by Megan Slayer
“She was nineteen when they married.” He shuffled back to the pictures of him and Jonah. “No, these.”
“You don’t want them?” Jonah reached for the envelope.
“That’s not it.” He held firm to the photographs. “I meant, why did you print pictures of us together? We’re not a couple.”
“Your mom’s dress is so retro. I love it. She looked wonderful,” Jonah said, ignoring Shaun’s questions.
“She did.” He hated when Jonah declined to answer.
“I always thought you looked like our father.”
“Good, since I’m his kid.” He didn’t like the strange feeling between him and Jonah. They were being nice and pleasant to each other and it was good to have conversation without arguing. Jonah sort of reminded him of an old sweater—comfortable and stable. But this was strange, too. Jonah, as a sweater, didn’t fit quite right.
Jonah reached across the table and grasped Shaun’s fingers. “I wanted you to remember the good times. We had ten years together and did so much. You can’t ignore it.”
The warning bells went off in Shaun’s mind. He recoiled and kept the photos under his palm. “No. I’m with someone.” The good-ish feelings melted in an instant.
“So am I.”
“What?” He tucked the envelope into the breast pocket of his shirt. “Why would you do that to him?”
“Because you’re my soulmate.” Jonah reached across the table again. “We should be together.”
“No, we shouldn’t.” He pushed away from the table and stood. His stomach soured. He wasn’t in the mood for truck stop coffee or Jonah’s bullshit.
“You’re my number one,” Jonah said.
“You’re just trying to use me, and you’re lying, like you always do. This is your fucked-up way of convincing me to come back, and it’s not working.” Shaun shook his head. “I can’t be with you because it’s not right and I’m not interested. We split and I’m with someone.” He pushed his chair in. “Were there any other pictures?”
“I’ll keep looking,” Jonah said. “Don’t go. Don’t leave this way.”
Shaun withdrew his business card from his wallet. “If you find any other photos, send them here.”
“The Tribune? This is your big time?” Jonah said and snorted. “What kind of backwoods paper is this? Is it even real?”
“I’m just a guy and this is the town paper. I do my job and I’m paid well for it.” He wasn’t in the mood for games. He had what he needed and it was time to go. Kevin had been brave about the situation, but Shaun had hurt his boyfriend and he refused to waste any more time.
“So that’s it?” Jonah followed him out of the building. “Ten years and this is all we are?”
“Yes.” He hated public arguments.
“I thought you loved me.”
Shaun paused and lowered his voice. “I did. I gave you my heart and you crushed it when you cheated on me with Nick, Steven, Drake, the other Jean, Geno…the list is too long to remember them all. You wanted freedom and I had the misguided idea you’d change. Nope. I grew up and you can’t. Accept it and that I’m not yours. Thanks for the photographs.”
“You’re leaving? Like that? I cleared my evening for you,” Jonah said. “You owe me.”
“I’m sure you’ll find someone to fill the time. You always do.” He headed over to his car. “Goodbye, Jonah.” He slid behind the wheel of his vehicle and locked the doors. His love for Jonah had died, never to be rekindled, now that he had closure.
Shaun drove home. The tension in his shoulders remained, but he could handle it because he was going to Kevin’s apartment, to his man.
* * * *
Kevin finished his paperwork for the night and headed to Mr. Vale’s office. He wanted a jump on his day off and the only way that would happen was if he hand-delivered the figures. He’d never been to the main offices before and knocked on Mr. Vale’s door. He expected a secretary outside, but the desk was empty.
“Come. The door’s open,” Mr. Vale called.
Kevin ventured into the office. Mr. Vale sat behind his desk and looked up. “Ah, Mr. Keiser. Well? How are our numbers? The lines looked good.”
“Even with the win, we did very well. People tend to buy more food when we’re losing—to drown out their sorrows, I’m told.” He offered up the piece of paper. “I’ve emailed the figures to you as well, but here are the totals. I’ve got more breakdowns in the email.”
“Good.” Mr. Vale nodded. “I knew you’d be an asset.” He trailed his finger over the lines on the paper and didn’t look up. “Got any plans for your day off?”
“I do, but it depends on what you say,” Kevin said.
“Oh?” This time, Mr. Vale looked at him. “How so?”
“Mr. Mulhenney expected forty-hour weeks even when we didn’t have games. Cleaning, sanitizing, paperwork, whatever. He wanted us here no matter what and I’d like to enjoy my break. It’s up to your rules, but that’s my thought.”
“You went above and beyond today, like everyone else. The facility is closed tomorrow, save for the custodial staff, so enjoy your day off,” Mr. Vale said. “You don’t need to be here.”
“Thank you.” He sighed with relief. A day off without strings. Nice.
“Oh, I’ve heard you’re friends with Kyle Beglin,” Mr. Vale said. “Are you?”
“I was.”
“Were you close?”
“We were for a time, but not any longer.”
“Ah.” Mr. Vale placed the paperwork aside on his desk. “So you know, since it’ll be going around the building in the gossip, I fired him. He wasn’t spending the promotional money on the team, but rather on himself. We ran the numbers and they weren’t adding up—turns out he’d claimed his clothing and food expenses as team promotion. That’s not how I work here.” He shook his head. “When questioned, he had the audacity to say you’d encouraged him to mishandle the funds. You’d sullied his reputation.”
Oh God. “I did? How?” He’d barely talked to Kyle once they split.
“That doesn’t matter. I asked everyone I could think of to give me their thought on the situation and no one had an unkind word to say about you. No one mentioned a thing to back up Mr. Beglin’s story.”
“Good?” He wasn’t sure what to say.
“I’m told you have a degree in advertising. Have you thought about applying for the promotional job?” Mr. Vale asked. “Would you be happier in promotion?”
“I like working in the concessions and food services aspect here at the stadium. My thoughts on promotions would be better there, than at a desk.” Kevin laced his fingers together. “I’m not good at talking to the public unless I’m selling food. Sorry.”
“Fair enough and understood. How about Mr. Shaun Fallows?” Mr. Vale asked. “I’m told he might be good in that position. Is he looking for a new job?”
“I don’t think so. He’s working for the Tribune and we’ve worked with him on special sections for the paper. We’ve got one of their four-page inserts free at all the entrances,” Kevin said. “I doubt he’s looking for a new job.”
“Think you could convince him to try us?”
“I can’t speak for him and you’d have to ask, but I know he’s happy at the Tribune.”
“Fair enough.” Mr. Vale stood. “Enjoy your evening and tomorrow off. You deserve it. I’ve sent a plan for the rest of the season to you and we’ll have a meeting Friday about off-season promotions. I’m thinking about doing something with movie nights or a holiday lights family walk-through. We’ve got the tarps to cover the field, so nothing will get ruined, but we’ve got to use the park for something outside the games.”
“I’m sure you’ll think of something, but the lights thing sounds good.” Kevin nodded. “Maybe work it with the town to have a big festival of lights and a tour around town? They haven’t done that in years. Remember?”
“I do.” Mr. Vale’s eyes lit up. “That is a great idea. Thank you.”
“Welcome. See you Friday.” Kevin left the office. He had nothing to do for a whole day. No surprise demands for him to come in, no last-minute clean-ups…he could veg out or get a long run in. Could spend time with Shaun, too. Holy shit. They could look at houses together, too.
The thought warmed his heart.
If someone had asked him a year ago if he’d be this happy, he would’ve laughed.
He left the facility and climbed behind the wheel of his car, then drove home. He wasn’t sure what to make for Shaun. He wasn’t the greatest cook—hot dogs and nachos weren’t exactly grand fare. Did he have much in the fridge? Cat food… He parked in his spot at the apartment and left the vehicle.
“Hi, stranger.” Shaun walked up to him. “Good game?”
“Very.” He locked his car. “You’re here. Rough meeting?”
“Very.”
“What happened?” He wanted to kiss Shaun, but was unsure if it was the right move.
“I’ll tell you upstairs while we wait for the pizza to arrive.” Shaun threaded his arm around Kevin’s and started walking. “I know you said you’d cook, but we’re both tired and pizza is faster, plus, there’s no clean-up. Well, not much,” he said. “I ordered when I saw your car pull in.”
“I suppose you’re right, and it saves me from trying to figure out what to feed you—since I hadn’t thought this through very well.” He kissed Shaun. “I’m glad you’re here.” His boyfriend buoyed him.
“There we go. I’m glad to be here.” He headed into the apartment building with Kevin. “I’m beat.”
“I’ll bet, but I’m tired, too.”
Shaun led the way up the stairs. “They won, though. I saw the score. It was a tight game.”
Kevin unlocked the apartment door and as he stepped inside, he hooked his keys on the rack. Leo trotted up to him and he scooped the cat into his arms. “Hi, baby. I know I was gone all day.” He met Shaun’s gaze. “Sorry. This is our usual routine when I come home.”
“You won’t get an argument from me.” Shaun checked his phone, then closed the door. “The pizza is still baking. Why don’t you shower? It won’t be here for at least another twenty minutes.”
“I’d rather you come with me.” He still held the cat, but spoke to Shaun. “I doubt we’ll have enough time.” He plopped Leo onto his cat tree. “How about after?”
“Yes.” Shaun dropped his phone onto the sofa and crossed the room. He caught Kevin in his embrace and kissed him. The deep, passionate, consuming kiss warmed Kevin all over.
Kevin shoved his hand beneath Shaun’s shirt, needing to touch his lover’s skin. He craved this man.
Shaun broke the kiss first. “Needed that.”
“So did I.” He’d like more. “You don’t have to stop.”
“Let me tell you about my day first. I need to get this out.” Shaun let go and threaded his fingers together, propping his hands on the back of his head. “I met with Jonah.”
Kevin sat on the arm of the sofa. “You said you would.” When Leo hopped off the cat tree and joined him on the couch, Kevin cuddled the cat on his lap.
“I met with him and he gave me these.” Shaun withdrew an envelope. “Pictures. Some are of Mom, some of Dad, some of them together and mostly Jonah and me.”
I should’ve guessed.
“I didn’t want those, but he said I needed reminders of what I’ve been through. Jesus Christ. I’m over forty. I don’t need to look back,” Shaun said. “I’m in my prime.”
“You are.” He didn’t say more. This was Shaun’s time to vent.
Shaun faced him. “For a split second, I remembered why I thought I loved him. The old feelings rushed in and it was almost like old times, but then he said something that brought me right back to now. He asked me to hook up with him and I said no. I told him I was with someone and he replied that he’s with someone, too. He’s with someone and willing to ignore that person for a moment’s pleasure. I can’t do that. I won’t, and the idea that he could…it churned my stomach. Kev, he did that all along.”
Kevin continued to pet Leo. “I wouldn’t cheat on you, either.”
“I know.” Shaun paced the length of the room. “That moment encapsulated the relationship. He wanted me to go against my principles for him. Always for him.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No.” Shaun unwound his hands and cupped Kevin’s jaw. “When I look into your eyes, I see my future. I see us and Leo and even another cat or two in our own little house. I see us growing old together and that’s what I want. I wasn’t lying when I said I love you. I do.”
“I know, and I never doubted you.” He kissed the inside of Shaun’s wrist. “Not for a second.”
“You’re just freaked out. So am I. Between Kyle trying to use me to get a job, Jonah acting like he knows what’s best for me and the worry in your eyes when I told you I love you, it all nearly killed me.”
“I care about you, Shaun, but I’m scared. If I go too fast and tell you how I feel, I’m scared it’ll fall apart.”
“It won’t.” Shaun let go and knelt in front of him. “You’ve got me.”
“I do?”
“All of me. Do I have all of you?”
The couch vibrated, interrupting the moment. Kevin sighed. “I’m guessing that means the pizza is done and they’re downstairs.”
Shaun shrugged. “It happens.” He stood. “Are you happy it saved you from having to answer?”
“No.” He left his seat and tucked Leo under his arm. “You have all of me, too.”
“Kevin?”
“There’s no one else I want in my life and bed. Just you.”
“Truth?” Shaun petted Leo’s head and threaded his free arm around Kevin. “Don’t say what you’re not feeling.”
He kissed Shaun, careful not to squish Leo between them. “I’ve fallen hard for you. It’s love—even if I’m scared to say those three words. You’re the one in my heart. No one else. Just you.” He refused to pour his heart out under duress, but Shaun needed reassurance.
“I can accept that.” Shaun brushed his nose along Kevin’s. “Let me get dinner.”
“I’ll be here with Leo.” Kevin let go and waited for Shaun to leave before he exhaled. The fear of admitting he loved Shaun overwhelmed him. He knew his heart. He did love Shaun. But he’d been hurt before and didn’t want to go through the pain. Not a second time. Shaun had the power to destroy him, and maybe that was the reason he feared telling Shaun he loved him. He worried Shaun would tear his heart into pieces. God. He’d never cared about anyone in the way he did with Shaun.
The door opened and Shaun strode into the apartment with the pizza box. “It’s definitely hot.” He closed the door, then carried the box to the counter. “At least we know it’s fresh.”
“True.” He waited until Shaun put the keys down and took his shoes off, then Kevin grasped Shaun’s hand. “Just a minute.”
“Kevin?” Shaun frowned. “You’re pale.”
He needed to stop being scared. “I’ve never been in over my head before—not like I am with you. I’ve never cared about someone so much. I’m afraid to tell you how I feel because I don’t want to get hurt. I won’t be the same if you go. You’ve changed me. I’m happier and more confident than ever, because of you. Do I love you? Yes. Shaun, I love you.”
Shaun’s lips parted and he said nothing. Kevin splayed his hand over Shaun’s heart. He’d finally rendered Shaun speechless. Shaun threaded his arms around Kevin.
“I love you, too.” Shaun kissed Kevin hard. “So much.”
The tension he’d carried since he’d split from Kyle finally melted away. He didn’t have to be anyone but himself. He embraced the love in his heart and passion for Shaun. “Now we can celebrate.”
“Yes.” Shaun laughed. “Completely.” He held Kevin tight. “You had me worried. Thought you’d dump me or something.”
“Nah. I’m like that tattoo on your shoulder. I’m here and not going anytime soon,�
� Kevin said. “I’m even looking forward to looking at houses with you.”
“You are?”
“Sure.” He nodded to the pizza. “We should eat before our super-hot pizza gets cold.”
Kevin opened the pizza box while Shaun got out plates. He loved the homey feel. They were good together. Shaun was the sauce to his cheese.
“You’re grinning.” Shaun heaped two slices of pizza onto his plate. “What are you thinking about?”
“You. Me.” He added a slice to his plate and followed Shaun to the couch. He sat with his boyfriend and turned on music. “I’m thinking about how easy this is. How I like the way we fit together.”
Shaun sat beside him. “We do.” He leaned into Kevin. “This is nice.” He rested his head on Kevin’s shoulder.
Kevin sighed and ate. This was what he wanted—the guy, the cat, the happy home. His life had leveled out. He listened to the music and enjoyed dinner with Shaun. Even Leo seemed to be happy with the situation.
“Who are we listening to? I chose the station, but I have no idea what this piece is that’s playing,” Kevin said. “I can’t tell them apart.”
“It’s Rachmaninoff.” Shaun chuckled. “I’ll give you a crash course one of these days.”
“Fair enough.”
Shaun finished his first slice, then sat up. “Shit. I didn’t get anything to drink.”
“We’re running in the morning. Water will be fine.” He didn’t need something fancy. “It’s okay.”
“Want more while I’m up?” Shaun asked.
“I’m good.” He pushed his plate onto the coffee table. His thoughts were too focused on Shaun. “Feel better?”
“I do.” Shaun returned with two glasses and sat with Kevin again. “I’m here with you, which is the best place.” He kissed Kevin’s shoulder. “You ground me.”
Kevin forgot about his drink and Shaun’s plate with a fresh slice of pizza, in favor of Shaun. He kissed him, needing Shaun to get closer.
Shaun brushed his nose along Kevin’s jaw. He grasped Kevin’s hand. “Come on.” He tugged Kevin to his feet and led him into the bathroom.
Kevin didn’t argue. He followed Shaun into the room. He had no words. He kissed him as Shaun opened the top of Kevin’s polo shirt. A groan erupted in his throat as Shaun tugged the garment over his head.