The silence between the two of us is deafening as I stare at my lap, fingers twisting my hospital bracelet around my wrist.
“Hey, man. If you were able to speak your mind, you’d probably be telling me to get the hell out right about now,” I say awkwardly, and with a nervous laugh. “I wouldn’t blame you. A woman like Danni-Rose is a rare find, and I would hold on to her as long as possible, too.” I finally looking up at his face. “We both know how stunning she is. It’s like she’s not even trying. I didn’t know girls got that beautiful. I think what makes her so damn sexy though, is how fiercely she fights for the people she loves. I can tell she’s pretty selective about who she lets into her circle, but if you’re inside of it, then you have one passionate woman in your corner. And she’s so strong, man. And she has this laugh she’s always trying to hold back…” I trail off, realizing that if anyone knows Danni’s design, it would be L.J. I lean back in my chair, eyes on the ceiling.
“I gotta tilt my hat to you; that woman is a handful, and I can’t imagine what keeping up with her as a teenager must have been like. If we are being honest, I’m not sure I’m keeping up with her at all. Feels kinda like chasing if you ask me . . .” I take a large inhale of air through my nose and out my mouth. “I think I would chase her around the Earth for the rest of my life if it meant I got to be the man who lays beside her every night.” I run my hands over my face, and prop my forehead against my fingertips, elbows resting against the armrests. In the quiet, the soft swoosh of L.J.’s ventilator is hypnotic.
“I don’t know if you heard, but your brother shot me out in the parking lot the other day. If you’re still around, I bet you’re laughing about that right now,” I say, through a chuckle. “I spent five days in hell afterward. Hearing everyone, but not being able to speak. Awake, but not conscious. Feeling everything, but not being able to move. I hope to God that’s not what life has been like for you, L.J. I hope everything I’m saying is falling on deaf ears and you’ve already checked out of this world. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, man.” Moments pass by before I pull my head from my hands and speak. My eyes return to his lifeless form lying on the hard bed.
“I know you loved her first. You were there first, and I know you intended to be the last. But I promise you, L.J., from one man to another, that I will keep loving her for you. I’ll make her laugh. I’ll make her happy. I’ll take care of her. I’ll probably piss her off sometimes too. I’ll put up with her crazy bullshit, and I’ll love her even when she hates me. Which I think is most days. You’re a tough act to follow. But I think she loves me, too. I don’t know how I got that lucky, but if it takes a lifetime I’m going to do everything I can to be worthy of it. You have my word. I’ll finish what you started.” I reach out and lightly grasp his wrist, the closest thing to a handshake that either of us can manage at the moment.
L.J. and I sit there in silence for a few minutes. I hope that what I’ve said gives him some peace about the woman he loves, whether he’s here in this room with me or if he’s looking down on the scene playing out before him. I just needed him to know I would be here for her, before he was truly gone. With one last squeeze of his arm, I let go before I call out to Danni to come back in.
She walks in timidly, peeking her head in around the corner before walking slowly up to the two of us. She pulls L.J.’s hand into hers, and then wraps her other arm around my shoulder. “Everything ok?” she asks, looking down at me with a small smile.
“Yeah, we’re good.” I give one last look at L.J. before nodding my head toward the door.
* * * *
The seven o’clock hour passes by, and it seems like it’s been an eternity since Danni left my room to go say goodbye to L.J. I’m more worried for her than I’ve ever been about anything in my life. Liza is with her, and that gives me some comfort. She isn’t alone, and if I have anything to say about it, she never will be again.
“Will you quit it? If you don’t stop tappin’ them fingers of yours against that railing, they are going to have to admit me in this place, too. You’re driving me nuts, man.” Jess stands with his hands on his hips.
“I can’t help it.” I scowl at him as he walks over to the container of lasagna and jabs his fork inside, pulling out a mouthful of pasta.
“I’ll quit tappin’ if you’ll stop that dadgum smackin’ all over my dinner,” I say, reaching for the Tupperware, but Jess yanks it back before I can swipe it away. I suck in a quick breath of air from over extending my range.
“You boys stop it. Those girls will be fine. No use in bickering,” Miz Penny says, but unconvincingly while she paces back and forth in front of my bed. She reaches out and pats my foot with her hand, attempting to calm me as her eyes dart to the clock.
The door handle to my room clicks open and we collectively hold our breath, hoping that Liza and Danni are finally joining us. Tommy walks into the room, his head low, and his steps a little shaky. He walks straight to Miz Penny and she wraps her arms around him in a hug.
“How are my girls?” she asks, and Tommy raises his eyes to her and nods his head up and down.
“Are they . . . finished?” Jess asks, as tactfully as he knows how. I roll my eyes, and grimace at his word choice.
“Yeah. Liza and Danni are fine, just taking a second to fill out some paperwork for organ donations. Liza wants to donate everything that is left of L.J. so that a part of him lives on by helping others.”
“That’s good, that’s good.” Miz Penny pats Tommy on the shoulder, and he walks over to my bed, extending his hand, and giving a firm shake.
“Take care of her,” he says, but it comes out more of a question.
“You can count on it.” I shake his hand one more time, before he exits out of the room and into the hallway.
Minutes pass by before the sound of laughter outside my door breaks through the quiet room. I would know that laugh anywhere, and she isn’t holding it back. Her mama stands, a confused expression on her face and walks over to the door. Liza and Danni stumble into the room, hands over their stomachs and tears flowing down their faces. Only they aren’t tears of sadness or mourning, they are tears of hysterical laughter. Something about the fullness of her cackling causes the corners of my mouth to turn up, and I can’t help but join her. It’s contagious, and the sound of her happiness reverberates through my bones. Soon her mama and Jess are giggling, unable to stop themselves.
“Baby, come here,” I say, waving her over. Her smile is spread across her face, and I swear I’ve never seen it so bright. “What is going on?” Liza stands beside Miz Penny, holding her hand and wiping tears from her eyes, grin still big as ever.
“Liza and I got to talking about L.J., telling stories and remembering how funny he was when we were kids. Laughter seemed to follow him around everywhere he went,” she says, sitting beside me on the bed, smiling.
“Hey Danni, you remember that time Tommy and L.J. dressed up as Bonnie and Clyde for Halloween- and- they fought for days- about who would get to be Bonnie,” Liza says, barely able to get the words out and doubling over with amusement.
“Oh my God, and L.J. won the round of pool at the Crawfish Barn and Tommy was so mad that he didn’t get to wear fake boobs and panty hose,” Danni says, burying her head in my chest and shaking my body with her laughing.
“I have the pictures to prove it, too,” Miz Penny says with her hand over her mouth, giggling with the girls. “That boy was something else,” she says, shaking her head and closing her eyes, lost in the memory of someone she loved. “Well, I’m going home, baby girl.” She walks over to Danni, sitting beside me, and wraps her arms around her daughter, the hug lingering for quite some time.
“I guess I’d better head out too, it’s been a long day. I’ll call you tomorrow?” Liza looks at Danni and nods her head, smiling and following Miz Penny out.
“Hey Miz Penny! You got any more of that lasagna? Stingy a
ss in there won’t share,” Jess hollers out, chasing them out into the hallway.
Danni snuggles her entire body against me in the bed, and I pull her close into my chest.
“You ok, baby?”
“Yeah. I really am. It seemed so fitting, you know? To send L.J. off with a room full of happiness and good memories. Maybe now when I think of him, when I look back and remember everything about it, I can do it with laughter. I won’t think of him wasting away in a facility, or constantly worry about what kind of life he is living. I can think of L.J. and remember the person he was before all of this happened. I can find some peace in knowing he isn’t suffering anymore.”
“I’m glad, baby. I’m glad.”
“A lot of that has to do with you, Benson. I’m not saying that letting go of L.J. was easier because now I have you. I’m saying that I don’t think I would be standing on two feet right now, if you weren’t here to do it with me. You make me braver, you challenge me, and you force me to face the things I’m afraid of. You push back when I push everyone away. You didn’t let me get away with it. Thank you.”
“You’re fearless, Danni. That’s not because of me, but it is one of the many reasons that I’m falling in love with you.” I feel her body freeze a fraction of a second before she tilts her head up, her eyes locked onto mine.
“I’m falling in love with you, too,” she says in almost a whisper. I crash my lips to hers, unable to hold back the passion I feel for her. She pushes back against my chest, always mindful that I’m in no condition to do what I really want to be doing right now.
“Have I mentioned how badly I’m ready to get out of this place?”
“Not in the last couple of hours,” she says, standing up and walking over to the very popular container of food from her mother. “I’ll be right back.” She looks over to me with a sly expression before heading toward the door.
“What are you up to, woman?” But she doesn’t answer me as I stare at the sexiest backside I’ve ever seen walk out of the room.
* * * *
“What is all this?” I say, with what I’m sure is the goofiest grin I can manage. She has her arms full with plates, napkins and silverware. In the crook of her elbow is a bottle of some sort, and in her fingertips, are champagne flutes. She tosses everything onto the bed at my feet.
“Seeing as though we have never actually been on a proper date, I thought that you and I could have one now. You won’t find a better dinner than my mama’s lasagna, plus I’m hungry and I don’t want to be alone,” she says, smiling at her offering.
“Are you asking me out? Are we a thing now? Going steady? If you’re wondering, I would check ‘yes’ at the bottom of your elementary school note. Can we be exclusive? Let’s make some babies.” She shakes her head at me, and begins sorting through all the plastic dishware. The smell coming from the steaming bowls of lasagna is intoxicating.
“I couldn’t find any wine, but one of the anesthesiologists down in the cafeteria handed me this champagne when he overheard me talking to the servers about my plan. He said a patient up in OB gave it to him as a thank you gift for a fantastic epidural.” She serves two heaping piles of noodles, cheese, and tomato sauce onto each plate, taking the time to sprinkle parmesan on top from packets she snagged in the cafeteria. “I don’t think you get to have alcohol yet, but I’m pouring you a glass anyway. Just warn me if you see Dr. Asshole standing behind me. She’s had it out for me since day one,” she says, popping the cork.
“Why is that?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Let’s just say she didn’t take too kindly to my . . . uh . . . assertive personality,” she says, turning her head and batting her eyelashes at me. She walks over to me, placing a kiss on my lips and adding a pillow behind my back so that I can sit up comfortably.
“I could get used to this,” I say, winking at her.
“Who’s to say I’m not just being extra attentive because I want something from you?” She places the champagne glass to her mouth, and I watch as the bubbles dance across her lips.
“Touché. What did you have in mind?” I ask, tearing into the meal as though I hadn’t eaten in days. “My God, your mother is amazing.” I close my eyes, savoring every herb.
“I want in.” She looks me dead in the eyes as she slides the fork into her mouth.
“You want in on what?”
“On the program you, Jess, and my daddy are working up. My dad isn’t the only one with park connections across the southeast. I want in on it. All of it.” There isn’t an ounce of waver in her voice; she’s already made up her mind.
“I don’t know, baby, traveling across the country from lake town to lake town with a beautiful redhead by my side. I can’t imagine that being anything I want to take part in.” I lean forward, and she meets me halfway, sealing our future plans with a kiss.
Epilogue
Danni-Rose
The summer air is thick and coated with sticky humidity. With my hands reaching behind me, I grab two handfuls of hair and secure it at the top of my head with a ponytail holder, small beads of sweat forming along my shoulder tops. My shirt is sticking to my stomach, and any attempt I make to fan my clothing from my body brings only a second of relief. My sandals rest against the wooden pier, and I dip my toes in the cloudy lake water. The dock is crowded with cameramen, sponsors, fans, and families. Along with the pungent odor of fish and sweat is the underlying scent of cotton candy and grill smoke, all of it mixing together to form a strangely appealing aroma.
The fishing boats appear to be floating just inches from the water’s surface, a mirage provided by the blazing sun. With my hands shaded over my eyes, I scan the incoming vessels along with the others who are trying to reel in the last catch of the day. Smiling to myself, I see his crimson boat breaching the horizon.
“Red! Grab the tie off and secure the rope to the dock,” Jess yells anxiously to me, as he and Benson approach. I look at my watch and quicken my pace.
“Relax Jess, ya’ll have six minutes left.” Jess eases the boat against the pier and tosses the rope; my fingertips barely graze against the fibers, saving it from dropping it into the water. As I’m knotting the boat into place a strong set of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me to my feet.
“Hey, Angler,” I say, turning around and smiling up at Benson. “How did you do today?” He leans down, pressing his warm lips to mine.
“Good, baby, I think I won this one.”
“This ain’t no time for a make-out session, get your ass to the check-in if you really want to win the Bassmasters Pro,” Jess says, throwing a damp towel at Benson. He slaps my bottom before taking off down the dock.
“He acts like it’s some run-of-the-mill tournament,” Jess says, hopping off the boat and coming to stand beside me. “You should see the monster he dragged in out of the clay bed. Biggest damn fish I’ve ever seen. He did it, Red. Bassmasters champion.” Jess takes off his hat and rests his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.
“You really think so?” I say, looking back at Benson, casually strolling up to the weigh station as if this isn’t the biggest tournament of his life.
“I know so.” Jess elbows me and the both of us break out into a grin. “We have to get to the auditorium where they will do the official weigh-in. ESPN is there. This is going to be a big day.”
* * * *
Benson is sitting up on the stage with four other fishermen, and a large man at the podium announcing the weight of each largemouth bass placed on the scale. My heart is pumping in my chest, and I can’t stop my feet from bouncing on the floor.
“Shit, I’m nervous,” Jess says, standing with his hands on his hips.
Benson’s eyes find mine in the crowd, he’s as cool as a cucumber, smiling at me and giving me a wink. He seems totally unconcerned that they pulled a total three-day weight of 62lbs 5oz from Randy�
��s boat. Benson only sat there, smiling at me, and running his hands through his dirty-blond hair. I feel like I could throw up.
Benson is the last fisherman to submit his fish for weigh-in. If he wins, this will be a title that only a few are lucky to obtain. I watch as they pull out and weigh every fish from his bag, and I can’t help the sinking feeling forming in my chest when he’s 6lbs 5oz shy, and with only one fish to go. Jess is pacing back and forth, unable to watch.
I’m looking to Jess when I hear the crowd let out an audible gasp, and then I see a shit-eating grin plastered to Jess’ face. When my eyes find their way back to the stage, I see them holding a fish so large that it has to break some sort of record.
Benson’s chest shakes with laughter as the man places the fish on the scale, the red numbers above flashing 8lbs 2oz. The crowd erupts in cheers and a roar fills the room with the sound of clapping hands. Jess slams his body into mine, picking me up and twirling me around. “He did it, Red! Son of a bitch, did it!” I look up at Benson, so proud, and my heart so full. He smiles up at me, mouthing the words “I love you,” and elated tears form in my eyes.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce to you, your 2017 Bassmasters Pro Champion, Benson Howell!” The announcer waves Benson over to the podium, and the crowd grows quiet, anticipating what he will say.
Benson’s mouth finds the microphone, his hands gripped on each side of the wooden podium. “I’ve always been a fisherman. My Pop taught me how to fish when I was a little kid, and for some reason everything about it felt like home to me: the grip of a fishing pole, the discovery of a new bait, the anticipation of what’s lurking underneath the surface. My competitors would probably agree that there isn’t anything quite like the feeling of reeling in a bass that you just know will win you a title. Money ain’t bad either,” he says smiling, and the fishermen sitting in the front row all laugh along with him. “But as many of you know, last year something happened to me that changed my whole life. I met a woman, the most incredible woman I’ve ever known, and she introduced me to someone that I’ll never forget, a guy named L.J. L.J. left us last summer, but his legacy and his story are something that I’ve shared with many of you, with the crowds of the towns we visit, with the fishing teams in high schools across the country during the off season, and with pretty much anyone who I think will benefit from L.J.’s lesson. The past year of my life has been one of the best I’ve ever known, and I can’t think of a better way to close it out than with this win. But no fish, no tournament, and no amount of money in the world can compare to the satisfaction I feel knowing that L.J. is still impacting lives across this country,” Benson says, looking down at the microphone. The crowd is quiet, many of them familiar with L.J.’s story after the special ESPN aired this Spring. “Now here’s something that a lot of you don’t know. I made a promise to L.J. on the day we all said goodbye. It wasn’t that I would tell his story or even bring awareness to water safety, it was a promise that I’ve been waiting to keep for over a year.” Benson pauses, looking up at me and smiling. “Baby, come here.”
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