “Get back here, will you? Lord but I’m thankful the new house has a fenced-in yard for the likes of you.”
I walk from the edge and take baby Sam in my arms. He jabbers on about something in baby speak. “Really?” I ask him. “You’ve got an opinion, too, hmm?”
Sheena’s eyes shine at me. “He adores you.”
“Good,” I tell her. “Maybe then he’ll sleep for me tonight, after we move everything?”
She grins and kisses my cheek. “Don’t count on it.”
I give her a wink. “That’s fine,” I lean in and whisper in her ear. “Because I already fully planned on keeping you up all night.”
She gives me a coy smile, and my heart warms.
This feels right. Sheena. Her family… our family. I’m still firmly established in the brotherhood, but now I’m moving in a direction that’s all mine. Taking on the responsibility of a family and soon, I’ll take Sheena as my wife.
Mam stays back when the others go ahead and squeezes my hand.
“Your dad would be proud of you, Nolan McCarthy. I’m proud of you,” she says. She kisses my cheek, and we go meet up with the others.
Sheena smiles at me.
“It’s a different world, isn’t it?” I say. “Facing the same things today as we did yesterday, only now we do it together.”
She takes my hand in hers and gives me that beautiful smile that lights up her eyes and makes my heart squeeze. “Aye,” she says. “Together.”
Epilogue
Sheena
I love our new home.
Love it.
It’s nowhere near as elaborate as the McCarthy mansion on the cliffs, but it overlooks the sea, the view of the ocean right outside our living room windows as gorgeous as a painting. There’s a little swing set in the backyard, a little play center,
a picnic table, and it’s fenced in for privacy. Nolan took with him a security detail, men that are as faithful as guard dogs. Lachlan occasionally joins them.
The inside of the house is well-lit and well-furnished, simple but modern. The kitchen is airy and spacious with tiled floors and stainless-steel appliances. Honestly, I’ve never had anything like it. Fiona and Tiernan each have their own room, and baby Sam has a little nursery right off our room. It’s peaceful here. Calm. It isn’t perfect. There are growing pains when merging a family, trials and errors and tears and confusion, at times. But we manage to make it work.
Some days, it doesn’t seem real. But it isn’t in the moments of vivid, utter perfection, that I want to pinch myself.
Not when we sit around the enormous table in the McCarthy dining room, joined together as one while the brothers regale us with tales of their childhood. Not when we celebrate together, my brothers and sister feasting on decadent foods and being spoiled for the first times in their lives. The bonds of family are a blessing, but those aren’t the times that feel surreal. I cherish those moments. I hold them in my heart like they’re closely guarded buried treasure, and maybe they are, those sweet moments of perfection that fill my heart.
But no, those aren’t the times I feel this is almost too good to be true. It’s in the trying times I sometimes struggle to accept this. To embrace this. To own it.
When baby Sam wakes in the night with an upset stomach, crying while standing in his crib, fat tears rolling down his chubby cheeks, and Nolan stumbles out of bed in pajama bottoms and a wrinkled t-shirt.
“Sleep, doll,” he tells me. “You got him last night. I’ll get him tonight.” And he does.
When Fiona goes and pulls an all-nighter with her friends, never coming home for curfew. We have to find her, bring her home, and make sure she understands the importance of safety and honesty.